T-Central

Primary Care Protocol For Transgender Patient Care

2012-01-25T17:57:00.000-08:00

Diana came across an interesting article about guidelines for doctors who have transgender patients.

I could have linked directly to the article, but why not go in via Diana's Little Corner in the Nutmeg State? It's worth a short detour!

Choose Wisely

2012-01-18T16:14:00.000-08:00

Transition comes with a price tag that is seen only through the haze of jaded eyes and whose full price oft becomes only visible after the final sale has been completed. The reality of what it means to live as female is often lost by many a weekend cross-dressing warrior as they amble from one transgender convention to the next in a fantasy-land bubble of accepting and skewed alter-reality. Then... each person who completes the journey and who tries to warn their fellow person of the concerns they must judiciously face ahead are met many a time by a headstrong valiance which only the ignorance of a myopic vision can yield. And so they too thrust headlong into the maelstrom, only to repeat the cycle.

Wise words from Christen. Has she chosen her direction in life? Find out by reading the excellent post, Choose Wisely, from her blog, The Woman Within.

Myths and Misconceptions

2012-01-15T07:36:00.000-08:00

It is wonderful and increasingly rare to read an article on the internet that has me nodding my head, and thinking, I have never thought about it that way. What a great way of explaining this idea.

Natalie Reed's 13 Myths and Misconceptions About Trans-Women has done just that for me.

There are beautifully simple ideas here:

“ … sexual orientation is about who you want to go to bed with, gender identity is about who you want to go to bed as.”

but for me, this article is important because she has expressed some universal truths about the human condition., such as:

"If prevention of sexual assault is something you’re keenly interested in then please start by focusing on dismantling a misogynistic culture that objectifies and devalues women and places their humanity as secondary to their bodies."

For more of the same go here for part one.

People Who Touch Our Lives

2012-01-11T19:28:00.000-08:00

Bree has written a lovely post, thanking those who have touched her life by offering support, guidance, and/or friendship over the years. We all need the support of a special friend, be it someone who is local or someone who is an on-line friend we may never meet in person. If you don't have one, I do believe Bree is offering to be that special person for you. Read Bree's latest post, People Who Touch Our Lives.

Along those lines, I want to remind everyone who may need a friend that many bloggers do list their email addresses. I have never found one who has failed to respond to an email. If you have a special blogger you feel a connection with, why not contact that person? You may just find that friend you so need. I did just that at a time when I didn't know one trans person in the world. She responded and I will always be grateful to her for doing so.

A late edit....Halle recently put up a similar post, and beautifully written.

Changeling Times: Two Years On

2012-01-04T23:57:00.000-08:00

Andrea is the partner of Jane Fae, who has spent most of the last two years in transition and had her GRS last year, For Andrea that two years marks a significant anniversary, for it was two years ago that her bloke came out to her about gender issues.
In her post "Two Years On", she reflects on those two years, and how it has affected her. Required reading for any of us who have wives, husbands or partners.

Burning Bridges

2011-12-30T18:03:00.000-08:00

Louise has a friend who hosts a dinner party every New Year's Eve and, year after year, there's always 8 sitting around the table; four men and four women. This year will be minus one woman, which upsets the balance.

Louise is going to end a year filled with stress and uncertainty by burning one more bridge...and balancing the men/women ratio at the dinner party as a result.

If I've piqued your interest, you'll want to read Burning Bridges and you will probably want to bookmark Louise's blog, Louisemostly, because we're all going to want to see how the dinner party went.

Oh, and I don't suppose they'll be playing bridge at the table? Perhaps Louise will let us know.

Happy New Year to all!

Happy Holidays!

2011-12-24T08:37:00.000-08:00

In advance of writing a short Happy Holidays note, I took a look at just where our T-Central readers reside. As it turns out, those of you who come to T-Central to find your favorite blog live in all parts of the world. Not only are there thousands and thousands of you who live in Europe and North America, but there are hundreds who reside in the Middle East, and thousands who reside in Asia and South America and parts of Africa. There is hardly a country or populated island on our beautiful planet that does not have one of "us" who routinely visits T-Central and, for that, we thank you so much.

While the vast majority of our readers out there are celebrating the Christmas holiday this weekend, we do want to recognize all of the December holidays.

Christmas, on the 25th.

The eight day celebration of Hanukkah.

The seven days of Kwanzaa.

All of the above revolve around the Winter Solstice which, for some, is a holiday in itself.

So, with this in mind, the three of us at T-Central - Halle in Canada, Jenny in England, and myself in the United States - want to wish each and every one of you Happy Holidays, and may the upcoming new year bring peace and happiness to you and your loved ones.

I do want to note that the lovely graphic at the top of this page came from the website of the Northwest Arkansas Center For Equality.

A Little Gentle (I Mean Genital) Holiday Humor

2011-12-22T16:45:00.000-08:00

Tired of Christmas music? All those saccharine-sweet canned carols getting you down?

Matt Kailey has the answer over on his blog, a carol tinged with deliciously dark transsexual humour. Go on - read it here.

To the Reluctant Parent

2011-12-20T18:51:00.000-08:00

It is just so important to me to see parents in this day and age recognize a perceived gender issue prior to the point where their child reaches puberty and to deal with it accordingly.

Spunky Bookworm is a parent who has done just that for her son. It took a lot of strength and understanding on her part. I just love this post, and I hope you do too.

Perhaps we can see a spouse someday author a similar post.

The Weight of Waiting

2011-12-12T19:16:00.000-08:00

Transsexualism Congenital Disorder. That's a very clinical name for a blog, but one well worth the read. A friend suggested that I feature it. I had not previously seen the blog.

Sagebrush (that's the only name we know her by) has a blog devoted to the transsexual who transitions later in life.

She only has a few posts up at this point, but what I read really hit home with me. They're not emotional posts. Her writing just tells it like it is. Nevertheless, I had tears in my eyes when I read the post we're featuring here on T-Central and I'm not even sure I know why.

This blog is for the late or potential transitioner, and his or her family and friends. No nonsense. No fancy words. No emotions. It just tells the reader what the late transitioner has gone through in life since he or she first discovered their gender issues.

The Weight of Waiting is the post we're featuring but, since the blog is brand new, and Sagebrush just has a few posts up, why not read it all now?

Statistical Difference Between Men and Women

2011-12-09T08:03:00.001-08:00

Jack Molay over at Crossdreamers has a reputation for saying what he thinks. Sample this for instance:

"Men can be as introvert, timid, submissive, emotional and hysterical as women, and women can -- if they are allowed to do so -- be aggressive, analytic, assertive, ambitious and plain out cold blooded."

Check out two posts on his site, "On the statistical difference between men and women" for his original ideas and lively debate, and the more recent "Literature on sex and gender differences" for more of Jack's thoughts and research results too.

One?

2011-11-29T18:52:00.000-08:00

Teagan has completed her transition and has just written what is, perhaps, her best post ever.

It's also her final post; the end of the blogging road for a prolific writer who has been posting for about three years.

There's a lot in this post for virtually anyone who visits T-Central and it doesn't matter just what your journey is in life. Teagan leaves us with a message, and it's a good one.

"One?" is a must-read, in my humble opinion. Go here to read it.

Now, Teagan, enjoy living the rest of your life and make up for all of that lost time!

Who The Hell Do You Think You Are!!

2011-11-23T18:12:00.000-08:00

Joey's having a bad day, but he hasn't lost his sense of humor.

I had to laugh at the fashion comments.

Read about it at Joey's Pad.

Letting Go

2011-11-09T19:42:00.000-08:00

It's always nice to see the wife of someone who is trans sharing her thoughts with us. Lucy refers to herself as, "An ordinary wife in an extraordinary marriage".

In her post, Letting Go, we get to see just how difficult it is for the non-trans person in a relationship to understand what is going on in her spouse's world as well as in her own thoughts. I'm sure she echos the thoughts of those somewhat rare non-trans spouses who are accepting or even just tolerant of their trans partner. In this case, the problem for Lucy right now is total lack of control.

In her words,

Have you ever gone down to the ocean and try to stop the waves from coming in? No... .it's impossible. I'm not in charge of the waves. I live in earthquake country and I have no control or power over when the ground starts trembling below me and everything around me starts to shake. None. Yet I can accept it and not try to control it.

My emotions after reading this post are mixed. As someone who is married, part of me so feels for what she is going through while the other part of me is so happy that Lucy's life partner is so fortunate to have such a loving woman in her life.

Please take a look at Lucy's blog, The Trans-Gentle Wife.

Four Tall Women

2011-10-26T18:15:00.000-07:00

So many of us are tall, so why not celebrate it?

Jennifer Finney Boylan's Four Tall Women post does. And, take a look at just who those four tall women are!

A Husband Would Have Been Useful

2011-10-18T23:42:00.000-07:00

When she is not showing us the paths and byways of her native Cornwall, Angie spends some of her time creating model railways.
Female railway modelers, it seems, are so rare as to be unheard of. So what is a girl to do when she has her eye on a Southern Railway upper quadrant signal kit and the only place to buy one is a quiet model shop in a small English town?
Read her solution here: A Husband Would Have Been Useful. Passing stories are rarely like this one!

No More Closets

2011-10-13T17:52:00.000-07:00

It's rare that we feature one of Stana's posts. I guess our girl is just a victim of her own success. Femulate is a "mega-blog" in the T-World and we generally will feature posts from lessor known bloggers.

Nevertheless, Stana is a friend and this post deserves a shout-out from T-Central.

You've probably already read No More Closets but, if not, go here to find it on Femulate.

If you haven't read Stana's contribution to our Thoughts & Reflections series of guest posts, go here to check it out.

Spellbound

2011-10-11T09:45:00.000-07:00

"If you treat the witch standing by the roadside with respect and courtesy, she will reward you with useful advice and powerful magic."

Do folk stories of elves and witches have meaning for us today?

Are there modern myths that can help make sense of our inner lives?

Jack Molay's beautifully crafted post Spellbound transgender deals with these issues and more.

Jack invites us to follow a new series of posts too. As he says, "If you are truly transsexual, your transsexual condition cannot be overcome through myths, arts or psychotherapy. But I am sure the symbols can be used by you to make sense of the life you are living."

Meeting the Wife

2011-10-09T09:23:00.000-07:00

Lucy has written a post that I think many of us can relate to. It involves someone who has transitioned meeting the wife of someone who is in transition, or considering transition. In some cases, it means awkward moments for all involved.

Visit Lucy's blog and check out Meeting the Wife.

Goodbye, Dear Friend

2011-09-25T16:35:00.000-07:00

One of the most loved and prolific bloggers in "our world" passed away on August 20th.

It was about one month later that the blogging world discovered the news. Melissa's last post was about a month and a half prior to her death and many of her on-line friends were very concerned, fearing the worst. If you visit that post, be sure to read the loving comments which were left following Melissa's passing.

Several bloggers shared some beautiful thoughts of Melissa. Below are a few of them, with links to their posts:

Suzi

Halle

Caroline

Kay and Sarah

Coline, one of Melissa's closest and dearest on-line friends offered to write a memorial for T-Central. Please relax for a moment and take the time to read it.

- Calie

It was just over two years ago that I first commented on “Melissa’s Meanderings” which had been going a scant month. We gelled immediately and so started a long series of regular emails on a scale dwarfing all other online communications. We contemplated online chatting and even started to set it up but Melissa decided that long emails was her preferred medium

We were little different in age though we had been born on different continents. Clearly we had both known our true natures from an early age and learned quickly to subdue it, both of us had sought help at about twenty and got little help. Melissa had the diagnosis but could see no way in her circumstances to find a way to transition. She did try entering into relationships but realised that her expectations could not gel with the hopes and expectations of the girls she found. Like many of her generation she lived through the era of Vietnam and with a military father found resistance futile, I had wondered if exposure to that Vietnamese sun finally killed her…

She chose a solitary life living out in the country head down in a solid company to pay for an early retirement to be herself, thank goodness for her and for us that she did.

She had hardly started a blog when I first found her and we were instant soul mates. She encouraged me to start using an epilator and by degrees I encouraged her to restart going further out in the real world and she joined a support group and found some live friends again.

If she had a fault it was her ability to get to a new post first and then post one of her perfectly formed comments leaving the rest of us speechless!

Latterly she started to find the present darker mood of our corner of the net depressing and encountered some direct hostility and hinted that this may have delayed admitting that her health had deteriorated. Few among us have not wished fate to take a hand and to not wake the next day when it all felt too much…

Her spirit burned fierce and bright though sadly not for long enough. I had expected us to age gracefully together, her more gracefully than me, but is was not to be. The consolation is that she suffers in this mad world no longer.

There is a large void and silence which is hard to come to terms with...

Remembering Ramona

2011-09-21T18:50:00.000-07:00

Ms. Petra Bellejambes is one of the classiest people on the web and needs no introduction here.

Petra's tribute to Ramona, Passing is as heartfelt a memoriam as anyone could hope to read. In short, without Ramona, we would have missed out on Petra. We who love her style and wit call that unthinkable.

Perhaps you are not a regular at Voyages en Rose. Maybe you should be. No matter, head over and read this story of a wonderful person who became a catalyst for others, and deserves to be remembered.

