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Wednesday, March 20, 2019

Getting one's life back

So 5 months down the line, what of it? All there, seems to not be broken.


It's good to hear from Jenny....post GRS.  And, just what is our girl doing in this picture, all glammed up?  Well, she's getting her life back.

Monday, March 18, 2019

dysphoria

Some of you might crossdress for a variety of reasons and can perhaps put away the clothing and the feminine expression for a month and think nothing of it; I cannot. Bordering on transsexualism has been difficult and I have been this way since I can remember. 


Gender Dysphoria is the topic of this post, from Joanna.  It also includes a nice comment from Halle.

Saturday, March 16, 2019

Making hay while the sun shines

So it was that the red skirt from Christmas, last week's vest top, and a very old mint green wrap cardigan that somehow came together to form my outfit last night. I felt... I felt like I was as I was supposed to be when I'm in Lynn mode. I felt really happy with how I looked.



Lynn tried a bit of a new look, which involves hairless legs, and she looks great.  New, I suppose, because if you look back through her blog, you will often see her in black or opaque tights.  Go to, Making hay while the sun shines, and take a look.  Don't forget to leave Lynn a comment!





Thursday, March 14, 2019

Feminine Differential - Unmentionables in ER

Unmentionables are items too shocking or embarrassing to be mentioned by name. Let's go there and use the word.  "Panties!"





Are you a male who wears women's undies?  Seriously?  I mean....how could you?   :)

Rhonda wants your comments and then will add a few of her own.

Tuesday, March 12, 2019

Sexuality?

I brought up the age old argument between sexuality and everyday life as a trans woman at last night's transgender -cross dresser support group meeting. I only said in passing (no pun intended), one of the bigger things I learned quickly when I came out was how my sexuality didn't really change.





Sexuality is often misunderstood when it comes to someone who has changed genders.  Crysti has a few thoughts that she shared at a recent trans support group meeting.

Saturday, March 9, 2019

Under the Dysphoric Moon

This has all come up for me because a friend of mine is getting her GRS surgery soon. I am extremely happy for her, and yes, I am a bit jealous but only in a vague way.



Elizabeth has a few comments about being born with the wrong genitals.  I can relate to this one and share her feelings.

Wednesday, March 6, 2019

Trans women in sport

Does anyone transition in order to have an unfair advantage in sport? No. Trans women transition because we are women, because the difference between presenting male and expressing female is the difference between living life in monochrome and in colour. This does not stop the anti-trans movement from complaining about us. The complaints show transphobia at work.



Here's another good one, from Clare.  I've seen little written on this subject in the world of trans blogging..

Monday, March 4, 2019

sailed

There used to be a narrative in the transsexual community that if you were really a woman it was either transition or die and indeed that was the case for many but not all.




Indeed!  Read where Joanna's ship has sailed to.

My Theory of Operation

Listening to the transsexuals tell their life stories always causes me to consider my own identity. A recent outreach was no different. Since then, I have done a lot of thinking about my identity and I believe I have had an epiphany.



And just what is that epiphany, Stana?   Read, My Theory of Operation, posted nearly 11 years ago, but featured again today, on Stana's great blog, Femulate.

Sunday, March 3, 2019

Sharing the Secret

We have always known who we are.  If we keep who we are a secret, then that is on us.  And it’s perfectly understandable why we may not reveal everything about us to everyone in our lives.  Not everyone needs to know.  There are some people in my life that I would like to know about me.  There are others that I don’t care one way or the other, and there are those who I thank God every day that do not know.






Such an excellent post, from Hannah.  There is one key person you must share your secret with.  This one is a MUST READ

Saturday, March 2, 2019

Eighth Anniversary.

My own identification as "male" is now mostly political too: pushing at the artificial boundaries of the binary category so I can fit into it, even though I'm no longer really sure I belong there.




It's Jonathan's 8th anniversary as the author of the male femme blog. In this post, they talk about the "border zone" and the blurring between genders.

Congratulations to Jonathan for 8 years of blogging!

