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Saturday, August 17, 2019

The Fragility of Connections (With Others Like Me)

Recently I was contacted by someone (I’ll leave the details out in respect to her) and I always responded, answered questions and offered whatever support I could.  I was responsive, kind and understanding in my responses.  Then one day, she sent me an e-mail telling me she didn’t want me to think she had forgotten about me.  In an attempt to be very honest, knowing that many, many relationships that I have fostered simply vanished, I responded to her as follows:

Kandi's response was somewhat of a surprise to me.  Read the post to see how she replied.

Wednesday, August 14, 2019

If She Walks and Quacks Like a Duck, ...

.........once upon a time someone like me was doomed to live her life as a man; which, by no coincidence, is what I did up until the world became a kinder more reasonable place, for people like me, quite recently.

As is always the case with Halle, this post just makes too much sense.  Nicely said, Halle!

Monday, August 12, 2019

So you wanna be a trans ally? Great, here are five tips to help you!

I have a theory that most people start out as a teeny bit transphobic – that they see trans people, especially trans women, as people who are a bit weird, and certainly fair game for being the butt of jokes.

Andie has five important tips for those who want to be a trans ally.  

Saturday, August 10, 2019

Finding My Way

Like many people, I got sucked into the Face App fun and turned myself into an old woman.  The app also includes the ability to swap genders.  

A few months following her GCS, The Trans Canadienne has posted an update (and you know how I like updates!).   How did Face App look when she swapped genders?  Did she look like her old self?  Read, Finding My Way, to see for yourself and then go back through her blog to see the real pictures of her former self.  Oh, and do consider leaving this girl a comment if, for no other reason, to let her know how fab she looks as her TRUE self!.

Friday, August 9, 2019

"Is My Marriage Gay?"

Whether a marriage like mine is a same-sex marriage or some other kind is hardly the point. What matters is that my spouse and I love each other, and that our legal union has been a good thing — for us, for our children and for our community. 

While cleaning up some broken links in the Cobweb Corner section of T-Central, I came across Jennifer Finney Boylan's old blog, There From Here.  A lot of things have changed in the past 10 years and, as someone who is all about love and marriage, this post from 2009 caught my eye.  The original article was in the New York Times.  Oh, and yes, Jennifer and Deirdre are still happily married.  I wonder if she would notice if someone left a comment on a post that was written 10 years ago?

Thursday, August 8, 2019


Mostly though, anyone who has transitioned will tell you: the best reason to smile has to do with knowing you are who you ought to be - who you should always have been but for an accident of birth and the verdict of a quick glance, followed by gender-stereotyping for life.

It's so nice to see my dear friend, Halle, happy and still posting to her blog, three years after her transition.  There's a smile in that Silhouette!

Wednesday, August 7, 2019

A Special Trip

Could I muster the courage for this? What if... what if a dozen bad things happened -- which, of course, they could. Not all members of society understand or care about transgender people.

And, just what is Ally mustering up the courage to do?  This is a wonderful post and you'll just have to read it to find out.  Lots of pictures of her Special Trip are included.

Tuesday, August 6, 2019

Return of the Mojo

I sought out a sad fellow sitting alone while everyone mingled. I kept watching him across the room, and seeing myself as I was my first 40-plus years, paralyzed by social anxiety and unable to initiate a conversation. I spent about 15 minutes talking with him, avoiding the small talk that I knew I always hated. Maybe I was a little invasive and direct, but he opened up some.

Read that comment, above, and you'll understand why I believe that local trans groups are so important.  Long-time blogger, Leslie Ann, has returned with a rare post dealing with her struggles in running Trans Kentucky.  All is well that ends well and that has resulted in Leslie's Return of the Mojo.

Monday, August 5, 2019

The Curious Case of The Pink Fog

Which brings me to the term I've been pondering all week. "Pink Fog". What is it? I had to Google it when I heard it from Calie over at T-Central in response to my post, "The Choice". I think I had heard it once before, but didn't really know what she meant by it. Another comment warned, and this made my giggle and conjure up an image of a little pink Yoda: "Once you stay in the pink fog, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will."

