Why am I looking for validation?

I so want something to tell me definitely that I am trans and that I should transition. I want something to tell me that I should live my life as a female and that all my wishing that I was born that way is for a purpose.  I want somebody to tell me to transition and that things will all work out.



I've always said I like the "from the heart" posts.  In this one, Jaclyn asks herself why she is looking for validation.  I'm sure many can relate.  I'm sure she would like some comments on her post.

Family Rejection as a Predictor of Suicide Attempts and Substance Misuse Among Transgender and Gender Nonconforming Adults

We examined associations between family rejection and risk of suicide attempts and substance misuse among a national sample of transgender and gender nonconforming adults.



Transsexualism, is a blog listed on the right side of the T-Central home page.  The author of this blog simply links to scientific papers about transsexualism, HRT, surgeries, and other related topics.  This post is a an abstract of a paper titled, Family Rejection as a Predictor of Suicide Attempts and Substance Misuse Among Transgender and Gender Nonconforming Adults.  

I was unable to read the actual paper without paying a fee, although I may not have followed the link correctly.  Nevertheless, the abstract says a lot.

the overlap of sex and gender

Many transgender people have attempted over their lives to be attractive in both gender roles. Their dysphoria has seen them go from investing energy into fitting into their birth sex and perhaps later making a permanent or part time change to be seen as acceptable as the opposite gender. 



Joanna can say so much in relatively short posts.   In this post, the overlap of sex and gender, Joanna comments on both males and females choosing clothes to "promote their sense of being desirable".

How Do I Hold Onto a Loved One Who Struggles with Me Being Transgender?

She explains that her wife was “initially okay with my revelation that I identified as female,” but it has become increasingly more difficult for her over time. In particular, she says that her wife “has issues that have to do with how my behavior reflects on her and her own self-image.”



Dara, a Licensed Professional Counselor and a gender therapist in private practice, has a blog that is really a great asset to all of us, offering to address questions, that many may have in common, from readers.  Dara's response should be of interest to many, especially those who were born and grew up in the pre-internet years.


Dara's Blog is listed on the right side of the T-Central home page.   

Feminine Differential - Pant Lengths

The proper length of pant will elongate your figure, make you look leaner, and have you look more polished and professional. Too long and the effect is sloppy, too short and it can ruin the line of your look and make you appear shorter, wider, and sartorially clueless. -  WardrobeOxygen


Pant Lengths is another one of Rhonda's Feminine Differential blogs.  This is a really great series of informational posts that the "new girl" can benefit from. 

Third Anniversary of A Girl in Disguise

Today is the third anniversary of A Girl in Disguise, my blog detailing my journey back to crossdressing, and accepting myself as transgender. I can’t believe it’s been so long! I can’t believe I started back in 2013, though that was a huge year of change for me.


I'm just a tad bit tardy in featuring this post, from Stafani.  She's thrilled that she's been blogging for three years.....and she should be! 

In her third anniversary post, Stefani writes about hitting rock bottom, quitting crossdressing, starting up again after a long hiatus, and ends up with how things are going today (hint: better).

Gender Failure

The sense of not being trans in the right way, or feeling you're not trans enough, or even at all, is certainly something I understand.






Gender Failure is the title of a book and Jonathan's post is an excellent review.

Desiring transition

My path to self-acceptance led through transition. I wanted it. I wanted the Op. If now I wish that I could have self-accepted without all that, without any of it, still use the old name and never have wanted to cross-dress- it’s a choice I made knowing there was no going back. The wish is pointless. Ridiculous.




Serious thoughts, from Clare Flourish.  Desiring transition....do you?

How I created my female look

Here are the five items I built my look around.

 

Hair 

Eyebrows 

Glasses 

Foundation

Earrings

 

 

 

 

What to know more?  Susan King tells you how she created her female look.

Steps

My dad wasn’t horrible, he was mean when I was younger, but he mellowed over the years. But for him I was a boy, so he treated me as a boy. This isn’t his fault; it’s mine for fearing him so much I never told him I’m not a boy. My fault for not pressing my mom, after briefly telling her I wanted to be a girl.


Steps is a short, touching recount of childhood memories from Beth.