Thursday, February 28, 2019

Little Red Riding Hood

It is funny how quickly the train of thoughts rattled through – quick turn back before she sees you! you will never pass! why did you come out! your voice will give you away! Oh Sod it!  So without missing a step I continued forwards – each of us looking at the path ahead of us until we got to within 5 ft of each other, we made eye contact, we both smiled and I said hello and then like that we were past each other.  I have no clue if I “passed”, or if I gave this walker the fright of her life, but she did not increase her speed and neither did I, later on as I arrived back at my car I caught a glimpse of pink much further up the hill – she was taking this walk much more seriously than I was.

It was a walk in the countryside.  Perhaps a first walk outside?  Dee had her new red coat on and tells us about her adventure.

Tuesday, February 26, 2019

When transition just isn’t enough anymore

There had been a blog I read many years ago about the time in a transition when you ‘ascend’ being trans, when you ‘make it’, the time that there is more in your life than just ‘being trans’. The stirring pain inside was a realisation of sorts, all the excitement and the whirlwind of transition had come to a perfect stop. Balanced elegantly on the edge of a deep drop into a murky world of society. The bubble had burst, no longer was my entire life focus on ‘being trans’.


This is a really positive post, from Faith, that I meant to feature a few weeks ago.  What happens after transition?   New friends, new job, new life and not more all-encompassing thoughts about being trans.  Read all about it here.

Monday, February 25, 2019

Letting Go of Gender

It took both transitioning and detransitioning and not getting the satisfaction I expected to get in each case to figure that I was trying to solve the wrong problem. Both my transition and my detransition went relatively well and I got much of what I was looking to get out of both processes but getting what I wanted turned out to be less fulfilling than I expected it to be.

This is a relatively long and well thought out post from a woman who transitioned to male and later detransitioned.  He or She?  I think the better term for this blogger is Person.

Dead Name

In reading other articles and blog posts regarding the use of a dead name, I understand why a trans person would feel a myriad of feelings when another person uses their dead name. The first time I heard the term “Dead Name” a transperson was explaining how hurtful it was to hear her old name. Her name that she went by before her transition.




Until now, I had never heard the term Dead Name.  Makes sense, I suppose.  This post, and its a good one, is from the Transgentle Wife's point of view.

Sunday, February 24, 2019

A tale of two wardrobes

Keeping two wardrobes can be tricky. I would love to think it's not about deceit, but keeping things out of the way. Not everyone needs to know what we have in the cupboard I guess.




Here's a short one, from Lynn about two wardrobes.

Thursday, February 21, 2019

The painful truth…

Being Trans is not easy, I love it when people tell me they admire and are encouraged by my story and life. The hard cold reality of being Trans is one that is Alone and sometimes Unemployed.




I have had so many friends who will echo the words "alone" and "unemployed". Most have gone through that phase, but it has only made them stronger women as I know will be the same with Aleana.  Do read her post, The painful truth...

Tuesday, February 19, 2019

I am not ashamed to be transgender

When I asked my son (who is transgender) what kind of impact our support had, he looked me straight in the eye (which teenagers generally don’t do) and said, “I don’t feel ashamed of who I am.” Several years later and I can still feel the power behind that statement that he uttered with such conviction, not a moment’s hesitation.



A nice post from the mother of a transgender teen.

'How Amazon helped me transition to a woman'

"I knew from a young age that I wasn't the same as the other children," says Sophie Roberts, a 34-year-old Amazon software manager based in Edinburgh.


Sophie Roberts 
Several months ago Caroline, who for years has blogged at Time Regained, sent me a link to an interesting BBC story about a girl in Scotland who transitioned at work. Her story, 'How Amazon helped me transition to a woman', is available on the BBC website.

Monday, February 18, 2019

The Makeup Museum

I have a precious gift for you readers -- I'm going to alert you to a wonderful blog you'll love. Most of you don't know about it yet so I'm excited to put it on your radar.





