Real World or Halloween

Rhonda as not a costume.  I have used the "get dressed up" excuse for Halloweens in the past, so understand Halloween's relevance to the emerging or closeted cross dresser. Rhonda is part of me and not an outfit I take off or put on.  Being transgender is not external.



In Rhonda's latest post, Know Thyself - Halloween 2016, she refers to last year's post, Real World or Halloween.  Both are well written, say a lot and are worth reading.  The quote, above, is from her current post.

That Moment When Your Gender Finally Hits You

This morning seeing my dad only wearing boxers was a kind of zap- like hey I want to look like that.




Jasper identifies as trans-masculine.  In this post, he may have found that moment when his gender finally hit him!

This is the first time this blog has been featured on T-Central.

Reader Q&A: “Am I Really Trans? Or is it Something Else?”

This week I received several letters in which each writer was struggling with the same question:

Am I really trans? Or is it something else?

Here are examples of what the writers felt that “something else” might be:

“Or do I have OCD?” “Or am I a gay man?” “Or is this a fetish?” “Or is it peer pressure?” “Or is it my bipolar disorder?”

This post from Dara, a Licensed Professional Counselor and a gender therapist in private practice, may answer questions some of you have.  

crossing over

Over time, women’s clothing has become for me more comfortable and pragmatic as I have spent more extended periods in it. When I first entered my mother's closet in the early prepubescent years it was to copy what I saw and it morphed into periods of experimentation (amongst the many self enforced dry spells) to forge a feminine image that I felt comfortable with. The early public outings were attempts to blend in as best I could but with a mindset that I had no business being there because I wasn't really a woman. This was many years before the I had heard of the term transgender.


I'm sure many can relate to the statement, above, from Joanna.  In, crossing over, Joana comments on that point in life when crossdressing becomes just dressing.

 

Praise for another ally

So tentatively, with a terrible opening message along the lines of, “Hello. Ok. So. Support. I'm nervous. Scared more like. I've sought help on my slimming before, but to my regret, I've never told any of my previous people why I'm slimming which is actually the most important bit really.  Not sure how you'd take it and whether I'm about to make a mistake that will alienate you forever...this is really not something I'm sure about.  Can I confess the secret only selected friends and family know...? If this is already TMI, honestly, I won't say, but clearly, it already sounds too interesting I suspect…”


Rhiannon wants to lose weight and fit into THAT dress....someday.  HE is in a weight loss group, and HE sent the rather "rambling" (sorry Rhiannon, I couldn't help myself) FB message, above to the group leader.  What was the group leader's response?  Let's just say that Praise for another ally is a feel-good post from Rhiannon.

HRT-Another Look

"So, I suppose I'm an example of one who does not need HRT in my transition, but there is still no lack of a wanting for it. In my case, it could very well kill me, and I'm too satisfied living as a woman these days to have to worry about dying as a "better" one. Nonetheless, I do have a longing to feel the emotional effects that HRT might induce - at least, I have an unrelenting curiosity about it. Had I not been such a procrastinator when I was younger, I could have experienced those effects for some time, even if I'd had to quit HRT for the sake of my health later. C'est la vie!





The quote, above is from a reader of Crysti's blog.  The reader has some interesting comments about HRT which are a followup to Crysti's prior post, Me and My Estrogen.  This post, by the way, is another good one which I should have featured on T-Central.  [Sorry, Crysti, but I somehow missed reading that one]

The Media Is Not Your Friend

Talk show hosts and shock jocks made me the butt of their jokes. Reporters hid in my bushes, and ambushed my wife and oldest child, visited the homes of my mother, my mother in law and sister. One went up and down my block, asking my neighbors what they thought of the “tranny next door.”






Dawn transitioned and was trashed for doing so by the same media she was a part of.  She then detransitioned and hit rock bottom.  Then, she retransitioned and life has relatively good with the exception of the tragic death of the love of her life and mother of her children.

Sadly, and speaking as someone who works in that same media, Dawn is correct when she says, The Media Is Not Your Friend.

This is a must-read post, which is the text of Dawn's keynote address at the 42nd annual Fantasia Fair.

