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Monday, December 13, 2010

Crossdressing Thoughts & Reflections - Aeify

This series on crossdressing thoughts and reflections has produced some really excellent posts from some fine bloggers out there.  Today's post is not from a crossdresser, however.  This time we're featuring the thoughts and reflections of a spouse.  Her name is Aeify and you can read more about her by going to Aeify's blog, A Perfect Love.

I really enjoyed this post.  I think I've read it three times now!  I guess what I like about it is the obvious love these two have for each other.  I hope you enjoy it too.

 - Calie
Reflecting on the T-lifestyle

I have known my spouse liked to crossdress since before he even proposed. I was excited by the prospect of the "dressing" during our lovemaking on occasion. I rarely thought about it for great drifts of time in our marriage. I didn't want the dressing to stop, it just never occurred to me the extent that one of us might want it to occur. I never tried to keep it from happening, but I didn't encourage it either. 

Shame on me.

The year 2010 will stand out in my memory as the year we came even closer together as a couple. I learned more than I ever thought there was to know about crossdressing. I learned the word transgender and the difference between a transsexual and a transvestite. I'm not an ignorant person, I just didn't think I had a reason to know more than I did, which was shockingly little.

I learned, I have grown, I am continuing to learn. 

Not everything I have learned has been good. I have met people both in person and (mostly) online who did not have a spouse that was accepting when they learned their partner's "secret." I still can't fathom why you would throw away a relationship based on what your partner wants to wear, but that being said, I haven't hired a skywriter to announce P's news to the world either.
I am so glad that I have a spouse who loves me just the way I am. I am loved no matter how much I weigh, if my legs are hairy, if my hair is done or if I am wearing makeup. I am loved unconditionally and even my most insane She-Hulk crazy (I'm a little OCD...shh don't tell anyone) needs are attended to. How lucky am I to have a spouse that can help me with my makeup?

I wish health and happiness to all of you. I wish that each and every one of you has a partner who loves and accepts you just as you are. (Even if you are just about to tell them after many years!) 

There is one thing I would do differently if I could turn back time. I would talk more in the beginning about dressing. I would have looked up years ago and learned about the communities of love and support that were/ are out there. I would also have been more understanding of the one trans person who used to come to the gift shop where I worked to use the restroom. She came by some time almost every Saturday. I told P this story not too long ago. 

She would come right up the stairs and go straight to the bathroom. Our sweet-smelling unisex bathroom that was almost always available. She'd go in there, fully dressed but sometimes she wouldn't be wearing her wig. She'd come out and take a turn around the store, not meeting my eyes and quickly leaving. I always wondered why she didn't linger like most of the other ladies. The shop was designed to make you relax and slow down. Then while I was telling P about this I looked at her and we talked about how this was probably one of the very few restrooms in town where she was free and safe to go. (And it was nice and girly). I so wished that I had made more of an effort to be her friend, but I'm also glad she came.

I wish you all a happy holiday season!


  1. I read and re-read and re-read this post. Then I thought and re-thought and still can't quite phrase a comment appropriately. But ... something compels me to at least say something. So I'll just say have a nice day.

  2. As much as I regret not being honest about my dressing before I got married, my wife has admitted she likely would not have been as accepting then as she is now.

    It scares me to death to think I might have lost her before I got to love her, but sharing this aspect of my life after so long together has renewed our marriage and brought us closer together.

    Your spouse is very lucky to have you - thanks so much for sharing. :)

  3. Don't forget that your partner is lucky to have you too! Sounds like you are a good team.

    Your story about the trans person in your shop was very touching. It's great that your shop gave her somewhere to go, even if she was too nervous to get more enjoyment out of being there.

  4. Dear Aeify,

    How wonderful to see you here!

    If marriage can survive a coming out it’s really Love and Forever!

    Happiness & Health to you and P

  5. You ladies are all so sweet! Thanks so much for your lovely comments! P loves and appreciates me for all she is worth! She couldn't possibly do more for me. I have to really give her props for being such a wonderful spouse!


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