Interview: Ashley Altadonna & Helen Boyd

Ashley: What do you wish trans partners knew more regarding their cisgendered partners?
Helen: That we feel all the stigma, too, and feel personally at risk as a result of being with someone trans. My sense is that they, in some ways, are understood – they are fixing a thing that is wrong, being their true selves, however you want to put it, while we’re just being dragged along for the ride. That is, we’re stigmatized for choosing to be with you. Mostly, though, I’d want them to know we’re often doing our best, and we don’t get a lot of compassion, and we can’t really complain to friends because of the stigma against trans people, so we tend to bottle things up, often to explode later.


Helen Boyd's En Gender blog is very popular and has been around for a long time.  My Husband Betty was the first transgender book, authored by a cis-woman, that I read.   I also read, and learned a lot, from her second transgender related book, She's Not the Man I Married.  

Helen's En Gender blog recently featured a conversation between herself and film maker, Ashley Altadonna.  The interview is broken up into two parts and well worth reading.

Interview: Ashley Altadonna & Helen Boyd, Pt 1

Interview: Ashley Altadonna & Helen Boyd, Pt. 2

Sometimes Being Out Is a Responsibility I Don't Want

The point of this post is the reality of being transgender, and being out.  By being out, what I mean, is that I live my life, all of it, my personal life, my family life, my friend life, my work life, LIFE!!! as an openly transgender person.  I do not always state it.  I don't carry around a large blinking neon sign, proudly claiming my TRANSGENDER status.  But I do me, openly, and freely, for anyone looking, for anyone that cares to see, and to anyone who cares to ask.


Nadine has not been afraid to "out" her gender expression openly.  That means nail polish, and perhaps other feminine expression (in this case, shoes and socks) while presenting primarily as male at work.  She recently experienced harassment in the work place as a result of being more or less "out" as transgender.  

Now, as I do, Nadine lives in California and we who are trans have the laws behind us, specifically as related to the California Fair Employment and Housing Act Employment Regulations (amended April 1, 2016):

California employers with five or more employees have an affirmative duty to take “reasonable” steps to prevent and correct discrimination and harassment.  Under the new regulations, employers must create detailed written policies for preventing harassment, discrimination, and retaliation. 

California FEHA's Employment Regulations specifically refer to the terms, "transgender" and "transsexual" and even define gender expression and gender identity:

“Gender expression” means a person’s gender-related appearance or behavior, whether or not stereotypically associated with the person’s sex at birth.

“Gender identity” means a person’s identification as male, female, a gender different from the person’s sex at birth, or transgender.

Nadine did go to her personnel office at work, but wonders if all of this is worth the hurt she has experienced. and notes that she has even had comments from those who have transitioned her who consider her "not trans enough".

Go to, Sometimes Being Out Is a Responsibility I Don't Want, to read the the thoughts Nadine is sharing with all of us.

Gender queer

.....some will say, removal of gonads can never be free choice. There are social pressures against as well as for- the idea that transition involves having the operation, and the idea that removing gonads is repugnant. How to maintain freedom for those who do, and those who don’t? Round and round I go, trying to get my head round it.



Clare says that she blogs rather than writes because it gives her a way to think things through.  In Gender Queer, Clare's point is that maybe gender reassignment surgery is not really necessary for some when what they really need is freedom to express their preferred gender without harassment.  Public acceptance of those who are gender queer could be the answer.

I will note that I recently watched a documentary featuring a male and a female, both identifying as gender queer.  I simply could not relate to it.  The particular male who was featured was walking around in a dress and makeup, but also sporting a beard.  I have absolutely nothing against this, but identifying myself as gender queer in a like manner would not fix things for me. 

Filling the Gaps

The very practical aspects of transition take around two years, and it seems around five for hormones, social learning and therapy to do the rest. The find themselves living a life where people simply accept them as the same gender they identify as - a new sensation for us trans people. And then they simply "move on". I thought I was going to take that path, at one point.


Many will relate to Filling the Gaps.  She says a lot in a relatively short post.

My oscillations as Abby over time

My early experiences were no different from thousands of others. I had an older sister who aided and abetted me and allowed me to put on makeup with her and her girlfriends. I discovered my mother’s clothing and indulged myself when my parents went out- almost getting caught numerous times.



Abby Lauren is in her mid 70's.  In My oscillations as Abby over time, she talks about the ebbs and flows of crossdressing over the years, since it all began when she was three years old.

honesty

Let’s face it: you as a transgender person aren’t going to change and your partner deserves to know the truth.