Photo on the right, by Tracy Peterson

Was this child trans?

Children are malleable. They can be forced to present as the other gender. But we don’t know: why would the mother be certain her child was a trans girl, if he were not? Is she charged with abuse or neglect? Would a child, taken by the court from her mother and given to her father, be able to assert she was a trans girl even if she wanted to?


Was this child trans?, is an interesting post, from Clare.  The child, a male, had been living as a girl with his mother.  

Was the child forced to live as a girl?  Will the child live as a boy or a girl?  The answers to both questions are unclear at this point. Clare will post more on all of this, so stay tuned.

Xandra also did a post on this subject, in her post, A Tale of Two Trans Kids.

This post also includes mention of a 14 year old, born female, who wants to transition to male.  While social workers support the child's desires, the Christian parents are fighting this with the support of a Christian legal center.

Do hormones ‘make a woman’?

I knew I was transgender before taking hormones; I know that I am a woman because in my mind the label “woman” and its general connotations align nicely with who I have become (or at least who I try to be), and applying it to myself feels good.



Do hormones ‘make a woman’?, is short and to the point, from Tony.   This post is a followup to Tony's previous post, which was featured on T-Central.

the slow reveal

Most trans people (especially those from the pre-internet era) rarely get their needs met within the context of a relationship. The answer is simple: we started off as our own worst enemies and often thought ourselves lucky just to have someone who tolerated the way they we were. Others hid and hoped it would all go away.


Joanna can say so much in such a short post.  The slow reveal resonated with me and perhaps also for some of you.

On wig maintenance

For most of us a good quality synthetic wig is preferable to a human hair wig. Synthetic hair doesn’t need to be styled, it can look almost as ‘natural’ as a human hair version (if you choose carefully), it is long lasting and relatively easy to care for. Having said that even the best wigs that have been well looked after, will eventually start to look a bit shabby. At this point many of us can be heard wailing ‘my hair, my hair what am I to do with my hair’.


Every once in a while, one of our bloggers does a good post on wig maintenance.  Daniella's is another good one!

What Trans “Community?”

“We need to first figure out our own damn vocabulary before we can demand anyone else figure out how to speak to/about us.”






Got your interest?  Read more in What Trans "Community"?

4.5 months after top surgery

Something else that is slowly changing, I’d say, is my overall expectation.  I’m still not happy with the results, and I’m sure I will eventually get a revision (nipple revisions if nothing else).  But it isn’t something that bothers me.  I’d say I went through a week (OK maybe 10 days) of being really down and disappointed, early on.  After that, it felt like, OK, it’s actually good enough, for now, so no need to keep harping on it.



Most of the blogs on T-Central are of the MtF category.  Not all however and a post from, "the other side" is always welcome.  4.5 months after top surgery is a from-the-heart, honest update from Janitorqueer.

Strides

Even on those divine moments when I have a chance to dress as Stefani, what I see is in discord to what I feel. I see too much of the male peaking through the carefully made-up face I put on. I only feel somewhat feminine the moment I put on my wig. Until then, I’m just a weirdo wearing makeup and women’s clothes. If clothes make the man, does hair make the woman?


Stefani is pondering coming out and delaying to do so is driving her crazy.  How does someone who considers herself introverted pull this off?  Read more in Strides.


Stefani Within is the new name of Stef's blog, which was formerly known as, A Girl in Disguise.

Be of good cheer!

 Want an excuse to cross-dress in public? 

Make a deal, bet, or dare with someone!



I don't think Miss Twist needs an excuse, but she's suggesting something associated with being of good cheer!  Lots of pictures included.

Stuck in Neutral

I think the blog standard should be at least one entry a year, or you have a derelict site. This post will double that dubious standard for the year. Yay for me!




Leslie is a long time blogger who hasn't been heard from for a while.  Many of you out there know Leslie.  Stuck in Neutral is her latest post, which pretty much says it all.  Our girl still has her humor, however, so read the post and let her know you're still rooting for her.

