In October, Brittany did a fabulous post on her blog, A Day in the Life of a Texas Transsexual. It is long but very well written and, in my opinion, well worth the time to read it. Rather than link to it, with Brittany's permission, I am publishing it as a guest post on T-Central.
Calie
Hello again everyone!
Transsexual people have to deal with many different things when they transition. Every aspect of your life is affected when you transition from one gender to another. Just living as a Transsexual in society is hard enough today with all the prejudice and ignorance that exists, but there are many other obstacles to overcome as well. The most important is no doubt keeping your job. I have known many people who lost their jobs when they announced to their employers that they planned to transition. Even if you are lucky enough to keep your job when you transition there are still many negative aspects that you have to deal with. The most difficult thing you have to deal with when you transition is dealing with all of the people in your life.
When a person fully transitions, every single person in their life is affected by it. Knowing that your transition will affect every single person in your life, and that you will most likely lose many friends and family members along the way, only makes it all the more difficult for the person transitioning. Add to that the possibility of losing your job, everything you own, your retirement, knowing that so much ignorance and prejudice exists towards Transgender people and it makes the thought of transitioning absolutely terrifying. It takes a huge amount of courage to overcome all of that fear -- but in the end you simply have no choice. You reach the point where your "bell goes off" and you either transition or you die. You reach the point in your life where you realize that you have to live your life and if you can't do that you would rather be dead. You transition knowing full well that most of the people in your life will never be able to understand why you had to transition and also that many of them - including family members - may never accept you.
When I knew I had to fully transition in early 2009, I fully expected to lose almost everything I had -- after all, I had witnessed this happen many times to many other people when they transitioned. I thought for sure that I would lose my job and that would in turn lead to the loss of my house, possibly my car and most other possessions. I also fully expected to lose most of the people in my life, including most friends and even family members.
When I transitioned I was very lucky. I was one of the very few who transition who was able to keep her job. I also kept most of my friends. I was positive that I would lose my parents but they kept me in their lives and did not turn their backs on me. My sister has known about me since approximately 1993 so I did not expect to lose her. I was also single and had no children, so I didn't have to go through the loss of my family like I have witnessed so many of my friends go through. Compared to most people who transition, I was very lucky indeed.
All of Your Relationships WILL Change!Even though I never lost many of my good friends or my parents our relationships were forever changed. I fully expected this, after all how could they not? All of these people now viewed me as someone entirely different from the person they thought they knew before -- and they were right to feel that way because they had really only known a small part of me for all those years. I wasn't even the GENDER they thought I was - at least not mentally! Although I knew these relationships would be forever changed, I never fully realized just to what extent they would be changed before I transitioned.
When I first transitioned I was really grateful that I was so accepted by most of the people in my life -- and that is still the case to this day. Every single one of those relationships did change though. Now I will try to attempt to explain how this 'change in relationship' has effected not only all of the people in my life but also how it has been from my own perspective.
EVERYTHING Has Changed
Transsexual people need to understand that although many people in your life may have "supported" your transition, the reality is that EVERYTHING has changed in they way they now view you. Do NOT expect your relationships with anyone who knew you before you transitioned to remain the same! The way EVERYONE who knew you before you transitioned feels about you IS now completely different. To all of the people in your life, the entire relationship dynamic has completely changed -- because now those people realize that you are a lot different from the person they always thought you were.
When you first transition and you receive support from people you are very happy to have it, but after time goes on you suddenly realize that things really HAVE changed after all. These people meant it when they said they supported you when you first told them about your transition -- after all, you probably told them BEFORE you actually transitioned. You may have told them in person, by telephone, or possibly by email, but since it was before you transitioned you were still presenting as "male" -- you seem like the same person they have always known. These people had no trouble facing you or talking to you at the time since you looked and sounded the same way you always did. However, once you transition this is NOT the case at all, because you now look and sound completely different – you look and sound like a woman! Just knowing about these changes creates problems for you and everyone else in your life as well.
It was easy for a lot of people to fully accept you when you told them you were going to transition, but after some time goes by and you do transition these people have had more time to think about what was actually taking place. They come to realize that you are not the person they thought you were at all. In many ways, you now suddenly seems like a total stranger to them in many ways and as a result they don't quite know how to maintain the friendship. These people don't just suddenly "stop supporting" their friend who transitioned, but the relationship HAS changed they really don't know quite how to deal with all of it. In the end these people just slowly fade out of the life of the person who transitioned never to be heard from again. Even though these people may have "accepted" you when you first told them you planned to transition, after a while you suddenly realize that in reality many of the people who first accepted you really ARE gone from your life after all.
Drifting Apart...Many people who transition who were at first "accepted" by their friends end up losing those same friends in the end just because they had drifted apart. This is a very common occurrence with people who rarely see you or have never seen you at all since your transition took place. Drifting apart is not really anyone's "fault" at all -- it is just something that happens for many different reasons.
In a recent post I told about meeting some friends from Missouri I used to work with while I was attending a conference in San Diego, CA. For me, these were the same people I had known for years - nothing had changed my view of them at all -- they were exactly the same.
However, the exact opposite was true for them. I looked, sounded and acted completely different than the person they had known for so many years -- I was not even the same gender I used to be! They had no real "problems" with me, but they felt awkward when they were around me because the relationship had changed so much from the one they were familiar and comfortable with. Years before they would have said anything to me and been unrelenting with their jokes, but they didn't feel comfortable to act that way with me now since they viewed me as a woman - or at least someone in the process of changing into a woman. I appreciated the fact that they did this, because I did not want or expect to be treated the same way that I had been when I had to be "male" around them.
Until that meeting in San Diego, I had never given much thought at all about how or why my friends might have difficulty relating to me now that I had transitioned -- I had only been concerned about their acceptance of me. Most people in my life were shocked but had no problems accepting the fact that I am Transsexual -- knowing how to deal with that change in the relationship was/is the hardest thing to actually deal with -- and not only for them, but for me also.
The reactions of my friends at the conference in San Diego were perfectly understandable. At the time it was a little amusing to me to see their discomfort, but at the same time knowing that they were uncomfortable was also very frustrating. The more I thought about it the more I wanted their discomfort to evaporate. I knew that if I could spend some time (at least a few hours) with them that much of their discomfort would probably disappear but unfortunately we just didn't have the time to do that at the conference.
And THAT is the problem! It is simply impossible for you to sit down with all of your friends for long enough periods of time to where they all feel "comfortable" with you! In my case, most of my old friends are scattered all across the country or even live in Europe. They have trepidations about contacting me - and I have trepidations about contacting them also, because I KNOW they will feel weird hearing me on the phone, or seeing me for the very first time and I don't want to "thrust" them into that kind of situation. It is a difficult situation all the way around and there is no easy answer.
My point is that you need to realize these things will happen when you transition. Do NOT think that things will be the same way they have always been with all the people in your life - because they won't be the same at all. The reality is that everything HAS changed!
Maintaining The Relationship
In an earlier post, I pointed out that it is important that the person transitioning maintains the contact in these relationships. Email is one way to do this. Using social networks like Facebook is another way that enables people to stay in touch, see how you look and know what is going on in your life. Social networks help you to maintain those relationships, because your friends and family members can see pictures of how you look and hear what is happening in your life. Social networks are a "safe" way for your friends to see you and learn about your life from a "safe distance." Social networks do NOT solve all of the problems mentioned before though -- all of those problems still exist.
For example, think about how it would be to call one of your old friends on the phone. You are now using a completely different voice (in most cases anyway) and you don't know how your friend will react or feel about that. Also, depending on your history with the person, it may be somewhat difficult to talk about "old times" now - for the very same reasons I mentioned above when I met my friends from Missouri in San Diego.
Like I mentioned earlier, actually seeing you for the first time is also very difficult for most people - and that might be very awkward for you as well. Before their friend transitioned they may have called "him" several times a year or invited 'him' over for dinner, to go to a movie, attend a party, set 'him' up with a date, etc. Now that "she" has transitioned, the person they thought they knew before seems much more like a stranger to them and they do not know how to approach her. They don't feel comfortable calling her on the phone any more -- after all, would she now sound like a woman on the phone? THAT would be weird! They have never seen their friend dress, look or act like a woman either, so they never invite her out to lunch or dinner, to the movies, or over to their house any more. Just imagining "him" as a "her" is very difficult, but to actually SEE it would really be difficult to deal with and would no doubt be quite a shock. It is no doubt be much easier NOT to have to deal with that situation at all -- after all, most people will always take the easiest way out of a difficult situation if they are ever given a choice. As a result, no contact is ever made with the person who transitioned.
I know several people who supported me since I transitioned who live fairly close to me but have yet to see me in the flesh. I have talked with some of these people over the phone or by email and they always seem to want to get together, but it never actually happens. Some have told me things like, "We'll have to go to lunch sometime" but I know when I hear that it will most likely never happen. Unless someone says something like, "Want to go to lunch this Tuesday at 11:30?" you can bet that the "loose" lunch date will never actually materialize...
It is really hard to know just what to do in these cases. For example, I know that these people feel strange about me to begin with so the last thing I want to do is to just suddenly show up on their doorstep just to say hello - how awkward would that be..?!!! I have even had people tell me to call them before I came over - probably so they could be prepared mentally to see me for the very first time. The fact that they told me to "call first" before coming over is understandable, but it still is a bit insulting. Realistically, just suddenly showing up on their doorsteps may be the only option in the end that will enable all of us to get past this initial phase of awkwardness.
Also, life goes on. All their lives as well as mine. Maintaining contact with people I haven't spoken to since I transitioned is far down on my list of things to do because I have a lot going on in my own life at the moment -- and I'm sure they do too. As life goes on more people from your 'old life' just seem to fade away...
Some Relationships Cannot Be Saved
Since I transitioned full time I have never had anyone just tell me to my face that they wanted nothing to do with me. Even though this has been the case, I also know that many people where I work have problems with my transition. There are about 1200 people working for the agency where I work in Dallas. Out of that 1200 people, only about 150 of them attended the Donna Rose training right before I transitioned. This leaves MANY of those people with no understanding of Transsexualism at all and many of them DO have "problems" with me. Most of the people I work with directly do not seem to have "real problems" with me, but there are a few who I know do. These people have no problems working with me on a professional level but anything beyond that, like friendship, is simply not going to happen.
For example, one woman who was a fairly good friend of mine before I transitioned used to care enough about me to stop by my office and see how I was doing if she hadn't seen me for a while. She has not stopped by my office one single time since I transitioned. The other day I even loaned her a new CD for her to listen to that I thought she would like. Later that day I went by her office and found the CD on her chair - she'd left it there for me to pick up if I came by. She had gone to a doctor's appointment and had left early for the day. Instead of stopping by my office (which she walked right by on her way out) to drop off the CD, she left it on her chair for me to find. This way she could avoid me. I have never mentioned this to her and never found out if she even liked the CD. Frankly, I don't care. She has made it clear to me where I stand as far as she is concerned.
I have also never seen this particular woman in the women's rest room a single time since I transitioned so I am sure she actually goes to a bathroom an a different floor rather than use one I might happen to be in. She is very friendly to me face-to-face but she obviously has real problems with me. She will work with professionally but it is obvious that she no longer considers me a friend. She is a real disappointment, but I will not waste time worrying about her -- life goes on and I will only worry about my true friends.