This post has nothing to do with being trans.  It's about makeup and I'm guessing there may be a few of you out there who might have some interest in the subject.  Our Shybiker includes a nice interview with the author of Makeup Museum.

a question of origin

There are many transsexuals like me who have not transitioned and more of us belong to that generation where we did not know what was wrong with us. Young people today have the luxury of not only having the internet but an entire medical system replete with information on psychological help, hormone treatment and surgery options.
 


Joanna, like myself, has long been a student of the transgender and transsexual psyche.  In"a question of origin", she ponders a bit more on the subject.

And, while I'm at it, I want to mention Joanna's book, Different.  You can read a bit of the first chapter here.

Sunday, February 17, 2019

‘Trouble’

Blanche (in her Southern drawl):  

‘There is gossip that someone here in the office is a woman working as a man.  I think that it’s you.  No, I know that it’s you.  We just can’t have that here.’




The job termination followed that event.  

Trouble is a long and sad post about discrimination and mis-gendering.  To fully understand this blogger's history, do go to all of the tabs at the top of the page and read the contents.

Friday, February 15, 2019

Outgrow

It flickered sharp blue, lilac, ice white and pink randomly. I watched that star for a moment as it captivated me as it always does. Two stars entwined with each other and burning bright for more time than we could ever imagine bound by some unimaginable force. It was the one thing I didn’t have at the moment was that bond with someone in that same binary way.



I've said it before....I'm in love with Hannah's writing.  How can you not want to continue reading her posts, when they start out like the paragraph, above? 

Outgrow is a post about relationships and how they mesh with being trans.  It's another wonderful post, from Hannah.

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Flashy Lashes!

I was surprised at how nervous I was about doing it though.  I wasn't concerned about the person who offered to do them.  I had confidence in her.  I wasn't nervous about hanging out with her either, she's a total doll and fun to be around.  I was nervous about two things really 1 - could I actually sit and allow someone to do this to me?  And 2 - how would it look.



She looks fab!  Go Flashy Lashes!, to see for yourself.   It's all from that California girl, Nadine.

Sunday, February 10, 2019

What to wear, what to wear?

  • What would you like to feel when you're getting dressed to go out?
  • Does getting dressed form a key part of the night?
  • Are there any pressures when dressing up?
  • What do you do about deciding what to wear? What does a look for different events - meal out, party night, visiting friends - look like?

The questions, above, are from a survey sponsored by a women's clothing retailer.  Lynn has her answers.  How about you?  Go here to find Lynn's answers.  Leave her a comment with yours.

Saturday, February 9, 2019

Starting off 2019 with a Break

A few weeks ago I was in an accident that required an emergency visit to the hospital via an ambulance. I had called the wife to tell her to meet me at the ER and as I was talking to her I realized that I had painted my toenails a very bright sparkly red just recently as well as shaved my legs.



As Cynthia put it, It’s 2019 world and I can damn well have pretty nails too.  How did the hospital doctors and nurses react?  Read, Starting off 2019 with a Break, for the answer.

I also want to give Cynthia a shout-out for the sweet words about her spouse.  So nice to hear.


Thursday, February 7, 2019

Are We Our Own Worst Enemies?

We are quite often our own worst enemies. Being militant, being loud, being the center of attention only fortifies stereotypes. Think, please! It is undeniable that stereotypes exists and we must do what we can to break them down, not build them up.










Are We Our Own Worst Enemies?  At times that would appear to be the case.  Kandi thinks so, and so do I.

Monday, February 4, 2019

A Significant Part of my Life has been Spent as Me - A TC Guest Post

This is a guest post, from long-time blogger, Caroline.  While her Time Regained Blog is still listed, she's been having trouble with various components of the Blogger site, including comments.  If you wish to comment, please do so here and Caroline will see them.
 
