Hit by “Trans-Friendly” Fire

When they interviewed me and my young trans daughter, both reporters seemed sympathetic to us and claimed to be trans-friendly.  So why did they turn around and write such transphobic articles?  


From GenderMom's blog post, regarding the picture on the right:

One of these little girls is trans. The other one gets to claim her gender without journalists constantly second-guessing her ability to do so. Can you guess which is which?

This is an article about transphobia, but not THAT kind of transphobia that you and I might experience.  This is about the "emerging" acceptance of parents that their child may, indeed, have gender identity issues and the lack of acceptance by the general public that a child, at 5 years old or whatever, can be trusted when claiming he or she is living within the wrong gender.  

Extremely well written and a must-read, from GenderMom.  

we might be getting somewhere

Lo and behold there was a sign that very much caught my attention and I just had to take a picture. It was an indication that we might be advancing as a species.



A short one, from Joanna.  I like the sign!

Transgender Transition's Slippery Slope

Back in those days, I had three friends who ended up supporting me and they indirectly pushed me along. I did feel as if I was sliding down a slippery gender slope to a transgender life.



So, we all know she did go sliding down the slope.  How is she doing now?   Read, Transgender Transition's Slippery Slope, to find out.  

Our girl's blog has a new look, by the way.  Looks good, Cyrsti!

Femininity or Female

What was the cut off point? I mean when you think about it where was the border where I am a male with more feminine traits than most or so much so that I am, when it comes to gender, female with a male body.





This is a wonderful blog post, as is the case with all of Hannah's.  I wish I could meet this girl.  We seem to think alike.  

In the wide-open spaces of the American West, we can think nothing of driving 6 hours to see a friend.  I read what Hannah wrote in this post and it immediately made me think of the thoughts Clare, who lives north of Hannah in Scotland, has shared in her blog.  Clare has transitioned and has felt that she could have lived as a feminine male.  Hanah is still pursuing her options.... Femininity or Female.... Now if those two could get together and talk.....

Asking for it

Jen: How did you first sit down and have a serious conversation with your wife about your dressing?

Pandora: How long did it take you to find and/or settle into your style?

And did you go through the awkward "dressing much to young for your age" phase?



Lynn answers the questions, above, in the last half of this post.  Great answers, too!  

The first half deals with a bit of ME-TOO stuff....it does happen within our community. 

Some more thoughts about transgenders and society

Late middle age transition has another problem - most of us have been brought up that gender was binary, and not a fluid spectrum.  So if we want romance, it's much harder to find, as people of this generation often see transgenders as something that's neither fish nor fowl.  We're not completely women, and we're certainly not men.  Since we can't be defined well in their eyes due to how others in our generation view gender, we have a much harder time finding romantic partners, much less compatible romantic partners for us.


A few thoughts, from Marian.

TDOR, Uncle Frank, And Cousin Steve’

This will be only my second TDOR.  I never knew of this event until last year though I have been transsexual my entire life. 





Her first TDOR was last year, yet she began hormone replacement therapy in 1979.  There's a lot more to this post, however, and it concerns her Uncle Frank and Cousin Steve.  It's a sad story and worth reading. 

Four More Years!

I remember the very first MN T-Girl meeting at Cafe Southside in Minneapolis.  I arrived a little early and wondered if anyone would show up.  But a few people did, and now, 4 years and a whole lot of eyeliner later, the group is still going strong with close to 200 members.




Those who follow T-Central know how I value the importance of local transgender groups.  It looks like the Minneapolis T-Girls are going strong.  If you live in the area and are not a member, I can guarantee you that joining a group such as the MN T-Girls will provide lots of friendship and support.  Here's to many more years and many more members!  Four More Years!

Pressure to Transition

I had known some butch lesbians around my age when I was growing up but I didn’t start meeting many older butch women until after I detransitioned. Meeting them has been healing beyond words. 


This is an excellent from-the-heart and brutally honest post from a woman who transitioned to male and then detransitioned.  Take the time to read this one.  It's a very different point-of-view from an other detransition posts that have been featured on T-Central.