9/11 Saved My Life

2011-09-14T16:57:00.000-07:00

I've been following the blog of a friend, a transsexual woman in The United Kingdom, for many years. Like many who have completed their transition, my friend took her blog private a few years ago.

It's sad, in some ways, that only a few have the honor of reading her words for she is, without question, one of the finest writers I have come across in my travels throughout blog land.

She recently published an emotional post about an experience dating back ten years. Today, now fully transitioned and post surgery, she is finally emotionally ready to share what happened 10 years ago with her friends.

What she wrote, however, should be read by more than just a few of her friends, for it could save a life. For this reason, I asked for, and received, her permission to share this post via T-Central.

Obviously, it is her request to remain anonymous, but she did want me to let everyone know that, in her words, "It does get better."

- Calie

Today, September 10th 2011, I come to something that I haven't written about before.

It's pretty hard to do this, but I feel I need to. The world is focusing its attention on what happened tomorrow, a decade ago. A day in which almost 3000 people were murdered in a morning, on tv, live.

But for me, looking back ten years means looking back to the day before 9/11. The narrative starts for me on September 10th...

*********

It was perhaps 11 or 12 years ago that I started to really try and come to grips with the mounting pain inside about my gender identity. I was married, and had been for over a decade. It had been a decent marriage, close and loving, I thought, and for five years we had together been running an increasingly successful business from home. But this 800lb gorilla, as the Americans might say, had sat in plain view in the middle of our relationship. Ignored and denied. I wanted to dress as a woman, I wanted to act as one. Though I wasn't be prepared to admit it, to others, even to myself, I felt myself to be one.

Despite growing material success, depression in the mid 1990s had led me eventually into 18 months of therapy - the first time I tried to face up to what was going on inside, to name it even. And I did. I came away from those sessions, by the turn of the millennium, with the beginning of a profoundly new understanding of myself. One in which it was starting to be OK to be me. One in which I was beginning to accept who I was.

That moment - the moment of self acceptance - effectively marked the end of my marriage. Though we stupidly applied sticking plaster after sticking plaster over the increasingly septic wound which grew within it (for the next seven years), terrified of the effect of divorce on our children...something vast had taken place in the process I had been though.

My beginning to come to terms with myself me was a disaster for my spouse. There had hitherto been an unvoiced, unnegotiated, implicit 'deal' between us. I had this dirty little secret. No-one must know. It was, clearly, a major failing on my part, and a fairly sickening one, but it was just about manageable if a policy of 'don't ask, don't tell' was ruthlessly enforced. Shame and fear kept the lid on it. Hers and mine. Shame about what she classified as my 'perversion'. Fear of what might happen to everything we had created together if that perversion became publicly known.

Therapy changed me. I was no longer ashamed. It liberated me. And it put the writing on the wall for our marriage, though I didn't see that for some time (she grasped it before I - perhaps why she was so scared of undergoing therapy herself, perhaps why she became so aggressive, so pre-emptively, angry so fast.)

By the spring and summer of 2001 we were engaging in the first round of open warfare. I had said that I would like to go out, to a private party, one night in October 2001. My first time 'out' - 75 miles from home. It was a birthday party, being held for someone who had been kind to me, online. Some friends were gathering, in a club. Friends who would be taking their wigs and their heels and their make up with them, putting it all on in some cramped and sweaty changing room, and later removing it all with forensic attention lest their wives or girlfriends find evidence on them.

My spouse was incandescent. 'Rage' is a small, inadequate word to describe what she directed at me when presented with this idea. Uncharacteristically filled with new found self belief, I stuck to my guns. I needed to do this. I needed support, to meet like minded people, I said. The rows were horrendous - amongst the worst we ever had, and they went on and on. She railed at me, made me cry. Incredibly, I didn't give way.

After rage came a kind of emotional death in her. She withdrew. She wore an expression which looked like a mixture of shock and pain and despair, for weeks. It looked like depression (with which she had some past history). Naively, I'd had no idea that my desire to take myself out of the shame filled lock-down, and reach out to others, would have this effect. I should have known. It was stunningly short sighted of me.

So, eventually, I gave in. I just couldn't live with what I was doing to her. I felt intensely guilty, like I was killing something in her. I resolved to try and put everything, put 'me', back in its box, again. Park the self awareness, what I had been through in therapy, once more. Having accepted myself, I tried to convince myself I didn't need to be out, be with others, to self express...

On September 10th 2001, I told her that I had relented. That I wouldn't go out. That I would try and make it all go away again. I thought - I hoped - this would lift her mood. That she would see I was trying to compromise. That it would help. I was very wrong.

I should never have had that expectation of course. I was stupid. Egocentric. I couldn't see where she was. My grand gesture was received by her much as a woman who is being continually assaulted by a violent psychopath might respond to the news from her assailant that - because of his big heartedness - he had decided to stop hitting her. She went crazy. Berated me, insulted me - for putting her through it all.

I was completely blindsided by this. (Though I didn't see it at the time, it was one of the first and most violent examples of just how completely we were incapable of entering into the perspective or feelings of the other.) I had made my offer, I thought, as something of an olive branch...and I felt completely emotionally defenseless when she went for me that day.

I left the room in which my evisceration was taking place, and went up to the home office we shared. Stared at the computer. And burst into tears, my head on my hands. I remember that very vividly.

After about 20 minutes, my spouse came in and looked at me. She was no longer angry, but looked at the sobbing mess in front of her, in bafflement. I forget the exact words she said, but they were along the lines of "I just don't know what to do. I just don't know how to help you." There was the smallest flicker of compassion in her voice, but she didn't approach me, or touch me. She just shook her head, and watched me crying for a few moments. Then she walked out and left the house.

I can remember thinking 'I can't go forward. I can't go back'. Over and over the words played in my head. I felt in deep crisis, in despair. Locked into place, out of options.

What happened next is why I am writing this post.

I walked down to the garage. Supporting the roof of the garage was a large RSJ - a steel joist. There was clearance above it in one place to put a rope though. It was about 11 feet off the ground.

I had a rope. I had identified it some weeks before, as strong and long enough. I made a noose, and then I put a set of steps underneath the joist. I climbed to the top of the steps and tied the rope around the joist.

And there I stood, atop the steps, for maybe 10 minutes, looking at the rope.

Thinking very hard indeed about killing myself.

One thing, and one thing alone, got me down those steps again. My children. My life, in those few minutes felt entirely worthless. I wanted to die, to get this over with. I couldn't think of any way of making my pain better. But I loved my children. I knew they loved me. I thought about the lifetime of hurt I would cause them, and so I walked down the steps.

Was I ever really likely to have done it? I simply don't know. I might have. In those desperate moments, without any sense of hope, I might have impulsively put that rope round my neck, kicked away the steps and then died a ghastly death as I choked (having thought little about the 'drop' required to snap the vertebrae in my neck).

After it all I simply felt numb. Assaulted. When my spouse returned, we barely spoke to each other. Naturally, to this day, she knows nothing of what happened in the garage.

But this isn't the end of the story - far from it.

The next day started anonymously enough. One of our team was returning to work after a period away, and we took her out for a pub lunch to welcome her back - all superficial smiles and nothing betrayed, as ever...and as we would sustain for years to come.

At about the time we were finishing the main course, American Airlines Flight 11 hit the north tower of the World Trade Center...and the rest is history.

We didn't hear about it till we had returned from lunch. In fact, with one glass too many inside me, and a free afternoon, I decided to take a nap. I was awoken by my spouse. She had heard the news. We turned on the bedroom tv, and watched open mouthed.

The day before, I had come very close indeed to ending my own life. Now I was watching thousands of people, mothers, fathers many of them, have their lives taken from them. People with others who loved them, who needed them. People were being forced to throw themselves out of windows a quarter of a mile in the air.

Everything changed in those minutes.

Something profound and tectonic shifted inside, making the experiences of the previous day - and how I had felt - take an utterly different shape. A self indulgent, self obsessed, awful shape. The people I was watching on television had had their choice removed, shockingly, brutally. I, on the other hand, was lucky enough to have a choice still. And I could chose to try and stay alive, whatever happened, whatever it took.

That day, I knew I wasn't going to commit suicide. I knew that my love for my children would always be enough, no matter what happened.

In the following few years plenty did happen. But it has been.

9/11 may have saved my life.

A Gender Adventurer

2011-09-10T09:02:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when you read a post it gets you thinking a bit, or agreeing a bit and then you just forget about it and move on.

Every now and then, however, there is one that is AHA! and when you head away, you think "I want to read that again. It was very well said", and you go back.

Perhaps you print it and put it on the refrigerator for all to see, because the ideas are simple and crystal clear.

A Hua Li at Gender Adventure wrote a piece I am not transgender because a few days ago that fits that description.

Now please excuse me while I read it yet again.

Zagria's A Gender Variance Who's Who

2011-09-06T18:12:00.000-07:00

Recently, we had a couple of T-Central readers inform us that Zagria's, A Gender Variance Who's Who blog carried with it an Internet virus warning posted by Google. I contacted Zagria and the virus, while not associated with her blog, was associated with another website linked to on her blog. Zagria eliminated the link and received notice from Google that A Gender Variance Who's Who is clean.

The primary purpose of this post is to let everyone know that it's safe to enter Zagria's wonderful site. So, while were at it, why not take a look at her latest post.

Zagria's posts are always fascinating and this one is full of intrigue involving the very early days of gender reassignment surgeries. Juliet Griffiths (1930 - 1960) Performer is Zagria's latest post.

That All Important Date

2011-08-30T00:19:00.000-07:00

Robyn-Jane has a blind date. As with anyone approaching a first date, she's experiencing a turmoil of preparation, what look to pursue, which shoes to wear, and will he take her seriously as a woman.

As she says: "Is this beginning to sound more like 'Mission Impossible' than a date?".

For her it's the culmination of six years in transition. But what about him? Just another day at the GIC for her new psychiatrist, the man who has the power to authorise her GRS.

Wish her luck, over at Retrobassgirl.

If Not Nesting, Then What?

2011-08-28T17:32:00.000-07:00

Most major life changes are marked by a rite of passage of some sort. In the case of transition and the actual surgery that our friends work toward and live for, there seems to be little fanfare. Personally, I find that sad. I wish we could all get together and celebrate this time with everyone who has arrived and come 'round right.

Teagan's surgery is weeks away now. In her post "nesting, sort of" she brings us a snapshot of preparations around her home to get it ready for a new life.

Her blog is accept (check) - embrace (check) and live. Time to live Teagan. All our best wishes go with you.

Salon Experience

2011-08-22T18:00:00.000-07:00

No more wigs for Janie!

CDJanie has grown out her hair and had it professionally styled.

Looks great, Janie!

Go to CDJanie's blog to read about the Salon Experience.

Melissa Needs Your Positive Thoughts

2011-08-12T17:05:00.000-07:00

One of the sweetest girls in the T-Blog world is very sick right now with Melanoma, one of the most serious forms of skin cancer.

I remember Melissa emailing me and others, more than once, encouraging us to send positive thoughts to other bloggers who needed to hear from friends, for various reasons. Well, now is a good chance for all of us to do the same for Melissa. I know her many friends will send their positive wishes but I also hope that many of you out there who may not have discovered Melissa's writing will also do same. If you have never had the nerve to leave a comment on a blog, now would be a good time to try it out.

I went back through many of Melissa's blog posts, looking for a good "blast-from-the-past" to feature with this post, since all of her recent posts tell of her current predicament. While I encourage you to take a look at her recent posts, to get a good feeling as to just what this girl is all about I suggest you take a look at An Assault On Innocence. This is a sweet post about an incident in her childhood. If you feel up to it, please leave Melissa a comment on this post, letting her know you appreciate her writing and that you will be wishing and hoping for a speedy recovery.

Retrospective

2011-08-10T17:01:00.000-07:00

Jen has transitioned. She's finally living the life she always should have, and she looks back in retrospective.

Was it all worth it? Does she have regrets?

Visit her blog, Jenesis, and read this beautiful post, Retrospective, to find the answers.

Would You Ever Stop Crossdressing or Transition?

2011-08-08T17:13:00.000-07:00

An interesting post from our friend, Jessica De Leon, of Jessica Who?.

She believes "that cross dressing / transgender nature is not something that can be extinguished".

What do you think? Go to to Would You Ever Stop Crossdressing or Transition? and leave a comment.

If you haven't visited Jessica's blog, you're in for a treat. Take a look at some of her videos while you're there.

Life At Last!...

2011-08-06T11:03:00.000-07:00

Natasha has a lot of wisdom to share in this post, and I couldn't agree with her more.

Read and savor the words in her post, Life At Last!...

You're a P-Packing, Less-than-real-woman, Man-in-a-dress

2011-08-03T11:04:00.000-07:00

Lori's upset and who can blame her? In her words, referring to the title of this post:

That's really what it comes down to by some, isn't it? If you've charged through transition as much as you've been able and have not measured up to some mythical standard, you're likely to be called one of those things. Oh, and the list goes on: Faggot, tranny, freak, he/she... You get the point. I'll stop just because many of my own friends (including myself) have endured such name calling from those who they thought loved and cared for them. Many of us know what it feels like to be bullied by outsiders who cannot empathize with an incongruent gender/sexual identity. I've seen the bruises on bodies to prove it.