 
 
I find it hard to believe that it is now exactly seven years ago that I was relaxing calmly in my room in Brighton. I had been through all the reception routine and just making a few calls to close friends and doing some online chat with well wishers, They had told me that I would be operated on early the next day which was something of a relief not having to face a long wait with my mind racing…

I had traveled the 530 miles down by train the previous day and spent the evening at a restaurant with Lucy a long time online friend who I had met up with when I had to attend my pre-op appointment. From the moment we spotted each other we became close friends and have continued to meet since then and shall be together in just there months as she explores the country with her caravan. In the morning I had wandered along the sea front, much changed since the holiday at the age of ten when the family stayed with friends in an apartment overlooking the beach and Piers. It was a fresh cold morning with snow forecast, just the sort of thing I had feared would ruin my whole project! Eventually I took shelter in the Lanes, a winding series of roads lined with interestingly quirky shops, the centre of nightlife in the town. In truth I was just using the chance to make a quick exploration before my arranged midday registration at the edge of town Private health clinic which the NHS contracted for all Scottish patients. This sounds like a Monty Python sort of decision being almost as far from home as it is possible to be south of where I live but it turns out to be much more civilised than the London Clinic used by most other Patients…

After a few hours I took a taxi ride to my fate. I was given a room in this hilltop clinic with a sweeping view down the fields to the sea beyond and already signs of snow lying in places from the night before. I have rarely had a hotel room on my travels with space and views like this! Best of all I get the view from the bed where I shall be prisoner for some days to come.

My greatest surprise was the feeling of utter calm. Once I had boarded the train south I had started to relax and I had not had a moment of anxiety through the whole journey to this room. What I had anticipated was a heart thumping gush of emotion when left alone to contemplate the procedure the next day and everything that I had gone through to reach this point. A journey which started before I was three when my sisters were born and plunged me into confusion. At four and a half I had a small crisis which caused me to construction emotional defence barrier to never show my true self or shed a tear until the transformation to adult, surely female adult, was complete.

I was facing a serious operation. The clinic had a hundred percent success rate, occasional setbacks for some patients and with my miserable self healing system I was expecting a less than text book process. They said that my request for a DNR should have been made in advance, I suspect that they did not wish to ruin their perfect score just because I did not want to be jump started… I had got to my target finishing line, anything extra would be a bonus, I could now die happy. Asking about the impending snow I was assured that many staff just stay on in the clinic if they feel that getting back will be too difficult and best of all the surgeon told me that he could walk in! Just as well since overnight the snow came and brought the country to a halt for the best part of a week.

I doubt that my pulse rate was a beat faster than normal. I had reached the point of rescue which I had been told in my late teens would never happen in my lifetime. I was going to be able to spend the rest of my life as I had always known I should.

As if to remind me of my special trip deep snow has once again fallen in Brighton at this time. Hard to believe that now a significant part of life has been spent as me…

Love Caroline xx

Sunday, February 3, 2019

Like The Lidl Lindsay Wagner

I’m returning to work tomorrow. Which is going to be surreal AF after 15 months off and some extensive remodeling on my part.









After 15 months, Chrissy 2.0 having complete her transition, returns to work in her new body.   I love this girl's confidence and subtle sense of humor, which extends to the music video she has included with this post.

a reason to rejoice

The idea that femininity is inferior to masculinity is what drove many of us to despise our own natures. The culture I grew up in valued masculine men and respected feminine women but there was little doubt where the power lay.



You read the paragraph, above, and wonder why is it a reason to rejoice?  Follow the link for a short post, from Joanna.

Friday, February 1, 2019

Reality

Every young bride that stands before her handsome groom has a dream as to what her future life would look like. Images of tropical vacations with umbrella drinks, babies that grow up to kids to shuttle to soccer practice and ballet lessons, and sitting together on a porch swing as grandparents dance before her eyes as she walks down the church aisle towards a new life while holding hands with her new husband. I know I carried these thoughts the day I said I do to my husband. When my husband told me early into our marriage that he has an obsession to wear women’s clothes, that fact fit into did not match the life-plan I had laid out for myself, for us. It was not part of my future dreams.


So many conflicted emotions fired up inside of me when I read this post.  As I have said before, The Transgentle Wife's spouse is truly fortunate to have such a loving and understanding partner in life.