People Who Have Problems With GRS
Another relationship that has suffered and changed since I transitioned is my relationship with my parents. My parents did not shun me when I told them I planned to transition. My dad obviously had problems with the fact that I eventually planned to have surgery but he didn't disown me when he learned I planned to transition. My mother was really supportive at first but as time went on I could feel her support start to dwindle. It is now very clear to me that my mother also has problems with the fact that I will have surgery.
Several people knew I was Transsexual for years before I ever transitioned. My relationship with every single one of those people changed after I fully transitioned - and that was something I NEVER expected at all! Some of these people also clearly have problems with the fact that I will have GRS. These same people seemed to have very few problems with the fact that I am Transsexual, but their support seemed to quickly fade once they knew for sure that I actually planned to have surgery. Even though they have no idea when that surgery will be, they still know it's coming and have had less and less contact with me ever since as a result. There are many people who have real problems with the fact that I plan to have surgery!.
My point in all of this is that even though I didn't officially lose many family or friends when I transitioned, the reality is that I really did. The relationship with every single person in my life has completely changed -- even if they already were already aware I was Transsexual. Because of this, in many ways I can't help but feel that I have really lost many of the people in my life since I transitioned.
I knew before I transitioned that my relationships with all the people in my life would be different, but I never realized just to what extent this would be true. It has been MUCH worse than I ever imagined it would be - and NOT in a good way. Be prepared for this when you transition. You will be very surprised and shocked by just how much that change will be after you transition.
Sometimes They Come Back
I have witnessed many of my friends lose their wives and kids once they transitioned. I know many people who transitioned after 20-plus years of marriage and went through (or are currently going through) some of the nastiest divorces imaginable. I have also noticed that the younger (0 to early teens) the children are the more likely they are to accept the transition. Children who are older (mid-teens and older) usually have the worst problems with the fact their father plans to transition to a woman. Many of these older children are not only embarrassed and ashamed that their father is transitioning into a woman, but many obviously feel a huge resentment because of how their mother is affected by the transition and the breakup of the family unit.
I have known several people who lost friends and family members when they first transitioned, but as time passed a few of those people came back. This is more common with family members than friends, which makes sense since family members are closer to you and are normally with you all your life.
I have known several people, for example, who lost their children when they transitioned but over time some of those children - if not all of them - eventually came back. In some cases I have even seen how these children have completely accepted the transitioner in the end and actually think of and refer to them as another mother and their relationship was closer than ever before. This level of acceptance is very rare (from what I have seen) but I have seen it happen -- so never give up hope!
Going Stealth
I have known Transsexual people who have turned their backs on all of their friends and family once they transitioned. This is pretty easy to do if you have little or no support from most friends or family members after you transition.
Things also change over time after you transition. At first you only wanted support from all of the people in your life, but after a while this isn't enough. You may feel you have support from the people in your life, but soon you realize that most, if not all, will never fully accept you as a woman because they have already "gendered" you as "male." This poses a big problem because you want and need to be fully accepted as a woman -- and this need, of course, only gets worse after you have had surgery and you ARE physically and legally female.
I completely understand how Transsexual women only want to live their lives as women and feel that having ties to anyone who knew them before they transitioned will only hinder them. They ONLY want to be viewed as women - NOT as Transsexuals. This is true in my case as well. I do NOT want to be known by everyone as "Transsexual" - I am a woman and I want people to only think of me and treat me as any other woman.
I have known Transsexual women who just suddenly "disappeared" at some point. They wanted no ties to the "Transgender community" at all. They did NOT want to be known as "Transsexual" by everyone who knew them -- actually, by ANYONE who knew them. They decided to "go stealth." They left all ties behind and started whole new lives where everyone who knew them would ONLY know them as women. If all the friends in your life ONLY knew you as a woman they would have no trouble at all accepting you as a woman. They would ONLY view and treat you as any other woman – which is exactly what most Transsexual people want.
Even my (ex) best friend went "stealth" on me. I had been her best friend and supported her through her transition from the very start to the finish. She had even given me credit for stopping her from committing suicide at one point when things really got bad for her. I was there for her every step of the way during her entire transition all the way through surgery, but as soon as she learned I was transitioning full-time she turned her back on me and I haven't heard from her since. Such loyalty… She obviously wanted to break all ties to her former life and I was a part of that life she needed to leave behind. She wanted no ties to the "Transgender community" and she probably considered me to be a part of that community. She also probably did not want to have to go through another person's transition -- after all, her transition had been hard enough. I still resent her for doing this to me at the time when I needed her the most -- because I never would have done the same thing to her. Still, I can understand WHY she felt the need to do it.
Like I said, I can fully understand why Transsexual people want to "go stealth." Having everyone in your life ONLY view you as a woman would be wonderful and it would solve so many problems. On the other hand, being stealth also CREATES a lot of problems as well. The main problem it creates is MAINTAINING that 'stealthiness.'
Being stealth years ago was fairly easy to do because it was much easier to hide your trail. All documents were paper-based and held somewhere in a manual filing system. Today this is not the case at all. Maintaining stealthiness in this day and age is almost next to impossible. Today documents are stored in digital format and can be very easily accessed by many different people all across the country. The Internet and digital databases make it very easy for people to "out" you at some point. For example, even though you can change your name and gender at the Social Security Office they still keep your original gender on file. I have also heard of Transsexual people who had been stealth for years who found that when they applied for Medicare that they were still listed as "male."
I do know some TS women who are stealth and married to men. In most cases their husbands know they are Transsexual but they also only view them as women since they never knew them before they transitioned. I have even met TS women who were married to men who NEVER knew that they were TS. Living in stealth mode is no doubt much easier for married TS women -- just the fact that they are married makes their stealthiness that much "deeper," because they appear to be no different from any other married couple in the eyes of society – I guess you could say that their husband is the perfect “beard.” Even though being married adds to your stealthiness, all the problems with maintaining that stealthiness still apply -- except now two people may be affected if you are somehow outed...
My (ex) best-friend once told me that transitioning was NOT the hardest thing to deal with for Transsexual people -- maintaining your stealthiness, on the other hand, is. In her eyes, if anyone knew you were Transsexual you were nothing but a "complete failure." She even thought that people who were TS fighting for the rights of Transgender people were complete failures just because of the fact that everyone knew they were Transsexual. Needless to say, she and I had some major differences of opinion on this issue...
People who are completely stealth (this is known as being "deep stealth") live in constant fear that they will be "outed" at some point and the life they had worked so hard to achieve will be ruined. I fully understand the want and need to be stealth -- but I certainly will never let stealthiness rule my life. I had to hide who I was almost my entire life -- because for years my life depended on me doing that -- it was a survival tactic. My days of hiding who I am are over! I am very proud of who I am now and it took years for me to come to terms with who I was and to feel that way. I REFUSE to go "back in the closet" again and forever worry that someone will eventually find out that I am Transsexual! I DON'T care if people know I am Transsexual -- I am very PROUD of that fact!
That being said, it is still possible to live with a very high degree of stealthiness. I can live in stealth mode easily enough when I am out in regular society. I can (eventually) live in an area where my neighbors have no "history" of me being "male" and they only view and consider me to be a woman. I can even have friends who only know me as a woman also. One day I may even have a job where everyone I work with only knows me as a woman. I can have all of that and actually be just as stealth as anyone who is in "deep stealth mode," but I will NEVER worry about being "outed." My world won't come to an end if at some point in my life someone somehow finds out that I am Transsexual. The greatest difference between me and someone who is “deep stealth” is that I won't live in constant fear of eventually being outed...
I would also have real problems hiding the fact of who I really was to someone I loved -- that just won't happen. I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't fully accept me for who I am anyway.
I also have too much loyalty to ever turn my back on my friends and family and simply walk away never to be heard from again -- especially after they have supported me. There may be problems in some of those relationships now that I have transitioned, but they deserve better than me just turning my back on them. I will always do whatever I can to keep those friendships because they are very important to me and I care about every one of those people!
Developing New Friendships as My True Self
Although I will never turn my back on all of my old friends, right now I am at a point in my life where I need to create new friendships with people who ONLY know me as female. Even if some of these people know I am Transsexual, they still won't have the baggage or history of knowing me before as "male," and as a result, will accept me only as the true person I am.
I have recently made some new friends who fall into this category. They completely accept me as a woman and do not have a conflicting memory of remembering me as a ‘male’ -- and this is a rare and wonderful thing for me! These people have known me as my ‘true self’ right from the very start and it will be much easier to develop deep friendships or relationships with them as a result.
Surgery
In previous posts I have mentioned that there are two types of surgery that I plan to have. The most important of all is gender reassignment surgery (GRS). I also plan to have facial feminization surgery (FFS) after I have GRS. Both surgeries are very expensive and very painful – but like I have heard so many times – “transition is both very painful and expensive.”
I have had people request that I discuss the different surgeons who perform both GRS and FFS. At some point I may discuss who and where some of these surgeons are located, but I will NEVER recommend one surgeon above another. If I did something like that it would no doubt create a firestorm of angry emails from people who disagreed with my recommendations. I have found that (in most cases) once someone undergoes surgery from one surgeon they will swear until the day they die that that person is the “best” surgeon in the world. I have seen people do this even if they had MAJOR problems caused by their surgeon. Because of this I will NEVER recommend one surgeon over another – even if I happen to think that some surgeons are clearly better than others.
In a previous blog post I stated that I would never divulge when or where I plan to have surgery (GRS or FFS). The reason for this is because there are too many people in my life who are bothered by the fact that I plan to have surgery. These people simply do not understand how important surgery is or exactly what it means to me -- or any Transsexual person for that matter. How could they? Only another Transsexual person would understand this. I have decided that what they don’t know won’t hurt them – or cause them to worry needlessly. I simply cannot risk someone reading this blog, finding out when I will have surgery and telling someone I do not want to know – so I won’t discuss my surgery dates or locations.
Although I do not plan to discuss the date or location I will have surgery, I MAY detail the experience afterwards on this blog. At this point, I haven’t decided for sure that I will do that, but I most likely will. I know that the details would no doubt bother and even upset a lot of people in my life, but the main purpose of this blog is to help other Transsexual people and if I decide that my experience will help them in any way I will write about it. Again, I won’t do that until AFTER the fact…!
Take care and enjoy your life!
Brittany
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I feel like I am in the middle of a self-reflecting phase so I have lots of
thoughts recently that may come out on the page like verbal diarrhea. So I
ap...
1 week ago
-
What’s wrong with the Cass Review? A round-up of commentary and evidence
-
Last week saw the long-awaited publication of the final report of the Cass
Review. This report was commissioned by NHS England, and provides a review
of ev...
1 week ago
-
For Mike
-
I sat on my sofa Easter night, watching a movie with my roomie/bestie
Linda. I also zipped through Facialbook, when I saw it.
My dear friend F.M. (Mike)...
1 week ago
-
Letter from academics concerned about The Cass Review
-
As a network of expert feminist academics and stakeholder groups who work
on gender diversity, we are dismayed at the recommendations of the Cass ...
1 week ago
-
Earrings.
-
So not breast cancer then. One harmless lipoma and the rest gynaecomastia.
All the same, the circumstance of a non-transitioning, non-medicating, sort
of m...
1 week ago
-
Trans woman: Am I a woman or is it just "autogynephilia"?
-
*"Am I a woman or is it just a fetish?" This question pops up from time to
time in queer and transgender forums. This is a question created by a
culture...
1 week ago
-
St Brynach's Cuckoo
-
Outside the church of St Brynach, in Nevern, Pembrokeshire, is a fine
celtic cross. On the saint's feast day, April 7th, the first cuckoo of the
year will...
