Welcome to TransCisTer Radio! Do you like the word play within that?
Brian and Dana came up with the name and graphic to go along with our
show title. Personally, I love it! Nadine has teamed up with a friend to do a podcast, and I love the name! Go to TransCisTer Radio for the back-story and a link.
As I got changed, somehow my makeup came together - at least I was
pleased with it :-) - and I did my best to help Michelle - someone new
to the group - with their slap too. Playing it forward and all that.
That's why we're here and it's good to be kind to others. Bless her,
Michelle sent me a PM on our forum to say thanks. How lovely is that?
I love my local transgender group and I love that there are other similar groups out there. This post, from Lynn, is just about the little moments prior to, during and after a gathering of the Nottingham Chameleons. If you live anywhere near Nottingham, England, you really need to join this group.
So I am pleased when I can say to Tina “I find it hard to believe
anything good about myself, or that anyone could have regard for me”.
Rather than suppress the feeling and have it manifest in tears I feel it
so can say the sentence with only a slight quaver in my voice. This is
progress. It means I get better at seeing who and how I am rather than
suppressing it because it is too painful to admit.
Clare often addresses trans related subjects that other bloggers rarely touch. In this case, Clare has written several times about the effect hormone replacement therapy has had on her emotions. Being Emotional is Clare's current post.
Being outed at work is a real peril of going out en femme. It
could result in the loss of your job and could negatively effect any
future employment. However, there are worse real perils of going out en femme... like the loss of your life.
Laura Ann is a good friend and an excellent writer. She's a member of the local TG group I belong to, The River City Gems. I always encourage her, and any of you out there, to submit guest posts to T-Central. This one has got to be one of her best, and I do believe it could very well apply to me! Laura is monitoring, so feel free to leave comments here or send me an email (listed at the bottom of this page) if you would like to email her directly.
I recently read a post from one of our River City Gems members that talked about the difficulty that emerging transwomen have, with going out in public dressed in femme mode and presenting as women. An excerpt from this post:
"Stepping out into a public place can be humiliating, just knowing yourself that most people observing you will notice that you are really a man and not a cis woman."
I'd like to contribute my somewhat different opinion on this observation, a point of view derived from having lived as a transwoman full-time, post-transition, since June 2016. It's actually been a little longer than that, as I started shopping for groceries and clothes, and going to movies and restaurants, in full femme mode in March 2016, right after the River City Gems "Femme Friday" dinner that month. I left that event wearing a knit skirt, a very pretty knit blouse, 3" espadrille sandals, and a medium length wig; on the way home, I stopped at a Wal-Mart and spent two hours wandering the store, so deep in the Pink Fog that it's amazing I didn't drown. This was my first time alone in public, en femme, and no one looked askance at me, and the cashier actually complimented my nails, which I had just had done - a full set of acrylics - that afternoon. If you have read my other blog posts here on T-Central, you might know that I am in no way "passable": I'm 6'-2" tall in flats, I weigh 300 pounds, and I have an unmistakably male baritone voice. There's nothing I can do to change any of my physical attributes (except that I could lose the excess weight, of course). But I would still be too tall, too broad-shouldered, and just overall too "bulky" to ever pass as a born-female woman. Yet I have to live every day as I am, and interact with strangers at every turn, every time I go anywhere or do anything in public. I hardly ever get mis-gendered, and when I do, it's usually by someone with an obviously foreign accent, and I assume that they are from a country, or culture, in which gender pronouns are different ot not as clearly defined as they are in American English. Anyway, when I do get mis-gendered under these circumstances, it usually doesn't feel malicious or trans-phobic.
The point I am trying to make is that I disagree somewhat with the statement quoted above, in that I don't think that most strangers observing me are clocking me as trans, or as a "man in a dress". And even the ones that do seem more likely to simply ignore the fact that I am trans as irrelevant - most people, at least adults, are far too busy with their own concerns to bother with harassing strangers, even transgender ones. In these three years that I have been living full-time as a (trans)woman, every time that I have been clocked, and the person clocking me has actually approached me, it has been to share something nice; often, they have a family member or friend who is trans, or I get complimented on my nails or my outfit, or they ask where I bought my handbag. These are positive interactions in other words, and not sneers, ugly laughs, or trans-phobic insults or threats. Men hold doors open for me all the time, and when I drop in at Lane Bryant or Torrid to look at the latest offerings, I get treated exactly the same as any other customer. In fact, sometimes I get the impression that the sales associates at these stores are in fact clocking me as trans, and they then go out of their way to make me feel extra-welcome in their stores.