Short and sweet, from Joanna.  Honesty is another post from Joanna that I could just have well written.  Amazing how some of us are so much alike!

The Doctor Will See You Now… Maybe

What will happen if I was in a traffic accident? What if I was down south and something happen? Would I get the best treatment or will they just fluff me off?



This is a really interesting post from Diana.  Let say you're presenting male, but you have female genitalia.  Or, you're presenting female but have male genitalia.  Believe it or not, there are some doctors out there who will not treat you.  Read more at, The Doctor Will See You Now… Maybe.

Informed Consent

She took out the Informed Consent form, and quickly ran down the risks: increased cholesterol, increased number of red blood cells, acne, and increased risk of heart disease, high blood pressure, stroke, and liver inflammation. Then she read me the irreversible body changes: deepening of voice, facial and body hair, fat redistribution, and male pattern baldness.



Precisely why I hate what T has done to my body but, if you're trans-masculine, its a different story.  In this case, Jamie Ray wants a small dose to "blur-the-line".  Why not visit A Boy and Her Dog and read Jamie Ray's thoughts about Informed Consent.

The Letter

Many of us married transgender people (whether we are ‘just’ crossdressers or people who more completely identify with a gender different to the one we were assigned at birth) have either actually written or considered writing ‘the letter’. This is designed as a ‘tell all’. A coming clean if you like where we finally tell our spouses  who we are, what we do and why we have kept this from them for so long. It is traumatic for both parties and incredibly risky. The stakes are high and once handed over there is no going back. For this reason many letters never see the light of day.


Can't say that I've ever written The Letter.  I believe in face-to-face communication....and that's the way I revealed my femme side to my wife.  Nevertheless, there have been many blog posts over the years about The Letter.  Daniella adds to that list of posts with a nicely written blog commenting on a husband's confession to his wife.  That confession is included in a link on Daniella's post and it is one heck of a confession.  Included in the confession is a commitment to stop crossdressing....forever.  Daniella has a lot to say everything written in The Letter.

Fifty Percent

She called to her friend who had her back to me sorting herself out on the pavement, “Come on Edna, this lady is trying to get through – this gentleman is trying to get through.” she said in some kind of guess-work confusion, I think hoping if she betted both on odds and evens she would win either way. It kind of summed me up I thought as I carefully walked through the crowd.



Hannah is thinking again....pondering....My indecision of who I am and how I’m the bottle half full, or empty, depending how you view the world.  

Will the bottle ever be 100% full?  Fifty Percent is another really written post from our friend, Hanna.

You underestimate the power of the trans side

Yet, there was the growing push - ache? - to want to be not just in bloke mode. I don't say clothes, because it's more than that. That, or a want to shave my legs or arms and not feel, well, so 'him'. Thing is, doing either of the latter will upset the Ever Lovely Mrs J and I really don't want to do that to her. Much as it itched, I felt if I gave in, it would be wrong somehow.



 
I always picture Lynn Jones in my mind as someone I admire.  Never a down moment.  Happy in boy mode.  Happy in girl mode.  I wish I could say that.  

Alas, Lynn shows another side of herself in this post.  It all turns out well, however, and shows everyone how being a member of a local trans group can be greatly therapeutic.  Been there, done that, and love my group for helping me.

You underestimate the power of the trans side, is really about how we all have to live with it and how you just can't bury it away.

If They Knew Then...

It was my first time seeing girls naked in person. 

My dysphoria was still strong, especially since I JUST stopped dressing.  Seeing the naked girls aroused desire in me, of course.  I mean, I WAS a teenager.  But it also aroused a different kind of desire: Envy.  I so wanted to BE those girls: Young, and beautiful. 







In, If They Knew Then..., Sophie writes about her childhood days as a teen....the breakdown, the dysphoria, the depression.  It can be so important for someone just discovering their trans side to read a post like this.  Many can read it and nod their heads saying to themselves.....I felt this way too.

Thanks for sharing, Sophie!

Transgender Athletes?

At 19, Anderson transitioned from male to female. The 24-year-old transfer from Santa Ana community college is one of the first transgender athletes to participate in the sport (volleyball) at the NCAA Division III level.