1 week ago
-
Dizzy and the Raven’s Hex – rerelease and trailer vid
-
Finally got my programming software working again, but short on inspiration
for new stuff, so I thought for practice’s sake I’d do an overhaul on one
of my...
2 weeks ago
-
Better luck next time
-
I just received a text purporting to be from Scotiabank (Bank of Nova
Scotia) telling me my access card “Has Been Disabled As Of New Security
Improvements”...
2 weeks ago
-
Sole purpose
-
...given that I knew I would be servicing a new cock, I had already decided
that when it entered the room, I would subserviently be knelt on the floor,
nea...
2 weeks ago
-
Transgender Day of Visibility
-
31st of March is Transgender Day of Visibility, a day to celebrate and
visibility matters whether that's a character in Doctor Who or just someone
being ...
3 weeks ago
-
A poem for TDOV
-
Content warning: mentions transphobia, murder, death of trans kids, fascism
and JK Rowling Visibility was never our problem You can see us just
fine.The ta...
3 weeks ago
-
I am torn
-
I am torn between happiness and shame I am torn between being brave and yet
scared I am torn between being authentic yet still hiding behind a mask I
am to...
3 weeks ago
-
Transgender Day of Visibility 2024
-
For various reasons I haven't had the opportunity to get out much in 2024,
but to mark Transgender Day of Visibility here's a reminder of happier times
...
3 weeks ago
-
They Burned Witches Too
-
Many people outside society’s description of “norm,” have felt embarrassed
because they were made fun of, guilty because they were “taught” that it is
w...
3 weeks ago
-
Time Is Running Out!
-
OK, that title was a tad melodramatic --- but I just noticed that I haven't
posted a new article the entire month of March! So, in order to rectify ...
3 weeks ago
-
Is it any wonder why I truly hate sports?
-
I once had an old friend accuse me of ruining her cherished childhood
memories of her time on the swim team. Her evidence? I told her that our
team’s head ...
4 weeks ago
-
[Philosophy] OnlyFantasies….
-
Sooo, after a number of years of umming and ahhing I finally started an
OnlyFans site. Not for revenue, as the tax-man eats most of my earnings
anyway, but...
4 weeks ago
-
Finally did it!
-
I hemmed and hawed over getting a breast augmentation for a while now, but
last summer's bikini shopping pushed me over the edge.
Now, I recognize that b...
4 weeks ago
-
Queer Diplomacy: A Transgender Journey in the Foreign Service
-
After four years of writing, editing, re-writing, re-editing, and more
query letter to agents and publishers than I care to remember, I am happy
to annou...
5 weeks ago
-
And yet you’re doing harm…
-
It was ten, maybe fifteen years ago, when I saw the ad in our lobby asking
for volunteers to join the community group. I figured it would be a chance
to me...
5 weeks ago
-
Marking time…
-
Well it had to happen at some point: I’ve run out of things to say again!
Way back in the earliest days of this blog, I mentioned that I’d been too
busy do...
2 months ago
-
‘Psychogeography’ out 23rd February
-
A Secret Worth Sharing: Meet Anna Secret Poet
2 months ago
-
A Decade.
-
As I am close to the time I first came out to my family, looking back feels
both like yesterday and forever ago. I remember handwriting those notes to
both...
3 months ago
-
Careful The Things You Say
-
Growing up in the 1950s and 60s meant that being different was
unacceptable. What I felt in my bones was confusing; desires for something
that was forbidde...
3 months ago
-
Whipping Girl 3rd Edition to Be Released in March!
-
I'm happy to announce that a 3rd edition of my first book Whipping Girl: A
Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity will be
coming ...
3 months ago
-
AI Image Generation
-
It’s a strange world that we live in. Now that generative AI is so
commonplace, it’s reasonable to start distrusting everything that you see
and read. Th...
3 months ago
-
Literally living the dream
-
Happy New Year! While I am acutely aware that not everyone has had either
the will or the opportunity to bring in the New Year with a celebration, I
counte...
3 months ago
-
Shine
-
Did progress actually stop when I felt like how things are was the place I
was happy to be? I mean I didn’t make any conscious decision to stop making
actu...
3 months ago
-
Test
-
This is a test.
3 months ago
-
At long last…an update (and a new podcast episode)
-
It’s been a very long time since I last posted here, and over two years
since we made a new podcast episode. This is largely due to the fact that
my beauti...
3 months ago
-
Overthinking Feminism?
-
Hey.
I hope you're well and staying safe and sane in the current climate in the
UK and the rest of the world. Just when you feel like things couldn't get...
4 months ago
-
ObserVation: Hand-me-downs overs
-
omething weird happened last month. Ok I use the word far too often but
still it was not something I was expecting and I hesitated somewhat before
reacti...
4 months ago
-
Cynthia, Are you there?
-
I’m not gone, still here, just really busy. 2023 has been a really
interesting year for me. I’m not going to get into great detail but suffice
to say there...
4 months ago
-
Finaly Doing Something Good With My Life
-
Another couple of years on the run, a sleep apnea diagnosis which has
suddenly made my life much easier, an anonymous small house in a small town
wi...
4 months ago
-
Next chapter
-
I'm here. There's lots to process since Mom's passing.
I think the best possibility is to relocate to the family home in
Massachusetts. Knowing that Dad...
5 months ago
-
IN OUR BLOOD: The Mafia Families of Corleone [Book]
-
IN OUR BLOOD: The Mafia Families of Corleone introduces the reader to a new
way of understanding how the criminal fraternity operates: how it
originated, w...
5 months ago
-
Holy Skedaddles!
-
I've been thinking for awhile to start a new blog. I'm leaning towards
writing about parenting with a dickhead of a backseat driver called
Challenging Ment...
5 months ago
-
Triumph
-
Returning with growth and experience. It’s been a while,but I have grown by
leaps and bounds on my journey. Hope you will come along with me and find
out w...
5 months ago
-
Secrets and Lies in Alabama
-
Fair warning: this story doesn't end well.
On Quora this week I came across the tragic story of Fred L. "Bubba"
Copeland, the mayor of a small town in Al...
5 months ago
-
October 2023 - Time for an update.
-
Almost four months since my last entry, I suppose this sums up my present
life, KD only is a small part of these days as I get distracted by other
but go...
5 months ago
-
Jetsetting, transgender politics, more relatives, nearly five years later,
and entering middle-age
-
When I last wrote a blog post, I never imagined it would be close to 600
days until I wrote another blog entry, and to be fair, I wasn’t really
intending o...
6 months ago
-
I Can't Stand Much More Of This
-
Over on her "Condo" my friend Cyrsti has been writing a bit about what it
means to be trans, this sort of makes a nice change from the crossdresser
blog ...
6 months ago
-
Fairy Tail Ending
-
Back once again, managed to get through most of 2023 without feeling any
need to post anything much at all. But here we are. On the off chance that
I never...
6 months ago
-
My nails...
-
Love 'em!
Just wish they could be done in pretty red gel...but that's not going to
happen! I'll settle for pinkish-white!
Hugs,
Mandy
7 months ago
-
Ten year anniversary of this blog!
-
Ten years ago, today, I started “janitorqueer.” I wanted to write about
being queer, specifically genderqueer, and about being a janitor. Mostly
though, I ...
8 months ago
-
The Ultimate Sacrifice
-
Back in April this year I made the ultimate sacrifice; I went and got my
hair cut short. Despite all my best efforts to grow it long, my Dad's
death ult...
9 months ago
-
(Re)starting Vocal Feminization
-
This post is for subscribers Type your email… Subscribe
9 months ago
-
Fast Forward
-
I have not blogged in three years. This blog post is a short one to say
that I'm still around. I had pulled down all of my blog posts a year or
two ago...
10 months ago
-
Guest Author: Jessica Michelle Polacek
-
(My friend Jessica has been doing some awesome queer history of Wisconsin
on Facebook, but this summary was too good to not pass on. – hbk)
Continuing our ...
10 months ago
-
Georgia Queen
-
May I present: From our recent travels, a picture taken in Savannah, GA. We
had a fun ride, and the lunch from thee snack bar was actually decent! Mandy
11 months ago
-
Tennis Anyone?
-
Image Courtesy Renith R
on UnSplash
Years ago I felt the need to attempt to copy many of the most popular
feminine mannerisms and/or activities I could f...
11 months ago
-
Tennis Anyone?
-
Image Courtesy Renith R
on UnSplash
Years ago I felt the need to attempt to copy many of the most popular
feminine mannerisms and/or activities I could f...
11 months ago
-
Kind of Curiosity
-
“I’ve got to get stuff from the garage and the boots so we can clear the
table” I heard him say from behind the garden fence.“Oh, that’s ok. Go sort
it out...
11 months ago
-
Montana-hang your head
-
Montana legislature.... what are you thinking? Well, it's clear you're not
thinking. You have elected to attempt to tell people who they are, and who
th...
11 months ago
-
A Year Later
-
I guess it's time. No time like the present, they say.
A year ago today, I experienced my last real feminine day. I wrote about it
in Wednesday on Saturd...
1 year ago
-
New & Improved!
-
Kandi’s Land has been significantly upgraded. Check it out!
1 year ago
-
March 31, 2023 - International Trans Day of Visibility - St. John's Event
12.15 pm out from of the Rooms
-
Friday March 31, 2023 is the 15th annual International Trans Day of
Visibility.
Recent events in Nashville USA have caused a global backlash of threats a...
1 year ago
-
What Do The Wives Think of Us?
-
This article, going way back to 2002, is still relevant today if not more
so. It was written before the gender identity explosion. It came up in a
conversa...
1 year ago
-
It's Now or Never
-
Thank you for the emails and your comments here checking to see if I'm
okay. Well I thought I was, until certain things happened that caused me to
get dep...
1 year ago
-
Out and About - My Regular Escapades En-Fem
-
I, like many other TG’s, enjoy days out en-fem and often visit TG support
groups and TG events, but also get to visit national trust properties with
my...
1 year ago
-
Maddie on the Move
-
“Let’s go on a road trip” is the best six words you can say to me. It’s no
secret I love driving. I think it all started when I was a baby. My parents
used...
1 year ago
-
ferm living glas
-
*Glass & Mirrors – ferm LIVING*. WebGlass & Mirrors. We use a broad range
of types of glass in our collection. We use soda lime glass for glass
tablewar...
1 year ago
-
Ponytail5
-
You might only see 4 as the 1st on is hidden. I am posting this now so I
can link it to reddit. I have to say since Stephie came four years ago, I
have bee...
1 year ago
-
Some Simple Questions
-
The topic of JK Rowlings transphobia trundles on mainly because she
continues to be bigoted and hateful towards trans people. For anyone that
does suppo...
1 year ago
-
Mischief Night and Turnip Lanterns
-
BRING BACK THE BRITISH TURNIP LANTERN! A long time ago, (oh well; the 60's
and 70's) children in the West Riding made Turnip Lanterns and most of us
kids h...
1 year ago
-
As good a time as any
-
This might be as good a time as any to stop since the beginning of another
chapter of my life seems like a duly appropriate milestone. I can now say
with...
1 year ago
-
Hi everyone, just wanted to let you all know that someone has stolen some
of my pictures to use as…
-
Hi everyone, just wanted to let you all know that someone has stolen some
of my pictures to use as their own on Trace and possibly other places. I do
not...