Sadly, those trigger-words aren't only being said by outsiders, but by the very people who claim to have walked more than a mile in your shoes. And just because they've "arrived" at being a "true woman," now they feel empowered to become the victimizer, belittling those very people who are already brutalized.

If you haven't already seen this post, go here to Lori's Revival.

What Is Love?

2011-08-01T18:23:00.000-07:00

As an outspoken believer in love and marriage, I just felt this beautiful post had to be featured.

I'd suggest going here first, then read What is Love, from the Trans-Confused blog.

Transition Minus The Angst

2011-07-29T03:18:00.000-07:00

If you believe what the media tells us, transsexuals live in a world filled with angst. Their lives have been unbearable, so unbearable that they have to change gender or die trying. Well of course, a simple yet heartbreaking tale is what sells air time isn't it.

While that narrative might hold true for some, it is important to let the world in on an important fact: Transition is not the same for everyone, and definitely not filled with tragedy for all. In particular, not for our friend Vulnavia at Scheherezade's Sister.

If you missed reading it when she posted, head on over to get your reality check: So Very, Very Tragic.

A question of direction

2011-07-25T14:31:00.000-07:00

We believe that our community has become not as happy a place as it could be.

Some of the writers whose blogs we feature have been getting too personal in their animosity towards each other and in turn some of those writers have taken issue at a rather insulting level with us because their foes are also featured by us.

We do not take sides and we act in no official capacity, we are a group of unpaid blogging enthusiasts who maintain what is simply an aggregator of blog feeds from all corners of our sphere. We do not write the content in the T-Central feed save for that from our own blogs, and except where we feature a piece in an article of our own we do not endorse any particular viewpoint.

We thus are not amused that the schoolyard tiffs of those around us have spilled into our inboxes. We have our own battles to fight in our paths through this mess, and this is not helping.

So what is to be done?

T-Central is our show, collectively we run it. All four of us equally, we are not a hierarchy. And though we have our differences and argue on all sorts of issues, we are in agreement on one thing: we do not appreciate it when one of our number is singled out for personal attack.

Since this site is ours with which to do as we wish, we could simply get busy with the big shiny red button and delete the feed of any writer who incurs our displeasure. But that doesn't feel right. We've removed people from our listings before, and learned that to be a rocky road indeed as we descend into a nightmarish spiral of if-you-banned-her-why-don't-you-ban-her accusation and spite.

We also feel uncomfortable at removing writers from our list because even those who have given us the most grief have shown themselves capable of writing the kind of top-quality content we wish we saw more often.

So we've agreed upon an alternative. We're going to ask our readers to decide our editorial direction through a poll.

We're going to give you two choices.

The first is the red button, vote for that one to give us carte blanche to remove anyone we see fit from the listing.

The second is our preferred option, to establish a separate section for troublesome writers way down at the bottom of the page below all the other blogs. A sin bin, if you will. If a writer violates our inclusion criteria they will find themselves in that section. If they continue to do so they will find themselves removed entirely from our listings, however if it proves to be a temporary infraction they will find themselves back in the main listings.

If you are a regular reader of this site, please take a moment to vote. We appreciate your input and we will abide by the choice of our readers. Please vote only once, the software we are using detects multiple votes from the same IP address and invalidates them.

Pro-Nouns

2011-07-20T18:34:00.000-07:00

Most in the transgender community can relate to the incorrect use of pronouns and misgendering of a transperson. It's difficult, however, for someone who is not trans to let go of the pronoun, or name, that they have used for years when referring to a son, daughter, brother, sister, good friend, etc. As we all have read in so many blogs, it hurts the most when the misgendering is coming from the immediate family.

Gretchen, a cis-woman, has a child, born female, who feels he is a boy. Gretchen, however, just can't let go of the "she" when referring to her child. She explains to us just why this is so difficult for her. She's losing her daughter. She's been through the denial stage of the five stages of grief but this is one that she still has to work out with herself. To quote Gretchen,

It may be selfish, but it's the last thing I have that I'm grasping onto.

I think it's safe to say that many transsexuals are so focused on their transition that they often overlook the fact that a transition is not just about "me". For family and friends, it is also means a transition.

Please take a look at Gretchen's blog, Trans-Parent. It's written from the heart. Her current post is Pro-Nouns.

Strength Through Peace of Mind

2011-07-16T09:31:00.000-07:00

In a wonderful post, Katey talks about the way she first treated her childhood fears and relates that to how she has been treating her transition. In dealing with life issues, she would force herself to do whatever she had her mind set to do. In her words, she has been a "man on a mission", in whatever she has deemed a goal, yet never taking the time to enjoy the satisfaction of her accomplishments. Although she didn't use this phrase, I think Kate has realized that now, she needs to take some time to "smell the roses".

In some ways, I see myself in Kate's post. You may too. Go here to read "Strength Through Peace of Mind".

One Weekend a Month

2011-07-14T07:44:00.000-07:00

Good writing deserves to be featured, even if it comes from a blog not currently listed on T-Central.

Such is the case with Jamie's latest post. Check out One Weekend a Month, on Play Girl. I'm sure many of you will relate in some way to this story.

Jamie has the content warning page pop up when you go to Play Girl, and for good reason. This post, however, with the exception of one "F" word is, in my opinion, is just fine to open up in your browser.

FTM Detransitioner : The Subcultural Pressure On Young Women To Medically “Transition”

2011-07-12T07:35:00.000-07:00

In Lori's latest post, On Your Mark, Get Set...TRANSITION!, she asks the question:

Should those considering transition go full speed ahead? Or should they put it off for as long as possible until they feel the dysphoria is so overwhelming that they have no other option but to transition? Should some people be discouraged from transitioning?

There have been several excellent comments filed, and you might want to take a look if you haven't already seen them.

I have often wondered if those, who transitioned at a very young age, did so with a combination of reckless abandon and the naivity of youth. GallusMag, in a post written a few days ago on GenderTrender, takes a look at this question as it applies to the female-to-male transitioner. Included are a couple of YouTube videos, which clearly show the irreversible effects of testosterone on the female de-transitioner.

Check out: FTM Detransitioner : The Subcultural Pressure On Young Women To Medically “Transition”

Let's Get Real

2011-07-10T10:31:00.000-07:00

The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.

In her post, Let's Get Real, Alicia discusses the Old Testament as it pertains to the scripture quoted above. She comments that the, "very same law book this came from i.e. the old testament also would point out to the Churches that have Bar b que dinners made with smoked Pork Butt is also unacceptable".

It's an interesting look at some of the "laws" of the Old Testament and how some interpret those laws today.

Care to Share?

2011-07-08T18:56:00.000-07:00

Rhiann has assembled a couple of surveys. If you care to share, go here.

Those who stay with us after moving on

2011-07-01T15:37:00.000-07:00

If you are a seasoned T-Central reader you will probably be familiar with the different flavours of blog that we follow. There are a few that specialise on one subject such as clothing or presentation, others carrying day-to-day musings on gender, quite a few transition blogs and a sprinkling of activist blogs.
All of the above blogs are very interesting to read, but there is a further category of blog that I would like to draw your attention to.
It can sometimes be a sad facet of our community, that a lot of us move on. So often when the steady flow of transition-related events to relate dries up or the flame of activism dims, the blogging output dies down and eventually ceases. But what if the writer's motivation in blogging was sustained by the blogging itself and not by that one aspect of their life? At that point they cease to be a trans blogger and become instead a blogger like any other, but who just happens to be trans. Sure you might see the occasional post in this direction but mostly they write about everyday stuff that interests them, just getting on with their lives.
I hope you have some favourites of your own within this category of blogger, if you do please share them with us in the comments on this piece. I in turn would like to draw your attention to a couple I follow from my part of the world, both Dru and Shirley Anne prove that there is life beyond all of this mess.
And that, to me at least, is priceless.

Lori - Fresh Out of Umbrellas

2011-06-24T03:50:00.000-07:00

Lori is back (old news) but why has she returned to the world of blogging?

In her own words, "one of the driving forces for my returning to write about the things on my heart is the importance of appreciating each other today....here...and now."

Sadly, when we are in the middle of an intense process we sometimes ignore many of the most important and simplest things in life.

Lifting off from planet trans and gaining altitude, it is possible to appreciate the wider picture again.

Lori reminds us to pay attention to what is really valuable in life in her post Umbrellas? The Things You Won't Find Here...

The Pearl of Great Price

2011-06-22T19:31:00.000-07:00

Ariel titled her post, The Pearl of Great Price, with the biblical connotation in mind. It is wonderfully written by someone who has been there, done that, and paid the price, as she explains so well in this paragraph:

Everyone who makes a major change in their lives pays a price. That includes those who change everything up to but not including genital correction. It can be a very high price. But those who undergo full surgical correction pay a price in blood, toil, tears, and sweat (not to mention money in many cases) that those who do not undergo correction do not pay. That is also different. And that price earns the post-corrected person something important—to be significantly closer to having been born the right way. To have what it takes to live life fully and interact with others, including lovers, as if they had been born the right way.

For Ariel, this was the Pearl.

Go here to read her post.

I want to note that Ariel recently left T-Central, simply because it was time to move on. We miss her already!

We've had an unwritten policy not to feature each others blogs on T-Central, but since Ariel has left us, well.....it gives me a chance to show off just how well this girl can express her thoughts to others in her blog, A Naturalized Citizen.

Do Our Brains Ever Lie To Us?

2011-06-17T07:39:00.000-07:00

Robyn, a crossdresser, ponders...

But all I see in the photo is a beautiful woman. Shouldn't I see a man in a dress? Why don't I see a man in a dress?

Go to, Do our brains ever lie to us?, to explore the subject with Robyn.

Note that Robyn's blog has a content warning come up when you enter the site, advising that the site "may contain content only suitable for adults". This post, however, contains nothing that I would consider objectionable.

Do you have adequate suspension?

2011-06-11T00:41:00.000-07:00

Labels, labels, labels. It seems at times we just can't avoid them, much less get them right. Still, there's one label that a lot of those of us who are MtF get wrong needlessly, something we share with a majority of natal women.
I'm speaking of course about the label to be found on our bras. There is no need for a label debate about that one, it's an issue that can be solved with five minutes use of a tape measure, yet so many people get it wrong and wear the wrong size.
As MtF crossdressers or transsexuals we have an extra disadvantage over natal women, we're not taught about these things as teenagers and those who are in the closet may find it difficult to walk into a lingerie store and ask for a fitting without embarrassment. In addition there are still too many suppliers selling breastforms without adequate sizing information, so those of us who need a little artificial enhancement may find ourselves not even knowing what cup size we've bought.
So here follows a quick guide to measuring yourself and selecting the right bra size. It won't guarantee an eye-catching result, but it should at least lead you to a more comfortable fit and help you avoid the escaping boob look, or worse still, the escaping breastform look.
Take two measurements in inches, one round your chest just under the bust and one round your chest over the bust itself, or over your breastforms if you wear them. Round the under-bust measurement up to the nearest even inch and that will be your band size. Take the difference between the two measurements in inches, if it is below one inch you are an A cup, if an inch you are a B cup, if two inches a C and so on. The table below gives a full cross-reference of this measurement versus cup size differences for UK and US sizing.

**Over the bust/chest measurement difference and cup size**
Band	inch	0	<1	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10	11	12	13	14	15	16
Cupsize	U.S.	A	AA	B	C	D	DD	DDD/E/F	DDDD/F/G	G/H/J	I/J/K	J	K	L	M	N	-	-	-
Cupsize	UK/Austr.	A	AA	B	C	D	DD	E	F	FF	G	GG	H	HH	J	JJ	K	KK	L

(table courtesy of Wikipedia)

So for example if your under-bust measurement is 39.5 inches and your over-bust measurement is 44 inches then the difference is about 4 inches and you need a 40DD bra.
Which means you should be all set to go and order the perfect undergarment. Assuming of course that you remembered to use a fabric tape rather than a steel one, you would not believe how cold a steel tape can be!

References:
BBC H2G2 entry
Wikipedia entry

The Disorder Nobody Wants to Talk About

2011-06-08T17:34:00.000-07:00

We received an email from Doctor Avery Jenkins, a chiropractic physician specializing in the treatment of people with chronic disorders. Dr. Jenkins wanted to alert us to his blog, DocAltMed, and a post he did recently titled, The Disorder Nobody Wants To Talk About.

Dr. Avery's intentions are good and, while not "of the Community" as he puts it, he is an ally and has made it a point to make his practice transgender-affirming.

This particular post brings to front and center the Jim Collins Foundation's first grant in its mission to "provide financial assistance to transgender people for gender-confirming surgeries". The grant, by the way, was awarded to Drew Lodi.

Dr. Avery notes that there are other TG related posts of interest on his blog.

Same but Opposite?

2011-06-04T05:05:00.000-07:00

It seems there is an ongoing debate, if that's not too mild a word, in the US at least about the differences between transsexual and transgender, with all sorts of passionately articulated arguments about the inclusivity or exclusivity of whatever term they are talking about. From this side of the pond (UK) it seems a odd argument as the words here have marginally different meanings in the colloquial usage. Think of the word 'pants' for instance. In the US it means trousers, here in the UK it means underwear, and is also used as a derogatory remark - as in that show was pants, meaning the show was rubbish. In the same vein, the Scottish Government has announced a doubling of funding for the Scottish Transgender Alliance. The word transgender here covers a subtly different meaning than the one argued about so passionately in the US which is why some parts of the debate seem lost on me.

