Using Adversity

For the transsexual, there is little room for doubt in the end. You should, you must doubt your thoughts and desires as you begin. By the time you act upon those feelings, thoughts and desires, you must, be fearless and certain of what you are doing.






My dear friend, Halle, and I first met several years ago.  We both wanted to transition but we both had a lot to think about.  Halle has proceeded with her transition and continues to blog, hoping that her writing may help others with similar thoughts.   Using Adversity, is one of those posts.  Short, and to the point....with quality content.

If I Was Your Girl

The book centres around the life of Amanda, an 18-yr old school girl in her final year of high school. She joins a new school, and falls in love with Grant, a football player. The hook (at least from a transgender point of view) is that Amanda used to be Andrew. Their relationship goes through some ups and downs, before the big reveal, and the aftermath.


 

In this post, Vivienne reviews a book, If I Was Your Girl, she found at the airport and ended up reading it on the flight.  She also has a few words to say about the author.  The book is young-adult fiction, directed towards high school aged trans kids but we older trans folks may also find it of interest.  The author, Meredith Russo, does know of what she writes, as Vivienne discusses in her post.

Feminine Differential - Shoe Lust

The pull is, how femininity makes you feel. It may have begun the first time you played dress up with your sister/mother/ clothes or comically pranced around in your girlfriend’s pumps showing her it is not so hard.  Something happens to a man once they slip into the forbidden world or femininity.  Nothing more defines that femininity than the female high heel shoe. 



Here's another post from Rhonda's Feminine Differential - Shoe Lust.

Trans Without Transition? A Critique of Gender Identity

A thought experiment: imagine an AMAB trans person who wakes up one day and has a startling realization: they are transgender! But they have zero desire to engage in any act of transition. They don’t want to change their name, their pronouns, their dress, their mannerisms, their voice, their body, etc. They are totally fine in the gender role assigned to them at birth.


I love this blog, from Rachel.  She gets into the who trans thing as a philosopher would and thinks out questions worth asking.  I suppose this is because she is a philosopher.  

The featured post is:  Trans Without Transition? A Critique of Gender Identity.  Don't stop with this post, however.  Dig in and enjoy Rachel's thoughts and writing.

Here's a bit more about Rachel:

Hi. My name is Rachel Williams. Here are some words that describe me:

Queer. Philosopher. Trans woman/non-binary femme. Poly. PhD Student/academic. Blogger. Vlogger. Beer. Coffee. Metal. Progressive. Agnostic-atheist. Science. Naturalism. Reddit. tumblr. Killjoy Feminist. Books. Pansexual. Vanilla. Political lesbian. Cuddling. Dogs. Cats. St. Louis.

Family Ties

Me:     Talking of doctors, I was referred to a clinic myself last year. Actually, it’s a Gender Identity Clinic and I’m on the waiting list to be treated for dysphoria. A couple of years ago I realised I couldn’t hide my need to live my life as a woman any longer.

[Silence]

The silence, for a few secs, came from Ruth's sister-in-law.  She did respond, however.  This post is a coming out story - actually stories - from Ruth and includes reactions such as this one from by Kate:

.......he couldn’t quite get past the ‘I don’t get it – why does he want to wear a dress?’ stage, though as I’ve probably said before, if you’ve no experience of gender dysphoria and it’s never touched your life that’s probably a not unreasonable reaction – especially if you’ve lived most of your life in an era where such matters were brushed conveniently under the carpet.

And, there's more in Family Ties, a well written post, from Ruth.

My Happy Childhood

Middle and high school and puberty were hell. Being at middle school sucked. I was bullied. A lot. That’s a whole other post. I was happy when I wasn’t at school.

I was an unwitting trans gal and I tried to play a regular dude, but I didn’t do it very well because I was a girl and didn’t know how to boy other than what I’d seen, and I usually did it terribly and you know how boys are during puberty. Ugh.


We all like to hear the childhood stories from others who are trans.  This one, from Heather, is not one of the happier stories, but as is the case with many, including myself.  Take a look at, Heather's "Happy" Childhood and perhaps you can relate.

"Oh please its 2016!"

"Oh Please it's 2016!"  (she said)




....and getting near 2017, Joanna!  A short, feel-good post, from Joanna.

My Annual Thanksgiving Coming-Out Poem

There was one at my grandmother’s house, when she said,
“Let us each say what we’re thankful for.”
But before we could answer, my drunk Uncle Ted
Was sprawled out like a dog on the floor.