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

How to be an introvert pretending to be extrovert

I agree with the sentiment and would echo it to anyone, and yet tonight I sit pondering once again who I am, am I supposed to be that nice quiet guy sitting in the corner,  if I could be in this room with these people presenting female, would I? Could I still be me?







Here's a nice one, from Dee.  She's telling us about herself and her feelings, but I'm betting that many reading this will be nodding their heads saying to themselves....."that's me".

Sunday, January 27, 2019

A T-Central Guest Post

Laura Ann, from the local group I am a member of, the River City Gems, has submitted another great guest post.  Read on.





I was looking at a post on FaceBook today, a comment made by a transwoman friend of mine in Colorado. She was talking about how she became estranged from most of her male co-workers when she transitioned, which happened at about the same time I began my own transition, three years ago more or less. She lost some male friends at work, but her relationships with female co-workers blossomed! She wrapped up her comment with this line: "I wouldn't go back [to being a guy] for anything".

I say the same thing: I wouldn't go back for anything. But it's funny to think about what "going back" would actually mean. I've had three full years now to think about what my transition means. I changed my legal name and gender, and that was maybe the most momentous part of it. I went on HRT, and decided to have an orchiectomy last September, because I knew that my soul was

crying out to be female, and testosterone wasn't helping me be the kinder, gentler, more compassionate person I wanted to be. And I wear skirts instead of trousers now, and makeup sometimes.

But what really changed when I decided that I couldn't be Larry anymore, except that I became happier and more at peace with myself? I have a much better relationship with my daughter than I ever had before, and a much easier and more natural relationship with other women. I get to compliment women on their clothes, or hair color, or manicures now - a thing no "guy" can ever do, except maybe to his Mom, sister, wife, or girlfriend. And that feels so nice, to just be able to talk to women from a more natural place, without that "weirdness" that would make it creepy to try and have a conversation like this as a guy. I love it, to be able to talk to my women friends about women-stuff, like, "who did your nail art? It's amazing!", or, "how does someone choose between a one-piece and two-piece bathing suit, if price isn't a concern and you can get the size and color you like in either?". Or "why are there 50 million different types and styles of bras?" And that perennial favorite: "Did you see that Macy's has a sale on handbags this weekend?".

This last issue, any woman can relate to, whether she's cis or trans: the eternal search for the "perfect" handbag. We all know it exists out there in the universe someplace, and the more of your lady friends who know your preferences, the better are the chances that one of them will be shopping somewhere and spot it - OMG, there it is, the perfect purse! - and maybe it's the very  last one of that style in the store, maybe it's the only one ever made in that style, material, and color!, and thanks to the miracle of cell phone technology, your friend snaps a photo of it, sends it to you, and within a minute or two, you are running out the door to your car (maybe forgetting to comb your hair in your hurry), then racing hell-bent-for-leather to that store to buy that purse before someone else snatches it up. If you are lucky, the store with this purse is actually in the same time zone that you are, otherwise, better stop for gas before you get on the freeway.


I could never see or understand it before, but there is an enormous, invisible wall that socially separates men and women in this society, and now that I am living on the other side of that wall, I truly know there's no going back. Why that wall exists, I don't know, but I certainly have been aware of it since I was a teenager 50 years ago. When I'm not wearing a wig, which is almost all the time now, my face looks hardly any different than it always did when I was a "him". It's just a little older, there's a few more wrinkles, it's a little fatter and rounder, and my hair is longer and stragglier than it was. But on a level deeper in my mind, my perception is that this isn't the same face at all, because for 59 years, I hated, HATED, to look at that face in mirrors. and now, I see the face of someone else entirely. The face of a person who smiles much more tham her predecessor did. A face with eyes that twinkle, and look directly at people instead of shying away. And most of all, a face and a pair of eyes that look back at me out of that mirror with an easy grin that says "how you doin' Laura-Ann? I feel happy today, and you are lookin' good, girl!"