But this article its not about that debate. (thankfully for me) It's about those parts of trans(whatever) world that are often forgotten about and not really part of that debate. The first is FtMs and hopefully we will cover spouses and families soon on T-Central too. I would reckon that 99% of blogs listed here are MtF but of all the ones I read, the postings that find most resonance with me at the moment are the FtM blogs. Funnily enough they are closer in so many ways to my own experience even though we are mirror images of each other.

As a rule there is less generally in there about adventures out, about shopping trips and things than in the MtF blogs (I stand guilty too there m'lord). But there is so much personal reflection and regard for others I find them compelling. Very very compelling. They also tend, to a man, to be more set on the road to transition, but that's maybe just because the female crossdresser is a rarer phenomenon in Blogsbourgh.

It would seem like both groups of MtF and FtM transitioners are writing converging blogs. The MtFs start with adventures and objects and as their psyche changes they speak more of feelings and relationships. The FtMs seem opposite, starting with feelings and relationships and (probably) ending with cars and beer. At some point they will no doubt pass each other going the opposite way. And it is that writing from a personal position, considering of others that I find so compelling, as where they are coming (or came) from is where I need to end up.

Here are a couple of favorites to get going with.

Paper Wilderness
FTM doctor

And if you know any more FtM blogs out there please encourage them to get their blog listed here. We need more FtMs blogs on T-Central (and spouses and families as well - but that is for another day perhaps)

The Days of Our (Trans) Lives

2011-06-01T15:59:00.000-07:00

It reads like a script from a soap opera or, better yet, an old American television show called Three's Company (John Ritter, Joyce DeWitt, Suzanne Summers) or the old British series, Man of the House.

Rebecca lives with two roommates, one guy and one girl. It's been rather warm in the Second City and, although our three roommates have air conditioning in their apartment, they're good citizens and try to conserve energy. Rebecca wants to compensate by walking around the apartment with her top off. Her female roommate is fine with it. The guy, however, has a big problem with bare breasts bouncing around in the apartment.

In her blog post, So You Can Be Topless and I Can't?, Rebecca asks us what we think about all of this and there are a multitude of reply comments.

Miz-Know-It-All replied and certainly was not shy in her opinion as to "whether or not a proper young women should wander round the apartment with her breasts uncovered". She filed "spirited" comments and then followed up on her own blog in her Show us your, ahem, "Charms" post. In short, our girl, Miz, feels "that this is just not acceptable behavior and reminds us "that in fact women do have to follow a different standard than men".

So, we have a wide range of opinions among our TC readers. What do you think?

A most memorable and inspiring speech

2011-05-30T13:34:00.001-07:00

Christine Burns is probably one of the most important trans activists in Europe. In a world where we sometimes struggle for acceptance, Christine has not only transitioned successfully, but has been one of the finest and most eloquent activists there has been. So effective in fact that she was awarded an MBE by the Queen for 'representing transgendered people'. [Ed note:- the word transgender has a slightly different meaning in the UK to that in the US, and in this context is interchangeable].

But we digress slightly.

In Christine's own blog Just Plain Sense she has been talking about going through papers and notes from nearly 20 years ago and her most recent post contains the following introduction which I cannot summarize better than Christine herself

....I dusted off a report that I had written back in 1993.......... the whole conference represented an epiphany for me, and how moved I was at the end. Part of the reason for feeling so emotional at the conference close was this final contribution from the endocrinologist, Professor Louis Gooren ............. It remains as relevant for campaigners today as it felt when hearing it for the very first time. You just have to wonder why, 18 years on, the same arguments are still necessary in some quarters

You can find that speech on her blog here. It is as true now as it was then and I think will withstand repeated readings. Thank you Christine for having the foresight to keep your notes and re-posting them.

Announcing the @TCentralBlogs Twitter feed

2011-05-29T01:21:00.000-07:00

You will all be pleased to hear that we now have another channel through which to deliver top quality posts from our community's bloggers, we've created a Twitter feed.
This is an "Editor's pick" rather than simply a replication of the main T-Central blog list, so you will see us Tweeting quality posts that catch our eye for whatever reason.
They may be on serious topics, deeply personal ones, the purely frivolous, or simply those that make us laugh. Some days you may see several Tweets, on others hardly anything.
In addition we will use the Twitter feed to announce new blogs featured on T-Central, as well as new T-Central posts.
So if you are a Twitter user please consider following us by clicking on the button below, and retweeting us to all your friends. Because the bloggers we feature deserve as wide an audience as possible.

The Human Element

2011-05-25T07:49:00.000-07:00

Somewhere, on my blog, T-Central, or perhaps both, I have mentioned that the very first blog I ever read was Alexandra Young's. We've featured her blog on T-Central more than once, and I'm going to feature one of her posts again.

The reason I immediately fell in love with her writing is because Alex has always written from the heart. Her recent post, The Human Element, is written from the heart and should be of interest for anyone considering transition.

Impossible dream?

2011-05-23T07:33:00.001-07:00

Just a few days ago, we posted a link to a video by Janet Mock, writer and editor for People.com who, even though she transitioned years ago as a teen, went public about her transsexual history. She expresses the optimistic view: that people will continue to accept her and that by being open she can help educate people about people born with transsexualism.

Blogger Teagan is finding that such optimism might be unwarranted. In her hard-hitting post asking the impossible? she wonders if those who knew her before can ever truly see the real her, no matter how hard they try. At what point does our own patience start to hurt us?

Janet Mock Reveals Trans History

2011-05-21T09:16:00.000-07:00

Helen Boyd posted this video, by author Janet Mock, on her blog, En Gender.

What a lucky girl to have friends, teachers and (presumably) parents who supported her transition at age 14.

If you missed it on Helen's page, here it is.

The Boy in the Pink Dress

2011-05-18T17:42:00.000-07:00

This blog post is not what you think, but it's something different from what we usually feature. The blogger is not trans and the post has nothing to do with being trans. It's just a "feel-good" blog post from an open-minded woman.

Thanks to Lori for suggesting we feature The Boy in the Pink Dress. If you like it, let the blogger know that the TG community took notice.

Lucy's Entirely New Journey

2011-05-08T09:54:00.000-07:00

Lucy had her genital surgery a few months ago. Now, she shares a few thoughts on the journey ahead, in her post, An Entirely New Journey..

And, while you're visiting Lucy's blog, check out her royal wedding pictures and her Flickr page. This girl is a talented photographer.

Thanks to Jenny for suggesting we feature this post.

How do you know your decision to transition was correct?

2011-05-05T16:06:00.000-07:00

It is probably safe to say that the decision when to transition is one of the most important ones to be made in the life of a person born with gender dysphoria. Some people get it right and live happily ever after while others get it wrong and have to live with the consequences. Yet more of us spend a lifetime trying to avoid it, with varying degrees of success.
Kathryn has made her decision on transition and is well on her way. Her latest post, "How do you know your decision to transition was correct?", examines the motivations behind that decision and makes the point that transition alone is not a cure-all.
Read it here, it's a powerful post.

Inspiration!

2011-05-04T07:58:00.000-07:00

Now let me see if I can get this straight.

Joey inspired RL.

RL gave Joey the You Are an Inspiration Award.

Then, the woman at the hairdresser's inspired Joey.

Joey didn't give her an award, but he did write a nice blog post about her.

But, Joey did feel that the award had to be passed on to someone or something.

Go to Joey's blog to read the rest.

(I'm such a tease!)

In which I lose a friend

2011-05-01T15:50:00.000-07:00

Jenny lost a friend on the operating table.

It's not what you think, however. There's more to this story.

Got your interest? Go here to read Jenny's post.

And while I'm at it, I'll go ahead and introduce Jenny as the newest member of the T-Central team. It's rare that we feature our own blogs, but this time Jenny gets a pass.

Ow. OW! OwOwOwOwOwOwOwOw!!

2011-04-25T17:21:00.000-07:00

That's Meg saying owowowow! Seems that her epilator had something to do with it.

Call Me Meg is the blog and Meg, in this post, has a lot to say on the subject of epilators.

For God's Sake, I Just Needed to Pee!

2011-04-23T15:05:00.000-07:00

Christy Martins' last post, which was featured a couple of days ago on T-Central, has resulted in 33 comments so far. As usual, the opinions vary, and that's good because it makes for lively discussion and entertaining reading. While we at T-Central generally feature blog posts, I don't believe we have ever featured a comment, until now. Lori, the founder of T-Central, filed a comment to this post. It's well thought out and worth sharing with our Community.

I'm sorry, but the recent videotaped beating of a trans woman in a Baltimore McDonald's brings this issue even more to light, especially since so many make it a bathroom issue.

To use a quote from Jenny Boylan that she said yesterday in her own response to the attack:

"So this woman beaten in Baltimore? Do you think the perpetrators paused to consider whether she was a "woman of transsexual history" or a drag queen, or a cross dresser, or a "pagan intersex princess" or whatever other identifier she came up with for herself? Seriously? Why do I stand with ALL trans people, regardless of history? This is why."

I can't help but agree with this wholeheartedly. Who says that a post-op transsexual woman should be the ONLY trans person to ever step inside a bathroom. I remember when I first started going out and presenting as my authentic self there were too many occurrences where others took notice I was a trans person and made rude comments towards me. The bathroom issue was one of the worst things I had to deal with...for God's sake, I just needed to pee!

As time went on and my presentation and voice was more in line with my female mind, I simply could no longer use the men's restroom. It got to the point where one day I was dressed (I like the term "cross-dressed" here) as a male on a trip to California to see family and I had to use a rest area restroom. I was nearly beat up when the men saw me as a female at first then realized I was a trans woman in their bathroom. My son and I were nearly victimized because of this very kind of panicked hatred.

Yes, I have to agree with Boylan - when does one finally get a "pass" to use a restroom of their gender presentation and why should only "true" or "classic" transsexuals get an unfettered hall pass to the ladies' room?

I have many post-op transsexual friends in my life. Many of them were unable to remove some markedly male features from the ravaging effects testosterone had on their body. Yet even though they get called names and are put down on an almost daily basis by mean spirited people, they live their lives to the best of their ability. I stand with them, and I stand with those women who are just trying to find a place to pee.

No, WE need to come together and stop all this bitching so that those who don't understand us will see that we stand, or sit...together.

We are an angry bunch, that's true. But the world is a terrible, violent place for those outside the (passable) gender binary.

Read more about this horrible beating and act of hate, here and here.

Passing Privilege & The "Gold Star" Transsexual

2011-04-21T17:38:00.000-07:00

It's an interesting and somewhat controversial, but well written post from Christy's Bitterness Barbie blog.

Read Christy's post, and the subsequent comments, here.

Trans in Distress

2011-04-15T23:57:00.000-07:00

I get so emotional when I run into a very young transitioner. I have met some young transitioners and I've shared emails with others. When I talk with them, I see so much of myself at that age.

Such is the case with a blog I found today. Trans in Distress is written by a 15 year old Brazilian MtF, in English rather than her native language. Her grammar may not be perfect, but this girl has done her homework and gets her thoughts across nicely.

Trans in Distress is a fairly new blog. Check out Siul's My Story post.

Androgenous Andrej (and others)

2011-04-06T19:11:00.000-07:00

Honestly? I just don't know what to think of Andrej Pejic. I'll let you form your own conclusions.

Go here to see Gossip Gurl's latest post, featuring Andrej Pejic, Matthias Schweighöfer, and....

Ready for this?

James Blond!

No Real Friends

2011-04-03T20:36:00.000-07:00

I often write of the importance of friends in the life of someone who is trans. Without my close friends, I would be in a world of hurt. I've found that my trans friends are the best friends I've ever had....friends I can share my most private and intimate thoughts with. They are real friends. Friends I can laugh with. Friends I can cry with.

In her latest post, Bree writes about friends, or the lack thereof. It's such a typical story for someone who is trans. Can't relate to men and, as someone presenting as a male, can't be true friends with a woman, as in woman-to-woman.

While I may not be making myself clear, Bree is quite clear about her thoughts in her post, No Real Friends.

Full Disclosure

2011-03-31T18:18:00.000-07:00

Full disclosure and compromise. Both should be key elements in a marriage where a transgender individual is involved.

Read Elly's thoughts here.

Surviving Teen Life and Transition by Lauren S.

2011-03-22T06:16:00.000-07:00

Being true to yourself is hard. No matter what your age, pressures to conform are enormous. In no part of our lives is this more true than the years 12 to 16 when we, our family and the rest of our social group are deciding who we will be for the rest of our lives.

Many who read this know that having the nerve to stand and say "I am not the person you have thought I was. Here is the real me." is the hardest thing there is in life.

Lauren introduces her blog very well;

"I'm just a fifteen year old girl at the threshold of the most important journey of my life, wanting to document my story so that someone else can benefit from my experiences."

Apart from any other consideration, her blog is well-written and interesting. She is documenting her story and her feelings so very well.

Welcome Lauren.

When Does The Freak Show End?