The author of "another comment", mentioned above, was none other Yet Another T-Girl, Lynn Jones.  How can I not feature a post mentioning Lynn?  Never mind the fact that she also mentions moi.  Certainly, I can't be bribed into featuring a post.....  Never mind all of that however, just read Shannyn's, The Curious Case of The Pink Fog.

Sunday, August 4, 2019

Transgender influencers are changing Brazil's advertising industry

Caroline, one of our bloggers from Scotland and listed on T-Central, sent this uplifting BBC video and suggested it be shared with all of you.  Take a look.

Friday, August 2, 2019

Feminine Differential - Power

I explored my Power like an adolescent girl, wearing clothes that were too provocative, skirts that were too short, heels that were too high, and sweaters that were too tight, but always, with the intent of getting men to look at me.

This is one of those very honest, nothing held back, posts I love and it comes from Rhonda.   Read Power, and see if you can relate to both Rhonda's post and to those who have commented on her post.

Thursday, August 1, 2019

After the Mask

The changes due to HRT are great and life affirming, but the changes in me from coming out are no less astounding. Fear dissipated like a morning fog in the afternoon sun. I used to be self-conscious and always awkward, but now I don’t think about how others see me, just how I see myself.

What a beautiful post, from Elizabeth.  Her life changed for the better, After the Mask.

Tuesday, July 30, 2019

The Choice

She believes that for the good of the family, and in following God, I should bury my desires and suffer if necessary.

The "She" in the excerpt, above, refers to Shannyn's spouse, and it's not an uncommon comment from a spouse.  

Shannyn has come alive!  Her total number of posts for July now equal her total for January-June.  What's going on with Shannyn?  Read her current post, The Choice, and then browse her blog.  You might want to check out, When Did You KNOW? When CAN You Know?.

Oh, and please leave this girl a comment!  She's been leaving comments on many of your blogs and deserves a few herself!

Monday, July 29, 2019


I don't often wear polish on my fingernails, primarily because I don't dress feminine for extended periods of time and it seems like a fair bother if it's just for a few hours. However, I wear toenail polish almost all the time.

Just a few comments about.....being Polished.

Home Alone - Day 3 - Get it together!

Alright I'm getting close now.  But oh sh*t, two teenage girls just rounded the corner and are heading directly toward me giggling and guffawing away.  

She writes good, she's funny, and she's loving life!  Meet Tanya, who has blogging since 2017 but has never been listed on T-Central.....until now.  Thanks to Shannyn for linking to Tanya's blog.

In this post, Tanya has a day out at Target.  Sound boring?  Um....NOT.  Read the post for more.

Sunday, July 28, 2019

To Shade or Not To Shade

When you pose in a car, may I ask a favor? Please shed the sunglasses for the time to take a selfie. As a lesbian, I want to see your whole face.

Nadine has had many requests to shed the shades over the years.  What do you think?  I think she looks fab with or without and, really, it's her prerogative, right?  Read, To Shade or Not To Shade, for more pictures and comments.

Straight men's fear of knitting

Given the force the cultural gender conditioning has, the real mystery is not the trans women who join the Navy Seals before giving up their male lives. The true mystery is the ones who manage – against all odds – to express their true gender in face of all the jokes and the harassment.

It's another gem of a post, on a very different topic, from Jack.

Nothing to Say...

I've said before that it would have been easier if Tasha had done something bad and I/the kids could have hated her and moved on in whatever capacity that might have been. But we still love her a ton and want her to be happy with herself. This surgery is the icing on the cake. This is the one that means the most to her (besides the GRS, of course). She will no longer be misgendered under any circumstances. So, we support her.

Marni's spouse has transitioned.  In this post, Marni comments on a couple of feminization surgeries Natasha has had recently.  Both are serious surgery but one will affect the family the most.  Go to, Nothing to Say..., for the details.

Saturday, July 27, 2019

‘Strange Solitude’

I flew home cross-country from New Jersey on the Saturday immediately following my father’s death on Wednesday night – family told me that I was not welcomed to be present at their home any longer. My father’s funeral home visitation was that Saturday – family told me that I was not welcomed to participate and greet visitors. My father’s funeral and Requiem Mass was that next day, the Sunday immediately following his death – family told me that I was not welcomed to attend Requiem Mass at their Catholic Church.

