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Thursday, May 31, 2018

coming out thoughts

For me personally, I do not consider myself as fully out - that is there are a small handful of people that know me in both genders but majority of those that matter to me in this world do not yet.  I've had alot of this discussion with my wife to try and gauge what that means and to me that I am not out means that I haven't fully accepted myself here.  I mean I know that I am trans, I imagine a life that I could live as Jaclyn but I still have fears of acceptance with work, with friends, with other family members.

For Jaclyn, and many others, coming out as trans means telling friends, family, and work associates.  The ramifications are often unknown and unexpected until after the "reveal".  In a nice, thoughtful post, Jacklyn shares her thoughts on the subject.

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Transition News

I have been living full time as a woman for almost eleven months now.  
My life is moving on well.

It's always nice to hear good news.  Here's an update from Kirsty. She includes updates on both her social and medical transition.

I just love end of this post:

Life is good and I’m a happy woman and a million times more fulfilled than I ever was prior to commencing my transition.  What more can I say?

Friday, May 25, 2018

Guest Post - Some thoughts on Transphobia and "The Bathroom Bill"

The occasional guest post is always welcome, assuming the content is relevant.  Here's another one, from Laura Ann.

Some thoughts on Transphobia and "The Bathroom Bill"
by Laura-Ann Charlot

A few minutes ago, I was reading a conversation thread on Facebook, involving a good friend of mine in the River City Gems who, like me, is a transgender woman, and some others who, judging by their responses, are supporters of movements in various places to have transgender people forced into public restrooms matching their assigned-at-birth gender. My friend took a lot of flak for trying to advance the argument that trans people are legitimate, and not mentally disturbed freaks who should be forced into conversion therapy (as if that ever "cured" anyone of being LGBTQ). This angered me enough to chime in with my own opinion, which I am usually loathe to do on Facebook when the subject touches on politics or religion, but I could not let an attack on a personal friend go unchallenged, so I responded with this:

"Weighing in here with my own 2¢ worth. To all of you trans-phobic cis-gender people participating in this thread, none of you have earned the right to judge me or anyone else, whether cis, trans, straight, gay, lesbian, bi, pan or whatever, whom you don't even know personally. Regardless of what you think about how I should just be happy with the gender role assigned to me based on my physical morphology at birth, you have no clue as to what gender dysphoria feels like. You have never, and will never, stand in front of a mirror, dressing in clothes that reflect your assigned-at-birth gender, and wish that you could just shoot yourself in the head or swallow a cyanide capsule instead of being forced to live one more day, one more hour, one more minute, in a gender that does not reflect your true self.

My sense of who I am is not in my genitals, it is in my brain somewhere, probably in the same place where my sense of love of my family and friends comes from, where my sense of grief and loss from the death of my wife of 30 years comes from, and where my hope for a brighter future for all humanity comes from, even for the haters, bigots, homophobes, and racists. Everyone. Isn't that what Jesus wanted? Y'all were given the same opportunities we all were, to be kind, loving, accepting, friendly, open-minded, tolerant - true Christians, in a word - and you have chosen to close that door, and thus miss out on knowing some pretty awesome people, like my friend, and all of the other transgender people who are gracing my life.

We are no different from you in our abilities to be loving parents, productive workers, excellent teachers that empower students to excel, compassionate doctors and nurses, or world-class scientists and engineers that will someday advance human civilization to heights we can barely conceive of today. So lighten up, okay? We are not freaks, monsters, mentally ill, or any threat to you or your kids, either in public restrooms or anywhere else. Or at least no more of a threat than the nut-case who killed 50 people in Las Vegas shooting from a hotel tower down into the audience at a concert. Last I heard, he was not believed by police investigators to be transgender. Transgender people are no more likely to be rapists, pedophiles, armed robbers, axe murderers, or politicians than y'all are. We're just people. We're engineers, attorneys, chefs, landscape maintenance workers, auto mechanics, teachers, truck drivers, secretaries, doctors, accountants, customer service reps, artists, musicians, actors, farmers, land surveyors, airline pilots, and any of a million other vocations and professions on God's green earth. We are contributing to society, raising our kids and grand-kids to be good people, just like everyone else. So keep your prejudices, bigotry, and hatred to yourself, okay?