In celebration of the American Thanksgiving holiday, Matt Kailey would repeat his Thanksgiving Coming-Out Poem every year.  It was a popular post.  Sadly, Matt passed away, on May 18th, 2014, but his spirit is still with us.  Please read and enjoy.

Happy Thanksgiving, from T-Central.

Transgender Day of Remembrance Wed 23 Nov 2016

When I learnt about Transgender Day of Remembrance (which must’ve been several years ago) I had mixed thoughts about it. How strange that there is a separate Remembrance Day for transpeople — after all, there isn’t one for gay people, for example, or for any of the other groups of people that one might define. 





Several of our bloggers have done Transgender Day of Remembrance posts recently.  This one, from Rosie, will be her first post featured on T-Central.

For those who haven't discovered Rosie's blog, below is an excerpt from her About page:

I used to be a man, but am now a woman in all aspects of my life: I have been presenting as female for several years, and in November 2013 I changed my name to Rosalie (Rosie for short, hence the title of this blog). I am currently on the NHS pathway to medical transition.

This is a blog about my life, with a focus on those areas where my gender or my medical transition is relevant. Steps in my medical transition itself, of course. And other feminine aspects of my life, even if mundane. And also situations where I am with other people who know of my transition — perhaps even people who have known me in the old days when I was a man! But — who knows — some days I might get bored and witter on about other stuff, too.

Epilogue...for my "pink fog" weekend

"You look lovely, Miss - here's a free sample of our product. " "No thanks, Sirs" in my slightly-modified voice.  And I kept walking.  One of them said "Oh please, Miss, don't break my heart...just give this a try and you'll be even more beautiful."  "Thanks, sir, but no thanks."  And I kept walking as they were babbling away. 


Those who don't get often will appreciate this "feel-good" post, from Mandy. 

It's just all about her "pink fog" weekend.

Dear Ignorant Member Of My Family

You watched me change from a little girl to a young woman.

Will you watch me change into a boy?



Dear Ignorant Member Of My Family is an emotional "open" letter from Jasper.

The Highs and Low of being a TGirl

Sadly though at the time I was left wondering about my status as a TGirl and wishing that the whole thing would just go away. At times it can be quite alarming how rapidly you can go from feeling on top of the world as a TGirl to being down in the pits.

 

Along with the theme of the previous featured post, I'm including this "retro" post, The Highs and Low of being a TGirl, from Susan, dating back to 2011.  Does anyone still use the term, TGirl.....besides Lynn Jones?  Perhaps the term has gone retro?

Wanting to Want to Dress

At one time I thought that if

I just didn’t have this desire that life would be so much easier; so much better. But when I actually lose the desire to dress I find that I am not happier, I just feel less complete somehow, less fulfilled. I wonder if others have had this experience, and how they coped with it.



We all know that it never goes away, right?  In this post, from the Crossdresser Heaven site, April discusses the emotions relating to just not Wanting to Want to Dress en femme.

Feel The Burn

“Grr grr arg, grr r grgg grrr gr grr grrgrgr grr’gr grrgrng gr grgg”

Which roughly translated means “Not too bad, but I can’t move my jaw because you’re holding it shut”.







A few days ago, Kirsty documented her first electrolysis hair removal session.  Those who haven't been through it (and even those who have) may find Feel The Burn of interest, and perhaps even entertaining reading!

A Mother’s Love… Not!

A Minnesota mom filed a lawsuit Wednesday against her 17-year-old transgender daughter, along with county health boards, a school district and local health care nonprofits.
NBC Out
By Mary Emily O'Hara
November 17, 2016


This one has me shaking my head.... A very interesting story and commentary, from Diana.

Pleated Skirt

I LOVE this skirt!  It is so much fun to wear!  It is pleated all the way around and is made of such smooth silky material that I love the way it moves while walking around in it.  It feels like I am wearing a cloud!  What exactly does it feel like to be wearing a cloud?  Okay, well I really don't know what that would feel like, but I would imagine that it would be all light and fluffy and swishy! Just like this skirt is!


Sometimes the best posts can be simple, short, and sweet.  Like loving a skirt; and, indeed, Nadine loves that pleated skirt!

Foundation - True Match

Getting foundation right was the most difficult part on pulling together my makeup.  Too heavy and you have the hooker look. Not enough coverage and might as well not bother. 






More practical stuff, from Rhonda.  If you haven't browsed Rhonda's blog, you should.  Lots of good fashion sense information. This time it is, Foundation - True Match.

