The Cold Shoulder at Christmas: Family Holidays With a Transgender Daughter

Available from Zazzle.com

A close and dear friend forwarded this to me, with the comment...."This is my life".  I'm sure many can relate to it.

From the HUFFPOST GAY VOICES, The Blog.

 The Cold Shoulder at Christmas: Family Holidays With a Transgender Daughter

A De-Transition Story

When I was in my teens, I began reading everything I could get my hands on regarding sex change, transvestites, drag queens, and gender variants in general.  I knew that I felt female, but was in a male body. I didn't know why I had these feelings and why I was born this way.

I continued to read, year after year, anything that would help me to better understand myself.  When the Internet came of age, it opened up a whole new wealth of information.  Most of the information I was able to gather was clinical, rather than personal.  Once in a while, I'd read a biography of a transsexual, but those books were few and far between. 

When I discovered some of the early blogs, written by others like myself, it was like a dream come true.  I remember reading many of the old Yahoo 360 blogs in the early days of blogging.  Later, one of the first really quality blogs I came upon was Zagria's, A Gender Variance Who's Who.  I became a big fan of Zagria's blog.  The quality of her writing, the attention to detail, and the broad spectrum of "gender variants" featured had me coming back for more, year after year.  In Zagria's words, her blog is about....."Essays on trans, intersex, cis and other persons and topics from a trans perspective.......All human life is here."

 

One of Zagria's recent posts featured a rare de-transition story, the "changeback" of Gary Norton.  It's a very interesting piece, which includes some interesting commentary from Zagria. Click on the link, below, to read this blog post.

 Gary Norton (1937 - ) RAF, architect, changeback

 

The fourth anniversary of Lucy Melford's debut

    "She made her public debut on 9 December 2008, in Brighton at the afternoon Clare Project Drop-in, and how nervous she was!"

    Long-term readers of blogs in our sphere will have followed Lucy's transition since that first outing. She's now enjoying her retirement, and with her medical transition behind her she continues to blog with a more general focus.

    In a recent piece she provides us with a typically frank assessment of her transition in terms of what she has gained and lost along the way.

    Read it here: The fourth anniversary of Lucy Melford's debut.

Saying Goodbye

Often we feature a blog because it is new. We think the writer has something to say that needs to be told and heard. 

Lisa Maria's blog "Wow the start of my new life" is not new. 
It is done. 
Today what she has to say touches the heart. 

Time for goodbye and thank you Lisa Maria. 

This post signals the rest of her life, 
               not really new, 
                     but still wow

Superstar

She and her brother wrote and directed The Matrix and its sequels, as well as V for Vendetta.  Listening to her speak, there is no doubt that Lana Wachowski would prefer this post be about their new movie Cloud Atlas, that premiered at the Toronto Film Festival last month. This is T-Central however, so let's just say that what Lana had to say in her speech to the Human Rights Campaign's annual gala dinner in San Francisco on Oct. 20, 2012 makes it so right to feature her here that we couldn't resist.

Here is a short excerpt to whet the appetite:

"I knew I was going to come out but I knew when I finally did come out I didn’t want it to be about my coming out. I am completely horrified by the *talk show*, the interrogation and confession format, the weeping, the tears of the host whose sympathy underscores the inherent tragedy of my life as a transgender person. And this moment fulfilling the cathartic arc of rejection to acceptance, without ever interrogating the pathology of a society that refuses to acknowledge the spectrum of gender in the exact same blind way they have refused to see a spectrum of race or sexuality."

Lana is an amazingly creative woman. And yes, she is transsexual.

An Exclusive Halloween Ogre Just For Us

I was cruising T-Central this morning looking for a Halloween themed blog to post.  There are a bunch of you who have written of your Halloween party experiences and they're all worth featuring.  
Then, I saw Robyn's post.  Robyn and I have corresponded and, since she lives in Bucharest, I thought that Halloween in Bucharest might make for an interesting, light, not-so-serious post.  As I read on, however, about that horrible looking guy on the right, I realized that Robyn's post is, indeed, a serious one.

Go to An Exclusive Halloween Ogre Just for Us to find out all about this guy.

Coming Out

As read from their profile, Cynthia and Sevan have been together through thick and thin since March 2004. Cynthia started her transition in Oct 2009 and Sevan started per transition shortly after in Nov 2009.