It's already bad enough that you are probably passing on your attitudes and hatreds to your own kids, and just perpetuating LGBTQ-phobia and racism in our society. I'm sorry for you. I really am. Your lives could be so much richer if you weren't determined to shut out so much of the world and so many of the wonderful and amazing people in it. 'Nuff said, this was way more than 2¢ worth."

In conclusion, and borrowing a line from Forrest Gump: "And that's all I have to say about that."

Thursday, May 24, 2018


I was initially on a low dose of Androgel for a few years, and there were really only 2 reasons that I stopped, in December of 2015:  1) I wasn’t sure what it was doing for me, at that dose, anymore.  And 2) Was it causing my hairline to recede?  That was totally freaking me out!

Yeah, a receding hairline would freak me out too!  JQ had been on and off of T but right now the T is flowing.    This post is all about the effects of testosterone on hair growth and hair loss.  Well done!

Monday, May 21, 2018

When do You Tell People you're Transgender

A few days back I found this question on Quora: 
If you're a transgender person who passes easily, when, (if at all) do you typically tell people you're transgender?

Rhonda found this question, on quora, and re-posts a response from Emily, a psychologist, who is passionate about working with the LGBT community.

Sunday, May 20, 2018

Covering Up Beard Shadow

Ahh, yes….beard shadow. You can be such a pain in the ass some times. I teach a lot of one-on-one makeup lessons and covering beard shadow is topic that comes up in just about every lesson I do. So – how do we get it to stay covered as long and as well as possible? Let’s talk about it!

Is it a problem for you?  Hannah has the answers in Covering Up Beard Shadow.

Saturday, May 19, 2018

Please Stop and Stare!

Once a long ago, this page here was Anna’s only outlet. Back then she was a proper secret known only to an elite few. Fast forward five years and her photos mingle with my male photos on Facebook timelines. Just this morning I posted a picture of my proposed festival look: stripey top, denim shorts with optional black tights and a BUTTERFLY CAPE!

Our girl has been busy!  Anna has been performing with her band - mostly in Anna mode.  She shares lots of pictures with us, which include a variety of fab wigs and outfits.  Check out, Please Stop and Stare!

Friday, May 18, 2018

Crossdressing is an act, not a condition

For some transgender people crossdressing is traumatic. It intensifies their gender dysphoria, as shown in this comic. That does not make them “worse” transgender people or “better” trans people. It just reflects that all trans people are unique, with different personalities, backgrounds and life journeys. 

I love short posts that can say so much.  This one also has a pictorial that says it all.  I so, so relate to it.  Thank you Jack Molay for writing what needs to be said.

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Once removed

A few months ago I talked with a few friends about how I was feeling. There were some new issues that had started to express themselves. I also expressed it outwardly in a few posts on my Facebook page. I needed to come to terms with one of the realities of being Transgender. I was starting to feel more and more alone, not lonely but alone.

Does loneliness and being trans go hand-in-hand?  I certainly think this is the case for many.  It can result from being disowned by family and friends but it can also be that secret you're keeping inside of you with no one to discuss it with.

In this post, Aleana is feeling alone, and for good reason.  Once removed, the title of this post, pretty much says it all.  Read the post, feel her pain, and consider leaving a comment.

Sunday, May 13, 2018

Subject to debate

We really have to talk about gender, and about what it is not. Most of all, we have to focus not on gender, but on attitudes to each other. Jesting about a trans person is abusive. Shouting ‘you’re a man’ and ‘penis’ repeatedly at a trans woman on a TV show, and not being challenged, is abusive. Instructing your child not to associate with a trans child as a friend, is abusive. Putting gender up as the subject for debate, rather than challenging male attitudes to women, is abusive. Painting trans women as all being potential predators, as being essentially male, and painting trans men as failed butch lesbians, is abusive. Disenfranchising intersex people by not even including them is thinking about sex and gender, is abusive.

It's all about respect for each other and Andie says it so well in this post

If you haven't visited Andie's blog, I encourage you to take a look at a listing of posts she has done on the subject of Love and Relationships, a subject near and dear to me.  I especially liked, For Families: a summary.

