tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2210993542438732066.post6501266627197538395..comments2024-01-31T18:34:20.733-08:00Comments on T-Central: Transition Thoughts & Reflections - MelissaHallehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03847654451426257182noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2210993542438732066.post-35825932661015639102014-07-19T11:34:04.126-07:002014-07-19T11:34:04.126-07:00Really well done and you are so right. it doesn...Really well done and you are so right. it doesn't matter where you fall in the gender spectrum, we all need each others love and support.<br />Hugs<br />SusanAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2210993542438732066.post-8640542931616811252010-08-02T16:25:15.196-07:002010-08-02T16:25:15.196-07:00I'd like to see an end to this line of comment...I'd like to see an end to this line of comments. You're all good friends of mine and I respect your opinions.<br /><br />It is more important to me, however, that we stand together as a group so that we can all get the respect we deserve from the general public. Hopefully, someday that will happen. When we publicly disagree among ourselves, however, over what someone from the "outside" might perceive to be a trivial issue, will we ever get that respect we so deserve?<br /><br />The purpose of these excellent guest posts is to help others, who think they may be TG, to better understand themselves through the thoughts of those who have been there, done that. Your essays have attracted a huge number of readers. Let's show them that we do, indeed, respect each other.<br /><br />If you all want something to think about, take a look at the next guest post....<br /><br />Calie xxxCaliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00280127011882954777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2210993542438732066.post-47146000584870260192010-08-02T16:01:39.030-07:002010-08-02T16:01:39.030-07:00Gosh, maybe we need to institute a policy banning ...Gosh, maybe we need to institute a policy banning the use of labels.<br /><br />From now on people will be required to describe their gender identity as hyphenates. Examples:<br /><br /><i>Born-male-presenting-female-surgically-altered.</i><br /><br /><i>Born-female-presenting-female-neurogically-male.</i><br /><br />Just kidding. But seriously, let's talk about this stuff, but please, try to do so without telling others what they are or are not. I don't see a huge amount of benefit in gatekeeping this terminology, especially if it hurts peoples' feelings. And Ahura Mazda* knows, we'd be pissed if a cis person showed up and told us that because we were born male-bodied, we are men and will always be men, yet that's exactly what we're doing by trying to establish ourselves as authorities over certain identities.<br /><br />This is a moderation post asking us to be respectful of each other and as such there is no need to comment on it specifically. You're free to ignore it, but please, just think about it a little.<br /><br />* As an avowed agnostic, I randomly rotate my religions, and this week Zoroastrianism is in.Reneehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15688972226193612658noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2210993542438732066.post-82642400293611134822010-08-02T14:28:11.154-07:002010-08-02T14:28:11.154-07:00Thanks for clarifying Melissa. It heartens me to s...Thanks for clarifying Melissa. It heartens me to see I picked up what had been said wrongly.<br />I also fully agree there are some very smug and horrible people out there, and they walk on both sides of the post and pre/non op fences.<br />I really do hope that one of the good things to have come out of this misunderstanding, is a little more understanding of each other's circumstances.<br />I do fully relate to the turmoil non-transitioning people face, because I was there myself for a very long time, until I lost the battle to resist.<br />I could not stress enough how much I would not wish the horrible heartrending stuff I had to face during the transition process, on anyone else. Loved ones do NOT deserve to have to face that from any of us, and I do fully respect all of you who continue to battle and resist this horrible curse.<br />I have a wide range of friends from all walks of life, and that includes the T' spectrum. A few blow me into the weeds when it comes to looking fantastic (mainly the young ones I know), and some I can clearly see have it way more difficult than me in the passing stakes. They, through their own choice, have also transitioned, and I have to say they get on with their lives without worrying too much about what other people think about them.<br />The point I'm trying to make, is that this whole transition thing is very much a personal choice, and one that has to be made by the individual.......for they alone will be the person who has to face the life they choose as a result.<br />For some, it matters lots how they look, and how much it affects others. For others, looks means nothing, and even loved ones cannot stop the express train ride that comes from opening Pandora's box.