Cynthia Lee and Sevan both contribute to their blog, Candiussel Corner, A Family in Transition. They've had a prolific blog going for about two years now and what they write is always of interest and well thought out.  They will always identify which one of them authored a particular post.

Recently, they have done a series of posts on the subject of "coming out". Here are the links to the first four posts:

Coming Out, Part 1 (Sevan)

Coming Out, Part 2 (Cynthia Lee)

Coming Out, Part 3 (Sevan)

Coming Out, Part 4 (Sevan)

Both have put a lot of time and thought into their blog.  If you enjoy it, let them know by becoming a follower of Candiussel Corner.

Trans Privlege

She's pretty outspoken but she does claim to know it all.  That's our Miz, the author of today's featured blog post.  Agree or disagree, I like her rants, and I think they deserve to be read.

Here's a little taste of her latest:

....if you look somewhat female, you my Dear, along with everyone else in this continuum who might have been born a male but who "transitioned" is despite any choice in dress and any surgeries and any successful ruse to the contrary... is still a man!

It's a bit of a ramble, Miz, but I do see where you're going with this.

There's more and it all revolves around "male privilege"....or, ah, "trans privlege"!  Go here to read it.

Be advised that Miz does have one or two naughties in this post, that would never make it on American television.

Trolls Anonymous

This featured post is for those of you who are blog authors.

Natasha discusses the folks out there who, for whatever reason, leave comments anonymously.  She theorizes that:

They cannot own their own words for fear someone might discover who they are and then

 

The jig is up!!!

Someone who knows them "in real life" might find out that they are or were or whatever something to do with the dreaded T and they will be shunned.

 

We bloggers do have a choice.  Google's Blogger, and I'm sure this is true of the other blogging platforms out there, gives the author the choice of allowing any comment to pass through or to moderate comments.  It allows the author the choice of whether or not to require someone leaving a comment to correctly enter a verification screen code prior to accepting the comment.  It also gives the author the option of automatically rejecting comments from anonymous readers.

I have found that there have been some wonderful anonymous readers who have left comments on my blog, and some have since identified themselves via private emails to me and become close friends.  I have had my share of what Natasha refers to as the "Trolls".  But, I continue to accept anonymous comments, albeit moderated.

 

Our policy at T-Central is currently to accept anonymous comments, but we are set for comment moderation.

Take a look at Natasha's post, Trolls Anonymous, on her blog Always, no Sometimes.  If you're a blogger, I'd love to know just what your policy is regarding anonymous comments.

A Boy and a Girl

It's short and it's sweet.  

It's from Samantha.

It's titled A Boy and a Girl...

A woman Named Beth

Halle shares a vivid dream with us.  It's about a conversation with a woman on the beach, and it's just so beautifully written.

Do find a few minutes to read A Woman Named Beth.

Can Marriage Survive One Partner Transitioning?

Jack Molay is the author of a blog called Crossdreamers.  He freely admits to being a "man dreaming about having a female body" and has coined the term, crossdreamers to be synonymous with the term, "autogynephiliac".   He is an excellent writer and, as such, has had his blog listed here on T-Central for some time now.

A few days ago, Jack published a letter from the wife of someone who is transitioning.  She's trying to understand, but probably never will, at least completely.  She clearly articulates the thoughts and questions going through her mind and mentions just how little information is out there for the spouses of those who are transitioning.

Jack's reply is in the comments section of this post and is worth reading, as is the lively commentary from other readers of this post.  Go here to read it.

What is in a name?

When I'm perusing the blogs, I'll always look at the comments.  When I see a name I'm not familiar with, I'll see if he or she has a public profile.  When I go to the profile, I will sometimes notice that this person authors a blog that I wasn't aware of.

Such was the case when I found Laurie.  She had left a comment on another blog and I followed the trail to her wonderful blog, Who Am I Really?.  Laurie is a believer in love and marriage and making IT work....and that's my thing also, so it was a pleasant surprise to find Laurie.

With that said, I wanted to introduce you to this new blogger by sending you to a sweet post where she tells you just how she came upon her name.  Almost every TG blogger has done a post like this one, but Laurie's is really well written and I know you will enjoy reading it.  The post is titled What is in a name?

How Unordinary

Nadine is a heroine in a book I should write,
except
she is writing it herself,

over at Unordinary Style.

This post  ~ not really about nails ~ not about clothes, it is about how right it is to find then be ourselves.

