Free Book on Klinefelter's Syndrome (47xxy)

From the Pacific Center for Sex and Society, comes this announcement:

Recommended book on Klinefelter's Syndrome

The KS Story - You are not alone

An account of Klinefelter's Syndrome by Iain W. McKinlay (47,XXY) , with a foreword by Professor Milton Diamond Ph.D. 

There are two documents which you can download for free: the book itself (PDF file, 8MB) and an introduction by the author (PDF file, 67KB).

A Gender Variance Who's Who

We have never featured Zagria's A Gender Variance Who's Who on T-Central and, for the life of me, I don't know why.  Not that we need to.  As I write this, she has 249 followers!

Nevertheless, it's about time that we point out the hard work that Zagria has done, for years, to those few who may not have seen her blog.

Zagria has spent countless hours - years, I suppose - researching those who have made their mark in the gender variance community.  I have been a regular reader of her blog for years and I always appreciate her research, attention to detail, and hard work.  

The life stories are fascinating.  There are so many I remember reading but, for some reason this mini-biography, dating back to 2008, Perry Desmond (1936 - 1984) performer, prostitute, sailor, beautician, occult retailer, pastor, came to mind and it is a good example of her attention to detail.

A more recent post, Alex Silverfish (1965 – 2008) dj, is equally fascinating but, gosh, I could just go on and on and list every post that Zagria has done.

On a personal note, Zagria was one of the first to link to my own blog and many have found it via Zagria's link.

Take a look at A Gender Variance Who's Who.  I guarantee it won't be a short visit!

Respect

Our last post resulted in a firestorm of comments on T-Central as well as on the two referenced blogs.  Sometimes, I think there are some out there who forget just how strong a word "respect" is, and what it means to all of us.

Elizabeth did a post this morning and ended it with this:

PS. My first day of therapy my therapist asked me “What does being transsexual mean to you?” I said “What do you mean?” She said this:

“Every transsexual person may have a different idea of what being transsexual is and I always want to respect that.” –Dr. Nancy Eisenman NYC

That is a very powerful and beautiful statement in my opinion.

I agree.

You can read the entire post, What The Hell is Wrong With You Girls?, here.

Point / Counterpoint

There have been many blog posts in the past few months relating to the term, "transsexual".  Who is one, how the term is used, etc.  Seems that there is no lack of polarized feelings on the subject in the transgender world.

Within nine minutes of each other, Ariel and Teri did posts on their blogs which were pretty much 180 degrees off from each other.  Both were well written and both deserve to be read.

How do you feel about the subject?  Leave a comment and let our readers know.  I'll hold short of commenting right now but I will reserve the right to share my own thoughts on my little place in the blogosphere.

Go here for Teri's Non-Op Transsexuals post on her Common Teri's Commentary blog.

Go here for Ariel's Socially Transitioned post on her A Naturalized Citizen blog.

Destination Unknown

I've been following Alexandra Young's blog for years.  Alex has kept it active and I strongly recommend it to new transitioners.  Read it from the bottom up, however, meaning start with the first post so you can feel just what she went through, every step of the way.

In her most recent post, Alex takes a look back at her transition and comes to the realization that she began on a journey, the destination of which was totally unknown.  

If you are considering transition, or even if you are in transition, you should take a look at this post, Destination Unknown.  

Alex, by the way, did a lovely guest post for our Transition Thoughts & Reflections series last year.  You can find it here.

 - Calie

Crossdressing Thoughts & Reflections - Jessica Who?

Who better to close out our series on crossdressers than Jessica Who? And who is Jessica Who? I think a lot of our readers know already—from her blog and from her videos on her YouTube channel. She is a humorist who makes a point, or perhaps someone who makes a point with humor. Either way, we are entertained while we understand what she writes and speaks about. Her video on labels is classic! Check out what she has to say here.

- Ariel

A couple of years ago I found myself in a difficult situation, one that others would die for. There I was, a lifelong crossdresser with all the struggles and strife as all the others, with the ultimate blessing—an accepting fiancé (now wife). The problem was, I still couldn’t accept myself.