Nothing has changed, and yet everything has changed. So for sure, there is no going back, is there? Not if I want to hang on to this love, happiness, and sense of peace with myself and the world around me that my transition has brought about. I waited a long, long time to find happiness back in those lost days when I was a young man. And you know something, I actually looked kind of cute. Looking at photos of myself, age 17, I would date that kid if I was a girl his age. He's a bit chunky, but he's smart. He reads more than he watches TV. His hair is kind of shaggy and wavy, but he washes it and keeps it semi-under control. And he's not as aggressive as the other boys, the ones who act like they're thinking with their balls instead of their brains. But he's so shy! And he acts like he's autistic or something. He's never gone out with anyone in school, never dated, never kissed a girl.


I was terrified of people when I was a kid. I was hiding this awful secret. A secret buried so deep, I didn't even have a name for it. A secret that I knew must never be found out, by anyone. A secret that was like acid corroding me from the inside out. I wanted to be a girl. I wanted to wear nail polish, and carry a purse, and trade my blue jeans for a skirt. I didn't know why, and I didn't even have a vocabulary to describe, even to myself, what was happening to me. Transgender? That word wouldn't even come into common usage until I was in my late 40's, and by then, I had been married for nearly 20 years and had all but forgotten that I was once - in my innermost thoughts - a girl named Laura. And for at least 50 years, from about age 12 onward, I hated to look at myself in mirrors and I strongly disliked my name. It only sounded good to me when Lynn said it, and when she died, in November 2013, for a time I lost all hope that there would ever be any purpose or meaning to my continued existence. All through 2014 and 2015, as gender dysphoria re-mounted it's attack on me - a war I thought I had won in 1986 when I married Lynn ("Love will save me", as Jennifer Finney Boylan says in her auto-biography "She's Not There"), I grew ever more depressed, discouraged, and desperate, as my grief over Lynn's death mixed with my fear and anxiety over what would happen when I finally gout caught by my daughter or my brother with a closet full of women's clothes, and two full drawers of makeup and jewelry. In December 2015, I finally realized that I might have a nervous breakdown or kill myself if I didn't figure out what was happening to me - by then I wasn't even sure of my own identity any more - and so I joined the River City Gems, a transgender support group in my city. Finding the Gems took the pressure off, as I discovered through this group that I wasn't going crazy, at least, and I wasn't alone. Five months later, I had a "transition-or-die" epiphany, and in that moment, choosing to let go of my past and embrace Laura-Ann, I stopped being afraid of people, and I stopped hating myself; this is maybe the greatest gift I will ever give myself.


Be at peace, and be open to the possibilities.


 - Laura Ann Charlot

Do You Feel Trapped In The Wrong Body?

I have never completely accepted the "Trapped In The Wrong Body" narrative for myself.  I have been given this one body and mind and overall they have worked well together plus served me well; (the old knock-on-wood thing).




I've never liked this phrase.  Rhonda has a few thoughts on the subject.

Saturday, January 26, 2019

Two years on testosterone

This past Saturday was my two year mark on T-injections, 40ml / week (this was just recently lowered, from 60 – my initial dose was 50).  I still very much look forward to every injection (not the act itself, but the being-on-T part), and I still regularly think about the ways hormones have improved my life; I don’t tend to take it for granted.



Here an update from one of out bloggers on T.

Friday, January 25, 2019

Ground Zero

I have a hard time visiting my in-laws because the state that they live in does not permit my wife to use the women’s bathroom because it does not correspond with the sex listed on her birth certificate. It is difficult for me to hold hands with my partner in public or to say the word “wife” constantly worrying what others will think. I am in fear.




For those who haven't read her blog, The Transgentle Wife's husband transitioned a few years ago.  She's so supportive and it just depresses me so much to see that - as if often the case - not only certain states and much of the public at large, but also some friends and family members shun both her and her former husband and now wife. She's strong and staying the course, with both feet planted on the "right" side.....Ground Zero.

The People - Personal Thoughts

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