Cyrsti brings up story about a transwoman who has made the volleyball team at the NCAA D-III level university.  It's a wonderful accomplishment for Chloe Anderson. Cyrsti includes her own comments and links to the story.  Her college is pretty close to me.  I'd love to watch her play!

Singly-Joined

With two weeks to go until my first birthday as Faith it has got me thinking about all the different aspects to transition. My transition has been mightily successful up to this point and has come to a precipice of sorts. Life has gone from slow and gradual to fast and climbing over the last couple of weeks and this is mostly down to me finally starting dating.




For some reason, there's some sort of technical snafu that has resulted in Faith's most recent post not showing up on T-Central.  It deserves to be read!


In Singly-Joined, Faith discusses her transition, to date.  Everything has been going well.  What about dating?  Men?  Women?  Both?  Faith shares her thoughts in this post.

As an aside, isn't she lovely?  Oh....to transition at such an early age.   She's a lucky girl!

Magical London

A woman holds her tiny child on her lap as she swings gently, another pushes her older daughter. A young man swings, all the while taking selfies. So I go to swing. I have been watching, tempted, all this time. I love it, it is exhilarating.



This is just a fun post, from Clare.  Lots of pretty pictures from one of my favorite cities to visit....Magical London (which is quite the distance from California).

The point of the post, however, and per Clare, is that the ridiculousness of a grown adult using a swing is greater than (a male) presenting female!  It's all about self-acceptance.

After a while...

In the fifties and especially the sixties revolutionary times no doubt, but gender was what it had always been. In fact in the 60’s and into the seventies in the US and UK, if a male was found dressing as a female then by law the result could be…

“…incarceration in mental institutions and the application of aversion therapy through the use of electric shocks or nausea-inducing drugs.”

 

 

In, After a while..., Jodi discusses late transitioning in a blog post that should resonate with most who are considering transitioning in the 40's or older.   Included is a nice quote from Caitlyn Jenner.

 

[Note that Jodie wrote this post in April.  I had bookmarked it as a relatively timeless post worth featuring on T-Central.]

Apparently I am Determined to show my ass end

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Excuse me.” She said softly.

I assumed that she just wanted to get by me and so I smiled and took a single step to the side. Not to be put off, she followed me and repeated herself

“Excuse me?”

“Oh! I’m sorry! I thought you just wanted by me.” I told her with a laugh.

“No, I just wanted to tell you that you should tug that back of your skirt down – its caught up.”

Just another day, traveling with Kimberly.  I love this post.  It's just so every-day normal! 

“Are You a Boy or a Girl?”

His eyes narrowed as we stood there, staring at each other in silence for a few seconds. “Are you a boy or a girl?” The question took me completely off-guard, I laughed nervously at his puzzled and expectant expression.







Mia's comment about all of this....."It sucked".  Indeed, how incredibly rude.  She took it in stride, however.  After seven months on hormones, I suppose gender confusion in the eyes of a stranger could be considered progress.  In the end, “Are You a Boy or a Girl?” is an optimistic post from Mia.

The Cross Dressing Husband

How surprising it was to find myself in a very new and challenging situation, married to a cross dresser. So what happens when one finds a person with whom one feels a special bond, only to have one’s whole world goes topsy-turvy with a new piece of information? After having a long period of hurtful relationships, my experiences with men were confusing and I had to come mistrust them.



The Cross Dressing Husband is a very good post, from a supportive wife.  The post is authored by Dr. Arthur (Alycia) Ellison, who is the author of  "Tenuous Ties: A Transgendered Couples Journey”, from Amazon books.

I Lost a Friend

She took as deep breath and told me that one of the facilitators of our weekly trans support group had passed away in her sleep the previous night. Her fiance found her home in her bed that morning. 




The quote, above, is from a post in Jennifer's Diary.  I received a similar call yesterday informing me that a former member of our local trans group had passed away.  She was way too young and had died in her sleep following a long motorcycle trip.  She was also a former blogger.  I say "former" because she stopped blogging about a year after her gender reassignment surgery.  Her life had changed for the better and the reason for blogging was no longer there.

She was Jennifer. She was a wonderful person.  I'll miss her greatly.

I looked through her blog, which is still up on T-Central, and found a post titled, Senseless Loss.  Indeed, it was.