The author of this blog has led a very sad life, the result of an early transition from male to female back in the time when this was absolutely not accepted.  Her writing is compelling, yet very sad.  She really should write a book.  Read her latest post, but please read, Our Story Begins, first.

“The Emergence of Trans” – out now, read the introduction!

Emergence of Trans finalThis book is intended as a statement of hope, and of possibility. It is about the context and consequences of trans emergence. It is about how “trans” becomes, and how we “become” trans. It is about how trans people are changed by the experience of emergence, and how trans emergence might change our worlds.

Dr. Ruth Pearce has announced a new book of articles relating to transgender life.  It includes Chapter 2: Reconceiving the Body: A Surgical Genealogy of Trans-Therapeutics; Chapter 7: On Being a ‘Wife’: Cis Women Negotiating Relationships with a Trans Partner and several other chapters.  Go here for the full details from Dr. Ruth.

Friday, July 26, 2019

Friend's Friday - 95 Degrees of Remarkable

The store is  (over)staffed by dozens of young, pretty girls of all sizes, shapes and colors.  AND and they ALL offered me a  " Hi".  

Velma has done a guest post on Rhonda's blog.  This one is about a warm day on the town.

Tuesday, July 23, 2019

Lucky One

How lucky am I though at this moment to have such choices in what I can do with my future and still at an age to make it worth while. There are always days when it feels like the complete opposite, ‘why didn’t I do something sooner?’, ‘Why am I not more feminine?’ et. al. But then something will trigger a different point of view, a certain angle in the mirror, a different perspective on the size of my fingers, seeing a women with a bigger nose than me (me-ow). A friend said the other day ‘My god, you’ve got little boys hands.’ Well, half way there I guess.

I so love Hannah's posts.  They're just beautifully written and you always want to read them from start to finish.  In this post, Hannah is feeling good about life.

Monday, July 22, 2019

"Boy or girl?" Are they the only choices?

Funny, after all the nonsense about trying to hush schools in the 80s on talking about being gay, here we are again in 2019, with another group of people trying to keep the kids from learning.

Lynn just keeps writing quality posts that beg to be featured!  This one involves educating public on live as a transgender child.

Sunday, July 21, 2019

facial hair

A real gift for transwomen on a budget who cannot afford expensive laser or electolysis or at the very least an aid to those methods. 

Joanna has a fabulous suggestion on removing facial and body hair, for those on a budget.  Despite my close ties to so many in our local trans community, this is all new to me and you can bet I'm going to try it out!  To find out all about it, go here.

Saturday, July 20, 2019

This Bird You Can Not Change

It took years for me to find a place, and though I have changed in some ways, war and just living will do that to you, I was always the same girl who pretended to be a boy with her friends on the second floor of a house, wishing she could get away from a small town to be herself.

Elizabeth has written a very nice post, built around the words of Lynyrd Skynyrd's Free Bird

Friday, July 19, 2019

Dorian Electra: ‘I’m not a woman dressing as a man. It’s more complex’

She says that her transmasculine image was partly influenced by artists like David Bowie, Bono (!), Liberace, Prince, and Austin Powers. 

Interesting synopsis of a recent interview with Dorian Electra, published in The Guardian.

Wednesday, July 17, 2019

My first time going out someplace as Susan

Now I remember the night really well as most of us do as it is such a pivotal point in our lives, I just can’t remember exactly when it was. I think it was in the late 90’s maybe 1998 or 1999 but the date is not important.

Susan writes about her first time out.

Tuesday, July 16, 2019


As I'll never be able to afford any surgeries, my transition has stalled.  This morning I contemplated de-transitoning, but I'd rather die than go back.

Sophie has been a wonderful blogger for nearly 10 years.  Now, she's thinking about dropping the blog.  I think this girl needs a boost, so browse through her blog and do leave a comment if you wish.

Wearing The Pants

Someone asked recently what my reply would be to a request to speak to the man of the house. After being taken aback a lot, thinking how primitive that idea always was, then remembering how prevalent that sort of thinking was not that long ago, I replied that I would probably say "He isn't in right now. Can I take a message?" 