Thursday, May 10, 2018

a handy guide if you are trans but can't transition

I loved this piece because it is so positive. It is very much pro-transition but you will understand when you read it why this trans person is not able to. It's just a lovely little narrative to lift anyone's spirits coming from someone with some challenges who chooses not to let them get her down.

Joanna links to a nice post from a girl who is unable to complete a medical transition due to health issues. Thank you, Joanna, for sharing this.

Here's a quote from the article

Not being able to transition this very moment does not mean you never will. I’ve heard so many trans people say “If I can’t transition now, I’ll kill myself” and, as much as I relate to that feeling, I don’t think it has to be true. In fact, I believe that statement initially became commonplace less because of the need to transition and more because saying that was something that finally convinced gatekeepers standing between us and our happiness to finally move out of the fucking way.

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Waiting game

So what's to be done? Kick up the mother of all fusses, of course! I feel that over eight years of this have given me the justification to be very prickly indeed, so it's off on the round of ringing up and kicking butt.

You go, Girl!  Give them hell!

About what, you ask?  Eight years of dealing with the NHS and no surgery date yet.  It seems that Jenny has been a victim of the "system" in the UK, and she's had enough.

It's nice to see Jenny do a post.  As with many bloggers, this one was therapeutic.

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Reverse Masculinity

So there is more to changing gender than just gender and it’s not about changing who I am, it’s about bringing out those parts of me that are suppressed. We all have the masculine and feminine and we are all balanced with that in different amounts to each other. It doesn’t matter what part of the masculine that is reintroduced, if at all, what matters is happiness, comfort and oneness.

Gosh, this girl writes so well!  Hannah doesn't write that often, but I do think I feature nearly every one of her posts.  You read the first paragraph of anything Hannah writes and you can't help but continue reading through to the end. 

Reverse Masculinity, may appear a misleading name for this blog post but by the time you get to the end of the post, you'll be nodding your head in agreement with a good understanding of the title.

Monday, May 7, 2018

Ladies Who Lunch

Sometimes it is hard to believe how much life has changed in three years. In February 2015, when Alice and I met for lunch, I was in male mode, but she told me, and I felt, that I was all woman. That was so much fun; my first taste of ladies who lunch.

It's so nice to see two of my favorite bloggers enjoying lunch together.  Halle has a short post about her lunch with Joanna and the benefits of being with someone who understands you.

I have met a few of the bloggers listed on T-Central.  Of the currently active bloggers, this includes Cassidy and Stana.

Friday, May 4, 2018

The Gender Tipping Point

As we transgender women (and cross dressers too) go through life attempting to cross the gender frontier, there comes a point when you can "tip" the gender balance.

We haven't visited Cyrsti's condo lately.  In this post, she discusses that point where your balance goes from masculine to feminine.

Thursday, May 3, 2018

Things a Phlebotomist Might Say*

A young woman entered the room, introduced herself, and swabbed the crook of my arm with alcohol. As she wiped, she asked without looking up, "Why do you shave your arms?"

Yeah, Leslie, why do you shave your arms?  I can't imagine.  Help me out!  You'll find the answer (as if you didn't know, right?), and more, here.

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Self ID as a threat

In 2009 Alex Drummond transitioned from male to female. She still has her beard, and did not opt for hormones or surgery. I’m widening the bandwidth of how to be a woman, she said.

While most of us are pretty open-minded when it comes to trans presentation, this is one example of where I'll draw the line in the sand, as does Clare; at least when it comes down to accessing women's restrooms, etc.  I'm not going to post a picture of Alex, but there are plenty on the web.   Check them out and form your own conclusions.

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Not A Life Choice – Continuing Prep

I had tears at some points. I tried to keep my sense of humor up and commented how some people who are ignorant to all we have to go through, say it is a life choice. Um, that much pain and you are ready to spill state secrets.

Emma's tears resulted from the pain of electrolysis.  The electrolysis that is she is talking about is just part of the prep for her bottom surgery.   And, then there is the pain resulting from the monetary side of things.  Bottom surgery....maybe.  Everything Not a Life Choice, to find out.

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