Crossdressing Thoughts & Reflections - Gwen

When the call went out at the beginning of November for submissions to this series, it is possible that Gwen just did not notice, or maybe she is shy. At any rate, we invited Gwen to participate, and happily, she agreed. 

Gwen is the imaginative author of gwen's tgirl adventure where she writes with passion about this part of her life. Although her story might be familiar at times, when you visit her site, be warned, she does push the boundaries.

If we are to understand each other in this world, it is important to allow ourselves to walk in the other person's footwear. Reading her blog and this post, my guess is she would not be opting for flats…no, no, no! 

Halle

Living in the Round
by gwen tgirl

In a comment to Petra's profoundly insightful post, Deena asked ."..what...( do)... you get out of wearing women's clothing? ....Why?"
That's the question, isn't it?  And if we had the answer...well, we'd have a lot less charged on that Victoria's Secret card. But I have been thinking about it, trying to think about my experience in women's clothes, my experience as a cross-dresser. What is it that I feel when I'm en femme? Why am I compelled to femulate?
 
Is it erotic? You bet it is! Wearing hose, skirt and pumps is a buzz like no other, and I know a good buzz, let me tell you. But I'm not afraid or ashamed to admit to being turned on  just at the thought of it, never mind the actual event. But the erotic charge is fleeting. And after that particular charge is long dissipated, I am left with myself, dressed. and ferreting through closets looking for that next great skirt.  Among my favorite things to do en femme are: file my nails, twirl my hair, walk back and forth in my pumps, try on shoes,look in the mirror, read a book, read a blog, make tea, try out makeup, watch television, write. Simple, mundane things. .... savoring every single second as though it were a glass of the most delicious, expensive red wine.

If it is more than the eroticism then, (and I know that it is)...what is the attraction? 

I know for myself, that the experience of putting on a pair of silky hose is like drinking a glass of wine, in a way; .... in that dressing is, first and foremost, in its practice, a sensual experience.

(**the conceptual experience---the "idea" of being en femme, is just as important--but I also think it's the aspect we get hung up on, and speak to, the most. And it's a whole 'nother can of worms--so, for now,  I'll leave it for the comments or maybe another post!)
Cross-dressing is about looking, yes, but it's very, very much more about touching. The seductive touch of lycra hose on smoothly shaven, soft legs; the rewarding pinch of a pair of stylish pumps on your toes; the welcome grab of a skirt around your derriere as you sit; the tug of a bra strap; the soft silk of your blouse against your torso; the waxy fullness of deep, red lipstick drawn across your lips; the feel of tousled hair upon your shoulders, the weighty coolness of  jewelry across your neck.

Every element of a woman's dress imposes self-awareness upon her; awareness of her legs, her butt, her posture, hair, breath, her movements. Every aspect of  a woman's clothing is something to take notice of. Woman's clothing is  visual and tactile in a way that men's clothing decidedly is not. Every aspect of a woman's clothing makes her aware of herself, of her body, of the way others perceive her. In this way, as she feels the light pull of a dress across her form as she moves, and takes notice of its soft touch upon her skin, and the breeze through the stockings upon her legs, she is aware of herself, forward and backward, front and behind; completely in the round, 360 degrees.  She knows the impact of her presence upon space, she knows its caresses.

Even her fingernails; long, polished, cultivated and cared for, a source of pride and display; impose a heightened sensitivity to the very act of touching, for one must touch-- the keyboard, a book , a lover  --in a very particular way --when one's nails are long.

Cross-dressing, as sensual experience, is very much about a heightened sense of awareness of oneself, of one's physical being, and it is an "aliveness" that male mode is not conducive to, and in fact, actively works to repress. When I am en femme, I am aware of the curve of my hip as it presses against my skirt, the taper of my toes as they rest inside my shoes, the feel of fabric folded across my skin! I am utterly alive to the experience of touch.....in a way that I have never felt in male mode. I have never felt so alive as when I am dressed. Never.   Every sensation seems to echo and enhance the delight of simply "being"!

Femulate---meaning to emulate not only in attire but through actions, gestures, postures, modes of behavior, is more than attire.  A woman's gestures --at least those that most of us try to embody--speak not only of femininity--they speak of physicality and presence.  Her gestures are meant to attract and allure, not to impose. They speak to delicacy, fragility and the rarefied conditions to which she is accustomed and in which she moves. Her gestures evoke the world that she has surrounded herself with, a civilized world. And they draw her admirers to that world, not via violence or imposition, but via her magnetism, her allure, her sense of herself; exhibited in the way she carries herself, her body.  The gestures typically associated with an idea of the "feminine" work via seduction rather than aggression, echoing her sensuality and telegraphing her intelligence. 
 
When I find myself adopting some gesture or another, contrived as it may seem (but feeling so natural), I delight at my delicacy, my fragility, and revel in the implications these seemingly  innocuous movements carry..."...I am a person of subtle intuitions... and luminous experience .....a Woman... and I am to be treated with care".  It is a strangely  delicate, delightful and powerful feeling.