Brava Nadine!

Pure Joy

Once in a long while a post comes our way in the "The People - Personal Thoughts" section that is pure joy. 

Caroline's "In my own skin…" over at TIME REGAINED is such a post, as she explains how life now rates as an eleven on what used to be a one to ten scale.

While you visit, take time to travel back and see how far this delightful lady has come.

Comments From the Crossdresser's Wife

I am a man who likes to dress in women's clothes. Some may call me a transvestite, and others may call me a crossdresser.  I call myself Nadine while dressed as a woman.

How many of you have said those words, or conveyed similar thoughts, to your wife?

The reactions from wives, to a statement such as Nadine's, can be all over the map.  Many marriages have broken up upon this disclosure, yet Nadine's remains strong.

So, what does Nadine's wife have to say about all of this, you ask?

Well, she's written a guest post on her husband's blog, Unordinary Style.  Go HERE to read the guest post.

Transsexualism - A Congenital Disorder

There's a blog we have listed on the right side of our page which probably doesn't get as much notice as the blogs in which are the centerpiece of T-Central: The People - Personal Thoughts.

The author goes by the name, Sagebrush.  I know absolutely nothing about her, other than what she writes, most of which makes a lot of sense to me.  I've sturggled with the desire to put this blog in the Personal Thoughts section as a way to attract more readers for the author but since most her writing is more "clinical" than "personal", I've left it where it is.

In her final post, Sagebrush does let us know just how she feels about things and I think it's worth the read.  Go HERE to read the post.

"Freak" or "Tranny": Which word does Morbius hate most?

She's been writing for years, but we haven't seen much of her as of late (I should talk).  Vulnavia Morbius's blog is, in her words,  

...the personal blog of a transsexual with a serious movie habit.  

In her most recent post, you'll get a good taste of both the transsexual and the movie reviewer.

Last weekend, our blog author got called a freak and it really ticked her off at first.  Then, she thought about it and she attempts to justify the comment....more or less.  It's entertaining, so read what she has to say.

If you, dear T-Central follower, get past Vulnavia's justification of the word, "freak", keep reading and you'll get to her review of Men in Black 3. I found it quite amusing.

Note to Will Smith and Barry Sonnenfeld and Etan Cohen: Use the word, "tranny" in a movie and you will catch the wrath of Vulnavia Morbius.

Note to dear T-Central follower: Ummm.....some nasty language here.  Even nastier than the word, tranny.

The blog is Scheherezade's Sister.  The post is titled One of Us.

Insurance and the IT Girl

Stace and her wife live in The Netherlands.

They want a new kitchen and, like many of us in the States and elsewhere, they need to refinance the house to get a better rate and to get the funds to build the new kitchen.

Such is life for most of us, but it seems that a small life insurance is necessary when applying for a mortgage in the Netherlands (I have not known that to be the case in the US).

Stace is young, has a good job and is the picture of health.  No problem, right?

Per Stace:

When the insurance company took too long to get back in touch (considering they knew that my mortgage company was pushing for the insurance green light!) I called them back.  'You have all of the information?' 'Yes.' 'Great, so you can get the OK for the insurance out today so I can get it to my mortgage company?' 'Oh! No, we won't be insuring you'.

WTF!

Well, Stace is a pre-op transsexual.  That means medications, therapy, and an eventual operation.  Seems that this raises red flags with life insurance companies.

Did Stace and Mrs. Stace finally get the insurance?  Did they get the mortgage?  Is the kitchen done?

Read more of the Musings of an I.T. Girl in her post, The hard side of insurance.

Is this issue unique to The Netherlands or is it common?  This is the first I have heard of such a problem.  I'm sure that some have, sadly, died on the operating table in the process of vaginoplasty, or various cosmetic surgery procedures, but surely this is very, very rare.

[Thanks to Coline for suggesting we feature Stace's post]

Trans on TV, a word of caution

"You really do dance with the devil when you get involved with TV."

Not our words, those come from Sarah, one of the participants in last year's Channel 4 UK documentary series My Transsexual Summer. Sarah and the others went to a lot of effort to ensure that they were portrayed in a positive light by an industry notorious for portraying our community as a freak show, but again in her words: "And still we didn't get it perfectly right".

Concerned that following the success of MTS a host of other TV production companies are pursuing similar projects that might not treat us with such sensitivity, she's written some advice for anyone tempted to follow in her footsteps.