Although I was sure of some things and semi-confident with how I looked as a female, there was a huge block preventing me from enjoying my full gender identity, which as of yet was still unknown. This created conflict with my wife that shouldn’t have existed. I needed to find my way, and soon.

So I began blogging, an undertaking that I had tried once before in 2002. Back before blogging was huge, I was blogging on GeoCities. My thoughts and experiences were shared with the digital world but were erased one day in an e-purge.

With my wife's blessing, I started my blog Jessica Who? quite uneventfully. The typical starter posts were uploaded, but soon my creative energies really took off. I didn't intend it, but soon my articles were laced with sarcasm, humor and satire and others took notice.

I didn't realize that I was writing with this humorous tone until readers and other bloggers told me. In reality, I was just being myself. Before long, I began to focus heavily on the humorous side of the trans world.

Then, at the end of last year, I started making videos and posting them to YouTube. I decided that they would almost exclusively be comedy from my transgender point of view.

Somewhere along the way as I was authoring crossdressing articles and creating transgender comedy videos, I really found out who I was. My true gender identity, which is extremely difficult to put into words, took shape and thus I was able to start expressing it accurately.

This also led to the birth of my stand-up comedy career. I perform as a guy and as a trans girl, and my humor comes from the many facets of life that are real to me. Comedy, a hobby of mine since 11 years old, was now becoming my guardian angel.

It hardly ever works out like this. All my life I thought it would be books, therapy and intense meditation that would help me in finding my way. At times the possibility of never finding a balance seemed likely. In the end, it was writing blog posts, acting like a fool in front of a video camera and stepping on stage that did the trick for me.

I am now much more open about being a crossdresser, many of my friends and family are aware of it and fully accept me. I come out of the closet with the enthusiasm of a kid chasing an ice cream truck. Am I naïve? Nope, I know that not everyone will agree with this, but I don’t care anymore.

Comedy has that affect on those who perform it. You shine a spotlight on anything that you are self-conscious about and soon enough, the anxiety fades away. When you make fun of yourself by ripping into your insecurities and ridiculing your experiences, nobody can hold anything over you.

I raise a mirror up to myself and also to the rest of the TG world. I satirize how society views us but also how we view ourselves. By pointing out the (in my opinion) exceedingly extreme seriousness with which we discuss our nature, I hope to help others accept themselves by laughing a little.

Among the issues I've lampooned are—the various transgender labels, wondering why men crossdress, the notion that all crossdressers eventually transition, crossdressers pressuring other crossdressers to develop a female voice, gender stereotypes and crossdressing being considered disgusting. Not everyone understands my humor, but that’s okay because I do what I want artistically and aim to make most of my videos with a social message.

Instead of worrying what my crossdressing means or what label(s) suit me best, I am simply myself—an intelligent yet silly person who is responsible but also immature who feels like a guy sometimes, a girl other times and a combination of both the rest of the time.

My approach won’t work for everyone but I think we’d all be better off if we took ourselves just a tad less seriously. Don't get me wrong, there will always be a need for serious research, discussion, protest, rallying, struggle and defense. But every kingdom needs a Royal Jester. I am ze.

Crossdressing Thoughts & Reflections - Janie

When I began seeking out authors for our crossdressing series, Petra and Stana were the first to come to mind.  

The lovely Petra, however, suggested another author whom I had not been familiar with. Her blog was not even listed on T-Central (it is now).  I took a look at what Janie had to say and, naturally, Petra was right.  We had another author for our series.  Yay!

Janie's blog is worth a good look.  Good writing, lots of pictures, and active commenters.

As an aside, we have approved virtually all of the comments to the various posts in this series.  I ask that you please respect our authors for what they are: Crossdressers (or as Janie prefers: T-Girl).  They're sharing their stories with all of you.  Let them know you appreciate it.

Now, it's Janie's turn!

 - Calie

Fits Me to a T

I am grateful for the opportunity that Calie has given me to share my feelings about crossdressing and its role in my life on this important stage. 