<br />What none of us should EVER do, is judge one another for taking these very personal choices, and should instead just accept we all need to do what WE need to do to get through this God forsaken crap we sometimes have to accept as just being life.<br />Whether you believe in God or not, we all have to accept we have been dealt a bad deck of cards in life, and the one thing we all have in common (no matter how we play those cards), is that NONE of us are ever going to win this frigging game!<br />Just get out there and do what you feel you have to do folks......and that is about all the advice I would ever give to anyone.<br />Alex. xScots Lasshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17755422127029723527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2210993542438732066.post-5499551837265054072010-08-02T13:54:36.413-07:002010-08-02T13:54:36.413-07:00@ Melissa and the other readers here. I have a gr...@ Melissa and the other readers here. I have a great deal of empathy for anybody and everybody who are experiencing or have suffered fron GID or GD.<br /><br />However, I find it highly counter productive to attack one another for decisions made or not made. Since Melissa has made it clear that her accusation of "smugness" is only directed at those of us who have successfully transitioned and continue to take issue with being compared, labeled or equated as being someone we are not, then I will respond to that.<br /><br />I will speak for myself, although I suspect that there are thousands of women who have paid hugely in terms of blood, treasure, loss of loved ones, family and employment to become WOMEN as completely as possible.<br /><br />A transgender has not paid that price, although I suspect that the long term frustration and angst involved in not being and living as the REAL self is in fact a higher price.<br /><br />The truth is that IF and I emphacize *IF* a person really is a real deal, classic, type I, TS then NOT transitioning fully will inevitably result in a stunted unhappy embittered person.<br /><br />On the otherhand if in fact the individual is NOT and IS in fact one or another or a wide variety of TG or GV then God Bless them, they are SPARED the trauma and drama of a full blown sex change, because that is what a TS must do.<br /><br />If you do not need a sex change to save your life you are NOT a TS. Give thanks and praise to GOD's mercy. DO NOT try, or wish to have a condition just because you or your friends think that TS has more "status" then TG.<br /><br />To put it simply, a TS changes SEX, (those "bits" between your legs). A TG changes GENDER.Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02696670919817140802noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2210993542438732066.post-13046633525396219362010-08-02T10:54:18.319-07:002010-08-02T10:54:18.319-07:00@ Alex
The word smug was used as a qualifier for ...@ Alex<br /><br />The word <i>smug</i> was used as a qualifier for the self satisfied types. It does not apply to all fully transitioned women. I'm sorry if you found it offensive. I have been reading your blog for some time now, and I never thought it applied to you. :-)<br /><br />Melissa XXMelissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04600684740584460891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2210993542438732066.post-47587903680042309662010-08-02T09:00:40.072-07:002010-08-02T09:00:40.072-07:00I had no issues with anything said within this blo...I had no issues with anything said within this blog until I read one comment; "I will take a back seat to no smug, fully transitioned woman".<br />I find it sad that such a comment had to be made in the first place, and even sadder to see a few others joining in and agreeing.<br />I'm not going to go on about it here, because the rest of the blog itself is a very good insight to a different perspective and experience on trans issues. That gains the respect it deserves.<br />If interested in what I thought about the sweeping 'smug' statement, then you can read about it on my own blog:<br />http://alextsgirl.blogspot.com/2010/08/smug-fully-transitioned-woman.html<br />Regards, Alex.Scots Lasshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17755422127029723527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2210993542438732066.post-17490567010219625412010-08-02T08:32:38.024-07:002010-08-02T08:32:38.024-07:00@ Anne
Re: "I have to agree with Renne that ...@ Anne<br /><br />Re: <i>"I have to agree with Renne that a discussion of the "subtleties" is important and that a suspension of emotional, angst driven outbursts would be a prerequisite to constructive dialogue. And in that spirit, I will vehemently disagree with you that my "sex" is not between my legs. While my Gender is most certainly between my ears, my sex is most definately right exactly where it belongs, most pleasantly, right between my legs.<br /><br />And as for "transsexual elitism", me thinks you speak with forked tongue since you self identify as transsexual, even though I would argue that based on your self description, I think that transgender might be much more accurate. And...just so that I am not misunderstood, I am not asking that you "take a back seat" to me, because I am post-op. However in that same vein I would ask that you not denigrate my ability to have very satisfying, hetero-normal sex with my legal husband, and were I single any healthy heterosexual male of legal age and of my choosing."