Personal Musings

The longer I go this way the more persistent to the doubts become… If I can go this long presenting in the same way as I did before, does it mean I can continue? After all, I managed to survive for decades. What are the few years I likely have left? More than that, doesn’t it prove I was wrong? That I’m not truly a woman, not truly trans… just a self deluded old fool?




This is a very heartfelt post from Kira.  As I read the post, I thought of myself and some of my friends.  I do believe that there are many of you our there who can relate to Kira's, Personal Musings. 

The tortoise and the hair

I am no prude but, being something of a beauty therapy novice, I found lying on the treatment table, stark naked something of a novel experience. One is seldom stark naked when having a procedure done and this was unusual for me. Fortunately Phumeza is a real wiz with two towels and by cleverly draping them here and there she made sure that my modesty was mostly intact.



An excellent title to a nice post, from Daniella, about her experience taking "the plunge and getting lasered" 

The tortoise and the hair is a helpful post for those who have not had the experience.  Daniella tells the story well.

How I learnt not to feel a fraud in calling myself a woman

At some level I am not a woman. I don’t have the body of a woman, I don’t share the life experiences of a woman. I have grown up with both the privilege accorded to an English male and without being ‘hassled’ in the way many women are.  My body is male, biologically I am male and always will be. And I am not unhappy about that. I can’t change that even if I wished so why fret over things I cannot change?  And truthfully I haven’t always known that I was ‘a woman’, transgender, trapped in the wrong body. I am not sure that I really experience dysphoria, at least not in the way I read that others do.


There's a lot in that paragraph, above, and Tony elaborates in,  How I learnt not to feel a fraud in calling myself a woman.

Coming out day

The first time I was terrified of what people were going to think, how they were going to react and just how badly I was about to screw up my life.




It might be Coming Out Day, but Stace is still coming out, even though she officially came out seven years ago.  Read, Coming out day, from Stace.....a wonderful friend and one of T-Central's long-time bloggers.

Drunk

They say that alcohol lowers our inhibitions, and while I would never say a huge decision about gender should be made under the spell of a glass of Corbières, does the removal of our fears present an honest answer?





I love the title of Hannah's blog, and it's always just that....Hannah's been thinking again, with every post.  This time, the title of the post, Drunk, also caught my eye.  What about being drunk has Hannah thinking?  Read the post and, and you will find the answer.  

Hannah also includes a tribute to Denise Anderson.

XD-ing

Today there was a lady in front of me at the chemist. Her hair was unkempt to say the least, she wore old trainers, baggy jeans and a polo top, so her clothing was that of a typical man of her age. However, at no time did I think ‘Oh it’s a crossdresser’ until writing this. Of course she wasn't crossdressing. She was just wearing something she felt comfortable in.

Jodie's got a problem with XD-ing.  Actually, Jodie has a problem with crossdressing....the word.  Read more at Jodie's Page.

Being relaxed, and a warning

Going out and about as a female is quite liberating.  And when one becomes very relaxed in the role, one has to be very careful, for this is one can screw up the most. Unlike many transgender folk, I tell the story of my life as if I had been born a cisgender female, and switch genders accordingly with talking.  But when I am too relaxed, I sometimes forget to do so, and this can be a problem....

Living a male life and a female life can mean some lies once in a while.  Being relaxed, getting too comfortable and not remaining focused on which gender you're presenting in can cause problems, as Marian discusses.

Testosterone for women

And testosterone has masculinising effects that I certainly don't want, quite apart from altering aspects of my personality. I don't want to turn into a frustrated and bitchy cougar. I want to stay the sexless but amiable person I am right now. 



Well said, as only Lucy can.  Check out Testosterone for women; it's entertaining reading and written by one of T-Central's longest running bloggers.

Colors

My attitude used to be screw everything, everything sucks, nothing is worth putting effort into, etc.   My attitude used to reflect my apathy. The world used to be a very dark place for me.







Indeed.  This blogger has had a number of dark posts.  This one, however, has Colors.  Things have changed.  Why?  Check out the post and then go back and read the first post, from this past March.

