What's a series of guest posts, focusing on crossdressing, without featuring one from my friend, Stana? Stana is very well known in the T Community, both internationally via her blog, but also locally, via her outreach activity.
Femulate has an incredible following, which is quite apparent when I look at where the readers of my personal blog, and even T-Central, are coming from. I often refer to Femulate as a Mega-blog and I'm sure there are many of you out there who have visited Stana's Femulate site. If you haven't visited Femulate, do it now! It's a wonderful resource for fashion, and crossdressing and also includes Stana's daily activity updates and even a touch of her own brand of humor.
So, without further mindless babble from me, let's hear from Stana.
My Theory of Operation
By Stana (firstname.lastname@example.org, www.femulate.org)
I identify as transgender, more specifically, a heterosexual male-to-female crossdresser, who crossdresses once or twice per month (in deference to my spouse). However, I readily admit that if I had the opportunity, I would crossdress 24/7 and live full-time as a female without surgery, hormones, or other body modifications. I likely would get electrolysis, but nothing more than that.
If I desire to live full-time as a woman, am I still a crossdresser? Or am I something else... something beyond a crossdresser, but not quite a transsexual mainly because I never felt that I was a woman trapped inside the body of a male.
As a youngster, I participated in sports (baseball and football) and played "boy games" (cowboys, war, spacemen, etc.). I felt that I was a typical boy and I enjoyed doing "boy things," unlike many trans sisters, who as children, hated "boy things" and preferred "girl things."
I enjoyed boy activities... to a point. I was not your typical rough and tumble boy and I did not like to take part in any activities where pain was a possibility. For example, I liked to play football, but I preferred touch football and avoided tackle football. So, I definitely had a sissy streak in me and some of the other youths let me know it by taunting me and calling me names.
And I enjoyed creative activities (writing and drawing) and there were other activities, i.e., some that were downright female that I would have pursued, but I knew if I followed those girlish interests, I would be pushing the envelope too much, so I avoided them.
Despite my participation and enjoyment of boy things, other boys called me names like "sissy," "fairy," "faggot," etc., which indicated to me that I was not necessarily all the boy I thought I was
because others perceived me as being effeminate. That perception may still exist, but as an adult, most people I encounter are polite enough to keep such opinions to themselves.
In my youth, it was not just a case of bullies using random offensive names to raise my ire. Even some of my friends told me that I was not acting like a boy at a 100% level and that I should do something about it.
I wondered if there was something in my speech or mannerisms that caused their reaction? I was not intentionally speaking or acting in an affected manner. Rather, I was speaking and acting in my natural manner.
The fact that even friends told me that something was amiss indicated that something really was amiss, but I was clueless. I had no idea what I had to do differently to be more boy-like. So, I continued acting the same way I always acted.
I did not and do not make any effort to be effeminate (or masculine, for that matter). I always acted in a way that was natural to me and my natural inclination was to act effeminately according to the "standards" set by our society.
I never felt I had a masculine or feminine side and I never felt that I was a woman trapped inside the body of a male like the typical transsexual, who hid or suppressed their femininity in boy mode.
I never felt that I was a woman trapped inside the body of a male because she was never trapped! I never suppressed my femininity because I never realized I was acting effeminately, so as far as I was concerned, there was nothing to suppress.
Back in college, I attended a Halloween party in drag. One of my classmates who knew me well was impressed with how my normal persona was such a good fit for my female Halloween costume. Until he saw me in drag, he never realized that my everyday persona was so feminine. That confirms what I always believed, i.e., "I" am the same person in boy mode or in girl mode except that "I" am a better fit in girl mode.
In conclusion, I am not a woman trapped in a male body; rather I am a woman with a male body and I’m OK with that. I realize that my body has nothing to with my gender and further that having a male body does not make me less of a woman.