Halle has finally settled into a comfortable and NORMAL life in the body she should have been born in.  Read, Wearing the Pants, for more on the subject.

Monday, July 15, 2019

No, I don't mind

"I can't wait to get home and take off my bra you know what I mean ladies?"

When two of our T-Central bloggers were having lunch together their server made the comment, above, to them.  For Joanna's and Halle's reaction, go to Joanna's short post, No, I don't mind.

Saturday, July 13, 2019

Something Completely Different

Yes, here at T-Central … a feature about someone other than a blogger. 

For me, it started two days ago when Joanna embedded an interview on her site; YouTuber Natalie Wynn talking with Krystal Ball on The Hill’s program Rising. I will be honest; I watched the first half, thinking - what a smart and witty cis-woman Natalie is, someone who is fun to watch and who speaks with the authority of one who does her homework.

As it turns out, Natalie is a trans-woman, who transitioned in full view of her public and her critics. If you don’t think that is brave, clearly you don’t know someone who has transitioned. 

On top of that, because she has a public platform, she is being seen, unfairly, as a representative of trans-people. 

Natalie’s YouTube channel, which she refers to as “.. a long, theatrical response to fascism”, is called ContraPoints. Many of you are going to say, why, of course, I know Natalie because I’m one ContraPoints' well over 600 000 subscribers. 

Here is a sample of her work:

Taking on Ben Shapiro

Blowing away Blanchard and Bailey and their defence of the theory of autogynephilia:

Before watching those, however, this talk she gave last September at the XOXO Festival is a very good introduction to Natalie and her work. 

Thursday, July 11, 2019


I remember one time when I went up to Fantasia Fair early and at the B&B there was a group of lesbians staying there for Women’s Week, the B&B put out wine and cheese at 5. On one side of the living room sat the lesbians and on the other side sat the trans people, I forget how it started but somehow the topic of “coming out” came up and we began telling our stories. A couple of bottles of wine later we were one group not two.

There are some in the trans community who feel that the "T" should be removed from the "LGB_Q". I've got to admit that I have leaned in that direction.  Diana links to an article that supports the bond between the gay/queer community and the trans community and has some comments of her own.

Wednesday, July 10, 2019

Birds do it. Bees do it. But can Katie and I do it?

I can’t Google-search “how to learn how to have sex with your previously male-bodied, transgender female partner” without getting a lot of unwanted search results.

Natalie very tactfully touches on a subject rarely discussed in the T-Blogging world.  This subject is just so important in our world and Natalie, the spouse of a transwoman, has stated it so well.

Saturday, July 6, 2019

The End

After 12-1/2 years, I have decided to put an end to this blog. I am tired of writing it, have nothing new to say and want to spend the time doing something else.

Please tell me it isn't so, Stana.  

Femulate has been an institution in our community, as has Stana.  I've been following this blog from nearly the first day.  Stana, via Femulate first helped me to better understand myself and later helped me to grow my own blog. Femulate has also helped grow T-Central tremendously, especially it the early years.  It used to be that all T-Central referrals came from Femulate.  I can't begin tell you how much I have appreciated the power of Femulate in helping other trans-related blogs to grow.

Stana has always kept Femulate up to the highest standards.  This quality has translated into many non-trans readers, such as spouses, trying to understand more about us.

I've met Stana more than once.  She's the real-deal, and I do hope she's OK.

Go here for her most recent, and currently last post.

Go here, for a recent post that I found very troubling, yet fulfilling when I got to the end.

Please also read Rhonda's Femulate Tribute.

Friday, July 5, 2019

Learning to be

The reality is that I cannot go back and fix things to make everyone happy, I cannot undo the mistakes and anger, the childishness and spitefulness. I was an unhappy child who grew into an arrogant and angry adult, further spurred on by being mistaken as male, so I got privilege as well. 

Elizabeth says so much in this relatively short post.  The post is a month old, but still very much worth the time to read.

Thursday, July 4, 2019

Seven years of being Kate later….

.........on July 2nd 2012 I technically started the journey and it was a strange journey ever since. Over the course of seven years hormones have changed my face, my body distribution and caused me to grow breasts, not to forget the surgery that finally completed my transition. But even now, sitting here with a vagina between my legs and the aforementioned breasts on my chest, it still doesn’t feel real.