</i><br /><br />When I used the term womanhood, I was referring to gender, not sex. Perhaps I should have use the word gender to be more clear, but I wanted a word that expressed feminine gender. To be honest, I'm not the least bit concerned with what bits anyone might have between their legs, nor what their sexual proclivities are. As far as I'm concerned, sex and gender are entirely separate issues.<br /><br />I don't believe I said a word, that could be construed as denigrating anyone's ability to have satisfying "hetero normal" sex. I applaud anyone's ability to have satisfying sex, whether "hetero normal" , or "homo normal".:-) <br /><br />I didn't use the term "transsexual elitism" that Renee mentioned, but it seems that your judgment of me as transgender, and not transsexual, in spite of the fact that I self identify as transsexual and have been diagnosed as such by a psychiatrist, is a perfect example of that term. The term transgender is a big umbrella, under which a host of people reside, including transsexuals. It is the transsexual elite, that seem to resent being grouped under that umbrella the most, as if being grouped with what they consider to be a lower cast, somehow besmirches the purity of their identity. Defensive?<br /><br />Melissa XXMelissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04600684740584460891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2210993542438732066.post-45476686435404786192010-08-01T22:22:26.788-07:002010-08-01T22:22:26.788-07:00To be clear, the "transsexual elitism" t...To be clear, the "transsexual elitism" thing came from me. I quoted it, but those were scare quotes, as opposed to any actual quote I took from anywhere.<br /><br />Also, before this blows up, I'd like to throw out a line I've heard a couple times and like to repeat for moments like these:<br /><br />"When I find myself getting defensive, I must be learning something."<br /><br />Just something to keep in mind as we respond to each other.Reneehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15688972226193612658noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2210993542438732066.post-27876711678924914012010-08-01T22:10:24.671-07:002010-08-01T22:10:24.671-07:00Hi Melissa, Callie, Halle and all you other happy ...Hi Melissa, Callie, Halle and all you other happy readers here. I too see a high level of defensiveness and more accurately, resentment in the tone of in your post which is understandable considering that you denied yourself that which was what you most obviously truly and greatly desired.<br /><br />I say "denied yourself" intentionally, because as you all know, I am quite outspoken and have only minimal regard as to the emotional impact of my words. Many would consider this heartless and uncaring, but I prefer to think of it as being frankly, honest.<br /><br />I am certainly not one to judge as to the validity of your reasons for making the choices that you did, but as I have posted on other sites, it is my opinion that an individual is the total sum of their genetic predisposition, their environment, (how they were reared etc.) and the decisions they made throughout their journey or evolution through life.<br /><br />It seems to me that about the time that I was in college, 1965 - 1969, my student deferrment was eliminated by gov't. fiat and replaced with a lottery. I drew a number right about in the middle, which was fortunately high enough that I was able to complete my education and avoid the dreaded military.<br /><br />I do not know what might have happened had I been forced to enlist. I honestly cannot imagine what it would have been like to suffer the mindless abuse of the cretins with a marginally higher rank. Talk about hierarchys! <br /><br />I have to agree with Renne that a discussion of the "subtleties" is important and that a suspension of emotional, angst driven outbursts would be a prerequisite to constructive dialogue. And in that spirit, I will vehemently disagree with you that my "sex" is not between my legs. While my Gender is most certainly between my ears, my sex is most definately right exactly where it belongs, most pleasantly, right between my legs.<br /><br />And as for "transsexual elitism", me thinks you speak with forked tongue since you self identify as transsexual, even though I would argue that based on your self description, I think that transgender might be much more accurate. And...just so that I am not misunderstood, I am not asking that you "take a back seat" to me, because I am post-op. However in that same vein I would ask that you not denigrate my ability to have very satisfying, hetero-normal sex with my legal husband, and were I single any healthy heterosexual male of legal age and of my choosing.<br /><br />Sorry if I sound a bit snarky but even an old tiger has tooth and claw and is generally best left unmolested.Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02696670919817140802noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2210993542438732066.post-77494264549065396122010-08-01T19:07:06.005-07:002010-08-01T19:07:06.005-07:00Like the others, I really enjoyed this post.