1 year ago
-
That Letter To My Wife
-
Thanks for the mail I received from my last blog. It’s amazing how up
lifting your messages of support are to me. THEY DO MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
Thank you. ...
1 year ago
-
Cats, Dogs, Walruses and a Bit of Sex
-
I've always been a bit antisocial, preferring the company of animals, even
though I've never possessed a pet, and with my ecological background I am
sens...
1 year ago
-
My New Novel Disgusta is Here!
-
*Available now in print and electronic formats!*
1 year ago
-
Thanksgiving
-
Trigger warning! This post speaks bluntly about my grandchildren getting
hurt in an accident. It is not happy and uplifting. If you have horrible
me...
1 year ago
-
Taking a Break
-
I have been writing for a long time. I even won an award for writing when I
wrote for World Wide Hippies. Unfortunately, I am not in a good place. I
lost m...
1 year ago
-
Intersectionality – Do you know what it is.
-
Do you know about this? Do you know how it fits in your life? I know right
now in the […]
1 year ago
-
-
Space Elevator
-
The white body I wear is mine, but ill-fitting and not me. A phantom body
that is also mine and is me rides within like a ghost, teasing my brain
with each...
2 years ago
-
#biologicaltrans
-
If there is one thing that gender-critical or anti-trans people do not
understand, it is biology. If there is one thing that they and the
anti-woke culture...
2 years ago
-
...and then some time passed
-
Hard to believe that its been 7 years since my last posting. I've been
busy.
Since I last posted, several positive events have happened with a multitud...
2 years ago
-
-
A Tale of Two Court Cases
-
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I’d love to know just
what gets into the minds of Scotland’s judiciary, when they can make two
judgeme...
2 years ago
-
Love again.
-
She looked and could not find what her heart was missing. Forgetting what
it was like to touch another Gave up the search, thinking she is cursed
Disadvant...
2 years ago
-
Matt Walsh & Piers Morgan You Ain’t Trans Experts So Shut The Fuck Up!
-
With the increasing inevitably of armed conflict in Ukraine, I’m sure
there’ll be an increasing frequency of barstool generals in Wetherspoons
pubs across ...
2 years ago
-
Full Circle
-
My blog and I go way back. Way, way, way back. I just peeked back at my
first post in my earliest blog. It was June 2004.
Back in those days blogs we...
2 years ago
-
Shareable mantras for 2022.
-
This past weekend, deconstructing Christmas became absolutely necessary.
More pine needles lay under my tree than remained on the branches. And
Saturday ...
2 years ago
-
Stars. Needles. Poop. Plates. Wishes.
-
Aside from (very) occasionally checking my horoscope, I am not big into
astrology. That being said, however, I do kinda believe in it and its
impact on us...
2 years ago
-
Breasts are Awesome
-
A talk about my shiny new cheat assets. Breasts I'm talking about my
breasts.
2 years ago
-
I’ve moved the blog!
-
Continue to https://schrodingerswardrobe.blogspot.com/ for further
infrequent ramblings!
2 years ago
-
Confessions of a Bad Girl
-
I did a bad thing. A very bad thing. I watched a YouTube video. I am a bad
girl. Let me explain. (Saffers please feel free to skip the next seven
paragraph...
2 years ago
-
(20) One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest - 1975
-
First of all, as I would suggest with all these movies, before reading this
review, see the movie if you haven't. I can't talk about this one without
spo...
2 years ago
-
-
Magic morning [image: 🌄]
2 years ago
-
What is “Hate Crime”?
-
You have a few options if you live in Fife and need to report a hate crime.
You can report the incident directly to Police Scotland at Police Scotland
Onli...
2 years ago
-
Jenna’s Journal - September 2021
-
Normal 0 false false false false EN-GB X-NONE X-NONE
2 years ago
-
Coming out of Covid-19 hibernation
-
The Covid-19 pandemic has been tough for transgender people. Coming out of
lockdown means having to socially transition all over again.
The post Coming o...
2 years ago
-
Another Brief Check In
-
Hello all. I hope everyone is having a good summer. This is just (another)
brief post.
As I mentioned in my last post, it's been a difficult few months...
2 years ago
-
Farewell
-
I’ve been thinking hard about ending this blog and have decided it’s time.
When I first started this it was to leave testament of my coming out and
transit...
2 years ago
-
Rainbow Reading: April 14
-
Bite-sized reviews of the LGBTQ books I’ve read in the past week. All
titles are linked to their Goodreads page. Between April 7th and 13th, I
read: Stray ...
3 years ago
-
One Year
-
Yes, I've been on a one year sort of hiatus. Nothing big happened but just
got wrapped up in things. Will try and post more and start up again. No
chang...
3 years ago
-
Why I Left Twitter
-
in January of this year I took the difficult decision to leave Twitter. It
was necessary for my own mental health. Having reflected now for a couple
of mon...
3 years ago
-
First pages of my book
-
This excerpt is not formatted or proofread for publishing yet, but I am
excited to share it. Real progress on this telling of my life though is
exciting...
3 years ago
-
Short Story: Gloom Dispelled
-
“Who is she?” Tiriana asked. “Who are you talking about?” Virion asked in
return, deflecting his girlfriends question. “You know who I’m talking
about,” Ti...
3 years ago
-
Happy 14th Birthday CJ!
-
I blinked those tired, hurried, worried blinks of a mom and suddenly I’m
here. A mom with a nearly-18-year-old and a 14 year old. Yes. CJ is 14.
He’s 14 an...
3 years ago
-
Help! Jane! Stop This Crazy Thing!! JAAANNNNEEEEE!!!
-
Hey Buckaroos and Buckaritas.
I hope the world has been treating you nicely, as you deserve. Depending on
your current location of stomping grounds, Things...
3 years ago
-
Reflections on 2020 (Taking Chances) and Looking ahead to 2021 (Making a
positive difference)
-
Hey Lovelies, It has been a really long time since my last post. Literally
a year! I haven’t written my reflections post in time, so half of this post
will...
3 years ago
-
Merry Christmas
-
Merry Christmas to one and all, may your day be filled with happiness and
joy. 😁 ❤️ BY FOR NOW
3 years ago
-
House of Ill Repair
-
*It may be years until the day*
*My dreams will match up with my pay.*
* "Mushaboom"*
* ...
3 years ago
-
What is Transphobia?
-
(TW/CW: Discussion of transphobia, discussion of paedophilia, brief mention
of rape counselling services.) Today I want to do a quick (by my standards
– on...
3 years ago
-
On exceptionalism
-
*The exceptional Jennifer Lawrence*
Sometimes I hold my hands out, palm upwards, in the manner of a
Pentecostalist awaiting the descent of the Holy Spirit...
3 years ago
-
My Best Sex Ever Was With a Trans Woman
-
Why Being Intimate with Your Transgender Lover Could Be the Best Experience
of Your Life Sexual encounters can happen in different ways and between
people ...
3 years ago
-
The Love Story
-
Before this last week, my most recent memory telling a story which caused
someone to cry was when Katie and I broke up. As we sat in therapy and I
asked th...
3 years ago
-
Well, there you have it…
-
Time flies doesn’t it? And again, perhaps it doesn’t? When I consider
that three years (today in fact) have passed since I went full time, it
seems lik...
3 years ago
-
2020′ Blog addition
-
I got a bit sidetracked by a move to my new high-rise in February to a
place all our own just Oscar and I! I’m grateful for my wonderful friends
Ben and Te...
3 years ago
-
The last post
-
The sun filters through the trees. The dappled shade keeping me cool as I
lay on the sun bed. Pain and discomfort slowly ebbing away as the pain
killers ki...
3 years ago
-
Whinge with mother
-
Mick Jagger and his merry men called them ‘Mothers little helpers’. Sadly,
I am not a mother. Antidepressants I’m referring to. I have been popping
these f...
3 years ago
-
Posting from the front
-
Now that my dad has passed, things have started to settle down to a new
normal. My brother and I have been talking more often, and XGFJ no longer
posts ...
3 years ago
-
-
It’s Still OK to Make Eye Contact During a Pandemic (video)
-
An update and message of love from yours truly It’s a time that has most of
us practicing physical distancing to prevent the spread of a microscopic
and ...
4 years ago
-
Transient life, transient humans
-
We are transient – traveling from one state to another, and sometimes
combination of different states at once. Hello once again. Sharing this
blog with som...
4 years ago
-
Like a dick pic that runs out of the room
-
How’s that for click bait (or aversion therapy)? Read on, or not. I
understand. Obvious CW apply. My mate and I were sharing sexual awakening
stories, as y...
4 years ago
-
From the waist upwards [Flickr]
-
Sandra M. Lopes posted a photo:
[image: From the waist upwards]
Flattr me!
4 years ago
-
Transitions: From My Heart to Yours
-
On this day, seven years ago my world changed. I learned a new word;
transgender became part of my vocabulary. Along with that I learned about
the differen...
4 years ago
-
New Year, Same Stef?
-
I know it’s a bit belated, but Happy New Year! It’s finally 2020 and all I
can say is where the hell did all the time go? Didn’t Y2K just happen? When
did ...
4 years ago
-
Sideways career
-
Right... Second attempt at this post 😀
This is a bit of a long story, but rather than keep everything cryptic, and
saying it at the end I'm going to do it...
4 years ago
-
Holding on
-
“Is she going to die?” I ask the firefighter. It’s been 20 minutes
since I’ve dialed 911, my wife is lying collapsed on the living room floor
of our r...
4 years ago
-
Time to Upgrade
-
November 5th, 2010 - I began this blog. When I started out, I did what
many bloggers do, I headed to Blogger.com. It is a nice friendly platform
"back e...
4 years ago
-
Inside Out
-
Surface elements that reveal the core
Abide a moment, Dear Reader, while I reacquaint my fingers with the
keyboard. They (my fingers) are stumbling about ...
4 years ago
-
I Miss 2012
-
I was 16, it was the last year of high school. My school had two different
buildings in different parts of the city, the first had from kindergarten
to the...
4 years ago
-
Transferring to a new Blog
-
Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am forced to close down this blog
and open up a new one. Please visit my new blog, "Dotting I's and Crossing
T...
4 years ago
-
Standing Up, Speaking Up, Moving Up
-
It’s almost a year since I posted anything on this blog. Just a case of
real life taking over I suppose. During all the years when I was
desperately hopi...
4 years ago
-
Working on a New Book
-
Hi everyone! Excited to announce I am 21k words into writing my first
novel! It’s an adult vampire-lesbian action sci-fi thriller. Vampires!
Lesbians! Tran...
4 years ago
-
September 2019 - New Mk 3 Blog commenced.
-
I have not updated this blog for a while for many reasons but I have now
decided to commence Mark Three Blog of K.D.s life were you will now find it
here -...
4 years ago
-
‘Modern Love’ essay: the gift that keeps giving
-
The essay that keeps giving returns to the spotlight, in a manner of
speaking. Modern Love editor Daniel Jones has revised his compilation of
essays to coi...
4 years ago
-
Lucy's thoughts - one year on
-
Recently it was the 1 year anniversary of the Sunday Mirror article. So
much has happened in that year, personally for us and for Trans Radio UK.
As part o...
4 years ago
-
I Am Female
-
If you have been reading some or all of my blog, the title of this post
will seem a bit odd. From previous posts it should pretty obvious that I’m
a woman....
4 years ago
-
Full Circle
-
Felix stood at the edge of the clearing. Within it stood a small, homely
cottage. A simple sign on the door read “A Tailor’s Touch.” This is the
place, rig...