My Outfit - Making It Work

That was certainly not the look that I would ever
go for!  I mean seriously, it is not like it didn't fit a little bit, it didn't fit a lot!  It was so bad, that I wondered why I even purchased it! 



Nadine did purchase it and she did make it work.  She's shared several pictures to prove it.  I think she looks great.  Love the top!  Love the skirt!  Love the look!

Frankly my dears, I don't give a damn!

Chronologically, I may be a senior citizen, but in my mind, I am far from it. In my mind, I am a young woman and I plan to look like a young woman as long as possible.






You may have already seen this post, from Stana.  If not, drop her a comment.  Something like...."You GO Girl"......or how about, "You ROCK, Stana!"

Transition Timeline – 2.5 years

Quite frankly, I had no idea what I was doing.  Everything was scary and I had to quickly figure out clothes, makeup, hiding beard shadow, my voice, mannerisms, unlearning socialization, passing, dealing with social anxiety, getting clocked, dealing with legal ID issues, being part-time, coping with dysphoria, not to mention my studies and teaching. 


This post is another progress report, complete with pictures.  The pictures start off with a good looking guy, full of facial hair and lead into a very pretty woman who just happens to have a very smooth face.  Simply put: Rachael is gorgeous!  Go to Transition Timeline – 2.5 years, to see for yourself.

Am I a "real woman"? Thoughts on Transition from the wrong side of age 60 - TC Guest Post

A guest post, by Laura-Ann Charlot, of the River City Gems.  (guest posts are always welcome)

laura_ann.072 at yahoo.com

A transwoman friend of mine - I'll call her "Grace" here, to protect her privacy -  was recently in a conversation with a cis-woman friend of hers, who repeatedly used the phrase "a real woman", in a context that implied that Grace isn't one. Grace's transition, now in it's 5th year, has proceeded as far as HRT, but she has not had any feminizing or gender re-assignment surgeries, and she might never have any; that is her choice to make, and she doesn't feel any pressing need to have any gender transition surgeries at the moment. Now Grace is about 20 years younger than I am, and by anyone's standards, I would say that she is drop-dead beautiful, even with no makeup, in grubby clothes to do gardening or housework, and with her own not-very-long hair instead of the much longer wigs she wears most of the time. But what makes a woman? Is it an "X" chromosome? Ovaries and a uterus? If so, we M-to-F trasgender persons are doomed to second-class status in the perception of woman-purists, I guess.

At least for however much time I am likely to have on this Earth, there will not be any way for a geneticist to clone a female reproductive tract for me in a laboratory, or any surgeon with the skill to install those "parts" inside me even if they were available. Besides which, I'm 61, and a bit past the age of child-bearing, I think. So what makes me, or my friend Grace, go about claiming to be women?
   
Since I can't ever have female "pieces and parts", there must be something else that makes me think "I am not a guy anymore, assuming I ever really was one in my mind; I am now a woman (or a transwoman, if you prefer)". Without those ovaries, I have to use estradiol supplied externally, and I have to take androgen blocking drugs to suppress my testosterone (at least until I have GRS, if I ever do). Then there are my physical attributes, most of which can't ever be made to look womanly: I'm 6'-2" tall in flats, with the typical broad shoulders, big hands, and narrow pelvic bone of a born-male, and I am a lot bigger in almost every proportion - except the two that I'd like to be bigger - than most natal women. I know that I need to lose weight, so speaking to my current 300 pound bulk, which makes me a favorite customer of certain purveyors of plus-size women's clothing, that at least I have in my power to do something about. A surgeon can at least partially correct the structure of my facial bones, but there's simply nothing to be done about those shoulders, hands, and the un-feminine ratio of my hip to waist sizes.
   