This site, by offering a central location to access so many of the fine personal blogs on the internet, amplifies the great benefit that these journals provide – namely, community of experience and thought.  I can remember what a help it was for me in my first days to know what others who preceded me had gone through.  Perhaps even more profound, what a comfort it was to see how many others had been thinking almost exactly the same things I had been; it made me realize I was neither alone nor nearly as strange a creature as I thought I was.

My experience is almost disappointingly cliché – I am traveling a well-worn path – but with two, let’s call them, twists.   First, I started crossdressing in my 40s, with nary a prior thought about wearing women’s clothes.  And, second, my sexual orientation is part of the package.

So far, my journey has been full of personal development, new friendships and fun.  I consider my time spent as a woman to be an enhancement to my former life, an exploration and a physical, emotional, philosophical, social and sexual pleasure.  While my femininity runs pretty deep, there is no inner gender conflict and I have never had a moment’s thought about having SRS, taking hormones or transitioning.  I am both girl and boy, and I love both. 

Late Bloomer in Bloomers

As recently as it developed, you’d think I could remember exactly what prompted my foray into the feminine.  But, I have only a faint theory.  My explanation is not entirely uncommon, but for me raises as many questions as it answers.

I think it was rooted in a combination of mid-life crisis and less that total satisfaction with my sex life… that I somehow became the girl that could fill in those things that I wasn’t getting from my girlfriend.  Not that I blame her; no person can be all things to another.

Some guys get divorced, some cheat, some buy expensive sports cars, some just accept the situation and try to focus on other things.  I love my GF far too much to consider the first two, and don’t consider the third a solution to anything.  And, resignation is a last resort.

Janie does help out in satisfying those needs, that’s for sure.  But I have a hard time believing that just any guy is capable of this kind of deeply-felt and far-reaching transformation simply to meet his sexual desires.  There must be something peculiar about me that allows me or incites me to be this way, which begs the question…

Besides which, without GF’s support in allowing Janie to spread her wings and experiment – and it goes much further than tolerating or even liking me in a dress, as you can see below in the next section – even this transformation would have had limited or no success in addressing my needs.  Rather, it probably would have created more problems.  Which gets me back to square one…

I wish I had more or better answers.  There are so many questions and trying to figure out all the whys and wherefores is like trying to cut down a big tree with a pen-knife.  But, I’ll keep at it as long as it takes, blogging-as-therapy all the while.  I’m confident the questioning will lead to answers in time and with the support of my friends in this community, and meanwhile I will endeavour to just enjoy my time as a girl at face value.

The Curious Question of Sexual Orientation

Whenever I am Janie, the male part of me fades into the background, and the feminine part of me comes to the fore.  I do not feel like a guy wearing women’s clothes, and I expect to be referred to as “she” or “her.”  My personality and demeanor change – and so do my coupling preferences. 

In girl mode, it is always my intention to do more than just look like a woman, even more than behave like a woman – I want to feel like a woman, experience life as a woman – and that includes dating and sex.  (Perhaps that’s why I generally prefer not to call myself a “crossdresser,” which seems limited to the external aspect of “dressing,” rather than a more immersive experience.  Instead, I like the term t-girl.)

I am wired to think of dating and mating in primarily heterosexual terms, but that may not mean exactly what you might expect.   

As a guy, I’m interested only in women.  As a woman, I am interested in men.  Go figure!  Does that make me “straight?”  I don’t know… does it matter?  There are those that may accuse me of trying to avoid the obvious conclusion that I am simply a bi male, but it is not like that at all – I haven’t the slightest interest in men when I’m not Janie.

That said, I am under no delusion that I’m a woman.  I am physically a guy and I love being a guy.  But I can put that away and become a girl in all but certain physical aspects.  And, don’t you know, I not only love being a girl, but I love being a special kind of girl.

Appearances Can Be Deceiving

In that vein, I am also reconsidering the much-sought-after goal of “passing” as a woman – y’know, appearance-wise. 

I have started to very much appreciate the unique and hauntingly attractive transgender aesthetic.  Feminine, with a hint of masculinity, the t-girl is alluring in her own right with no apologies for being what she is.

