Pronouns again.

The problem of pronouns has surfaced again. I got referred to as “he” and was surprised by how much it grated. The feeling of wrongness was visceral. But while “he” may be wrong, there isn't anything that feels exactly right either. 




A few comments about pronouns, from Jonathan.

Nearly the end of the year

........I've been trying to take note of at least three good things a day. Usually, the app pops a reminder up about 9PM, so I've the time to write something, and it's not quite late enough that my brain has packed up for the night. :-) There's even an option to clip some photos into the entry, so family things or whatnot can easily be included.


The last post on T-Central was a very "down" post from a girl who is losing her will to live.  I'm following up with a really sweet and positive post from Lynn who, with the support of family and the Cham's, always has something good to say about life.

I live

My heart breaks for the girl I used to be, that naive girl with shitty english and writing that still had hope for the future and really thought her life was going to get better, her family would accept her, she'd get hot and live the life she wanted to live. I'm a thing. It's so depressing to see that girl lose hope post after post until she becomes what I am today.



This post, from a Brazilian blogger, just makes me want to scream for her.  She needs support from her family and isn't getting it.  She also needs friends.  I'm assuming there is not a local transgender group where she lives.  Groups like the Gems (Northern California), the Chameleons (England), the MN T-Girls (Minnesota), Trans Kentucky, and many others would have members who could give comfort to this girl.  The post dates back to May.  I do hope she is still with us.

It Will Never Be Okay

I get emails from many people, both trans and cis about clothes.  Some of the emails are from people who may not consider themselves transgender, but rather just want to wear what they want to wear.  “Why can’t guys wear a skirt?  What’s wrong with men wanting to paint their nails?”






It will never be Okay.  Sad, but true.  Thanks to Hannah for a terrific post.

It's all in our hands

Some wait until a dear spouse is deceased or children are grown while others find ways within the context of their existing lives to deal with their feelings. If any of this were easy there would be a handbook, but unfortunately none exists. The only thing I know for certain does not work is ignoring your dysphoria; don't do what I did.


Joanna contributes to her blog daily, and every post is worth reading.   As is always the case with Joanna, her posts are short and to the point.  It's all in our hands, however, has got to be at or near the top of her best posts ever.  This one is a must read for all who are in that in-between world, myself included.

Thoughts on being transgender

As the year draws to close, I would urge anyone else on this journey to remember that transition is a means to an end, and not an end in itself. There’s so much involved on so many different levels in making it happen that it’s very easy to forget that there’s a life waiting on the other side.



It's been a long year of ups and downs for Ruth, but her attitude is fabulous. Thoughts on being transgender is a well written post that many can relate to.

Transgender Sexuality

I don't like it when I am needlessly poked or prodded. Now, I'm not saying the whole thing was anything sexual but then again, I don't know. I am aware too, women are allowed to touch each other when men normally never do. One way or another, the advances were not liked or returned.






Cyrsti wrote a post.  Connie filed an enlightening comment.  Cyrsti writes a post centered around Connie's comment.  Put the two together, and it makes for interesting reading.  That's what blogging is all about.

The Transition Roller Coaster

Once I realized I had to get out of that hole and get on with deciding to transition, it felt like a rocket ride up, up, up, until I hit the point of maximum expectations, where I thought everything was going to be great. I could do this! I could be myself! All! The! Time! It was going to be and was great!



Ever hear of the Gartner Hype Cycle?  I hadn't. I Googled it and found this:

Gartner Hype Cycle methodology gives you a view of how a technology or application will evolve over time, providing a sound source of insight to manage its deployment within the context of your specific business goals.  (https://www.gartner.com/en/research/methodologies/gartner-hype-cycle)

So what does this have to do with transitioning?  Heather makes the analogy in, The Transition Roller Coaster.  Now, it all makes sense!  I like this Heather!

Matt Kailey's Holiday Coming Out Poem

Some of you may remember Matt Kailey's Tranifesto blog.  Matt transitioned from female-to-male, in 2007. It was a sad day in the LBGT world, when Matt died in his sleep at far too young an age.  His blog is still listed on T-Central.  His last post, Tranifesto Celebrates Five Years, was on March 31, 2014.

This poem was written for the American Thanksgiving holiday but it's just, if not more, appropriate for any holiday where families get together.  In this case, the Christmas holiday. 

 


A Thanksgiving Coming Out
By Matt Kailey
There’s a holiday coming on which we give thanks
For the wonderful things in our lives.
Not cell phones or new cars or what’s in the bank,
But our partners or husbands or wives.

We think of our loved ones as we plan our trips.
To see them will be a real treat.
And we know that the question on everyone’s lips
Will be, “When the heck do we eat?”

Now I’ve been through many a Thanksgiving feast
And lived to tell the story.
I can’t really rank them from most fun to least —
They all seemed a little bit gory.

There was one at my grandmother’s house, when she said,
“Let us each say what we’re thankful for.”
But before we could answer, my drunk Uncle Ted
Was sprawled out like a dog on the floor.

Another time everyone came to my place
With their offers to get in the way.
They crowded the kitchen and took up the space,
But at clean-up, they just couldn’t stay.