How about my presentation? My state of mind? My self-perception of who I am? Ah, now we approach the important core of the matter. There are times when I feel pretty, like last night as I was getting ready to join some River City Gems friends at a GNO party. I wore a very nice, knee length knit dress in a dark green and blue pattern, my favorite pair of boots, in a medium brown shade of faux-suede with 2-1/2" block heels, very comfortable, and very feminine; I felt wonderful wearing that outfit. And it's not often that I wear a dress, I am a skirt-and-blouse girl. I received several compliments on my outfit and my makeup last night, and not just from my Gems friends, but from a couple of cis-women too.
   
But those other times, oh Lord, when I don't feel so pretty: those times, usually in the cold light of morning, when my back is hurting and I feel every minute of my 61 years weighing on me. When I know that I look like the aftermath of a really bad train-wreck, or like death on a cracker, with my hair looking like a bird's nest that someone just exploded with an M-80 firecracker, no makeup on my blotchy, worn-out face, no jewelry, nail polish coming off in chunks because I haven't had a mani/pedi for two months, and my legs, at least the part showing under the hem of my skirt, looking like hell because I'm not hiding them under hosiery at the moment.
   
I look in the mirror, bleary-eyed, but what I see isn't "him" any more, despite the awful condition I am in when I first climb out of bed in the morning: I see Laura-Ann - there she is! - and I smile, thinking, "Wow, I'm still alive, I get one more day to be myself. To appreciate the gifts I have been given, and to love my family, my friends, and myself. To interact with the world as a woman (who happens to be transgender). One more day to hold my beautiful Pauline in my arms and have some cuddle time with her."
   
In that moment, it doesn't matter if I get mis-gendered on a phone call, or dead-named by someone who has known me for 25 years and is so used to calling me "Larry" that using that name is automatic. I know that being mis-gendered and dead-named by my friends and family isn't being done with malicious intent, and that even total strangers who do it don't intend to hurt me. I have a deep male voice that's stuck somewhere between bass and baritone, and it's just a fact of life that I'll be mis-gendered from time to time because of it. But what the hell, when I look in that early-morning mirror, and my first thought is "Laura-Ann, you look like hell but you are a happy girl this morning", that is all any of us can ask for, I think.
   
To love myself, at last, and to know, as I approach the start of the 17th month of my HRT next week, that gender transition was the right choice, and the path I really needed to take; the joy I live in now is all the justification I need. If I were to have a conversation like Grace did, with a friend who is unwittingly using language that de-legitimises my womanhood, I hope I will remember these things, and not take umbrage at being called out as transgender and not "a real woman". Okay, I am not a cis-gender woman, I got that. I will never have ovaries, or a uterus, or ever know what it feels like to give birth to a new human being, or to have a girl's childhood experiences of playing with Barbie dolls instead of Tonka trucks. But I had a mostly joyous life as husband to a wonderful woman, now sadly deceased way before she should have left this world, and almost all of what I know about this Universe, and my place in it, and about people, and relationships, came from my life experience as Larry, as the guy that I thought I was. I would be foolish to reject that life now. I like the way Sabrina Symington, a transwoman and graphic artist in Vancouver, B.C. puts it: "The best parts of the guy I was are still a part of me, and all we had to throw away in our transition was the sadness". I couldn't say it better.
   
If any of you reading this are in the early stages of transition, or haven't started HRT or even gender therapy yet, don't let other people who may not have your best interests at heart influence you unduly. Only you, yourself, can decide who you are, where you want to go in life, and how you want to get there. If something inside you is whispering that your assigned-at-birth gender doesn't feel right, those are whisperings that you should heed, and spend however much time you need to understand them. You should at least consult a gender therapist if you are in any distress about your gender. A good therapist will not tell you specifically that you are, or are not, transgender; his or her job is to help you understand who and what you are for yourself, in your own mind, and then to help you make whatever decisions you need to make, yourself. Transition isn't necessarily difficult, but it isn't easy, either. Especially if you are married, and/or have a job in a State that doesn't provide legal protections to your employment as a transgender person, you will face difficulties. But if you look around, you can usually find transgender support resources in the larger towns and cities, and good therapists.
   