Authenticity and “Passing”

But the funny thing is that people seem to be able to detect performance art versus authenticity. Maybe we try to hard. Maybe we make subtle mistakes or maybe we’re acting so hard that we don’t make mistakes. Maybe we “act” too hard and it sends signals to others.


Liz says so much in this relatively short post on Authenticity and “Passing”.  The paragraph, above, is a good example.

My first Time out

So on September 12, 1993, I introduced Susan to the world. I checked into the local hotel and changed into Susan. I bought a name tag with Susan King on it. 





The title, My first Time out, says it all.  And, Susan even has pictures!  She looked fab!

You should start transition

Trans people lie to themselves. Over and over we lie to ourselves. We lie to ourselves about hanging in there, about enduring the life not lived, about shutting down our desires, about pretending to be the men we aren’t.

We lie to others. Over and over we lie to others. We lie that we can control it, that it’ll be the last time, that we don’t really need it, that of course we’re men.



Now tell us how you REALLY feel Heather!  

Heather feels that if there is the slightest possibility you think you are a trans woman, you should start transition.  It's a philosophy I am not in complete agreement with, but that's me.  If I was reading this post when I was in my teens or 20's, I'd be in complete agreement.  Things change, however, as you get older, marry, have children and start a successful career.  There's a lot to think about before you decide to transition.  Nevertheless, do read, You should start transition.  If you're trans, it is a subject you need to think about very seriously.

Transition Ends, Now What?

So if you are thinking about transitioning, just starting transition/HRT, or have been at it for a little while, just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that light is reachable. It’s a long road. It’s a hard road, even without a divorce, a lost job, alcohol struggles and a sexual assault. It might be one of the hardest things you ever do, but it does end. 



In this fairly long but well written post, Emma takes you through her past, which included alcoholism:

Go to AA and feel emptiness there. Feel emptiness everywhere. They don’t have what I need. Alcohol isn’t my problem right now, this trauma is. Decide a week later that one drink couldn’t hurt. The world doesn’t end. Drinking must be okay now, even though we feel so sad and empty inside. Another day another drink. Still under control. Another day another drink. Still under control. Another day and this time two drinks. Still under control, but more fun. Another day and this time 4 drinks, maybe not so under control anymore. Next night, 5 drinks. Need to dial it back. Next night 4 drinks. Why did I drink when I was hung over? Two days of no drinking followed by 5 days straight of drinking. That was just a fun week, right? We don’t have a problem, we got this under control. Two more days with no drinks and another five straight of drinking. Maybe we should go back to AA. More drinking and more lies as we try to cover for being hung over. This is getting out of control, life is becoming unmanageable. Decide to drink Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday. On Saturday drink all day long, so much it makes us sick, and then drink some more after being sick. Okay, that’s enough. We have to stop. Time to go back to AA.

Life ends up pretty good, however, with a very successful transition.  Rarely does anyone on the street suspect her history and she's very thankful for that and the ability to pass well in society as a woman. 

Among other things, Emmz considers herself an activist, yet she's pondering the idea of shutting down her blog.  Be sure to let her know what you think about all of this, but first take the time to read, Transition Ends, Now What?

Gender Bender

The idea of living the rest of my life as a man is awful. Cross-dressing would maybe make life only marginally more bearable. And yet I am not really comfortable with defining myself solely as a woman, though I identify as more a woman than a man.


Tony uses her name in both male and female mode.  At 68 years old, she likes the term, "two spirits", at this stage of her life.  Gender Bender is another post on discovering one's gender identity. 

Happy Big Birthday To Andrea!

A few weeks ago it was a big birthday for me and 50 was the milestone age I became – I have to say that I was kinda dreading it, 50 is half a century and it sounds such a big number, but in the end I did quite a bit of celebrating and on the whole it was very enjoyable… so this is what I’ll blog about, sometimes I try and ignore birthdays but this special one I decided to make the best of… especially as it was Andrea’s first big birthday.


Just a happy post from Andrea about her 50th.  She just did the post, but her birthday was a few weeks ago.  Nevertheless, Andrea deserves a big Happy Birthday wish from all of us!