Then my sis tried her hand at the family feast,
With enough food to feed twenty-one.
But her poor old dog, Rover, that ungrateful beast,
Got there first and left us with none.

So, what’s really going on here? Are you excited? I mean —


Thanksgiving dinner with family and friends
Is supposed to be something quite dear.
But whatever your means and whatever the end —
Admit it. You’re quaking with fear.

There’s nothing exactly like gathering in thanks,
After wading through mountains of snow
With sweet Aunt Matilda and that slob Uncle Frank
And their passel of children in tow.

Then your psychotic brother
Arrives with his wife,
And you wish that he’d put down
That sharp carving knife.

And your parents announce
A Thanksgiving Day bet
That has something to do with
Why you’re not married yet.

And your nephew, who’s one,
Starts to laugh at his toes
And squirts mashed potatoes
From out of his nose.

And your cousin,
Who’s eighteen going on thirty-three,
Reaches under the table
And fondles your knee.

But the worst thing is going to somebody’s house
Who you’ve never laid eyes on before,
And eating strange food prepared by their spouse
And choking out, “Sure, I’ll have more.”

We all have our stories of Thanksgiving pain,
Of the sacrifice we’ve had to make.
Of the friends that we’ve lost and the weight that we’ve gained
And the turkeys that just wouldn’t bake.

Of the vegetables we couldn’t identify
And the rolls that were hard as a rock.
And the off-color jokes that we just let slip by
While our grandparents went into shock.

Even so, on Thanksgiving, there’s fun to be had.
You just have to know how to do it.
While you’re dealing with relatives, mother and dad,
You can do more than simply get through it.

Have some fun. I did. Here’s how.

One year, my grandmother confessed to me,
“I miss the old songs of my day.”
She sat at the piano, hands over the keys,
And she said, “Will you sing if I play?”

She started a melody, one that I know,
A song that began with a bang.
And I stood up and readied myself for the show,
Then I opened my mouth and I sang (to the tune of “Has Anybody Seen My Gal”):

Six foot two, eyes of blue,
Works on a construction crew.
Has anybody seen my guy?

Studly nose, knows the pose,
Has a million other beaus
Has anybody seen my guy?

If you see a fine dandy,
Handsome and slim
Diamond rings and all those things
You can bet your life it isn’t him

But could he love, could he woo
If you find him, you can, too,
Has anybody seen my guy?
(I really miss him)
Has anybody seen my guy?
(Come back to me, baby)
Has anybody seen my guy?

Well, my father jumped up and he started to scream.
My mother said, “Oh, no, oh, no.”
My aunts and my uncles turned six shades of green.
And my brother said, “I told you so.”

The house was in chaos, the family was crazed,
And nobody knew what to say.
Then my grandma said, “What’s wrong?” She seemed quite amazed
When my mom blurted out, “Oh, he’s gay.”

So my grandmother looked at me, up and then down,
And, at first, didn’t utter a thing.
Then she turned to my mother and said with a frown,
“He’s not gay. He can’t even sing.”

“And look at that hair! And those clothes!”

Though my Thanksgiving coming out could have been better,
There are some things we cannot foresee.
But I’m grateful my cousin, even though I would let her,
Has never again touched my knee.

And as for you —

If you feel like you’re getting the Thanksgiving blues
And fun things start feeling like chores,
And you’re dreading the sound of your relatives’ shoes
As they head up the walk to your door —

Just think of my story as you make your way
Through whatever the holidays bring.
And be glad that you didn’t find out, on Thanksgiving Day,
That your son, or your daughter …

can’t sing.

The power of support

Do you know how wonderful it is to come home every day to a house full of amazing queer and trans humans who have chosen to make me a part of their lives?






Actually, I don't, but we can all find out what 's like by going to The power of support.

Some Sunday Susan time at Starbucks to study.

Now the young man at the counter who took my order has waited on me before and today he told me how nice my hair looked, now I have gotten compliments on my makeup, nails, outfits and general looks but this is the first time on my hair. It did make me feel wonderful. 


If Susan felt wonderful, than this qualifies as a "feel-good" blog.  Read Susan time at Starbucks for more.

Ten Years Gone By

Renaissance. Originally posted Dec 21, 2008

Tonight I went to my first Renaissance meeting.

As you can guess, it isn't a bunch of people discussing Michealangelo. It's a group near me of T-gurls, etc who meet for support and good times. It is a national group, and I attended the Greater Philly group's meeting.

I arrived dressed in normal street clothes, and changed on site, scared as can be. I didn't bring any makeup. Well thats really because I don't have any yet but thats a minor detail. In any case, I wore a new white top and black skirt I recently bought, as well as the red wig from Femme Fever.


In Ten Years Gone By, Sophie writes about those ten years, dating back to her first trans group meeting, on December 21, 2008.  She also links to her re-posted My Space Blogs, which I had not seen on her site before.  It's always nice to go way, way back and read the early posts from one of our bloggers, so grab a cub, read the current post, and then browse those early posts from Sophie.  Many of you will relate to her early early years.  If you're short on time, read this one.