Just Own It

We have to get over that. Stop making assumptions about how others will perceive us. Stop taking criticism, especially in the things we say and do, personally. Start living an impeccable life. Start living your truth, your path. It is your journey, your life, own it!



I don't think Emma's blog has ever been featured on T-Central.  If today you're having second thoughts, or just down, Just Own It, is full of positive thoughts and a good first-time-featured post from Emma!

Numbers - The Truth of Partner's Acceptance

The common theory states that it is very rare for a genetic woman to be accepting of a gender variant male to female significant other.  My own theory is that is actually simply based upon fear and not a true reflection of reality.


Nadine like numbers, so she decided to do a bit of research on the whole acceptance thing.  Read Nadine's results to see the numbers.

A lesson learned

I was always taught that the truth will set you free. What none of us are ever taught is that the truth can also be a prison. When you try to hide the truth, change the truth, mislead others, tell only part stories these and many other ways of subverting the truth. You will build the walls that will lock you in to your self made prison.




A short post from Aleana, who ponders on the above, in A lesson learned.

Cobweb corner and the power of small pronouns.

Truth be told “I” do have one regret, I believed when I was told that there would be no help available in my lifetime and I hid from the world only to be reborn with a limited number of years left to enjoy and many of those may be wrinkly! Do not take that as anything like a regret at changing, nothing can fully express the pricelessness of finally being your true self and everything that brings with it for you.

 

 

Just a few words from, Caroline.  She's always been one of my favorite bloggers; a wonderful writer who is so lovely in both mind and body, and a good friend.

And, she thinks I'm about to sweep her into Cobweb Corner.  Never going to happen, girl!

What Now?: The USA Election of 2016

There is a huge feeling of loss of control right now—this can feel terrifying to those of you wonder if you and your rights will specifically be targeted in the coming days, as well as those of your loved ones. This is completely understandable, as we face uncertainty as to just how far this could go. If you find yourself in a place of hopelessness and despair, bring yourself back to the present moment. There are leaders, groups and organizations who are on top of this, even as we speak. They will let us know what we must do to get through this—we will not have to go about this alone!

My attitude towards politics of any kind is C'est la vie.  In the USA, I have a lot of faith in the checks and balances of our constitution, but I keep as far away from politics as I can.....with the exception of transgender rights.  Accordingly, and as one of the T-Central Administrators, I personally have stayed away from featuring politically oriented posts, especially those that do not relate to transgender rights.  in recent days, however, there have been many blog posts from depressed and terrified T-Bloggers from within the USA and around the world relating to the results of the elections in the US.  I've tried to find one to feature, and settled on What Now?: The USA Election of 2016, from Dara.

an important distinction

I just never want to see another person confuse crossdressing interests with gender dysphoria because they don’t belong in the same sphere. Those who are gender dysphoric have known since earliest memory and it is up to them to deal with it in their own manner. Ultimately, however, it cannot be ignored because failure to do so could result in a perfect storm which will completely ravage your life when you least expect it.



Joanna authored this post a few days ago.  If you haven't read, an important distinction, you should.  Another well thought out post, from Joanna.

Our bedtime discussion…

I’m not sure what most people discuss at bedtime but I’m reasonably sure it’s not what we talk about.

Jeremy stomped into my bedroom yesterday evening. “I’m mad at some celebrities,” they announced as they flopped onto my bed.

I put my book down beside me and waited. As far as I knew, celebrities hadn’t done anything to us.

“There are trans celebrities who won’t tell people if they’ve had surgery on their genitals or not,” Jeremy continued. “People are going to continue to be scared of surgery unless they know of people who had it done and say it’s easy and safe.”


It was a bedtime chat between a wonderful mom and her child.  If you're unfamiliar with Michelle's blog, she uses gender neutral pronouns (they, their, them, ze, sie, and hir, etc.) when referring to Jeremy who identifies as "agender".

I’m The Dad Of A Boy Who Loves Drag Queens

This year when I asked my son what he wanted to be for Halloween his answer surprised me. Too be perfectly honest, most of the things that come out of my 9-year-old’s mouth surprise me. So why would this answer be any different?

“I’m going to be Bob The Drag Queen! Bob is my hero!”

Lori, the author of Raising My Rainbow (the blog and the book), and her husband, have written blog posts about their sons's Halloween wish....meeting (and being) Bob, the Drag Queen.

I’m The Dad Of A Boy Who Loves Drag Queens, along with Lori's post, All the Details From Our Night with Bob the Drag Queen, are wonderful posts!  Lots of pictures too.