Trans on TV, A Word Of Caution, it's worth a read.

My Drunk Kitchen Spoof (Parody) - Makeup Tutorial & Gender Talk

 
Jessica Who.

What can I say about this girl?

Let's see....

Makeup....so perfect!  Please show me how you do it, girl!

She looks just so fab!

Blogger....for a REALLY long time.

Oh, and she's a funny girl too!

Take a look at her 99th video blog.  In her own words, in a note sent to us at T-Central:

This week I created what I feel is my best video ever, with the right mixture of humor, honesty, and positivity. I really believe in it and want to share it with as many people as possible.

I agree.  You will love this one.  Just turn up the volume and click on the link, below.

My Drunk Kitchen Spoof (Parody) - Makeup Tutorial & Gender 

Now, Jess, please tell me more about your eye makeup!

 

Girl From Mars

T-Bloggers come and go.  If a new blogger is still going six months later, you can generally depend on that blog being around for a few years.  It's rare, however, to see a blog go more than about 5 years or so.  When that happens, the blogger has probably run out of material to write about or may just be burned out.

I was doing some house cleaning, here at T-Central, and came across an old blog that had not been updated in some time.  I thought about deleting it from our list but the next day I saw a new post and, in this case, it turned out to be Helena's last post.

Helena Love has been the author of a nicely done blog since 2007.  Her blog has been about her crossdressing adventures in and around the London area.  In her last post, she says:

I’m afraid this blog is closed, I simply don’t have the time , need, inclination or energy to update it any more, sorry. It will stay like this until the lease on the web server runs out, then it will be gone for good.

Why not take a look, while it's still there?  As I said, Helena has done a nice job with this blog and there's lots and lots of pictures.  It won't be on our list much longer, so do it now!

 Girl From Mars is the place to go.

A Wish for Unconditional Love

A week ago now Debra posted her Goodbye Letter to My Biological Parents.

The title said it all and perhaps you have already read this very personal and moving email, one nobody should have to write. When first reading this window into the soul of a wonderfully perceptive and loving person I thought how little solace there could be in any comment I could come up with. What I really wanted was to wrap Debra up in my arms and cry for her and all the parents who can only see loss when in fact so much has been gained.

Let's pray that some day soon we can feature her post describing a new and right relationship with her biological parents.

Cleaning out my closet

Joey is such a dude!  Today, he's cleaning out his closet (but never fear, he's nowhere near as angry as Eminem was).

It's all on Joey's Pad!     Cleaning out my closet

That's the trouble with partners of transvestites...

Jenny, one of our T-Central administrators, and a self-described "massive virtual punch-up between a giant-sized transgendered woman and her host" wrote a post this morning that really resonated with me.

It's rare that we feature our own posts on TC, but I do encourage all of you to take a peek at "That's the trouble with partners of transvestites..."  It's from Jenny's blog, Large Blooming Flower.

Dear 15 year old me...

I'm sure most of you have visited Zoe's blog, A. E. Brain, from time to time.  I always try to catch up on what Zoe has to written, and often I'm a wee bit late....like today, when I caught up on a post she did a couple of weeks ago.  

Dear 15 year old me... is a beautifully written post and it's an emotional one for those of us who aren't early transitioners.  If you haven't seen this post, take a look.  I bet you'll relate.

Essential reading for Blogger users

    A little sojourn off-topic for you this morning, but important reading for people whose writing is hosted on Blogger.
    You may have noticed that Blogger has undergone some changes behind the scenes over the last year. New template styles and a completely new interface as Blogger is brought under the consistent Google look-and-feel.
    One of these changes has found its way into the public-facing side of Blogger. That little checkbox that used to appear in pop-up comment forms allowing you to follow comments by email. It's gone, so your readers can't see replies without going back to your blog.
    Its replacement, a 'subscribe' link, only appears beside the embedded comment form. So for the sake of your readers who'd like to be able to subscribe to your comment streams by email, please could we ask you to change to the embedded comment form.
    It's an easy process. From the Blogger menu, choose 'Settings'. From the sub-menu, choose 'Posts and comments', then find the 'Comment location' pulldown. Select the 'Embedded' option and click the 'Save' button. That's it, you're done. The 'subscribe' link should appear by the comment form at the bottom of each post.
    Your readers will thank you for performing this task.