2011-03-19T09:45:00.000-07:00

..........no one really ever fully understands the desperation and torment a transperson feels all their life more than another transperson. Therefore, we transfolk, really should not expect others to fully understand why we can take such drastic steps in life to be our true selves, to the extend that we even put transition in front of the ones we love most in life. Yes, with the shoe on the other foot.........we do indeed seem to be selfish, and possibly even heartless.

What Alex says, above, is so, so true for so many. She reflects on this and her relationship with her family nearly 5 years after she began her transition and 2 1/2 years since her GRS.

Read about it in When Does The Freak Show End?

Just what the FtM Doctor ordered

2011-03-16T12:22:00.000-07:00

I would guess that at least a plurality of T-Central readers are somewhere on the male-to-female spectrum. But I would also guess that we have plenty of female-to-male readers, as well as people interested in FTM issues. We have links to some excellent blogs on that side of the playground wall.

FtM Doctor is one of them. Yes, Z is a medical doctor. I had wanted to feature his last post on different forms of testosterone, but it started to slide down the list and I just never did. But Dr. Z was kind enough to put up a really interesting new post called Become a man, or change what it means to be a woman? Sometimes the concerns of FTM people are quite different than those of MTF people, but in this case I think there is crossover. Z is talking about the difference between "what you do and what you are," and why he transitioned rather than remaining an extremely butch woman.

Don't be shy. Check it out!

Fresh from Salad Bingo to You!

2011-03-02T08:07:00.000-08:00

authenticity ~ belonging ~ courage ~ compassion ~ connection

Those are the labels on Dr. Brené Brown's home page and while she does not write about trans issues, in only an hour or so of browsing, I am convinced we can all understand ourselves better (as would anyone else) by seeing her videos and reading her work.

A big thank you to Diana at Salad Bingo for her post “Vulnerability” and the link to a TED talk Brené gave. Having only had a chance to dip into this goldmine of ideas I will not attempt to say much more.

Dr. Brown is a "researcher/story teller" who writes about the joys of living authentically. Just reading her book titles tells you there is much needed validation here.

Please stop by Diana's post to thank her personally before you risk getting lost in Dr. Brown's world.

Jenesis A Life Reborn: Here's to the future

2011-02-27T16:36:00.000-08:00

As usual, I don't remember how I found Jen's blog, but I'm glad I did. It's getting very close to time for her sex reassignment surgery. If you dig into her archives you'll find lots of great posts, but this most recent one was so chock full of good stuff that I just had to feature it. It's not that she says anything that we shouldn't already know. It's just that she said those things as she usually does, in a direct, heartfelt way. It's a great reminder.

As Jen wrote, we can't change the past. Here's to the future!

Tae'lath Transcends

2011-02-23T19:08:00.000-08:00

I've been quietly following Sera's blog from just about day one.

She refers to herself as a "Lesbian transgirl in Hollywood".

And, this girl IS Hollywood! She's the bassist for the heavy metal band, We Are God's Weapon.

Tai'lath Transcends is Sera's blog. You'll also see ample mention of her girlfriend...ah...that would be fiancee (read all about it here), Elizabeth, who has her own blog, Maybe, Maybe not...

But, the real reason I wanted to mention Sera's blog is to share with all of you her excellent, day-by-day, journal of gender reassignment surgery in Thailand. I've read many GRS journals, but this one is complete. I'd recommend you start with her post, On The Option of Surgery, and then read her subsequent posts. If you are considering GRS in Thailand, Sera's journal should be mandatory reading.

Suzi's Freedom

2011-02-16T18:54:00.000-08:00

This one is just a fun read.

Suzi decided to do a day en femme, by herself, and she ran into someone famous!

How did she react? Read all about Suzi's adventure here.

Book Review - Almost Perfect

2011-02-11T19:55:00.000-08:00

Viv, the "Grrl in the Corner", has graced us with her review of the book, Almost Perfect. The book is about a boy who befriends a transsexual girl. Go here to read the Viv's review.

And while you're visiting Viv's relatively unknown blog, take some time to explore her writing. There are more book reviews, some TG commentary, fashion comments, and a host of other thoughts. This post, My TG Flavor, will tell you a bit about Viv.

Happy 4th Birthday, Femulate!

2011-02-06T21:48:00.000-08:00

Somehow, it seems that this post is so insignificant, since EVERYONE reads Femulate, right?

Stana's blog 4 years old. If you haven't already, you can read about it here.

Happy Birthday, Femulate, and thanks for all of the referrals!

Something Different on the "T"

2011-02-03T22:39:00.000-08:00

Lori D, the Goddess and founder of T-Central, sent me this picture. She just happened to see this at KMart. (one of those American versions Tesco). Cool remote, eh? Wish you had one?

But, more importantly, anyone see just why Lori sent this to me????

First one to answer gets a virtual hug from Calie!

Free Book on Klinefelter's Syndrome (47xxy)

2011-01-30T12:00:00.000-08:00

From the Pacific Center for Sex and Society, comes this announcement:

Recommended book on Klinefelter's Syndrome

The KS Story - You are not alone

An account of Klinefelter's Syndrome by Iain W. McKinlay (47,XXY) , with a foreword by Professor Milton Diamond Ph.D.

There are two documents which you can download for free: the book itself (PDF file, 8MB) and an introduction by the author (PDF file, 67KB).

A Gender Variance Who's Who

2011-01-27T17:39:00.000-08:00

We have never featured Zagria's A Gender Variance Who's Who on T-Central and, for the life of me, I don't know why. Not that we need to. As I write this, she has 249 followers!

Nevertheless, it's about time that we point out the hard work that Zagria has done, for years, to those few who may not have seen her blog.

Zagria has spent countless hours - years, I suppose - researching those who have made their mark in the gender variance community. I have been a regular reader of her blog for years and I always appreciate her research, attention to detail, and hard work.

The life stories are fascinating. There are so many I remember reading but, for some reason this mini-biography, dating back to 2008, Perry Desmond (1936 - 1984) performer, prostitute, sailor, beautician, occult retailer, pastor, came to mind and it is a good example of her attention to detail.

A more recent post, Alex Silverfish (1965 – 2008) dj, is equally fascinating but, gosh, I could just go on and on and list every post that Zagria has done.

On a personal note, Zagria was one of the first to link to my own blog and many have found it via Zagria's link.

Take a look at A Gender Variance Who's Who. I guarantee it won't be a short visit!

Respect

2011-01-26T19:55:00.000-08:00

Our last post resulted in a firestorm of comments on T-Central as well as on the two referenced blogs. Sometimes, I think there are some out there who forget just how strong a word "respect" is, and what it means to all of us.

Elizabeth did a post this morning and ended it with this:

PS. My first day of therapy my therapist asked me “What does being transsexual mean to you?” I said “What do you mean?” She said this:

“Every transsexual person may have a different idea of what being transsexual is and I always want to respect that.” –Dr. Nancy Eisenman NYC

That is a very powerful and beautiful statement in my opinion.

I agree.

You can read the entire post, What The Hell is Wrong With You Girls?, here.

Point / Counterpoint

2011-01-24T18:21:00.000-08:00

There have been many blog posts in the past few months relating to the term, "transsexual". Who is one, how the term is used, etc. Seems that there is no lack of polarized feelings on the subject in the transgender world.

Within nine minutes of each other, Ariel and Teri did posts on their blogs which were pretty much 180 degrees off from each other. Both were well written and both deserve to be read.

How do you feel about the subject? Leave a comment and let our readers know. I'll hold short of commenting right now but I will reserve the right to share my own thoughts on my little place in the blogosphere.

Go here for Teri's Non-Op Transsexuals post on her Common Teri's Commentary blog.

Go here for Ariel's Socially Transitioned post on her A Naturalized Citizen blog.

Destination Unknown

2011-01-16T10:07:00.000-08:00

I've been following Alexandra Young's blog for years. Alex has kept it active and I strongly recommend it to new transitioners. Read it from the bottom up, however, meaning start with the first post so you can feel just what she went through, every step of the way.

In her most recent post, Alex takes a look back at her transition and comes to the realization that she began on a journey, the destination of which was totally unknown.

If you are considering transition, or even if you are in transition, you should take a look at this post, Destination Unknown.

Alex, by the way, did a lovely guest post for our Transition Thoughts & Reflections series last year. You can find it here.

- Calie

Crossdressing Thoughts & Reflections - Jessica Who?

2011-01-10T16:08:00.000-08:00

Who better to close out our series on crossdressers than Jessica Who? And who is Jessica Who? I think a lot of our readers know already—from her blog and from her videos on her YouTube channel. She is a humorist who makes a point, or perhaps someone who makes a point with humor. Either way, we are entertained while we understand what she writes and speaks about. Her video on labels is classic! Check out what she has to say here.

- Ariel

A couple of years ago I found myself in a difficult situation, one that others would die for. There I was, a lifelong crossdresser with all the struggles and strife as all the others, with the ultimate blessing—an accepting fiancé (now wife). The problem was, I still couldn’t accept myself.

Although I was sure of some things and semi-confident with how I looked as a female, there was a huge block preventing me from enjoying my full gender identity, which as of yet was still unknown. This created conflict with my wife that shouldn’t have existed. I needed to find my way, and soon.

So I began blogging, an undertaking that I had tried once before in 2002. Back before blogging was huge, I was blogging on GeoCities. My thoughts and experiences were shared with the digital world but were erased one day in an e-purge.

With my wife's blessing, I started my blog Jessica Who? quite uneventfully. The typical starter posts were uploaded, but soon my creative energies really took off. I didn't intend it, but soon my articles were laced with sarcasm, humor and satire and others took notice.

I didn't realize that I was writing with this humorous tone until readers and other bloggers told me. In reality, I was just being myself. Before long, I began to focus heavily on the humorous side of the trans world.

Then, at the end of last year, I started making videos and posting them to YouTube. I decided that they would almost exclusively be comedy from my transgender point of view.

Somewhere along the way as I was authoring crossdressing articles and creating transgender comedy videos, I really found out who I was. My true gender identity, which is extremely difficult to put into words, took shape and thus I was able to start expressing it accurately.

This also led to the birth of my stand-up comedy career. I perform as a guy and as a trans girl, and my humor comes from the many facets of life that are real to me. Comedy, a hobby of mine since 11 years old, was now becoming my guardian angel.

It hardly ever works out like this. All my life I thought it would be books, therapy and intense meditation that would help me in finding my way. At times the possibility of never finding a balance seemed likely. In the end, it was writing blog posts, acting like a fool in front of a video camera and stepping on stage that did the trick for me.

I am now much more open about being a crossdresser, many of my friends and family are aware of it and fully accept me. I come out of the closet with the enthusiasm of a kid chasing an ice cream truck. Am I naïve? Nope, I know that not everyone will agree with this, but I don’t care anymore.

Comedy has that affect on those who perform it. You shine a spotlight on anything that you are self-conscious about and soon enough, the anxiety fades away. When you make fun of yourself by ripping into your insecurities and ridiculing your experiences, nobody can hold anything over you.

I raise a mirror up to myself and also to the rest of the TG world. I satirize how society views us but also how we view ourselves. By pointing out the (in my opinion) exceedingly extreme seriousness with which we discuss our nature, I hope to help others accept themselves by laughing a little.

Among the issues I've lampooned are—the various transgender labels, wondering why men crossdress, the notion that all crossdressers eventually transition, crossdressers pressuring other crossdressers to develop a female voice, gender stereotypes and crossdressing being considered disgusting. Not everyone understands my humor, but that’s okay because I do what I want artistically and aim to make most of my videos with a social message.

Instead of worrying what my crossdressing means or what label(s) suit me best, I am simply myself—an intelligent yet silly person who is responsible but also immature who feels like a guy sometimes, a girl other times and a combination of both the rest of the time.

My approach won’t work for everyone but I think we’d all be better off if we took ourselves just a tad less seriously. Don't get me wrong, there will always be a need for serious research, discussion, protest, rallying, struggle and defense. But every kingdom needs a Royal Jester. I am ze.

Crossdressing Thoughts & Reflections - Janie

2011-01-05T19:25:00.000-08:00

When I began seeking out authors for our crossdressing series, Petra and Stana were the first to come to mind.

The lovely Petra, however, suggested another author whom I had not been familiar with. Her blog was not even listed on T-Central (it is now). I took a look at what Janie had to say and, naturally, Petra was right. We had another author for our series. Yay!

Janie's blog is worth a good look. Good writing, lots of pictures, and active commenters.

As an aside, we have approved virtually all of the comments to the various posts in this series. I ask that you please respect our authors for what they are: Crossdressers (or as Janie prefers: T-Girl). They're sharing their stories with all of you. Let them know you appreciate it.

Now, it's Janie's turn!

- Calie

Fits Me to a T

I am grateful for the opportunity that Calie has given me to share my feelings about crossdressing and its role in my life on this important stage.

This site, by offering a central location to access so many of the fine personal blogs on the internet, amplifies the great benefit that these journals provide – namely, community of experience and thought. I can remember what a help it was for me in my first days to know what others who preceded me had gone through. Perhaps even more profound, what a comfort it was to see how many others had been thinking almost exactly the same things I had been; it made me realize I was neither alone nor nearly as strange a creature as I thought I was.