4 years ago
-
Life as a Trans Opera Singer
-
The National Opera Studio asked me what it was like, to be a trans opera
singer – and how we could all make our industry better. So I wrote them
this – I...
4 years ago
-
Cold
-
When everything is dark and the church gives no light, what should you do?
4 years ago
-
A Smile That Could Light up a Room
-
"I have a lot of questions for you. Do you have any for me?", I asked.
"Yes!", she said. "How do you do it? How have you kept yourself from
transitionin...
4 years ago
-
I'M BAAAAAACCCKKKK!!!!!
-
I AM BACK BIACHES!!!
HAHAHA!!!!!
Did y'all miss me?
I've had such a great, difficult, exhausting, confusing and wonderful few
years since I last posted.
...
4 years ago
-
Easter Rising
-
It’s been a few months since my last blogpost, and I felt today was a good
day to count my blessings. Tonight is the 3rd night of Passover, and the
day tha...
5 years ago
-
The Southern Strategy Is Real
-
The Southern Strategy is real and I have the proof – a PDF of a May 17,
1970 NY Times article where they interviewed Kevin Phillips, the man who
created th...
5 years ago
-
Wow..so, where to start!?
-
Its obviously been quite a while since I wrote here. Truth told, I had
almost forgotten about this page until I was listing relevant experience
for a magaz...
5 years ago
-
Clearing Dad’s house
-
When Dad died, it didn’t shock me — I’d been expecting it for a while. And
coping with his funeral was OK, too. But neither affected me so much as the
chor...
5 years ago
-
What The Heck Is A Conservative Christian TG Gal?
-
I use the phrase "conservative christian TG gal" to describe myself, but
wanted to clarify that phrase briefly in a blog post. The "conservative"
in my d...
5 years ago
-
Afterword
-
If you’re wondering where the rest of this blog has gone, I’m sorry to
disappoint but after hinting at it for a while, after reaching a particular
mileston...
5 years ago
-
Sometimes
-
Sometimes I look in the mirror To make sure I’m still there I trace the
scars That I made Five … More
5 years ago
-
They Taught Me
-
They taught me that I’m pretty. But I shouldn’t talk, because nobody will
listen. I shouldn’t try hard, because nobody will care. I shouldn’t cry,
because ...
5 years ago
-
GRS – 3 Surgeries and One Beautiful Nightmare (Part 3/3)
-
[Content warnings for graphic depictions/images of bodily functions,
surgery, suicide, mental illness, swearing] This is Part III of my little
tale about h...
5 years ago
-
Detaching Myself from My Dysphoria
-
The other day, I was trying to imagine how my life would be different if
I’d never suffered from gender dysphoria. The point wasn’t to create a
fantasy lif...
5 years ago
-
Purging -- Part 2
-
Last month I wrote about how I have emotional attachments to everything in
my closet. I'm thinking there are many others like me.
Occasionally I am asked...
5 years ago
-
Notes for a sketch - thinking on Mermaids
-
Small cafe, two middleaged women, A and B, sitting down at a table talking
in Northern English accents.
A - So whats been happening whilst I've been down So...
5 years ago
-
2018 Review - Part 2
-
Part 1 of my review of 2018 covered the goals I set myself. Part 2 deals
with all the other things that happened this year, and there has been quite
a bit ...
5 years ago
-
Progress, slowly slowly.
-
So things seem now to be heading in a scary but ultimately more positive
direction for me at last. After a recent discussion with my wife she now
seems to ...
5 years ago
-
Nothing to Say...
-
Just kidding. I have some stuff to say, my loyal readers.
I'm sorry I haven't kept up with this blog, but do you people really want
to know each week that ...
5 years ago
-
see postings on facebook 11 17 2018
-
i haven't posted anything in awhile mainly because i spend most of my
posting time on facebook.
so any of my followers can catch up on my postings there
5 years ago
-
Time to Say Goodbye
-
In honor of Samhain and Scorpio season, I’m making a decision to clear
something from my life that hasn’t really been active for a while. I’ll no
longer be...
5 years ago
-
Life Update
-
Where has this blog been? Where have I been? Where am I going?
5 years ago
-
Ok, just to spout out an opinion and my understanding of UMBRELLAS.
-
There often and lately seems to be a question of who is trans? Who is more
trans? Who suffers more? Who has it harder? Who is an ally and who is part
of th...
5 years ago
-
Brighton
-
So last Tuesday we took ourselves orf to spend a couple of days away and
stay with friends in Brighton. Well it got slightly extended and we came
home on S...
5 years ago
-
UPDATE ON MY HEART AND MIND
-
People have been asking me how things are going in our families journey in
the transgender world, but also my heart. Here is how my heart and soul
are fee...
5 years ago
-
Turns Out I Was Right
-
Seems the setbacks I deemed minor actually were minor. I’m down 1.2 lbs
from yesterday, and right back on track with where I was two days ago. I
could se...
5 years ago
-
Review of The Fence by Lusty Soul
-
At one time in my life — for most of it actually — I was a male of the
species. As I read this story by Lusty Soul, long forgotten memories of the
overpow...
5 years ago
-
May You Find Peace
-
I have made peace with myself, and can no longer in good faith leave or
recommend the content I once posted here. Those writings were my best
desperate ho...
5 years ago
-
Panties – A Special Pleasure
-
In our recent poll on lingerie that trans girls and crossdressers prefer,
panties tied for first place with 25% of the vote. I don’t profess to
having th...
5 years ago
-
Profile: Alex
-
You can call me… Alex I identify as… Gender-fluid/non-bianary As far as
third-person pronouns go, … they/them and female pronouns sometimes he/him
feels ri...
5 years ago
-
This Ain’t About Jobs (10/20/17)
-
Maybe you saw or heard about the memo put out by Attorney General Jeff
Sessions on October 4th that essentially ordered the Justice Department to
do a comp...
5 years ago
-
Last indolent Spinster Almost Daily Report from DOXA 2018
-
My last laconic lazy one take video chatting about the last couple days of
the festival DOXA 2018
5 years ago
-
Finale
-
Unfortunately, I am finding that this blog and my life is being used far
too often as a political football to promote various agendas and the actual
messag...
5 years ago
-
Finale
-
Unfortunately, I am finding that this blog and my life is being used far
too often as a political football to promote various agendas and the actual
messag...
5 years ago
-
Interesting Article on CNN - Why girls can be boyish but boys can't be
girlish
-
One topic that I find fascination is the idea of shifting gender
stereotypes and how people, particularly "men" who enjoy trandtionally
"female" things, ar...
6 years ago
-
one more cup of coffee
-
TW The hustle for work continues, which is discouraging but necessary. I’m
having relationship issues, as all anyone wants to do is date. Decided
that’s ...
6 years ago
-
This Week's Calogrenant
-
Herder Grin
calogrenant.com
6 years ago
-
Online competition redux
-
Back in April 2016, I mentioned an online competition where I won a
voucher, which I used to buy a skirt and dress, both in size XL.
According to their si...
6 years ago
-
Day 1,245: Moments Frozen in Time
-
I have to admit, we had a pretty good run here at So There’s That. 21
podcast episodes and 32 blog posts over the course of a year. And a little
bit of n...
6 years ago
-
Flying Solo in Vegas, Part 2
-
While I was happy I had arrived at my hotel room without any problems, I
was tired, hungry, and a little sweaty from the journey. I was also behind
my pla...
6 years ago
-
I wasn’t sure what my curtains are trying to tell me, but then I clued in…..
-
40 Days till surgery. 😂😂😂😜 I’m really excited, somewhat petrified but
not of the actual procedure and the pain after, but of the stay in a
hospital. I ...
6 years ago
-
What's in a Name?
-
Many years ago, while the internet was still in its infancy, I started
looking to find out information from other transgender individuals. At that
time bul...
6 years ago
-
Sunday November 19, 2017 - Finally
-
I started this Journey in Feb/March of 2010, when after the early death of
some clients and friends , I decided at 54 years of age, it was now or
never.
B...
6 years ago
-
Where is the Washing machine?
-
We were watching tele and caught the end of a who-dun-it. It involved the
death of a rugby coach and he was murdered for being a cross-dresser or
transgend...
6 years ago
-
25 October Journal
-
Well Folks, I am still working on my other post. I think it will be part of
the next book of my life, rather than the end of this one. I am closing
this bl...
6 years ago
-
Fingernails
-
little things aren't they, fingernails? Certainly nothing to get upset
about. But for me fingernails seem to have become the straw that broke the
camel's...
6 years ago
-
Apples & Apples
-
It was my second year at the Hendersonville Apple Festival in NC. The
previous year I went with my wife, we had a great time and enjoyed the day,
despi...
6 years ago
-
The Penultimate Post
-
It has been a while since I have blogged on here.... a long while. The
gaps between my blog posts have slowly widened as I have begun to find
myself, more...
6 years ago
-
Excuse our dust, but we have moved!
-
I have moved my blog over to a dedicated hosting provider, and we have
successfully migrated over to the WordPress platform. We have our own
domain name, a...
6 years ago
-
-
On the Pride Center of the Capital Region, terfs, and Why Martha Harvey
Needs to Resign
-
CW: lots of swears, lots of terfs (A quick aside on the word terf because
I’m going to use it about a thousand times. It’s not a slur. Here’s a
doctor tell...
6 years ago
-
Trying to reconnect with my children
-
A lot has been written in the media about cis parents who grow to accept a
transgender child. Sadly, very little is available about the opposite
scenario ...
6 years ago
-
That’s all folks……….
-
Between 1955 and 1959, 143 episodes of “The Adventures of Robin Hood”
emerged from a tiny studio in Walton on Thames and burst onto black and
white telli...
6 years ago
-
That’s all folks……….
-
Between 1955 and 1959, 143 episodes of “The Adventures of Robin Hood”
emerged from a tiny studio in Walton on Thames and burst onto black and
white telli...
6 years ago
-
ABC TV Cancels Downward Dog Show
-
“Every Day my dog looks at me exactly the same way, like I’m the most
beautiful thing he’s ever seen. And, I just thought, what if we could see
ourselve...
6 years ago
-
With Purpose
-
The title of this post really highlights the way I’ve felt the last several
months and the experiences I’ve had the chance to take in. Since my last
updat...
6 years ago
-
With Purpose
-
The title of this post really highlights the way I’ve felt the last several
months and the experiences I’ve had the chance to take in. Since my last
updat...
6 years ago
-
Transgender and LGBT++ Rights promised in UK Party Manifestos
-
This piece is not written to influence how you vote in the general Election
on June 8th. it’s too late for that and in my humble opinion getting May
out of...
6 years ago
-
Trans Twitter Gives Bad Dating Advice
-
Trans Twitter Gives Bad Dating Advice — “You have much gold upon your
head,” They answer’d all together: “Buy from us with a golden curl.” —
Christina Ro...
6 years ago
-
It has been a long time…
-
since my last post. I’m still here. I am still battling with the trauma
of multiple surgeries, a disfiguring scar on my forearm, a devastating
betrayal f...
6 years ago
-
I'll miss this platform
-
But I don't think I'm going to keep using it. It's sad, because I've been
writing here for such a long time, and blogging for myself is therapeutic,
even i...
7 years ago
-
Sex, Drugs and Southern Hospitality: An Interview with Sam Peterson
-
Sam Peterson’s Trunky (Transgender Junky): A Memoir of Institutionalization
and Southern Hospitality is the rare book that’s formally experimental AND
impo...