This...Like the others, I really enjoyed this post.<br /><br />This is going to sound weird, but one of the things I like most about it is just how defensive it seems to be. Twice Melissa uses the word "smug" to allude to a sort of "transsexual elitism", and while I think it exists, I also seem to see less of it now than I did when I first entered the online community five years ago. And I have to wonder if that's because there's less of it now, or because I've refined the circles I run in, or because I'm now deep into transition myself and am perhaps blinded to the subtleties of our inter-community prejudice. I don't really have the answer, but I think it's valuable stuff to talk about...I'd love to see a totally open discussion where people talk about specific examples of things they've encountered in the online community that have either directly or indirectly felt like attacks/invalidation on/of their identity. But sheesh, we'd all have to wear our big girl/big boy pants to that conversation.Reneehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15688972226193612658noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2210993542438732066.post-44817023994411282662010-08-01T14:59:41.535-07:002010-08-01T14:59:41.535-07:00"Still, I will take a back seat to no smug, f..."Still, I will take a back seat to no smug, fully transitioned woman."<br /><br />You're my hero, Melissa.<br /><br />You've always shown myself and others that genuine care and love that isn't often found, let alone over the internet. I strive to be like you.<br /><br />Love,<br />E.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2210993542438732066.post-39287415125625778392010-08-01T13:05:44.233-07:002010-08-01T13:05:44.233-07:00Thanks for your story, Melissa. As I wrote to Stac...Thanks for your story, Melissa. As I wrote to Stace, even when you try to read someone's blog from start to finish, you don't always get the whole story. You've written the answers to lots of questions I never felt comfortable about asking you. :)Véro Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02895169022031921712noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2210993542438732066.post-60039588415576438652010-08-01T10:22:34.999-07:002010-08-01T10:22:34.999-07:00@ Calie
Thank you, Calie!
Actually I was 19, wit...@ Calie<br /><br />Thank you, Calie!<br /><br />Actually I was 19, with a draft status of 1A in 1968. I was ripe for being drafted and put into the infantry, so I enlisted in the Army to get a technical school. I spent 16 months in Vietnam, from May of 1969 to Sept. of 1970, but I wasn't a combat soldier, I was in the Signal Corps, and repaired communications security equipment. I was very happy to come home in one piece and put the military behind me. If there hadn't been a draft in those days, I never would have joined, and I'm sure my life would have taken a completely different course, since I used my background in electronics to secure my civilian job when I came home. Before I went into the Army, I was seriously considering going to Cosmetology school. I've always regretted not doing that. It would have been a far better career choice for me.<br /><br />Melissa XXMelissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04600684740584460891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2210993542438732066.post-41987278491324070422010-08-01T08:39:50.867-07:002010-08-01T08:39:50.867-07:00Melissa, I decided to title this series Transition...Melissa, I decided to title this series Transition Thoughts & Reflections as a way to allow many to share their life journeys...whether they be post-op, pre-op, non-op, or whatever.<br /><br />Your beautiful and honest thoughts and reflections certainly are worthy of this series and I am so glad you took the time to write.<br /><br />Perhaps I should have run yours and Anne's back to back, since you are both about the same age. And, regarding that, both of you must have been avoiding the draft (in some way) during the Vietnam war. I'm curious, since neither of you mentioned this, if the War was an issue for either of you. I hope Anne reads this and can comment.<br /><br />Calie xxxCaliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00280127011882954777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2210993542438732066.post-2063522624033653012010-08-01T06:01:20.302-07:002010-08-01T06:01:20.302-07:00Melissa.....
I love your attitude!!!
I feel a...Melissa.....<br /> I love your attitude!!! <br /> I feel a bit of regret as it had taken you sooooo many years to be your own true woman. However, what a woman you have turned out to be! You are a kind, supportive, person with a caring heart. <br />Love your blog, love your comments, love you.Leslie Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04023309641894450256noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2210993542438732066.post-45088298139812431022010-08-01T05:25:49.170-07:002010-08-01T05:25:49.170-07:00Halle, Calie, et al
Really loving this series. Th...Halle, Calie, et al<br /><br />Really loving this series. These essays seem to me a nice old fashioned long-form journalism. Our issues are being explored here in a slightly different way, much more in depth way.<br /><br />It is a treat to be able to get a big picture view of a blogger in one big bite. Typically, you cannot find the big story in a single blog post. This is all very welcome.<br /><br />Melissa - very nice to get to know you better.<br /><br />Halle / Calie, etc, love what you are doing with T-Central. Keep it up please.Petra Bellejambeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15325233285694315036noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2210993542438732066.post-40621062787384868242010-08-01T04:42:16.277-07:002010-08-01T04:42:16.277-07:00Where do I send the cheque?
Caroline xxxWhere do I send the cheque?<br /><br />Caroline xxxCarolinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02133031265351841626noreply@blogger.com