My experience is almost disappointingly cliché – I am traveling a well-worn path – but with two, let’s call them, twists. First, I started crossdressing in my 40s, with nary a prior thought about wearing women’s clothes. And, second, my sexual orientation is part of the package.

So far, my journey has been full of personal development, new friendships and fun. I consider my time spent as a woman to be an enhancement to my former life, an exploration and a physical, emotional, philosophical, social and sexual pleasure. While my femininity runs pretty deep, there is no inner gender conflict and I have never had a moment’s thought about having SRS, taking hormones or transitioning. I am both girl and boy, and I love both.

Late Bloomer in Bloomers

As recently as it developed, you’d think I could remember exactly what prompted my foray into the feminine. But, I have only a faint theory. My explanation is not entirely uncommon, but for me raises as many questions as it answers.

I think it was rooted in a combination of mid-life crisis and less that total satisfaction with my sex life… that I somehow became the girl that could fill in those things that I wasn’t getting from my girlfriend. Not that I blame her; no person can be all things to another.

Some guys get divorced, some cheat, some buy expensive sports cars, some just accept the situation and try to focus on other things. I love my GF far too much to consider the first two, and don’t consider the third a solution to anything. And, resignation is a last resort.

Janie does help out in satisfying those needs, that’s for sure. But I have a hard time believing that just any guy is capable of this kind of deeply-felt and far-reaching transformation simply to meet his sexual desires. There must be something peculiar about me that allows me or incites me to be this way, which begs the question…

Besides which, without GF’s support in allowing Janie to spread her wings and experiment – and it goes much further than tolerating or even liking me in a dress, as you can see below in the next section – even this transformation would have had limited or no success in addressing my needs. Rather, it probably would have created more problems. Which gets me back to square one…

I wish I had more or better answers. There are so many questions and trying to figure out all the whys and wherefores is like trying to cut down a big tree with a pen-knife. But, I’ll keep at it as long as it takes, blogging-as-therapy all the while. I’m confident the questioning will lead to answers in time and with the support of my friends in this community, and meanwhile I will endeavour to just enjoy my time as a girl at face value.

The Curious Question of Sexual Orientation

Whenever I am Janie, the male part of me fades into the background, and the feminine part of me comes to the fore. I do not feel like a guy wearing women’s clothes, and I expect to be referred to as “she” or “her.” My personality and demeanor change – and so do my coupling preferences.

In girl mode, it is always my intention to do more than just look like a woman, even more than behave like a woman – I want to feel like a woman, experience life as a woman – and that includes dating and sex. (Perhaps that’s why I generally prefer not to call myself a “crossdresser,” which seems limited to the external aspect of “dressing,” rather than a more immersive experience. Instead, I like the term t-girl.)

I am wired to think of dating and mating in primarily heterosexual terms, but that may not mean exactly what you might expect.

As a guy, I’m interested only in women. As a woman, I am interested in men. Go figure! Does that make me “straight?” I don’t know… does it matter? There are those that may accuse me of trying to avoid the obvious conclusion that I am simply a bi male, but it is not like that at all – I haven’t the slightest interest in men when I’m not Janie.

That said, I am under no delusion that I’m a woman. I am physically a guy and I love being a guy. But I can put that away and become a girl in all but certain physical aspects. And, don’t you know, I not only love being a girl, but I love being a special kind of girl.

Appearances Can Be Deceiving

In that vein, I am also reconsidering the much-sought-after goal of “passing” as a woman – y’know, appearance-wise.

I have started to very much appreciate the unique and hauntingly attractive transgender aesthetic. Feminine, with a hint of masculinity, the t-girl is alluring in her own right with no apologies for being what she is.

Straight men may well wonder why they are finding themselves attracted to someone who is, in no small measure, a man. Gay men may find themselves strangely interested in someone who is very much a female; bi-curious women may find us a convenient stepping stone, half way between where they are starting from and where they are looking to.

It may cause some consternation among any and all of those groups, but if we are shaking things up a bit and punching a few holes in the walls that confine thinking and feeling, then we are helping humanity to grow.

But the most personal benefit is that I am relieved of the stress and self-respect issues associated with holding myself to a standard that may be beyond my reach. I am also side-stepping the emotional and financial trap of subjecting myself to technology that is designed to mess with my natural biology (surgery, hormones, etc.) and is a danger to my health.

The highest standard to which I can aspire as a t-girl is that of self-acceptance and self-love. That’s where I’m headed… I hope.

Crossdressing Thoughts & Reflections - Gwen

2011-01-02T03:12:00.000-08:00

When the call went out at the beginning of November for submissions to this series, it is possible that Gwen just did not notice, or maybe she is shy. At any rate, we invited Gwen to participate, and happily, she agreed.

Gwen is the imaginative author of gwen's tgirl adventure where she writes with passion about this part of her life. Although her story might be familiar at times, when you visit her site, be warned, she does push the boundaries.

If we are to understand each other in this world, it is important to allow ourselves to walk in the other person's footwear. Reading her blog and this post, my guess is she would not be opting for flats…no, no, no!

Halle

Living in the Round
by gwen tgirl

In a comment to Petra's profoundly insightful post, Deena asked ."..what...( do)... you get out of wearing women's clothing? ....Why?"
That's the question, isn't it? And if we had the answer...well, we'd have a lot less charged on that Victoria's Secret card. But I have been thinking about it, trying to think about my experience in women's clothes, my experience as a cross-dresser. What is it that I feel when I'm en femme? Why am I compelled to femulate?

Is it erotic? You bet it is! Wearing hose, skirt and pumps is a buzz like no other, and I know a good buzz, let me tell you. But I'm not afraid or ashamed to admit to being turned on just at the thought of it, never mind the actual event. But the erotic charge is fleeting. And after that particular charge is long dissipated, I am left with myself, dressed. and ferreting through closets looking for that next great skirt. Among my favorite things to do en femme are: file my nails, twirl my hair, walk back and forth in my pumps, try on shoes,look in the mirror, read a book, read a blog, make tea, try out makeup, watch television, write. Simple, mundane things. .... savoring every single second as though it were a glass of the most delicious, expensive red wine.

If it is more than the eroticism then, (and I know that it is)...what is the attraction?

I know for myself, that the experience of putting on a pair of silky hose is like drinking a glass of wine, in a way; .... in that dressing is, first and foremost, in its practice, a sensual experience.

(**the conceptual experience---the "idea" of being en femme, is just as important--but I also think it's the aspect we get hung up on, and speak to, the most. And it's a whole 'nother can of worms--so, for now, I'll leave it for the comments or maybe another post!)
Cross-dressing is about looking, yes, but it's very, very much more about touching. The seductive touch of lycra hose on smoothly shaven, soft legs; the rewarding pinch of a pair of stylish pumps on your toes; the welcome grab of a skirt around your derriere as you sit; the tug of a bra strap; the soft silk of your blouse against your torso; the waxy fullness of deep, red lipstick drawn across your lips; the feel of tousled hair upon your shoulders, the weighty coolness of jewelry across your neck.

Every element of a woman's dress imposes self-awareness upon her; awareness of her legs, her butt, her posture, hair, breath, her movements. Every aspect of a woman's clothing is something to take notice of. Woman's clothing is visual and tactile in a way that men's clothing decidedly is not. Every aspect of a woman's clothing makes her aware of herself, of her body, of the way others perceive her. In this way, as she feels the light pull of a dress across her form as she moves, and takes notice of its soft touch upon her skin, and the breeze through the stockings upon her legs, she is aware of herself, forward and backward, front and behind; completely in the round, 360 degrees. She knows the impact of her presence upon space, she knows its caresses.

Even her fingernails; long, polished, cultivated and cared for, a source of pride and display; impose a heightened sensitivity to the very act of touching, for one must touch-- the keyboard, a book , a lover --in a very particular way --when one's nails are long.

Cross-dressing, as sensual experience, is very much about a heightened sense of awareness of oneself, of one's physical being, and it is an "aliveness" that male mode is not conducive to, and in fact, actively works to repress. When I am en femme, I am aware of the curve of my hip as it presses against my skirt, the taper of my toes as they rest inside my shoes, the feel of fabric folded across my skin! I am utterly alive to the experience of touch.....in a way that I have never felt in male mode. I have never felt so alive as when I am dressed. Never. Every sensation seems to echo and enhance the delight of simply "being"!

Femulate---meaning to emulate not only in attire but through actions, gestures, postures, modes of behavior, is more than attire. A woman's gestures --at least those that most of us try to embody--speak not only of femininity--they speak of physicality and presence. Her gestures are meant to attract and allure, not to impose. They speak to delicacy, fragility and the rarefied conditions to which she is accustomed and in which she moves. Her gestures evoke the world that she has surrounded herself with, a civilized world. And they draw her admirers to that world, not via violence or imposition, but via her magnetism, her allure, her sense of herself; exhibited in the way she carries herself, her body. The gestures typically associated with an idea of the "feminine" work via seduction rather than aggression, echoing her sensuality and telegraphing her intelligence.

When I find myself adopting some gesture or another, contrived as it may seem (but feeling so natural), I delight at my delicacy, my fragility, and revel in the implications these seemingly innocuous movements carry..."...I am a person of subtle intuitions... and luminous experience .....a Woman... and I am to be treated with care". It is a strangely delicate, delightful and powerful feeling.

Crossdressing Thoughts & Reflections - Meg

2010-12-29T18:38:00.000-08:00

T-Central first featured Meg in this post, back in October. She continues to be a prolific blogger and holds true to her crossdressing "ideals". I love her humor and her honesty. For instance, this comment in a recent post:

It's a lot, but many transgendered males do not and will never pass as women. It's a fact. Some I've seen are breathtaking. Some, not so much. As Meg, I'm never sure if I'm turning heads, or stomachs.

So, today we'll let that one we call, Meg, have her say...

- Calie

TransTimidity

I haven't been out, dressed, a lot. Maybe ten times, probably fewer than twenty. I'm not counting the rite-of-passage trips, like a solo drive, or a walk around the hotel hall, or a few seconds in the back or front yard.

I’m counting trips where I got dressed and went out. Trips where I went somewhere, where I saw and was seen. I’ve been out shopping, for a manicure, for a makeover, to a party, for some gambling time in a Las Vegas casino, to a transgender group meeting, to a clothing swap.... I’ve been out alone, with a gg friend, with women I’ve hired to do my makeup and prevent me from going out alone, and (once) with my wife and a couple of friends who don’t know my dressing up was more than that one-time thing. Readers of my blog know my biggest outing ever was a flight from Washington DC to Kansas City, then on to Topeka.

After every trip, I feel two things:

* euphoria

* regret

Finding myself back home, or back in my hotel, after spending time out dressed feels GREAT. It's a high like no other.

There's never a "crash." Sometimes I really don't want to change back, and sometimes I can't imagine ever changing back. Sometimes, I'm ready to change back right away. Sometimes, I don't even think about it ~ I just kick off my heels and pull off my wig and start my... I'm not sure what to call it. I like "transformation" when I change to a female. It has a hint of something positive, like a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly. It has a hint of something magical, like a wizard transforming into a graceful animal. I can't use that word for going drab. Revert, maybe.

...I just kick off my heels and pull off my wig and start my reversion to male mode.

But I ALWAYS feel great. Perhaps if I had a bad experience out I'd feel differently, but deep down inside, I don't think so. I hope I don't find out though.

I never regret going out.

I always regret stopping short.

I spent a couple of hours over two nights in a casino. I asked a waitress for drinks, I played different slots. I would have preferred to play craps, but I didn't want to stand around the table in tight quarters with a dozen other people, where I'd be doing a lot of talking.

I went to a clothing swap. Some other t-gurls were there. Fifty or more g-girls were there. One started a conversation and I enjoyed chatting with her. I spoke to the woman doing manicures, and had one done. I could have said to someone picking up an outfit "that's beautiful" or "you'd look great in that" or "I wish that was in MY size".

After the swap, a tire blew out. I had to call Geico to change the tire (I was not about to change a tire in a dress and heels!). I waited in my car instead of walking around the neighborhood a bit (granted, it was 100 degrees out). I just got out of the car when the repair guy arrived and said "thanks for coming out." I could have had a bit of fun, gotten out slowly, walked up close and tried my girl voice, just to see what he'd do, or say.

I've gone to local malls several times. I've spoken to sales associates. I've had my nails done. I should have sat down and had a cup of coffee, or lunch. I should have spoken to other shoppers in the stores.

I've also found clothing I like, but rarely have I tried anything on.

I was in two airports, a restaurant, the rental car counter, and the hotel lobby when I traveled to Topeka. I did no unnecessary talking. In drab, I kid with people suffering along with me on the security line.

I was at the Jon Stewart rally last October. I wanted to walk around, and at the very least, confront people making fun of Christine O'Donnell (my costume du jour).

Each of those experiences has an unspoken ending: I didn't. I should have.

There are some things I should have done but I didn't because I don't have enough experience thinking like a girl. I see a skirt I like, I consider buying it. Or not. It took one of my makeup lady "girlfriends" to hold it up to me to see how it would look. How many times have I seen a woman do that? Hundreds. Why didn't I think that I could do that now? I don't think enough like a girl. I think about all of the things I need to do to pass better. Stand straight. Remember my purse. Smile at women. Avoid smiling at men. Take smaller steps. Don’t touch my face or lick my lips. Sit right!