Whatever decisions you arrive at, like whether to transition or not, to have GRS or not, and how/when to let your loved ones know you are trans, if you decide that you are and need to transition, I hope you will find the love and acceptance that I did when I came out. This world is a long way from being a perfect place for anyone who is LGBTQ, but it's slowly getting better. Good luck, and best wishes for the upcoming Holidays and the start of 2018 in seven weeks.  

Lucy so far....... 13 months on HRT

I'm still waiting for all the big mood swings that everyone keeps talking about but she seems to be exactly the same as she always been with the exception of a couple of spiky moments which are not too bad.


I love to see progress reports from our bloggers in transition.  In this case, the report is from Lucy's incredibly supportive and loving soul-mate, Avril. 

Lucy so far....... 13 months on HRT

Getting a pap smear as a transmasculine person

I don’t have a gynecologist.  I haven’t had one for probably 15 years.  The reason for that is because I felt so out of place there, so I let that aspect of my health passively slip away.  I’ve always gone to the dentist twice a year.  I was really into chiropractic care for years, consistently.  I’ve gotten eye exams.  I regularly go to a therapist and a psychiatrist.  I even have a primary care physician, and more recently, an endocrinologist.  But I’ve neglected and avoided anything related to my junk (this is just my preferred term for what I got going on down there…)


Included in JQ's "junk" is a cervix and a checkup of that particular body part is the subject of this blog post.  As Shawn points out in a comment, a hysterectomy eliminates the requirement for a pap smear in those transmen who elect to go with the surgery.  Great post, from Janitorqueer.

Why Aren’t You Wearing a Dress

A dress is an ideal garment, in my opinion, because it requires so little preparation to wear. All you have to do is take one off the hanger in your closet and put it on. Skirts and tops are more complicated. You can end up with a dozen tops and skirts and then you have the problem of matching them up. You may also end up with a very messy closet. I like a dress because the top is already coordinated with the skirt..

So...... Why Aren’t You Wearing a Dress?  Nicely thought out, by Tasi.

The Why Factor

Steph asked me what do I get out of coming to the Chameleons and dressing as Lynn? That's quite a question, and one I'm not sure I fully answered back then.





I'm sure Lynn is wondering why it took me so long to feature this post.  Perhaps it's the misspelled words?  (Behaviour....favourite....I mean Gmail does recognize that these words are clearly misspelled :-) .

The Why Factor is just that.....why does Lynn like to dress up as a woman.  I'm sure we all have our own answers to that question, but Lynn does a nice job of addressing it.

Loss, loss and loss

I loved my hair long before, but I could never give a reason not to get it cut to a “professional” men’s length without giving away who I really am. So, at the urging of my manager one day, I cut it off to put forward a more professional male persona as I was trying to get a better position. I regretted it the moment I did it, and I felt a traitor to myself.


While Beth comments on losing (as in cutting) her hair, this post is about more than the loss of hair.  Loss, loss and loss is about coming out.

#MeToo: Some Thoughts

Having a man follow you and saying that he likes the way you look is a very unpleasant experience. Walking past a whole group of men intent on you as a sexual object is frankly terrifying. 






Excellent and well written thoughts, from South Africa's, Daniella.  It's a long post, but worth the time to read it. When you do read it, ask yourself if what Daniella has experience in South African cities compares to what you might have seen or experienced in your own city.  I think you'll agree that her thoughts are shared by other women and transwomen world-wide.

Fashion Stages of a Crossdresser

It is widely reported that irrespective of what physical age a crossdresser begins dressing, they will invariably go through different fashion stages which explains the all too apparent look of short skirts and tight blouses seen on many crossdressers.  They’ll  follow a fashion development pathway that is typically comparable to that of a normal woman but without the influence of feminine socialization experienced by natal women.


This is a very good and, oh-so-true (IMHO) blog post, from Tasi. According to Tasi, there are four Fashion Stages of a Crossdresser.

Adam’s Apple - Hiding a Prominent Trachea

Having a visible "Adams' Apple" has never been a problem for me. Just luck of the draw, I guess.





For many, it is a problem.  Rhonda discusses temporary and permanant solutions in, Hiding a Prominent Trachea.