7 years ago
-
India Willoughby, transvestites deserve protection too
-
Hi India, How are you? Years ago we used to frequent the same forum site
so even though we’ve never met, I view you with the same fondness I feel
for a...
7 years ago
-
Thoughts and Updates
-
I can't believe it's been almost a year since I've posted anything. Time
flies and we don't...
So...my marriage is still going strong. It's pretty much ...
7 years ago
-
And happily ever after...
-
Family snuggle timeI've retired from blogging. I've been channeling my
creative energy into other hobbies, and I'm feeling uninspired to write
about my wi...
7 years ago
-
Questions related to the surgery
-
As mentioned in my previous post i said i would post the questions i asked
the surgeon’s assistant. Also, this post is NSFW as there are some details
regar...
7 years ago
-
We Need A “Standards of Care” for Detransitioners
-
One of my biggest takeaways from attending the recent USPATH conference is
that many clinicians and other providers sincerely want more information on
unde...
7 years ago
-
What I’m talking about
-
Ok so many of you will have seen this photo, absorbed and passed it by. I
just caught it on a video artical on the BBC website. Quite frankly I was
surpr...
7 years ago
-
Watching When We Rise on ABC
-
I've been watching *When We Rise*, the four part miniseries on ABC about
the birth and development of the LGBT movement in America and the parts
played in ...
7 years ago
-
The door is open
-
One of the things that is true; and that I have been pondering, is
that when you come out, your family comes out. I mean; once I am full time,
then al...
7 years ago
-
Trying Out A New Name
-
I wrote just over a month ago about my anxieties about going away. It’s now
less than a week until I actually go which is really exciting. I’m pumped
to se...
7 years ago
-
New pics … at last!
-
Finally got some long overdue “girl-time” yesterday – first time for over 2
years. I really shouldn’t leave it so long because it isn’t good for my
genera...
7 years ago
-
Why I'm so passionate about the issues of others.
-
*It's been 2.5 years since I've posted. I said I would post if I had
something to say and today, I do. Please note the experience I write about
does not in...
7 years ago
-
We Interrupt This Program
-
After writing once a week for four years. I’ve finally decided is time to
switch things up and stop posting on schedule and only post when I feel
like it. ...
7 years ago
-
Love and Loneliness
-
*"I've looked at love from both sides now".... Joni Mitchell.*
Down on the seawall in my town, a few blocks from where I live, the benches
that look ...
7 years ago
-
New Year, big changes.
-
*Happy **New** Year!*
I begin the new year letting go of some important things. First up is the
pseudonym I have used for years. ‘Haust’ is gone, ...
7 years ago
-
Questioning the Fluctuations
-
This isn't the scribbling I intended (or promised) to note as I stated in
the last entry. However, it is part of my developing thoughts on this
future sub...
7 years ago
-
Yuletide greetings.
-
*Soon be nobody left now that Leonard Cohen is gone too... Someone else who
had to deal with depression and his music soothed my troubled soul. Just
sad to...
7 years ago
-
Victoria’s Secret – The Show
-
Hey, so yesterday it was time for the amazing show. I haven’t seen the show
but I took a look at a lot of pictures and it seemed amazing and I can’t
wait t...
7 years ago
-
Week 85:Top Surgery Update:The collage above starts at 8 days...
-
*Week 85:*
*Top Surgery Update:*
The collage above starts at 8 days post-op (image bottom left) and then
clockwise shows my chest at 10 ...
7 years ago
-
Heroes and Hope
-
It’s times like these that make me feel the most hopeless. I haven’t always
been good at dealing with feelings like this. But when the future looks
bleak, ...
7 years ago
-
Cultivation Corner Starting Seeds
-
So you want to sprout those ganja seeds you found in your stash?
First off I want you to be sure that your grow space will be warm enough
for seed germinati...
7 years ago
-
I am able to talk again
-
I am back on deck and I think more in control of myself than I have been
for quite some time. Will be making more additions to this blog as I go
along. The...
7 years ago
-
Ringing the changes part 2
-
So, my first post about how I changed my name with various organisations
was starting to get a bit long, so this is a continuation. The first can
be seen ...
7 years ago
-
September 22 2016
-
Thank you. Thank you for the last four years. Thank you for letting me
into your hearts, for letting me be a part of your day, for letting me
bounce my th...
7 years ago
-
My response to a post by Tyler Charles Austen
-
Dear Mr Austen, On 26th August 2016, you made a post on your eponymous
blog (that means you named it after yourself) called “I Can’t Believe I’m
Saying Th...
7 years ago
-
Last Post
-
So this is it. The last post I’ll make here (for the foreseeable future
anyway). I’ve moved my fitness adventures over to
http://transtriathlete.com and I’...
7 years ago
-
A rediscovered poem
-
I found this in my 2013 dream journal, from when I was still in the closet.
My dreams were born from above, not below, or if below, in the primal
ember ...
7 years ago
-
This is goodbye (A happy one)
-
This is going to be my last post on It’s ok to be a glow stick. I am sad to
be saying goodbye but my life has changed dramatically and sadly, there is
no r...
7 years ago
-
Identity Crisis
-
I have lost my identity.
I'm not sure if I'm still mom, wife, daughter or 911 dispatcher.
If I'm not any of the above, then who am I besides lost?
7 years ago
-
Goodbye
-
It's been a couple of months since I last posted, despite my desire to do
an A-Z on the issues I find important. My absence was caused by many
things, but...
7 years ago
-
The gym experience
-
My fitness in recent years has been something that I have felt has become
very important to me. I remember starting running back in the time when I
was dea...
7 years ago
-
The Post-GRS Blues
-
On Twitter during the week, I joined in a conversation about Gender
Reassignment Surgery and general fears regarding such a huge operation.
Personally, GRS...
7 years ago
-
Me...
-
Realized I hadn't posted in a while. That will change starting with an
updated picture of me.
7 years ago
-
A new audience
-
I am feeling a little humbled. I was asked last week at my college to talk
about transgender issues, to my college group of counsellors in training. I
star...
7 years ago
-
A new audience
-
I am feeling a little humbled. I was asked last week at my college to talk
about transgender issues, to my college group of counsellors in training. I
star...
7 years ago
-
Mid-Year Check In
-
At the beginning of this year, I wrote a post about my love of new
beginnings and my resolutions for 2016. I was not too lofty in my goals; I
attempted to ...
7 years ago
-
My Return and First Time Out… again
-
I’ve been trying to collect my thoughts the last few days. They have been
a jumble of emotions, mostly good. I haven’t felt this way in a long time
and f...
7 years ago
-
Thoughts on the Orlando shooting
-
There is something surreal, in moments like this, about being a privileged
member of an oppressed minority. I can breeze through airport security
with whi...
7 years ago
-
Honestly Geraldine, why do you need to crossdress?
-
This is the very tentative first step by a somewhat bewildered ordinary man
who discovered that at sixty years of age, I needed to crossdress. I hope
to de...
7 years ago
-
At work
-
It's definitely time for me to start thinking about when and how I'm going
to transition at work. Outside of work I'm now living as myself pretty much
full...
7 years ago
-
The First Mothers’ Day
-
If last year we celebrated the last Father’s Day, this year we introduced
the first Mothers’ Day. And yes, the apostrophe is in the right place. I
admit to...
7 years ago
-
On Being A Transwoman in a Bathroom
-
To be perfectly honest, I am actually really surprised this is a topic that
presidential candidates are addressing. Seriously, it’s one thing for
people to...
8 years ago
-
Feeling Positive Again :)
-
I had been feeling really down about things over the last few months and I
know that my recent posts on here haven’t been very positive about my
situation....
8 years ago
-
A good weekend
-
It’s been a good weekend. I actually feel pretty confident that I could
pass one day. I know that’s not the most important thing, but it matters a
lot to ...
8 years ago
-
A good weekend
-
It’s been a good weekend. I actually feel pretty confident that I could
pass one day. I know that’s not the most important thing, but it matters a
lot to ...
8 years ago
-
Goin' to North Carolina. Why Do I Feel Like A "Freedom Rider"?
-
In NO WAY am I comparing what Transgender people are going through in North
Carolina to what Black Americans went through before and during the Civil
Right...
8 years ago
-
My 100th post…
-
This is my 100th post. I was hoping to make it a special one with a
description of another outing as Valerie, in my new modern “blending”
outfit. Unfortuna...
8 years ago
-
-
Back
-
Where is she? When is she coming back? What's happening in Tammy World?
These are all questions I've gotten over the last few months. Questions
shouted...
8 years ago
-
Ghosts
-
So it has been almost a year since I last posted. It is not that I’ve had
a lack of things to write about, more of a case of writers block – finding
words...
8 years ago
-
Not sure what to say..
-
I am not sure what to do, or what to say, depression is my only constant
“friend”, with me all the time, someone I hate, yet never hates me back.
Medical m...
8 years ago
-
Back to the Stone Age.
-
I think the song is fitting, It is not mine, the opinions on this page are
mine. In posting this video, I am in no way saying that this group believes
as I...
8 years ago
-
Come Up to the Lab: My Gender Workshop
-
Ever since Time Magazine proclaimed a “Transgender Tipping Point” a year
and a half ago, I’ve been exploring trans identities and expressions that
aren’t i...
8 years ago
-
hiatus
-
just wanted to let you all know that Will is doing fabulous in recovery
(tracking everything diligently on @journeyintomanhood) and in England for
his se...
8 years ago
-
Reminder: Follow my new blog! This one is closing imminently
-
This is just a quick reminder, in case anyone who cares missed it the first
time, that GenderDrift is being turned into a private blog where it can
rest pe...
8 years ago
-
Time to myself
-
Recently I have been lucky to have a few evenings to myself to let Jenny
out of the wardrobe. Most of these occasions have been just in my room as
usual, ...
8 years ago
-
Being a Gender Critical woman born trans is a very lonely place to be
-
My understanding of gender critical theory is limited.
There's no reference text anywhere explaining it, and questioning GC
theorists on their own turf nev...
8 years ago
-
Blogging about it….
-
I started this blog because I wanted to help people in a similar situation
to me. I was younger and never proclaimed to have all the answers.
Sometimes the...
8 years ago
-
Debunking Bathroom Myths
-
*Debunking Bathroom Myths*
Original article by *Brynn Tannehill *can be viewed *Here*
*When the Houston Equal Rights Ordinance was defeated, the ostens...
8 years ago
-
RUMBLED. BUT IT TURNS OUT TO THE GOOD
-
As per usual on a Wed evening I make my way to the Butterfly Club support
premises to get my self ready to face the world. Nothing new in that. And
as per ...
8 years ago
-
Caitlyn Jenner Speaks at Chicago House Event
-
Caitlyn Jenner Speaks at Chicago House Event:
grvsmth:
sometranslady:
grvsmth:
sometranslady:
snowflakeespecial:
This isn’t a funny story. Trying on y...
8 years ago
-
Postscript
-
I thought that my urge to blog had departed. It hasn't... but I do need to
move on. Angie's Aspirations — aka About Angie — was written from the
perspecti...
8 years ago
-
Got A Little Beautified…
-
Not much here, but I went out for a bit of a day, treated by a couple of
friends, and had my brows waxed and got my hair done. Here’s the results.
I s...
8 years ago
-
17 Months on T Update
-
17 Months on T Next week marks 17 months on T, nearly one and a half
years. I cannot believe I have not posted any update for 5 months, time
just really h...