There are other things that I know I can do, but I'm not ready. I've never been in the ladies' room. I've never sat down to eat by myself. I've never started a conversation with a stranger, outside of a shop situation.

I should. I don’t need to go outside my comfort zone. I need to expand my comfort zone, until it encompasses the world. I've done a lot ~ there's more to do. And I need to be more comfortable as a woman, so I can forget all of the things I have to think about all the time (stand straight!) and remember all of the things I’ve seen women do and add them to my list of Things I Do Automatically. And if I do them in drab mode, that’s OK. I’d rather do femme things as a male than male things when dressed.

Sometimes, I'm not prepared. Something will happen and I could react as a woman, but I'm not ready and I’m still focusing on maintaining my female persona.

So someone says something to me and I'm not prepared. I respond stupidly or not at all. Sometimes the closest thing to an appropriate response I can achieve is to smile.

After a patdown at the airport by a female agent, a man walked up and said “what do I have to do to get her to do that?” My answer: I smiled. I could have said something. If he knew, well, he had a reason to say something. If he didn’t, what could happen? I’m surrounded by security people. I’m safer than the President. I didn’t. I should have.

My former manager has a little magnetic sign on her office door. "Destined to be an old woman with no regrets." Alas, that isn’t to be my destiny.

My goal is to go out once and come home with no regrets.

That's real euphoria.

Crossdressing Thoughts & Reflections - The Wife

2010-12-23T10:18:00.000-08:00

I discovered "The Wife" via a comment she left on another blog. Then, as I always do, I followed the links to her site and found this fabulous website/blog authored by the wife, The Wife, of a crossdresser.

I don't know her name, where she lives, or what she looks like. She does have a way to contact her via her site, so I asked her if she would like to write something for this series of guest posts. What she wrote is simply beautiful and I have got to believe that many of you will read it and just wish it was written by your own wife or girlfriend. Maybe print it out and just leave it on the kitchen counter? If anyone is brave enough to do that, leave us a comment!

Since I don't have a picture of The Wife, I lifted this from her FAQ:

What do you and your husband look like?

Well, I’m a reasonably attractive curvy girl with brown hair, brown eyes, and fairly large tracts of land. (And remarkably straight teeth if I do say so myself. lol) I’m a bit of a tomboy, so I tend towards jeans or comfy pants and a tee shirt or nice blouse. I don’t wear a lot of makeup (I had a ‘competitive’ phase where I tried to out-girl him and it failed miserably) and I generally wear my hair in a simple ponytail.

My sweetie is smaller than I am, a delicately made little thing (and don’t think that hasn’t caused some grief over the years, let me tell you) who “can pass” for the most part. His lady-self has a good selection of wigs, so the color and style changes day to day, but the natural hair color is dark brown and the natural eyes come in a very pretty shade of grey-blue, if I do say so myself. His style when not dressed up coincides with my own – shirts and jeans – but Melanie tends towards the emo or gothic look when going out on the town.

Although she writes this from purely the view of the wife of a crossdresser, I do believe that all of our readers will enjoy this post and that includes spouses, crossdressers living with spouses, and transsexuals living with spouses.

The Wife and I share a philosphy. In her words:

"I’m not big into policing people, so the comments won’t be moderated too stringently. All I ask is that you respect one another and don’t be a jerk. We’re all people here – have some dignity and respect, folks."

- Calie

As I sit here, my sick baby breathing snottily beside me, I'm attempting to muse on the state of crossdressing and being married to a crossdresser. You'll have to forgive me for my informal tone, but I'm finding the idea of delving any deeper than I normally do on my own blog somewhat difficult. I know that may seem strange to you, but in my family crossdressing is a natural part of life. It just is.

Once upon a time crossdressing was dramatic and full of tension - the mere act of bringing up crossdressing enough to ruin a night or cause a fight - but now it's no more exciting or stressful than choosing what to eat at a given meal. Sometimes there are special occasions - Halloween, for example, is like crossdressing Christmas for my husband - but in general his choice to wear a skirt, to apply makeup, to shave his beard and go from HE to SHE is just that... a choice. A fancy. A whim. We've reached a point in our relationship where he knows that he can wear a skirt all week if he wants and not only will I not be bothered by it, I view it as commonplace.

There are limits, of course. Rules. Structure to our choices, outer boundaries to what and when and where, but generally he's willing to live within these loose confines in order to shed his masculine persona and don the girl he is inside. It took a great deal of struggle to reach this place of equanimity. Many evenings were spent hand-in-hand with heightened emotions, discussing, debating, approaching and retreating, and compromising.

Compromising.

Compromising.

Some folks feel that the state of compromising with your spouse once you've discovered that you're a crossdresser or transgender is the same as denying who you truly are and, after so many years of conforming to fit society's standards of what is "right", they are unwilling to forgo even the idea of eyeliner or underwear. It is a battle for them, the right to shout proud and loud, "THIS IS WHO I AM! DEAL WITH IT!".

I can't say whether that is true or not for most crossdressers or transgendered individuals. All I can speak with authority on is my own family and in my family compromise is not a dirty word, it is how we live and how we love and how we show our respect and devotion to one another. I respect my husband's need to wear a bra and stuff it with realistic silicon breasts and spend hundreds of dollars in clothing that society says he shouldn't be wearing. I respect that these acts make her feel more whole, make her feel attractive, make her feel more herself. And she respects my desire for a break from my wife and the fact that I am not primarily a lesbian. She knows that when I say that I need my husband then it's time for the skirt to go in the hamper and his strong arms to hold me, versus my loving arms holding her. It's a delicate balance and we still falter now and then, but on the whole, we've made it work for us, which is all that is important.

If it were not for my husband, I would not have my glorious, wonderful little boy. If it weren't for my wife, I would exist in a relationship where I would feel discomfort discussing the myriad of mysteries that exist for women, the strange intricacies of our female-stratosphere, the occasionally envious give-and-take we must struggle with in our patriarchal society. I'm free to admire and envy Melanie - she can discard the clothing and walk like a particularly masculine sheep amid the wolves. Perhaps every now and then a hoof is exposed, but only around the wolves who love us, who've heard tell of my husband's vast collection of attractive skirts. I, on the other hand, can not vary my gender to suit my mood. I am who I am and she who is occasionally he, can choose who she feels like being today. That, I feel, must be very freeing... and very confusing. For myself, I prefer being solidly female. I like my chest. It's squishy and nice to poke when I'm bored.

Hmm, I feel I've lost my way in this talk. I'm feeling through the text, trying to find a neat, polite way to sign out, to close the post, but doing so is difficult and uncomfortable. It feels false. I suppose then, instead, that I'll leave my goodbye rather open-ended, mutable, and open to interpretation. I'd rather leave with a piece of advice - a truism that I repeat every chance I get when referencing this complex and varied crossdressing/transgendered world we choose to exist in.

Simply put: If you are the SO/Spouse of a crossdresser/transgendered individual and you don't want to leave... You Don't Have To. I know it's difficult. I know it's complex and confusing and hard and you are facing a possible lifetime of confusion and angst. But-but-but...if you love that person - not the gender but the PERSON - if they make you laugh, if they buy you your favorite food at the grocery store without having to be asked first, if they always kill the spider or climb up on a high, rickety ladder to hang the Christmas lights, if they hold your hand when you're happy and let you wet their shoulder when you're sad... if you LOVE THEM, then you can make it work.

If you want it, you can always make it work.

I swear.

Good luck.

TheWife

Crossdressing Thoughts & Reflections - Stana

2010-12-20T14:29:00.000-08:00

What's a series of guest posts, focusing on crossdressing, without featuring one from my friend, Stana? Stana is very well known in the T Community, both internationally via her blog, but also locally, via her outreach activity.

Femulate has an incredible following, which is quite apparent when I look at where the readers of my personal blog, and even T-Central, are coming from. I often refer to Femulate as a Mega-blog and I'm sure there are many of you out there who have visited Stana's Femulate site. If you haven't visited Femulate, do it now! It's a wonderful resource for fashion, and crossdressing and also includes Stana's daily activity updates and even a touch of her own brand of humor.

So, without further mindless babble from me, let's hear from Stana.

- Calie

My Theory of Operation

By Stana (stana-stana@sbcglobal.net, www.femulate.org)

I identify as transgender, more specifically, a heterosexual male-to-female crossdresser, who crossdresses once or twice per month (in deference to my spouse). However, I readily admit that if I had the opportunity, I would crossdress 24/7 and live full-time as a female without surgery, hormones, or other body modifications. I likely would get electrolysis, but nothing more than that.

If I desire to live full-time as a woman, am I still a crossdresser? Or am I something else... something beyond a crossdresser, but not quite a transsexual mainly because I never felt that I was a woman trapped inside the body of a male.

As a youngster, I participated in sports (baseball and football) and played "boy games" (cowboys, war, spacemen, etc.). I felt that I was a typical boy and I enjoyed doing "boy things," unlike many trans sisters, who as children, hated "boy things" and preferred "girl things."

I enjoyed boy activities... to a point. I was not your typical rough and tumble boy and I did not like to take part in any activities where pain was a possibility. For example, I liked to play football, but I preferred touch football and avoided tackle football. So, I definitely had a sissy streak in me and some of the other youths let me know it by taunting me and calling me names.

And I enjoyed creative activities (writing and drawing) and there were other activities, i.e., some that were downright female that I would have pursued, but I knew if I followed those girlish interests, I would be pushing the envelope too much, so I avoided them.

Despite my participation and enjoyment of boy things, other boys called me names like "sissy," "fairy," "faggot," etc., which indicated to me that I was not necessarily all the boy I thought I was because others perceived me as being effeminate. That perception may still exist, but as an adult, most people I encounter are polite enough to keep such opinions to themselves.

In my youth, it was not just a case of bullies using random offensive names to raise my ire. Even some of my friends told me that I was not acting like a boy at a 100% level and that I should do something about it.

I wondered if there was something in my speech or mannerisms that caused their reaction? I was not intentionally speaking or acting in an affected manner. Rather, I was speaking and acting in my natural manner.

The fact that even friends told me that something was amiss indicated that something really was amiss, but I was clueless. I had no idea what I had to do differently to be more boy-like. So, I continued acting the same way I always acted.

I did not and do not make any effort to be effeminate (or masculine, for that matter). I always acted in a way that was natural to me and my natural inclination was to act effeminately according to the "standards" set by our society.

I never felt I had a masculine or feminine side and I never felt that I was a woman trapped inside the body of a male like the typical transsexual, who hid or suppressed their femininity in boy mode.

I never felt that I was a woman trapped inside the body of a male because she was never trapped! I never suppressed my femininity because I never realized I was acting effeminately, so as far as I was concerned, there was nothing to suppress.

Back in college, I attended a Halloween party in drag. One of my classmates who knew me well was impressed with how my normal persona was such a good fit for my female Halloween costume. Until he saw me in drag, he never realized that my everyday persona was so feminine. That confirms what I always believed, i.e., "I" am the same person in boy mode or in girl mode except that "I" am a better fit in girl mode.

In conclusion, I am not a woman trapped in a male body; rather I am a woman with a male body and I’m OK with that. I realize that my body has nothing to with my gender and further that having a male body does not make me less of a woman.

Crossdressing Thoughts & Reflections - Alice

2010-12-17T11:58:00.000-08:00

Click on the Picture to Learn More

A couple of years ago, a good friend of mine strongly recommended Alice Novic's book, Alice in Genderland: A Crossdresser Comes of Age. I read the book, absolutely loved it, and recommend it highly to not only crossdressers but to anyone who feels that they fall under the transgender umbrella. The book is brutally honest, yet entertaining, and a very easy read.

Doctor Richard Novic is a psychotherapist, based in Southern California. As Alice, she has a website, Alice in Genderland, with information on her book and a series of essays, Through The Looking Glass, that, in her words, "...explore issues like crossdressing, transitioning, relationships, and sexuality from the special perspective of a fun-loving transvestite psychiatrist." Links to the essays, below.

*"An Illuminating, Gut-Wrenching Conversation with Ray Blanchard, Ph.D."*	"Going on a Manhunt"
*"Autogynephilia, Bisexuality, and Mr. Opportunity"*	*"Jury Duty in a Dress"*
*"2010 and Most Is Well"*	*"What Can We Learn From Gay People?"*
*"Communication, Compassion, and Creative Solutions"*	*"Am I Gay?"*
*"Interview on Writing and Therapy"*	*"Face and Hair Revisited"*
*"Interview on Self-Publishing"*	*"Why am I a Crossdresser?"*
*"Shifting Gears"*	*"The Mysterious Case of My Vanishing Purse"*
*"Seven Great Myths Among Us MTFs"*	"The Two Types of Transwomen"
*"An Artist Out and Proud"*	"Crossdressers and Hormones"
*"A Woman on the Verge of Transition"*	"Could Yours Truly Be TS?"
*"Analyzing the Poison"*	"Take Me Out To The Ball Game"
*"A Pillar and Part-Timer"*	"Shall I Bring My Wife Along?"
*"Manhunt Over: Thank Goodness"*

I'm honored that Alice has agreed to do a guest post for our T-Central series on crossdressing.