Transgendered Midlife Crisis

It's been a while since Jenny, Halle, or I have featured a blog here on T-Central.  Not sure why, but I'm sure it has something to do with a misalignment of the planets.

So, I guess it's time to again feature one of the wonderful blogs from our list.

Cyrsti's Transgendered Condo has been around for a while but we haven't featured one of Cyrsti's posts for a long time.  Transgendered Midlife Crisis is Cyrsti's latest, and she says a lot in this post that anyone who is a late transitioner or a midlife crossdresser can relate to.  Just today my pal, Halle, had a chat with me related to this subject.

While Cyrsti probably doesn't say anything in this post that's breaking news, I'm sure many of you will enjoy the post and nod your head in agreement as you read it, perhaps with a feeling of solidarity.   And, if you like it, let our girl know you appreciate her writing!

Inside Out

Strut it while you’ve got it, because it will go south on you.

Now that's an interesting line from Jenna's latest blog post!  In this post, Jenna talks about growing old, from the point of view of a crossdresser.

Jenna's Place is where you can go to read her post, Inside Out.

Passing Illusions

In time a transitioner realizes that much of passing is not to do with the specifics of how one speaks, whether a scarf is worn this way or that and how perfectly some make-up may be applied. It is the level of confidence with which the individual goes about her business.

The quote, above, is from Mel's well written post, Passing Illusions, from her blog, Mel's Musings.

It's been 2 1/2 years since Mel first stepped out into public presenting as a female.  Now, she reflects on how she felt about passing then, and just what passing means to her now.  It's a good read, whether or not you are in transition. 

Primary Care Protocol For Transgender Patient Care

Diana came across an interesting article about guidelines for doctors who have transgender patients.  

I could have linked directly to the article, but why not go in via Diana's Little Corner in the Nutmeg State?  It's worth a short detour!

Choose Wisely

Transition comes with a price tag that is seen only through the haze of jaded eyes and whose full price oft becomes only visible after the final sale has been completed. The reality of what it means to live as female is often lost by many a weekend cross-dressing warrior as they amble from one transgender convention to the next in a fantasy-land bubble of accepting and skewed alter-reality.  Then... each person who completes the journey and who tries to warn their fellow person of the concerns they must judiciously face ahead are met many a time by a headstrong valiance which only the ignorance of a myopic vision can yield. And so they too thrust headlong into the maelstrom, only to repeat the cycle.

Wise words from Christen.  Has she chosen her direction in life?  Find out by reading the excellent post, Choose Wisely, from her blog, The Woman Within.

Myths and Misconceptions

It is wonderful and increasingly rare to read an article on the internet that has me nodding my head, and thinking, I have never thought about it that way. What a great way of explaining this idea.

Natalie Reed's 13 Myths and Misconceptions About Trans-Women has done just that for me.

There are beautifully simple ideas here:

“ … sexual orientation is about who you want to go to bed with, gender identity is about who you want to go to bed as.”

but for me, this article is important because she has expressed some universal truths about the human condition., such as:

"If prevention of sexual assault is something you’re keenly interested in then please start by focusing on dismantling a misogynistic culture that objectifies and devalues women and places their humanity as secondary to their bodies."

For more of the same go here for part one.

People Who Touch Our Lives

Bree has written a lovely post, thanking those who have touched her life by offering support, guidance, and/or friendship over the years.  We all need the support of a special friend, be it someone who is local or someone who is an on-line friend we may never meet in person.  If you don't have one, I do believe Bree is offering to be that special person for you.  Read Bree's latest post, People Who Touch Our Lives.

Along those lines, I want to remind everyone who may need a friend that many bloggers do list their email addresses.  I have never found one who has failed to respond to an email.  If you have a special blogger you feel a connection with, why not contact that person?  You may just find that friend you so need.  I did just that at a time when I didn't know one trans person in the world.  She responded and I will always be grateful to her for doing so.

A late edit....Halle recently put up a similar post, and beautifully written.

Changeling Times: Two Years On

    Andrea is the partner of Jane Fae, who has spent most of the last two years in transition and had her GRS last year, For Andrea that two years marks a significant anniversary, for it was two years ago that her bloke came out to her about gender issues.
    In her post "Two Years On", she reflects on those two years, and how it has affected her. Required reading for any of us who have wives, husbands or partners.