I've been saying this for years, but it bears repeating: you don't have to be afraid to go out in public presenting as a woman. At least here, in Sacramento, California, it's safe enough. I wouldn't do something patently stupid like shoving my way into a biker bar and shouting "I'm transgender! Anyone here got an issue with that?". But if you just dress conservatively and in age-appropriate fashion, you can have a wonderful time being trans-femme in public. I do suggest the following steps: 1. You've got to shave off or cover up obvious body hair. You can't go out en femme, in public, your arms and legs looking like you borrowed them from a grizzly bear, and with a dense forest of chest hair peeking up through the neckline of your clothing, and expect this to be ignored. If you have a lot of arm hair, you have to at least wear long sleeves. I'm aware that, for many of you, shaving off body hair is not something you can do, for a variety of reasons, but you have to at least make sure it isn't showing. 2. Go easy on the makeup if you are past age 50. If you look around at random cis-women, for example at a shopping mall or supermarket, you won't see many older women wearing glam makeup to a casual dinner or to go to a movie or grocery shopping. 3. For heaven's sake, if you are past age 30. no mini skirts. If you wear a dress or a skirt, it should at least be knee-length, or mid-calf if you can stand to wear a skirt that long in this hot summer weather. 4. Try for the middle ground on your breast form sizing: a "C" cup. Huge breast forms will draw attention to you, and you want to be as unremarkable as possible if you are trying to avoid being clocked. I rarely wear forms at all anymore, even though I am only an "A" cup and unlikely to ever grow any more at my age, no matter how much estradiol I take. I hardly have any boobs at all, which is not typical for a woman with my body mass index, but I figure I am less noticeable this way than if I wore my size 14 "D" cup forms. And it's a lot more comfortable - breast forms in summer weather are miserably hot and sweaty. 5. Overly long or unnaturally "bright" colored wigs draw attention to you. Most women over 50 wear their hair no more than shoulder length. Save the long, beautiful hair for major holiday events like Christmas parties . If your wig says age "25" but a close look at your face or hands says "60", you're going to get clocked if you haven't already been. 6. Less jewelry is better than a lot. If you should happen to fall into a swimming pool, you probably don't want to be so loaded down with necklaces and bracelets that you get dragged to the bottom and drowned. 7. Most important of all: Attitude. You must believe in yourself, and that you have every right to be out in public en femme. It is my personal belief that, whether you are part-time, as are most of the River City Gems members, or full-time like myself, we are all equally transgender women. I can't figure any other explanation for why we all do what we are doing, i.e., going to Gems events or Trans-Pride festivals in the first place, dressed in women's clothing, and wearing wigs, makeup, and breast forms, and taking up women's names. I submit that there is something in every one of us, an "inner girl" if you will, that has been crying for release since we were kids, or you probably wouldn't be reading this, and I wouldn't have written it in the first place. So own it! Own it fully and be happy with who you are. Put on your girl clothes and go out to lunch at a favorite restaurant, then head for the Mall and browse to your heart's content. Go to Lane Bryant and ask for a bra fitting. The sales associate is going to know you are trans, and SHE WON'T CARE! She will respect that you are in her store asking for help, and she will respect you for having the courage to be there. Go into Torrid and pick out a cute bathing suit and try it on. At 5:00pm, head for a restaurant and have dinner, then a movie. If you are too apprehensive to try this yourself, alone, put together a GNO, and go out with some friends.
Owning yourself is to accept that your identity as a (trans)woman is just as valid as her identity as a cis-women is to any woman born "assigned female". Your womanhood is just as valid even if it's only a few hours a month that you can indulge it. Owning and accepting this will induce the change in attitude I'm taking about here: you will cease to be apprehensive. You'll relax and enjoy your girl time fully. You'll walk tall and proud to be who you are. You'll actively seek out store clerks, and ask for that bra fitting with a sparkle in your eye and a smile of happy anticipation on your face. You will come to regard nail salon appointments as all-too-brief periods of ultimate relaxation and fun, even if you can only indulge in them a couple times a year.