- Calie

Why am I a Crossdresser?

Well basically because it’s been the most fun, fulfilling way for me to live. After all, what are the options: Be a man who holds back from crossdressing? Be someone who makes it her life? These paths are great for some folks, but I’ve found happiness walking right down the middle.

But let’s take a step back and ask a few more fundamental questions. What is a crossdresser? I define crossdresser as a primarily straight man who is profoundly satisfied to imagine himself as a woman. Does profoundly satisfied include sexually aroused by? You betcha, but it’s also much deeper than that, as many of you will discover with experience and age.

Why does an otherwise normal, healthy male become a crossdresser or transsexual? One explanation, derived from animal research, I call the intersex brain. It suggests that something happens as we’re developing in the womb that causes the brains of CDs and TSs to develop along female lines and be inclined to feminine behaviors later on. For instance, if male rats are exposed to extra estrogen during one particular week during central nervous system development, then later in life they’ll show a tendency for lordosis, a female mating behavior that involves arching one’s back to bring attention to one’s buttocks—like a bird shaking her tail feathers.

An alternative, more disturbing, explanation of why someone becomes a crossdresser is that of autogynephilia. By this theory, crossdressing or MTF transsexualism occurs when a heterosexual male’s attraction to females (his gynephilia) gets directed at himself (auto). The main evidence for this so far is that we crossdressers tend to be aroused by the image of ourselves as women and that pattern bears a close resemblance to the auto versions pedophilia and amputee-philia. Yes, there are men who are attracted to the image of themselves as children or as amputees, strange as that might sound. (For more, see the writings of Ray Blanchard, Ph. D.) As far as when or how a male’s normal attraction to females might turn itself inward, no one knows.

Just like the intra-uterine environment, one’s childhood experiences can also have a profound impact on brain biology and behavior. But whether we’re talking about autogynephilia, intersex brain, or a yet unknown mechanism, no particular childhood events or exposures have been correlated with crossdressing or transsexualism. As a psychiatrist, I once even worked with a Latin man whose mother used to punish him by making him wear his sister’s skirts. Subsequently as an adult, he suffered relationship and self-esteem problem, but bore no predilection for petticoats.

Can crossdressing be acquired like an addiction? Yes, I first feared. No, I later learned. Yes in a way, I ultimately came to see. Yes, lingerie can feel like a tempting, euphoric thing. Once you break the ice, and reach into the panty drawer, you may never be able to stop.

But no, no regular straight man would find such pleasure in panties and be vulnerable to such a substance? I’m afraid not. Ask a few, in private of course, so you can be more confident you’re getting the truth. Most wouldn’t even be curious enough to try on women’s underwear. The experimental few who would, might experience a different kind of fabric and feel but not the euphoria that keeps us coming back.

Okay, I say as an M.D., but not everybody is at risk for alcoholism, yet it’s still considered an addiction. Maybe crossdressing is one that only we estrogen-tweaked pups are prone to. After all, once a one of us “borrows” his first bra, he may bring on a habit that can spiral out of control and jeopardize his marriage, job, and reputation. And that, my fine, feathered friends, is what defines addiction.

I must add two important caveats, though, that I believe keep crossdressing or transitioning from sharing the same category as cocaine. 1) Aren’t our people usually more stable and content after they’ve developed a crossdressing habit? 2) And if not, isn’t it more due to the harsh reactions wives and others might have to the habit, rather than the activity itself? Which is still very serious, though, and means that a person like me might find a few more lovers, but compromise my career, lose my wife, and still not find a husband, if I went woman full time.

Because we live in a culture in which crossdressing and transsexualism don’t put you on top of anyone’s wish list, most of us, at least at first, want to know Is there a cure? No, there isn’t, I must report, not at this time. I’m sorry, but there isn’t a cure for being gay or albino either.

Sure, with enough will power, support, and spirituality, you may suppress your more femme impulses, but then again, you might be able to go through life resisting your favorite sport or flavor of ice cream. There’d better be a great heaven, or you’d better get tremendous joy in living to please your loved ones, to make that worthwhile. Otherwise, I’d recommend getting as comfortable as you can with something others may find uncouth and casting your own small vote for change. You’ve got a lifetime to work on it!

Alice Novic, M.D.

To learn more about me than you’d ever dare ask, please see my smart, sexy memoir, Alice in Genderland: A Crossdresser Comes of Age (available now on Amazon.com).

Crossdressing Thoughts & Reflections - Aeify

2010-12-13T18:36:00.000-08:00

This series on crossdressing thoughts and reflections has produced some really excellent posts from some fine bloggers out there. Today's post is not from a crossdresser, however. This time we're featuring the thoughts and reflections of a spouse. Her name is Aeify and you can read more about her by going to Aeify's blog, A Perfect Love.

I really enjoyed this post. I think I've read it three times now! I guess what I like about it is the obvious love these two have for each other. I hope you enjoy it too.

- Calie

Reflecting on the T-lifestyle

I have known my spouse liked to crossdress since before he even proposed. I was excited by the prospect of the "dressing" during our lovemaking on occasion. I rarely thought about it for great drifts of time in our marriage. I didn't want the dressing to stop, it just never occurred to me the extent that one of us might want it to occur. I never tried to keep it from happening, but I didn't encourage it either.

Shame on me.

The year 2010 will stand out in my memory as the year we came even closer together as a couple. I learned more than I ever thought there was to know about crossdressing. I learned the word transgender and the difference between a transsexual and a transvestite. I'm not an ignorant person, I just didn't think I had a reason to know more than I did, which was shockingly little.

I learned, I have grown, I am continuing to learn.

Not everything I have learned has been good. I have met people both in person and (mostly) online who did not have a spouse that was accepting when they learned their partner's "secret." I still can't fathom why you would throw away a relationship based on what your partner wants to wear, but that being said, I haven't hired a skywriter to announce P's news to the world either.

I am so glad that I have a spouse who loves me just the way I am. I am loved no matter how much I weigh, if my legs are hairy, if my hair is done or if I am wearing makeup. I am loved unconditionally and even my most insane She-Hulk crazy (I'm a little OCD...shh don't tell anyone) needs are attended to. How lucky am I to have a spouse that can help me with my makeup?

I wish health and happiness to all of you. I wish that each and every one of you has a partner who loves and accepts you just as you are. (Even if you are just about to tell them after many years!)

There is one thing I would do differently if I could turn back time. I would talk more in the beginning about dressing. I would have looked up years ago and learned about the communities of love and support that were/ are out there. I would also have been more understanding of the one trans person who used to come to the gift shop where I worked to use the restroom. She came by some time almost every Saturday. I told P this story not too long ago.

She would come right up the stairs and go straight to the bathroom. Our sweet-smelling unisex bathroom that was almost always available. She'd go in there, fully dressed but sometimes she wouldn't be wearing her wig. She'd come out and take a turn around the store, not meeting my eyes and quickly leaving. I always wondered why she didn't linger like most of the other ladies. The shop was designed to make you relax and slow down. Then while I was telling P about this I looked at her and we talked about how this was probably one of the very few restrooms in town where she was free and safe to go. (And it was nice and girly). I so wished that I had made more of an effort to be her friend, but I'm also glad she came.

I wish you all a happy holiday season!

Hugs!

Aeify

Crossdressing Thoughts & Reflections - Sally

2010-12-10T18:57:00.000-08:00

A few months, ago, I put out a request for guest posts on the subject of crossdressing. Sally Sapphire replied right away and, when I read her email, I immediately knew that we had an excellent guest post in the making.

Sally has a couple of blogs and you need to check both of them out. TGirl Revelations is her main blog and is well worth your time to visit.

Her other blog really intrigues me because I'm a book nut, when it comes to transgender reading material. This site goes well beyond the transgender theme, however, and includes book reviews and recommendations for anything that qualifies under the LGBTQ umbrella. The title? Bilibrary Bookslut. Unique! Be sure to check out Sally's Gender Identity & Expression Challenge 2011.

So, now read on and see just what Sally has on her mind.

- Calie

Am I really a crossdresser? It’s the first question I asked myself when I saw Calie’s call for guest bloggers, and I admit it made me pause. It’s just a word, but it’s amazing how much power words can have over how we define ourselves. We live in a society that loves to label people, and which is never satisfied with one word when a dozen others can be used to eliminate all ambiguity.

What, I ask you, is wrong with a little ambiguity? Ambiguity is all about diversity – it allows room for variety, for those little quirks of expression and identity that define us as individuals, while still allowing us to share a sense of community.

Like so many of us, I’m most comfortable with labelling myself as transgender. It’s a safe, all-inclusive word that embodies complete and total freedom of expression. Ironically, it’s also a word that was originally coined to label cross-dressers who were not pursuing sexual reassignment surgery. What I find I’m less comfortable with, and what seems to prompt so much debate, are the labels that fall under the transgender umbrella – Transsexual, Crossdresser, Transvestite , Drag queen, Genderqueer , Androgynous, etc.

Why, I ask you, do we allow words to make us so uncomfortable? It shouldn’t matter how, when, where, or why we choose to express ourselves. The fact that we are all expressing a gender identity different from the norm is what makes us special and unique, even while making us part of a broader community.

Personally, I am proud to label myself as transgendered. Beyond that . . . well, I really don’t see a need to define myself beyond that. Yes, I indentify very strongly with the woman inside me, and I am absolutely more comfortable in expressing her identity than in putting on my day-to-day drab façade. In an ideal world, her expression would be a 24/7 reality. Does that make me more transsexual than transvestite? Does it really matter?

At this point in my life I simply don’t have the opportunity or the freedom to pursue medical and surgical modifications to express the woman inside me. Yes, I’ve thought about it, considered it, and I’ve even made an appointment for laser hair removal, but I’m not ready for the rest of it . . . and may never be. It’s not a lack of desire or commitment, just an acknowledgement of the restrictions of life. Does that make me more transvestite than transsexual? Again, does it really matter?

Coming out to my wife earlier this year was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it has also been the single most rewarding experience of my life. During that momentous discussion, it made me uncomfortable when she asked if I was just a crossdresser, and it made her equally uncomfortable when she asked if I was a transsexual instead. One term implied limitations or restrictions to my expression, while the other implied a permanent change in our relationship. Since then, we’ve talked a lot about how I express myself, and what it means to each of us, but we’ve deliberately chosen not to put any labels on it.

Is that, I ask you, really such a bad thing? Some people might see it as avoiding the issue, or as an act of cowardice on both our parts. At the end of the day, however, it’s that very lack of a label that provides us with free reign to have open and honest discussions about my identity, and to enjoy the expression of that identity, without putting arbitrary expectations around it.

There are nights where we each dress in our naughtiest lingerie, get elaborate with our makeup, and enjoy ourselves in the bedroom. I won’t deny that there’s a strong element of sexual fetish to the experience, but that doesn’t take away from the expression of femininity itself. There are also nights where I’ll slip into one of my favourite nightgowns, touch up the polish on my toenails, and curl up alone with a good book. It’s almost an unconscious mode of expression, as natural as taking off my tie at the end of a hard day at the office.

There are days where the wife and I will both do our hair and makeup, put on a skirt and a blouse, slip into our heels, and go out shopping as two BFFs. Sure, there’s an element of exhibitionism involved in wanting to ‘pass’ convincingly, but there’s also a wonderfully wholesome sense of satisfaction in comfortably expressing myself. There are also days where we’ll go out in day-to-day drab, as husband and wife, yet still share our thoughts and feelings as if I were visibly expressing the woman inside. Again, it’s almost an unconscious mode of expression, and I love that it’s become so natural for us both.

I know that I’m happiest when fully expressing my femininity, and that I thoroughly enjoy the ritual of revealing the woman inside of me. I love the feel of my most feminine clothes, the taste of my lipstick, and the smell of wet nail polish. Being called ma’am gives me a giddy little thrill, and finding a perfect pair of heels in my size is almost an orgasmic delight. The feel of stockings rubbing together beneath my skirt is absolutely divine, and the simple act of adjusting a bra strap is a pleasure. At home, I avoid the mirror like the plague, afraid of the disconnect between identity and expression. When I’m out and about, though, I simply cannot pass up a chance to admire the woman in the mirror when I pass by.

So, I ask you, what does that make me? Am I a transsexual who can’t commit? A transvestite with delusions of grandeur? An ill-adjusted crossdresser? A drag queen without a stage? Am I just genderqueer or, perhaps, androgynous? Depending on who you ask, I may be none of the above, all of the above, or something completely different. Guess what . . . I’m OK with that.

Ultimately, we are who are, and we are what we make of ourselves. It’s taken me the better part of 20 years to accept that – and far too many drafts of this post to stop worrying about it. Personally, I don’t need to label myself to understand myself, and my wife doesn’t need to label me to appreciate who I am. That works for us, and that’s great. However, reading through the blogs featured here, I’ve also seen that labels can help friends to better identify and relate to each other. If labelling myself a crossdresser helps to make a connection with even one new friend, then that’s great too.

So, with all that said, please consider these my personal Crossdressing Thoughts & Reflections. Should they reflect your own [insert label here] Thoughts & Reflections as well, then I guess we’ve made a connection . . . one that I hope you’ll share with us all. J

Hugs,

Sally