Here's an update, from Kate.

Wednesday, July 3, 2019

a kick on the backside

"You know Joanna, 1/3 of my patients don't follow through with a medical transition and live like you. If this works for you then keep it up. I think it's wonderful"

Amen!  Read more about Joanna's visit with the doctor and find out just who got "a kick in the backside".

Passing Privilege?

First of all, I am not a big fan of the passing comment at all and always like to refer back to Stana's Femulate comment referring to how she always passed with care, by using her horn, flashing her lights etc.

Tell it like it is, Girl!  What a great post, from Cyrsti, and a fab comment, from Stana!

Tuesday, July 2, 2019

My Magic Dress

When you have a shapeless shape, how do you create a pleasing figure? Magic. That's what this dress does -- its design transforms nature. Yay!

Not much to this post except for some awesome pictures!

Monday, July 1, 2019

Qualities in Dating Transgender Women

Today’s talk is about the qualities you must have in order to successfully date transgender women.

This post is from Amanda, who has been doing this fascinating blog for several years.  It's listed on the right side of the T-Central home page.  The blog is full of many interesting scenarios and is probably of most interest to younger transwomen. 

Saturday, June 29, 2019

TransCisTer Radio - My Podcast!

Welcome to TransCisTer Radio!  Do you like the word play within that?  Brian and Dana came up with the name and graphic to go along with our show title.  Personally, I love it! 

Nadine has teamed up with a friend to do a podcast, and I love the name!  Go to TransCisTer Radio for the back-story and a link.

Friday, June 28, 2019

Little Moments

As I got changed, somehow my makeup came together - at least I was pleased with it :-) - and I did my best to help Michelle - someone new to the group - with their slap too. Playing it forward and all that. That's why we're here and it's good to be kind to others. Bless her, Michelle sent me a PM on our forum to say thanks. How lovely is that?

I love my local transgender group and I love that there are other similar groups out there.  This post, from Lynn, is just about the little moments prior to, during and after a gathering of the Nottingham Chameleons.  If you live anywhere near Nottingham, England, you really need to join this group.

Thursday, June 27, 2019

Being emotional

So I am pleased when I can say to Tina “I find it hard to believe anything good about myself, or that anyone could have regard for me”. Rather than suppress the feeling and have it manifest in tears I feel it so can say the sentence with only a slight quaver in my voice. This is progress. It means I get better at seeing who and how I am rather than suppressing it because it is too painful to admit.

Clare often addresses trans related subjects that other bloggers rarely touch.  In this case, Clare has written several times about the effect hormone replacement therapy has had on her emotions.  Being Emotional is Clare's current post.

The Real Perils of Going Out En Femme

Being outed at work is a real peril of going out en femme. It could result in the loss of your job and could negatively effect any future employment. However, there are worse real perils of going out en femme... like the loss of your life.

Stana shares a bad experience and offers some wise words.

Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Guest Post - Stepping Out Into Public

Laura Ann is a good friend and an excellent writer.  She's a member of the local TG group I belong to, The River City Gems.  I always encourage her, and any of you out there, to submit guest posts to T-Central.  This one has got to be one of her best, and I do believe it could very well apply to me!  Laura is monitoring, so feel free to leave comments here or send me an email (listed at the bottom of this page) if you would like to email her directly.

I recently read a post from one of our River City Gems members that talked about the difficulty that emerging transwomen have, with going out in public dressed in femme mode and presenting as women. An excerpt from this post:

"Stepping out into a public place can be humiliating, just knowing yourself that most people observing you will notice that you are really a man and not a cis woman."