8 years ago
-
10 Ways to Destroy the Earth
-
my mother died in this room now it is occupied by my nieces whenever they
sleep over a playroom i currently occupy it sleeping on the lower bunk of
their l...
8 years ago
-
-
U want to be her!
-
[image: U want to be her!]
8 years ago
-
Become a girl
-
[image: Become a girl]
8 years ago
-
-
Still Here
-
I realized last week that I hadn’t written a blog…or a Facebook post…or a
journal entry…or much of anything in five or six months. Part of me was
bothered ...
8 years ago
-
5 months in
-
*Continued**, from April 5th 2015*
5 months since the hospital I still don't know much about it.
Dissociative Identity Disorder.
My amnesia isn't just ha...
8 years ago
-
Through The Looking Glass
-
I’m not sure exactly when it happened, but it did. That is, I stopped
considering myself “transitioning.” What does that mean, exactly? Am I
where I want t...
8 years ago
-
-
*Hey!*
So... tomorrow school begins again.
This schoolyear I am planning to come out and start dressing, acting,
talking, etc. like a girl. Honestly, it's ...
8 years ago
-
Been Sick
-
Isn’t amazing? We tend to think we are the masters of the planet. Then, a
debilitating illness hits and we become subservient cry-babies. Something
crawl...
8 years ago
-
Transition Is A Banquet
-
Transition is not a one-way street, or a bowling lane with the bumpers up.
Transition is not a recipe with precise measurements, or a fixed
curriculum, or ...
8 years ago
-
It’s Inherent
-
The frequency and unexpectedness with which being transgendered asserts
itself is ever a source of amazement. Regardless of how deeply in
background one ma...
8 years ago
-
This Rain
-
Originally posted on chester maynes:
Abruptly, water gushes from the sky. I hear the storm drops too loud. Wind
creeps cold on my skin. Thunder slits these ...
8 years ago
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Telling a Friend
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I recently told a friend about Amy. I didn't go into many details or show
him pictures or anything, but it felt good to talk about and get a positive
reac...
8 years ago
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And Last
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I used that subject last week as well.
It happens. Click to enlarge (the cartoon not the imagination) This is a
hard post to organise and a hard post to w...
8 years ago
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The world keeps on turning.
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So I guess it’s time to get back into this blog of mine. I mean I’ve been
gone for so long and really it’s just time to start again. Since my last
real b...
8 years ago
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Why Bruce Jenner, Andreja Pejic and other Trans Celebrities Still Don’t
Matter
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Recently there have been a number of celebrities that have come out to
announce that they define as transgender. For some of them it wasn’t a
shocker, for ...
8 years ago
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On Reconciling my Beliefs, Depression and Gender
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Howdy. Sorry it's been a while, I am simply the most infrequent blogger in
the world... I've been buried under piles of work for what seems like
forever, a...
9 years ago
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End game...
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So things didn't get better...I slipped further and last Tuesday I went to
my scheduled appointment...when she saw me the choices were go home for a
matter...
9 years ago
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Handbags & Glad Rags……….
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I always feel a bit rotten about writing a new post when I have so many
posts from others to …
Continue reading →
9 years ago
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Commenters and deep thoughts
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I would like to start by apologizing for the long break between posts. A
little thing called life intervenes and my writing suffers. Family, health,
work, ...
9 years ago
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Jenna Talackova, and the importance of transitioning when young
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I greatly admire Jenna Talackova, the beautiful, sexy, and courageous M2F
transgender model, beauty contestant, reality television star, and actress.
I ...
9 years ago
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Motorhead Girls
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Motorhead Girls ... we are girls who love cars, trucks, bikes, planes, and
boats. Anything with a motor. Maybe we love some of them, maybe we love all
of ...
9 years ago
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Shutting down
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I've decided that I am not, after all, the blogging type.
I never managed it in my other identity either, so I don't know why I
should be surprised.
So,...
9 years ago
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Dangerous Situation
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***** This post might be triggering ***** Something really scary happened
last evening. I was standing outside with a friend (who is also homeless
and we u...
9 years ago
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Saying goodbye
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I came to a turning point about 12 months ago when I read an article by
Mary Jacklyn Moss. In the article she talks about when her child
transitioned and h...
9 years ago
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Could it really be THAT easy?
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So, not going to get too excited here, but bear with me, kay? Last night, I
decided to talk to Phyl about her withdrawals and pulling away. I wanted to
try...
9 years ago
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One Year as Me!
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Dianne Piggott
10/30/2013
One year. Just one year. One entire year. All of one year. One circle of
the Earth around the Sun.
A year ago t...
9 years ago
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Cumberbatch and his offense offence
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Poor old Benny Cumberbatch…him and his big old posh, ex slave owning gob.
Actually I feel for the bloke. Trying to do his best for British actors of
colour...
9 years ago
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Coming out on Facebook.
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I have a relatively small number of friends on facebook, I keep it that
way, I don’t add anyone I meet. Everyone on my friends list is actually my
friend o...
9 years ago
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New Hair … :) Trying different looks :)
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So the new wig arrived… and figured a day off would be fitting to try it on
:) Here are a few pics… Ya short and sweet post … :P Peace and Love!
Tamara :)
9 years ago
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Transgender Q&A
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When it comes to the subject of transgender and the LGBT community, I think
that there are three different types of people. The first (and the fastest
gro...
9 years ago
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I is for Identity Politics
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Hello all. For my first post of 2015, I am going back to blogging through
ye old alphabet. Today I is for identity politics. Identity politics are
how ...
9 years ago
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Leelah, and all the others who struggle
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Happy New Year!
I'm so sorry I don't update regularly! I have been off school for a couple
weeks, so I have no good excuse, but I hope you all had a wonder...
9 years ago
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A New Christmas with family
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As anyone can expect the end of the year can bring surprises and lots of
joy to one's heart and soul. This year is really an exception for Kay and
I, as w...
9 years ago
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On the other side!
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It’s been a few days since I last posted on my blog, and for good reason.
Thursday, 11th December 2014 I finally had the surgery I had been waiting
so lon...
9 years ago
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Saying goodbye
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The time has come for me to say goodbye and put this blog to bed. I doubt
anyone reads it anymore, but I’m the type of person who likes closure, so I
gue...
9 years ago
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Xmas 2014
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I thought I should drop a post in, and wish everyone a happy Xmas.
If you should be reading this, and you are a Pagan like my son, or any of
the non-christ...
9 years ago
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11-18-2014 Entry: Pulling Back the Transgender Curtian
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Two days from now will be Transgender Day of Remembrance, which I am sad to
say that before this year, I knew nothing about. I just finished scrolling
thro...
9 years ago
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No Big Deal
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My daughter started high school last month.
The other night she told my wife and me that there's a transgender girl in
her homeroom. During the summer ...
9 years ago
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I finally legally exist!
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On July 1st, 2014 it finally happened. The law that made it impossible for
me and many others like me to change their gender on any official documents
drop...
9 years ago
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A Controversial Stance On The Word “Queer”
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Controversial new video about the use of the word queer in the LGBT
community.
9 years ago
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8 Steps on How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Immediately
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If you are trying to get your ex boyfriend back, but are fighting and get
no results, then you should know this is a common thing that tons of girls
go thr...
9 years ago
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Pigtails
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Last night as I was hugging Kegan good night, I started playing with her
hair and realized her hair is at that almost long enough to put into a
super short...
9 years ago
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She Returns
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Gee, that was a long time coming, wasn't it?
I managed to survive from February to July at the Good Samaritan House at
Westgate. This is a Christian-run fa...
9 years ago
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The Maker of Noses
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Like many of you, I enjoy music, and I look to it for inspiration and
support. My taste in music is quite eclectic, ranging from hymns through
jazz and roc...
9 years ago
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July 18th 2014
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I know I haven't posted in a long time, things have just gotten crazy
around here. We were finally able to get pregnant with our third, and
recently found...
9 years ago
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been proven wrong
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I have had many people walk in and out of my life. And a lot of them have
been anything but nice to me. Over the years most of my friend have turn
against...
9 years ago
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Tumor no more
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On January 8, 2012 I was informed that the fight to live was over, I would
not be getting my last Chemo treatment, all scans have no cancer traces in
them ...
9 years ago
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*I think it is time to completely let my fears of letting those who know me
in my life, but may not know 'me' now because I did what I needed to do for
my ...
9 years ago
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Vote for Sophia
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I'm running in a mock election and I need your votes. You might be asking
why I need your vote, and *how in the heck did I wind up in politics?* Well,
my...
9 years ago
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Keepin’ On
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When I was driving home from work this afternoon I started to think of this
blog and its lack of updates. I think the general trend is that when I
dress mo...
9 years ago
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A Question
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So, I've been doing this girl thing for a while now.
It's good, but there is some weirdness...
Has anyone else experienced this?
[Bumps into a doorjam, o...
9 years ago
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Day 105: Whiskey Aging… DONE!
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So after nearly 3 and a half months it’s done! I ended up with a bottle
and a half of sweet, dark whiskey. It’s amazingly easy to do. At this
point, I’m ...
10 years ago
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Here's a Little Something No One Told You
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Milestones are things to be celebrated. In our culture we have only a few
of them high school graduation, marriage, parenthood, (divorce), and death.
Other...
10 years ago
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Sweeping the Ashes
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“Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody.”
“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems
don't rhyme...
10 years ago
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Another new chapter
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*or the next stop on the timeline...*
*Anyway, as some of you may remember, in a galaxy, far, far..wait, wrong
story.*
*I married my other half 13 years a...
10 years ago
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I'm coming out and I want the world to know...
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As the weeks went by I've became more and more emboldened with my
transition. I started buying more clothes, and started laser hair removal.
On Christmas...
10 years ago
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It has been too long since last I blogged
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Yes, I know, more than two years have gone by, and some of you may be
wondering if all is well. YES! Everything remains wonderful. We've now been
happily m...
10 years ago
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It's "her's"
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I've been living as woman for two years now, two really good years. I was
and still am one of the lucky few. I have gone through this transition
without lo...
10 years ago
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Paula Deen Quote
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“I feel like ‘embattled’ or ‘disgraced’ will always follow my name. It’s
like that black football player who recently came out. He said, ‘I just
want to...
10 years ago
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Link to my daughter’s blog post
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Here’s something my daughter posted today… Hexydezimal A fallen angel
returns. hexydezimal.wordpress.com Questions for the Transgender Community
Happy bela...
10 years ago
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Holiday Time
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I hope everyone’s been safe and sane all year, and that the holiday season
brings you joy and happiness – and lots of good prezzies. Here’s hoping
those ...
10 years ago
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Three Unwise Men
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Yet another bawbag is frothing at the mouth.
This latest cretinous oaf, a Russian actor of whom this reporter at least
has never heard, says he would "stuf...
10 years ago
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Hanging in, hanging out, hanging on
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It has been a while since I have posted anything here. Up to this point, I
have maintained this blog as a combination of sporadic articles, and the
occasio...
10 years ago
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I Dreamed a Dream in Times Gone By...
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This past week has been especially difficult because of the second coming
out of 'Marcy' Michael's female alter gender identity. My strife is
entirely i...
10 years ago
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I realised to day that I still have this account open.
I have moved all of my blog to my website, www.sarah-savage.com
Thanx
10 years ago
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Enough
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Originally posted on Nuclear Unicorn:
My approach to Cathy Brennan has long mirrored my approach to Ann Coulter;
I generally refuse to dignify their delibe...