You have absolutely no obligation to feel guilty or like an object of ridicule when you go out in public presenting as a woman. I submit that "Transwomen are women, full stop". A lot of people would argue with me on this point, especially if the disagreement involves part-time vs full-time life, but I believe that whatever it was that led us all to cross-dressing in the first place is the same thing, whether an individual part-time CD does or does not eventually transition. For some of us, gender dysphoria was more severe than for others, and if our circumstances allowed it, we transitioned if that was the only thing we could do to find peace and happiness in our lives. Most part-time CD's won't ever be driven to transition, thanks to having deep emotional support from their spouses and other family members. But that we are all the same in our gender identity as transwomen, or as bi-gender in the case of a few of you, at some level, I have no doubt. Your happiness is important in the end, and it affects every aspect of your life. Unhappy people suffer more illnesses, are less productive at work, their marriages don't work as well as they might, their kids suffer too, and in this small area of life, I am trying to put it out there that you don't have to be unhappy. You can indulge your inner girl out in public a few hours a month, safely. You've only got this one life, and if for some unknown reason your body anatomy, your spirit, and your gender identity don't all synchronize perfectly, that's nothing to be ashamed of. It isn't "your fault" or "your choice" that you were born transgender, and no one should want you to have to suffer for it. I think that in some ways, being transgender is an extraordinary gift; born as males, we are being given a glimpse into both the external and internal lives of "the other half" (the "better half"?). So be yourself in joy. And by all means, try on a really cute one-piece women's bathing suit sometime, if you haven't already; they feel really nice. If being a transwoman is to have a soul made from a framework of rats and snails and puppy-dog tails, with an admixture of sugar, spice, and everything nice layered on top of it, like sheetrock on 2x4's in the walls of your house, then so be it. Live in joy however you can, and take pride in being fully who you are, in every aspect of your life.
Yesterday was the first day I wore a dress to Sunday Mass. Normally I
wear a top and a skirt or pants because dresses can be hit or miss for
tall women. If it rides up above my knees I spend a good chunk of my day
pulling it down. It drives me nuts:)
This is a style post, as in what outfit goes best with your body. It's not a a blog about wearing a dress to Sunday Mass, although I'd like to hear more about that. I do love that Joanna can be comfortable attending Mass as herself.
I am
unaware of anyone in my era, whose parents allowed the son to explore
his femininity. E.g. took him shopping, went to the prom, or spent the
summer as a girl. Lovely as they are, these beautiful fantasy stories are just what they are - fantasy. If
anything like that happened to you, please share. I am sure many would
love to hear about your positive real-life cross gender experience as a
child/teen. Rhonda did this post a few weeks ago. I wanted to wait for the comments and then feature it. There are a few nice comments, including one addressing Rhonda's "fantasy" question.
We need to understand these LGBTQ kids, respect them, and make ways for them to belong just as they are. They’ve been around since the beginning of human existence. And I’d say they make up at least 20 percent of our population.
Julie's post is full of statistics and makes for interesting reading.
It's that time of the year where I start missing my teenage years,
nevermind the fact that was the moment my life went to shit, the
beginning of the end. And it makes me remember this blog, I haven't
updated in a while so I figure I'd make a quick post.
Here's an update from Siul, a Brazilian TS blogger since 2011, who hasn't posted in over a year.
Gender reassignment surgery, or whatever you want to call it, is
certainly not touted by the professionals as an easy or straightforward
procedure and it takes a lot of genuine effort on all sides to get to
the point when surgery is offered. I have always felt that surgery
promoters in the trans community can be very irresponsible in the way
they suggest it is a solution to dysphoria and a panacea for lots of
other life problems that trans people experience. This surgery is a
serious deal. But the number of times it goes wrong is disturbing me. I
no longer believe that I have unlucky friends but that there is a
fundamental problem with the surgery itself.
I believe Sue's comments in this post refer to her friends who have had surgery in the UK. I must say that I know many in the USA who have had male-to-female GCS and, although virtually all of them have had minor issues, all of those I know have come out OK, once past the period of healing, nerve regrowth, etc. Nevertheless, if you're planning this surgery, it's good to read everything you can get your hands on, and that includes, So you still want that surgery?