I'd like to contribute my somewhat different opinion on this observation, a point of view derived from having lived as a transwoman full-time, post-transition, since June 2016. It's actually been a little longer than that, as I started shopping for groceries and clothes, and going to movies and restaurants, in full femme mode in March 2016, right after the River City Gems "Femme Friday" dinner that month. I left that event wearing a knit skirt, a very pretty knit blouse, 3" espadrille sandals, and a medium length wig; on the way home, I stopped at a Wal-Mart and spent two hours wandering the store, so deep in the Pink Fog that it's amazing I didn't drown. This was my first time alone in public, en femme, and no one looked askance at me, and the cashier actually complimented my nails, which I had just had done - a full set of acrylics - that afternoon. If you have read my other blog posts here on T-Central, you might know that I am in no way "passable": I'm 6'-2" tall in flats, I weigh 300 pounds, and I have an unmistakably male baritone voice. There's nothing I can do to change any of my physical attributes (except that I could lose the excess weight, of course). But I would still be too tall, too broad-shouldered, and just overall too "bulky" to ever pass as a born-female woman. Yet I have to live every day as I am, and interact with strangers at every turn, every time I go anywhere or do anything in public. I hardly ever get mis-gendered, and when I do, it's usually by someone with an obviously foreign accent, and I assume that they are from a country, or culture, in which gender pronouns are different ot not as clearly defined as they are in American English.  Anyway, when I do get mis-gendered under these circumstances, it usually doesn't feel malicious or trans-phobic.

The point I am trying to make is that I disagree somewhat with the statement quoted above, in that I don't think that most strangers observing me are clocking me as trans, or as a "man in a dress". And even the ones that do seem more likely to simply ignore the fact that I am trans as irrelevant - most people, at least adults, are far too busy with their own concerns to bother with harassing strangers, even transgender ones. In these three years that I have been living full-time as a (trans)woman, every time that I have been clocked, and the person clocking me has actually approached me, it has been to share something nice; often, they have a family member or friend who is trans, or I get complimented on my nails or my outfit, or they ask where I bought my handbag. These are positive interactions in other words, and not sneers, ugly laughs, or trans-phobic insults or threats. Men hold doors open for me all the time, and when I drop in at Lane Bryant or Torrid to look at the latest offerings, I get treated exactly the same as any other customer. In fact, sometimes I get the impression that the sales associates at these stores are in fact clocking me as trans, and they then go out of their way to make me feel extra-welcome in their stores.

I've been saying this for years, but it bears repeating: you don't have to be afraid to go out in public presenting as a woman. At least here, in Sacramento, California, it's safe enough. I wouldn't do something patently stupid like shoving my way into a biker bar and shouting "I'm transgender! Anyone here got an issue with that?". But if you just dress conservatively and in age-appropriate fashion, you can have a wonderful time being trans-femme in public. I do suggest the following steps:
1. You've got to shave off or cover up obvious body hair. You can't go out en femme, in public, your arms and legs looking like you borrowed them from a grizzly bear, and with a dense forest of chest hair peeking up through the neckline of your clothing, and expect this to be ignored. If you have a lot of arm hair, you have to at least wear long sleeves. I'm aware that, for many of you, shaving off body hair is not something you can do, for a variety of reasons, but you have to at least make sure it isn't showing.
2. Go easy on the makeup if you are past age 50. If you look around at random cis-women, for example at a shopping mall or supermarket, you won't see many older women wearing glam makeup to a casual dinner or to go to a movie or grocery shopping.
3. For heaven's sake, if you are past age 30. no mini skirts. If you wear a dress or a skirt, it should at least be knee-length, or mid-calf if you can stand to wear a skirt that long in this hot summer weather.
4. Try for the middle ground on your breast form sizing: a "C" cup. Huge breast forms will draw attention to you, and you want to be as unremarkable as possible if you are trying to avoid being clocked. I rarely wear forms at all anymore, even though I am only an "A" cup and unlikely to ever grow any more at my age, no matter how much estradiol I take. I hardly have any boobs at all, which is not typical for a woman with my body mass index, but I figure I am less noticeable this way than if I wore my size 14 "D" cup forms. And it's a lot more comfortable - breast forms in summer weather are miserably hot and sweaty.
5. Overly long or unnaturally "bright" colored wigs draw attention to you. Most women over 50 wear their hair no more than shoulder length. Save the long, beautiful hair for major holiday events like Christmas parties . If your wig says age "25" but a close look at your face or hands says "60", you're going to get clocked if you haven't already been.
6. Less jewelry is better than a lot. If you should happen to fall into a swimming pool, you probably don't want to be so loaded down with necklaces and bracelets that you get dragged to the bottom and drowned.
7. Most important of all: Attitude. You must believe in yourself, and that you have every right to be out in public en femme. It is my personal belief that, whether you are part-time, as are most of the River City Gems members, or full-time like myself, we are all equally transgender women. I can't figure any other explanation for why we all do what we are doing, i.e., going to Gems events or Trans-Pride festivals in the first place, dressed in women's clothing, and wearing wigs, makeup, and breast forms, and taking up women's names. I submit that there is something in every one of us, an "inner girl" if you will, that has been crying for release since we were kids, or you probably wouldn't be reading this, and I wouldn't have written it in the first place. So own it! Own it fully and be happy with who you are. Put on your girl clothes and go out to lunch at a favorite restaurant, then head for the Mall and browse to your heart's content. Go to Lane Bryant and ask for a bra fitting. The sales associate is going to know you are trans, and SHE WON'T CARE! She will respect that you are in her store asking for help, and she will respect you for having the courage to be there. Go into Torrid and pick out a cute bathing suit and try it on. At 5:00pm, head for a restaurant and have dinner, then a movie. If you are too apprehensive to try this yourself, alone, put together a GNO, and go out with some friends.