10 years ago
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Ether Radio
-
Last Tuesday I took the day off work to run errands. Around 8:30 in the
morning I was sitting in my boyfriend's car by a gas pump. Peter was
inside colle...
11 years ago
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Hatred, Transphobia & Twitter storms..
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I'm far from surprised that this has blown up like it has.. To be honest it
was only a matter of time, Trans people put up with an awful lot, I don't
want ...
11 years ago
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Solace for the Soul
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I made it back to Arizona safely. No cops, no sandstorms, and no video. I
tried filming a quick vlog but was repulsed with the way I looked. With the
rela...
11 years ago
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The Wedding and the Beach House
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It was a balmy June Saturday in Napa valley, California. The winery
Heather’s cousin Rosalind had chosen for the wedding was beautifully placed
amidst rol...
11 years ago
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Retrospect - Spring 2011 - The Highs and Low of being a TGirl
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Widemouth Bay, CornwallBy the spring of 2011 I felt that things were going
quite well and that with my new image I was well on the well to achieving
the g...
11 years ago
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Queer Utopia
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Up until last month, I hadn’t been abroad for years. Two trips to Crete,
aged 13 and 14, and then I found myself in a desert. A travel one. As a
student in...
12 years ago
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I suppose an introduction is in order...
-
I'm a woman living on the Left coast of America with a very much
appreciated spouse of over a decade and a half. We can usually be found
co-living our lif...
12 years ago
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A BLOG ON BLOGGER? OLDER POSTS FOUND BY LINK.
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After a flat out hectic two months I am sitting here with no pressing
commitments except perhaps to try and cure this terrible cough and sore
throat. In th...
14 years ago
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Reality TV
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I was reassembling the bike last weekend with radio 4 on drip-feed and
heard a piece about people who live a second life on the Internet. It
appears that f...
15 years ago
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Cobweb Corner - Older Blogs, Not Recently Updated
This is a phenomenal post, full of a lot of insight most people don't bother to tell prospective transitioners (I was certainly blind-sided by most of it). I agree with and can affirm about 90% of of this from my own experience, and the remaining 10% is likely just due to differing personal experiences.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, and thanks for sharing!
Your perspective on "stealth" may change after you are all done. You might come to understand it very differently than you do now.
ReplyDeleteIt is one thing to be on that side where so many people know your situation. It's another life completely when you are treated as a woman by everyone simply because they don't know your past. Try giving that up when it happens to you. After all, what is the goal of transition in the first place?
It's important to consider this before you start- from your post:
"I would also have real problems hiding the fact of who I really was..."
Who are you really? Answer that, and you'll see why "stealth" is the way people go in order to actually finish treating the problem.
I used to think the exact same way.
ReplyDeleteThen I woke up.
I must admit, with my transition getting further behind me, I value my privacy more than I once did. My friends are my friends, even those who know my history, but the last time I revealed my history to anyone (other than official people) is quite a while ago. When I meet new people, I am just me.
ReplyDeleteBeing honest with people would skew how they see me. They would suddenly have a picture of me that I don't even see myself any more, and it would undercut the whole purpose of my transition. As well, most of the time I don't think people really want to know, just as they don't want to know other details of my medical history.
" I can have all of that and actually be just as stealth as anyone who is in "deep stealth mode," but I will NEVER worry about being "outed." My world won't come to an end if at some point in my life someone somehow finds out that I am Transsexual. The greatest difference between me and someone who is “deep stealth” is that I won't live in constant fear of eventually being outed..." -Brittany
ReplyDeleteReally? And how is it that your "stealth" is different from "deep stealth"/ And why is it thaty believe that all your new friends that know you as the woman you are will not change their perscetion of you ir they were to learn of your history?
My main post was NOT about being stealth, but since my comments at the end mentioning stealthness have hit a nerve I will comment.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, let me say that I certainly never meant to insult anyone who is in 'deep stealth mode out there. Everyone is in their own particular situation. I know people who had SRS when they were in their late teens who have been stealth for years. They never had to even have electrolysis since they were on hormones at such a young age. There is NO WAY anyone would ever suspect them. These people are married and have even adopted children. Their entire lives depend on them keeping their stealthness -- and yes, they ARE terrified that something will out them and they will lose everything when that happens.
I also know people who are stealth on the job and if their employer or fellow employees found out they were TS they would lose their job. There lives also depend on remaining deep stealth -- and they too are terrified that somehow they will somehow be outed.
People who transition at young ages and can go stealth may eventually have all things I mentioned above - a job, friends, kids and even family who never knew they were TS. Of course they don't want to lose that stealthness because their lives depend on it. I fully understand this and wish them all the very best -- GOOD FOR THEM!
In my blog post, I was talking about MY particular case. I transitioned late in life. I was vested in my professional Government career and could not afford to lose my job and start over so late in life. I honestly thought that would happen when I had to transition and I was prepared to accept the consequences - but I was fortunate enough to keep my job. This allowed me to be able to afford to transition comfortably and properly. I am able to afford GRS, FFS, electrolysis and everything else I need to do to transition. I also will NOT be able to fully retire for at least 6 to 7 more years, meaning that at work I cannot be stealth even if I wanted to until after I retire and get another job - if I want one. (continued below)...
(continued from above)…
ReplyDeleteEventually I will be at a point where I can go fairly stealth at least. I say 'fairly stealth' because at my age I have too many people in my life who know about my transition. You transition at age 48 and you have a lot of people in your life who will know - unless you want to completely turn your back on them all and go "deep stealth" and create all new friends who only know you as female. I am NOT ashamed of who I am (and I NOT saying people who are 'deep stealth' ARE ashamed of who they are) and I don't want to lose the people in my life who stood by me during my transition - that is MY choice.
I may eventually have many friends who ONLY know me as a woman - and yes it would be sad if they somehow found out about my past and decided they wanted nothing to do with me -- I will just say "good riddance" to them, because if they have trouble with the fact I am TS I wouldn't want them in my life anyway.
For that matter, if I had friends who didn't know I was TS and I found out they didn't like TS people I wouldn't want to be around them either.
Stealthness would be very nice to some degree in my life - but my life will NEVER depend on me having to be stealth like the people I mentioned earlier whose lives depend on that stealthness. There is NO NEED for ME to worry about it like so many others have to. I spent 48-years hiding who I was -- and that is longer than some people I know who are 'deep stealth' have even lived.
Again, I understand that some people's lives DEPEND on them being in 'deep stealth' mode. Mine does not - thank God! I would HATE to have to live with that kind of pressure at this point in my life.
When I wrote what I did about stealthness in my blog, I was talking about MY particular situation -- I was NOT passing judgment on people who are deep stealth at all! Everyone's situation is different based on where they are in their lives when they transition.
And whatever your particular situation is -- I wish you only the VERY best!
Brittany
Very insightful and thoughts I can concur with in my transition. There's some major differences between who transition early and those who transition later. The more history one has as the other sex the harder any semblance of a stealth life is going to be.
ReplyDeleteObviously the goal is to just been seen and understood as a woman and not a trans anything. But that is not always a reality for everyone. Is trying to run away from one's past worth the sacrifices of losing those who know and still love and accept us? Maybe if one didn't have many friends and family to begin with it would be easier.
There are a lot of compromises one has to make when transitioning later in life. We each have to weigh the realities of our own situations and feel our way through. What is vitally important to one doesn't make it the universal truth for all.
Great post
Same to you Brittany, same to you.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you are quite grasping what some of us are saying. We aren't feeling insulted or challenged by your opinions on "stealth". Some of us are trying to say keep an open mind, because you are going to learn a lot- if you let yourself.
ReplyDeleteIf you keep a closed mind about the idea of "stealth", you'll never understand why "stealth", the concept, doesn't really exist outside the musings of people on the "out and proud" side of trans. It's really just living. And there are no half measures when it comes to living. You tried that before transition, and how did that go? It's the same on the others side of transition.
It's not a happy place to be when you constant reminders that you are not "really a woman". It eats at you. It stains your soul.
The only people who might possibly be able to fully accept you are people who are very close, like a spouse who knows the real you, or maybe close family members. And often they are the most adamant and unchangeable of all. Quite a paradox.
Give it a few years before you decide to be permanently out. Selective "outness" isn't really possible, that's what things like the internet really do. Other than that, its not really the impediment to being undisclosed that people make it out to be. And you may just find like us much easier and more pleasant without all the baggage. After all isn't that the point of transition?
I'd like to add to what Aria wrote...
ReplyDeleteThis isn't about "deep stealth" at all. In fact, there really isn't such a thing as deep stealth and hasn't been for years. The Internet has done away with it. This is really about living an honest and authentic life. I'm not "stealth" anything. I'm just Lisa. It would be the same if I was a breast cancer survivor. Do I walk around wearing it on my sleeve, grabbing every passerby and sharing my story? Would I have the audacity to even think that? And would they even care?
I suggest reconsidering your feelings and thoughts on the entire subject of "trans". I'll paraphrase Aria, "...then what is the purpose of transition...?"
Take the red pill...
Lisalee :-)
I have to disagree with the comment in the post about those transexuals who are in deep stealth are in constant fear about being outed.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, you dont know all deep stealth transsexuals so you can't speak for them.
While there are defintely challenges during transition, I think your post helps to continue to perpetuate fears how you'll lose everything etc.
Everyone who transitions is different and will have different experiences... My transition experience has not been anything like you describe....
As Lisa said, take the red pill.
Another thought is that you're so focused on the changed aspects of your life with regard to transition.
ReplyDeleteBut, guess what? Life is about change whether a person transitions or not. Relationships change over time regardless if you transition or not.
Jobs come and go; marriages blossom and decay; you're young and then old.
I have to say I am tired of hearing people who are transition focus on all the change, the fear of changes they don't want.
Your underlying theme is that change is bad and it's not. It's nether good nor bad... it just is.
The trick is how much baggage are you going to attach to that change. How much will you let your life be controlled by the fear of change or loss....
In my menial work, I often come in contact with men who would love to transition but are racked with fear about what that means or there are some other excuses they think are valid that prevents them from beginning transition.
Quit this fear mongering... shit! Let's hear more on how to cope with the changes and how to deal with it effectively instead of running around whining...
I don't understand this "red pill" thing.
ReplyDeleteWatch the Matrix. It is an uncanny view of the nature of reality if you don't look at it literally.
ReplyDeleteOh, OK. I saw The Matrix when it first came out and liked it, but I was never a big fan, so I have forgotten the details. Thus, I'd have to look up what the red pill even does.
ReplyDeleteWikipedia to the rescue! I get it now. Red pill all the way. I think that's always been true for me.
ReplyDeleteI dislike, however, whenever someone says they've found a way that works for them and then claims it's the way that works for everyone. Like the "one true way." And anyone who disagrees must be taking the blue pill (or drinking the kool-aid, in another variant).
"There are a lot of compromises one has to make when transitioning later in life. We each have to weigh the realities of our own situations and feel our way through. What is vitally important to one doesn't make it the universal truth for all." Teri
ReplyDeleteVery well said, Teri. Brilliant.
I think there is a fundamental difference between those that transition with their life before them and those that are in the declining years of their lives. I am 56, I have an entire family, parents, sisters, 4 children. I am a well respected member of my profession. Worst of all I will be the first transwoman in my profession in my province. Stealth is not an option, and as Britanny said I have hidden for so long that I am not willing to do it again. I realize this is not right for everyone. There is no fundamental debate here. And I do not think that this is what the article implies.
ReplyDelete