If your audience is inclined to be sympathetic with trans people, you
can claim to be too- but only in theory, never in practice. You do not
oppose the decent transsexuals, you say, the ones who want no trouble;
but you claim that any actual trans woman is not truly transsexual. You
say they have autogynephilia, and ignore the fact that theory is
discredited. You claim they have penises, though most trans women want
surgery. Insist that they are all men.
I simply cannot imagine a life as Kandi without volunteering. If this
option were not available, Kandi would either be an alcoholic or she
would not exist and I would be a fat, slob drunk. No question.
Service and non-profit organizations are always looking volunteers, so why not volunteer and do it in girl mode, says Kandi. It works for her and she's had no issues. Read more at, It’s Show Time or No Time.
I was in my early thirties when we started to date and I knew who I was,
I knew this was not a phase, I knew I was not going to outgrow this
side of me. I believe in full disclosure in relationships and it was
only fair that she knew everything about me. It also stressed me out
keeping something, especially this, from her. I knew that this was
sometimes a deal-breaker in relationships and she needed to know as soon
as possible.
What an excellent blog post, from Hannah. This is one of those that I like to call a "must-read". Doesn't matter where you are in the "spectrum", if you have a girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse, partner, or whatever, you need to read this post.
I remember my first PRIDE, my introduction to an LGBT world that until
that point was totally foreign to me. I remember the early shame. But
the thing I remember most was getting to a point where I just didn't
care. I was living my life on my own terms and couldn't afford to let
the judgement of others dictate how that would play out. That focused
mindset is as true now as it was then.
Gosh, Donna's been blogging for a long time now......for nearly 10 years, and I've followed her blog for much of those 10 years. In this post, she reminisces a bit about the early days of coming out trans, but also talks about her pretty normal routine now, as a post-op.
As I sat in the car afterwards trying to figure out what happened, I
cried. Is this really what she thinks of me? Is it what they all think
of me? How do I tell Katie the space we both thought was safe isn’t
anymore? Do I tell her this and ruin her perception of the safe space?
The author of this blog is the wonderful spouse of a transgender woman. Blogs like these always hit me hard. As I've written in my own blog, I'm all about love and marriage and staying the course without transitioning. As a result, I always relate to the blogs listed on T-Central that are authored by the spouses and partners of those who are trans. So, what upset her so much to create such shame? You'll have to read the post to find out. After that, go to her first post, An Introduction: The Outing. You may also want to check out her resources page.
If you are like me, then there is nothing quite like the joy of
anticipation that comes from pre-ordering a book that speaks to your
heart, and then having it arrive days, weeks, or months later . . . like
a little present to yourself. There is just something special about a
book you have waited for.
From drag to crossdressing to transitioning, Sally has reviews of new books from across the spectrum.
I also wanted to share this drawing that my daughter M. made (She gave me permission to share it with you, by the way. I think
she’s pretty proud of it.)
Want to read "feel-good" post? You'll love this one.
One of the questions at last night's transgender - cross dresser support
group meeting was what was your earliest remembrances of obtaining any
information at all concerning your gender differences.
I'm sure that most of us connect with one or more of the very few publicized early transitioners and/or crossdressers. Go to Transgender History to find Cyrsti's "connection".
The other day the Every Lovely Mrs J sent me a link around How to be an Ally to Trans People (link here
if you're curious), bless her. We had a bit of a chat - and a few
laughs about the training we'd had over the years - some good, some
great, some that *ahem* might need a spot of improvement.
Since many significant others, associated with those who are trans, read T-Central, I thought I'd note Lynn's recent post, which links to an article on the Vice TV Network website (great channel, btw, for those of you who can receive it). The article is titled 100 Easy Ways to Make the World Better for Trans People and includes, among a lot of other subjects, some discussion on the politically incorrect questions that those who are trans sometimes get asked. In addition to this link, and just for fun, Lynn wrote up her own list of politically incorrect questions, if turned around, asked by trans folks and directed to those who are cis. Here's an example: Are they real? [points to top] I mean, they look pretty real. Can I touch one?
I was very undecided whether I should go or not because my invitation
came with my deadname and since everyone knew that I had transitioned I
wondered if it was a slight.
Was it a slight? Well, you will just have to go to Diana's 70th Birthday Reunion to find out. Oh, and be sure to read her "observations" at the end of the post.