 

Straddling the Fence

I was probably more passable than a lot of the girls at the Rainbow Gender Association, but it still felt like denial. Like I was bullshitting myself thinking that I was cute, when what I was was a freak.

So I stopped. I went back into the closet.

This was not a purge. I kept the wigs and the jewelry and the makeup and the nice clothes for several years. Nor was it a change in my basic gender identity or sexual turn-ons. I just dropped the activity.



There are so many good writers on the T-Central list.  Way down at the bottom of the page is a section called, Cobweb Corner.  These blogs that have not been updated in years.  Once in a while, I'll take a stroll through Cobweb Corner and see if there's something in there that was never featured and should have been.

Jenna's place was last updated in February, 2012. She blogged from 2010 to 2012, and we never heard from her again.  I often wonder what happened to some of these bloggers, like Jenna, who had so much to say in her posts.

Straddling the Fence is a post Jenna did in 2010.  She takes you through her life, from age 8 until the time she wrote this post, when she was approaching her sixties.

[Jenna: If you're still around, leave a comment!)

Passing

It is a great deal of work. Do you have the motivation? Is not-passing bearable? Does it fulfill some need for attention? Right now I don’t pass. I see that passing might have some advantages, in encounters with people uncomfortable with trans folk- certainly in job interviews-





In Passing, Clare discusses the subject in general and as it applies to her.  She says that she doesn't pass.  I think she's gorgeous, but aren't we always the hardest on ourselves?  With the right outfit, makeup, hair, etc., many, including myself, still see him in the mirror.

Nun Better

We're not supposed to enjoy wearing the clothes, are we. It's the discipline imposed upon us by the medics, scared of regretters they insist that those of us who transition must not be cross-dressers, and certainly must not be doing it because they like the clothing. It's a completely crazy distinction, because the nature of our condition means that identities are fluid. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with enjoying wearing something, as many natal women will tell you.


Jenny decided to present as a medieval nun for a Halloween party.  What a novel idea.  Turns out the costume was amazingly comfortable!  Read more at Nun better.

Rise and fall…

And so to today.  Acknowledging yet being unable to measure just how flat I felt, I mused that, at that semi-irrational moment, I could quite easily take crossdressing or leave it.  I could dress and to hell with it, or quite simply not bother.



T-Central features blogs from all across the transgender spectrum.  We have blogs from transsexuals and crossdressers and those in between.  We have female-to-male blogs and male-to-female blogs.  We also have blogs authored by spouses and parents of those who are transgender.

In the case of this featured post, the blogger is truly a crossdresser and freely admits it.  Many transsexuals start out crossdressing, but there's a difference.  The Recovering Crossdresser is a very interesting blog site which gets you into the mind of someone who would appear to have no interest in going beyond crossdressing and is actually treating crossdressing as more of an addiction.  Rise and fall…, is a well written post from a blogger who writes from the heart and leaves nothing behind.

Every kinda wrong. Every kinda right.

Mrs J read out the line: "Though men might plead that their muscles, big cars and sharp suits are for attracting women, really they are for impressing male rivals."
I think I can see how that can work and I wonder if I'm guilty as charged too? I don't do big cars, suits aren't my bag and big muscles, I'm too lazy and worried they'd spoil the line of my dress. :-) But, do I compete in other ways? Do I compete on 'the slacker scale' by pushing disinterest and rejection of the mainstream male behaviour. Possibly, methinks the trans person doth protest too much. :-P



Let me set up the scene.  The lovely Lynn Jones (very much in male mode) is sitting at the kitchen table with the Ever Lovely Mrs. Jones in their Nottingham period cottage.   It's a weekend and the kettle is hot.  Both are sipping Earl Gray.  Lynn has added milk to hers.  Mrs. Jones prefers lemon in hers. (note: I don't have a clue where Lynn lives, what her house looks like, or what she puts in her tea and, indeed, if it is even Earl Gray, but this all sounds rightly British, in the mind of a born and bred Californian).  Did I mention that it's grey (English spelling) and drizzling outside? 

Anyway, Mrs. Jones asks Lynn if she has read that article by Grayson Perry, titled What's Gone Wrong With Men.  A lengthy conversation ensues, followed by Lynn Jones, herself, pondering all of this in the form of a brilliant blog post.  It's quite entertaining, including an interesting aside mentioning the banned act of shaving arm pits.  [note the lovely and very bare pits in the snap on the right]

Have I piqued your interest?  If so, you must read Every kinda wrong. Every kinda right, and do leave Lynn a comment.  Good stuff!