Owning yourself is to accept that your identity as a (trans)woman is just as valid as her identity as a cis-women is to any woman born "assigned female". Your womanhood is just as valid even if it's only a few hours a month that you can indulge it. Owning and accepting this will induce the change in attitude I'm taking about here: you will cease to be apprehensive. You'll relax and enjoy your girl time fully. You'll walk tall and proud to be who you are. You'll actively seek out store clerks, and ask for that bra fitting with a sparkle in your eye and a smile of happy anticipation on your face. You will come to regard nail salon appointments as all-too-brief periods of ultimate relaxation and fun, even if you can only indulge in them a couple times a year.

You have absolutely no obligation to feel guilty or like an object of ridicule when you go out in public presenting as a woman. I submit that "Transwomen are women, full stop". A lot of people would argue with me on this point, especially if the disagreement involves part-time vs full-time life, but I believe that whatever it was that led us all to cross-dressing in the first place is the same thing, whether an individual part-time CD does or does not eventually transition. For some of us, gender dysphoria was more severe than for others, and if our circumstances allowed it, we transitioned if that was the only thing we could do to find peace and happiness in our lives. Most part-time CD's won't ever be driven to transition, thanks to having deep emotional support from their spouses and other family members. But that we are all the same in our gender identity as transwomen, or as bi-gender in the case of a few of you, at some level, I have no doubt. Your happiness is important in the end, and it affects every aspect of your life. Unhappy people suffer more illnesses,  are less productive at work, their marriages don't work as well as they might, their kids suffer too, and in this small area of life, I am trying to put it out there that you don't have to be unhappy. You can indulge your inner girl out in public a few hours a month, safely. You've only got this one life, and if for some unknown reason your body anatomy, your spirit, and your gender identity don't all synchronize perfectly, that's nothing to be ashamed of. It isn't "your fault" or "your choice" that you were born transgender, and no one should want you to have to suffer for it. I think that in some ways, being transgender is an extraordinary gift; born as males, we are being given a glimpse into both the external and internal lives of "the other half" (the "better half"?). So be yourself in joy. And by all means, try on a really cute one-piece women's bathing suit sometime, if you haven't already; they feel really nice. If being a transwoman is to have a soul made from a framework of rats and snails and puppy-dog tails, with an admixture of sugar, spice, and everything nice layered on top of it, like sheetrock on 2x4's in the walls of your house,  then so be it. Live in joy however you can, and take pride in being fully who you are, in every aspect of your life.

Laura-Ann Charlot

Monday, June 24, 2019

we get to know our body

Yesterday was the first day I wore a dress to Sunday Mass. Normally I wear a top and a skirt or pants because dresses can be hit or miss for tall women. If it rides up above my knees I spend a good chunk of my day pulling it down. It drives me nuts:)

This is a style post, as in what outfit goes best with your body.  It's not a a blog about wearing a dress to Sunday Mass, although I'd like to hear more about that.  I do love that Joanna can be comfortable attending Mass as herself.  

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