I’m
sitting in front of the big portrait mirror, watching the incremental
improvement in my hair under the expert scissors of my lesbian
hairdresser. I can talk comfortably about my partner – and hers – and
indeed about being trans. I told her early on, half presuming it was
already obvious from my thin hair on top, my characteristic hairline,
and to signal that I was OK to be identified.
This is such a well written and easy to read blog post, from Andi. Most of it is just relating a conversation with her hairdresser, but do read it to the end. You don't want to miss her chat with a homeless girl on the street.
On the subject of flying pretty, airport security is pretty much aware
of the existence of transgendered people these days and had no problems
at all with me. I do carry a self made "identity challenge" set of
photographs in where I hold my passport using my both appearances, and
if that doesn't work, there sits a time-lapse on my phone showing how I
go from one appearance to the other. I both didn't need them, and hotel
reception was also totally cool with it. My only worry was about the
body scanners at Schiphol, but that also checked out just fine. Iceland
being a Shengen destination also helps I guess.
I don't believe I (or any of the current or former TC Admins) have ever featured a post from Mireille, who's been blogging for 10 years. Mireille's current post, Reacquainting people at the RIPE meeting, talks about traveling en femme while attending an internet service providers convention in Iceland. In this post, she writes about the journey and the like-minded friends she met while there.
While browsing her blog, I found a nice post titled, Defense mechanisms..., written almost 10 years ago, where she writes about coming out to her brother. Her posts are easy reading and include lots of photos.
Good news is that my wife does not mind that I go out as a woman. While
discussing the matter, though, she has asked, "Aren't you afraid of
being seen by the neighbors?"
You already know the answer, right? Read what Stana has to say about neighbors!
A sitcom might say the word ‘transgender’, but translated that category
to deception, freakishness, and revulsion. A newspaper feature would
describe a person as ‘transsexual’ but make it clear that they would
forever be the sex/gender they were assigned at birth, and all the rest
was delusion and mutilation. ---------------- So it was not just that a woman assigned male at birth should be
prevented from living her life as she saw fit, but that ‘he’ should be
made culturally legible again, and categorised as a sinner. ---------------- When I finally found those key words for myself, the histories they
unlocked did not present these past lives as they were lived, but
instead upheld and promoted the authors’ gendered beliefs. All people
assigned female at birth who lived as men – no matter how much they
insisted they were men – were described as lesbians.
CN Lester has written a brilliant essay: A Future Without a Past - trans history, erasure, and possibilities. A few excerpts, above, should wet your appetite for more. Go to A Gentleman and a Scholar for the link.
The Fog: know your escape routes and beware the Pink
Fog. If you can't dress up, are there things you can do to turn the
volume down a bit? Paint your toes, play a video game as a female
character, bake/cook, paint, go cycling, take a long walk, etc. Anything
to help keep you from being drawn into the Pink Fog and losing yourself
in there. Maybe you get Friday Nights to be Fabulous: if so, great for
you, but don't let it take over if you can. Remember to enjoy what you
have, try not to go nuts with the freedom you've got.
It's yet another great post from Yet Another T-Girl's Blog! The Fog, is just one of 10 suggestions Lynn includes in this post for those just now coming out.
Welcome to TransCisTer Radio! Do you like the word play within that?
Brian and Dana came up with the name and graphic to go along with our
show title. Personally, I love it! 
As I got changed, somehow my makeup came together - at least I was
pleased with it :-) - and I did my best to help Michelle - someone new
to the group - with their slap too. Playing it forward and all that.
That's why we're here and it's good to be kind to others. Bless her,
Michelle sent me a PM on our forum to say thanks. How lovely is that?
So I am pleased when I can say to Tina “I find it hard to believe
anything good about myself, or that anyone could have regard for me”.
Rather than suppress the feeling and have it manifest in tears I feel it
so can say the sentence with only a slight quaver in my voice. This is
progress. It means I get better at seeing who and how I am rather than
suppressing it because it is too painful to admit.
I simply cannot imagine a life as Kandi without volunteering. If this
option were not available, Kandi would either be an alcoholic or she
would not exist and I would be a fat, slob drunk. No question.
Today's a big day for me! Today I cross the threshold.
I also wanted to share this drawing that my daughter M. made (She gave me permission to share it with you, by the way. I think
she’s pretty proud of it.)