 

solving a puzzle

At times it feels like I am crossdressing to go to work and then become myself in the evenings and weekends and perhaps that isn't far from the truth. You have to make your life work for you in whatever form will fit and that's what I have succeeded in doing. I have built myself an existence that honors who I am while balancing choices I have made in my life.

"Joanna-be-Free", is built into Joanna's web address for her blog.....and free she is to be herself.   I do think she has solved the puzzle.

The Xmas Do

Other than a quick dance, nibbles, and much laughter. it was great to catch up with folk I'd not seen in a while (Sarah & Nicole: both looking fab). Sometimes it can be difficult to fit a regular visit in, so whenever people make the effort to attend, much as time permits, I - and others - make an effort to see how they are.



This is just a shout-out to Lynn and the Nottingham Chameleons, and all of the other local TG groups.  If you haven't joined a group, you should.  Just read The Xmas Do and see how much fun the Chams have.  

If your local group is not shown on the right side of this page, please let me know so I can get it listed.

Relationships

I am far from completely open.  Only my wife and one friend know “both” of me.  Being perfectly candid, if you met me (the real me, the male me), you would have zero suspicion that I am a CD.  None.  Just being honest.








This one, from Kandi, is just the kind of post that I like to feature.  It's honest and many others can relate to it.

Don’t call me that

I did not set out intending to become a spokeswoman for anything or anyone. But over the past couple of months I’ve been involved in two separate events in which I’ve been called an advocate.








All I can say is good for Cat and good for her hospital, in Toronto.  She may not consider herself an advocate but she is participating in a trans related event and a trans related study, both sponsored by the hospital.  How great is that?  Read more here.

GP Appointment. Transitioning?

I have an appointment with a specialist GP working with people seeking gender transitioning. After many sessions with Prof Harte, I’ve come to the point where really the direction I want to go is clear.



Rachael is close to a decision to transition and everything seems to be going her way so far.  I love that Rachael shares her thoughts with us because there are others out there with similar transitioning thoughts who can relate. 

Travel and My TSA Experience

The short answer: 
There was no difficulty either flying out of West Palm Beach or my return out of Cleveland. And yes, that was my travel in outfit at The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and my fly back outfit in the photo shown here. On the return I had on full makeup and an underwire bra (that was not intentional). I presented my Florida male driver’s license (DL), and boarding pass and with no question pass through the identification part with no comment from TSA agent or explanation from me. 

The short answer is above.  The long answer is here.

Thanks to Rhonda for a nice post that I meant to feature a few weeks ago.

Male Privilege

Men just don't grow up with the same problems with potential personal violence threats as women do. I learned very quickly the gender differences when I began to journey out of the closet and into a feminine existence.






It's time for another visit to the Condo.  Crysti's posts are generally short but she always says a lot with few words.  In this one, she comments on male privilege.

Jordan’s Journey

This is me. I’m Jordan and I’m happier now. I feel at ease.






If you're not transgender you'll never truly understand, but reading this post may give you some idea.  It's beautifully written and relates a crossdresser's life from childhood to present.

Women Can

This past week I've been working on a DIY project. We own the special equipment required, and I have the expertise, so why not? More importantly, when the hunky guy came a month ago and gave us (two women with no man in sight) an estimate for the project, it was ridiculously expensive. 






So many bloggers, who have transitioned and are now comfortably settled into their new life, have quit blogging.  It's sad, but I get it.  That's why I'm so happy to feature a post which is simply about a few days in the all too normal life of one of our post-transition bloggers.  Halle, you rock Girl!

Why do some men kill transgender women?

In hypermasculine societies like the ones you find in many parts of the United States, any threat to your male identity is a threat to your social standing in that community, your reputation and your “honor”.
 A transgender woman is by her very existence a threat to this clear cut binary. 


29 transwomen killed in 2017, and it's almost always the men who are the killers.  Why?  Go here for more.

Nadine's Not so Mini Update

E's effects are not always as noticeable.  Thus I love comparing my old favorite photos to my new favorite photos.  That is where I see the most changes.  Most people keep saying - yeah you look happier.  Do you know what?  Something else must be happening.  I can't just be getting happier and happier.  Was I happy when I first got the hormones on 7/3/17?  Yes I was!


It's really been interesting to read about Nadine's life changes over time.  There was a time when transition was a question, rather than decision.  Along with the decision, I love the way this girl makes the most out of her life and her marriage.  In this post, Nadine updates us on her transition progress and includes some pictures comparing then and now.  Back then, she was merely gorgeous.  Now, she's beyond gorgeous!

Looking

I didn't feel sad, but I certainly felt a slight pang that there was a situation I would not find myself in. Certainly with recently close-cropped hair, - yes, my hair has headed south for the winter, and, indeed, spring, autumn, and summer! :-) - the idea of my own locks ever reaching that length (plus, not at my bloke's age of mid 40s) are not to be.


Lynn was looking at the woman's bob hair style in the car ahead of her.  The result was a tad bit of dysphoria, which Lynn comments on in this post.