Straight men may well wonder why they are finding themselves attracted to someone who is, in no small measure, a man.   Gay men may find themselves strangely interested in someone who is very much a female; bi-curious women may find us a convenient stepping stone, half way between where they are starting from and where they are looking to.

It may cause some consternation among any and all of those groups, but if we are shaking things up a bit and punching a few holes in the walls that confine thinking and feeling, then we are helping humanity to grow.

But the most personal benefit is that I am relieved of the stress and self-respect issues associated with holding myself to a standard that may be beyond my reach.  I am also side-stepping the emotional and financial trap of subjecting myself to technology that is designed to mess with my natural biology (surgery, hormones, etc.) and is a danger to my health.

The highest standard to which I can aspire as a t-girl is that of self-acceptance and self-love.  That’s where I’m headed… I hope. 

Crossdressing Thoughts & Reflections - Gwen

When the call went out at the beginning of November for submissions to this series, it is possible that Gwen just did not notice, or maybe she is shy. At any rate, we invited Gwen to participate, and happily, she agreed. 

Gwen is the imaginative author of gwen's tgirl adventure where she writes with passion about this part of her life. Although her story might be familiar at times, when you visit her site, be warned, she does push the boundaries.

If we are to understand each other in this world, it is important to allow ourselves to walk in the other person's footwear. Reading her blog and this post, my guess is she would not be opting for flats…no, no, no! 

Halle

Living in the Round
by gwen tgirl

In a comment to Petra's profoundly insightful post, Deena asked ."..what...( do)... you get out of wearing women's clothing? ....Why?"
That's the question, isn't it?  And if we had the answer...well, we'd have a lot less charged on that Victoria's Secret card. But I have been thinking about it, trying to think about my experience in women's clothes, my experience as a cross-dresser. What is it that I feel when I'm en femme? Why am I compelled to femulate?
 
Is it erotic? You bet it is! Wearing hose, skirt and pumps is a buzz like no other, and I know a good buzz, let me tell you. But I'm not afraid or ashamed to admit to being turned on  just at the thought of it, never mind the actual event. But the erotic charge is fleeting. And after that particular charge is long dissipated, I am left with myself, dressed. and ferreting through closets looking for that next great skirt.  Among my favorite things to do en femme are: file my nails, twirl my hair, walk back and forth in my pumps, try on shoes,look in the mirror, read a book, read a blog, make tea, try out makeup, watch television, write. Simple, mundane things. .... savoring every single second as though it were a glass of the most delicious, expensive red wine.

If it is more than the eroticism then, (and I know that it is)...what is the attraction? 

I know for myself, that the experience of putting on a pair of silky hose is like drinking a glass of wine, in a way; .... in that dressing is, first and foremost, in its practice, a sensual experience.

(**the conceptual experience---the "idea" of being en femme, is just as important--but I also think it's the aspect we get hung up on, and speak to, the most. And it's a whole 'nother can of worms--so, for now,  I'll leave it for the comments or maybe another post!)
Cross-dressing is about looking, yes, but it's very, very much more about touching. The seductive touch of lycra hose on smoothly shaven, soft legs; the rewarding pinch of a pair of stylish pumps on your toes; the welcome grab of a skirt around your derriere as you sit; the tug of a bra strap; the soft silk of your blouse against your torso; the waxy fullness of deep, red lipstick drawn across your lips; the feel of tousled hair upon your shoulders, the weighty coolness of  jewelry across your neck.

Every element of a woman's dress imposes self-awareness upon her; awareness of her legs, her butt, her posture, hair, breath, her movements. Every aspect of  a woman's clothing is something to take notice of. Woman's clothing is  visual and tactile in a way that men's clothing decidedly is not. Every aspect of a woman's clothing makes her aware of herself, of her body, of the way others perceive her. In this way, as she feels the light pull of a dress across her form as she moves, and takes notice of its soft touch upon her skin, and the breeze through the stockings upon her legs, she is aware of herself, forward and backward, front and behind; completely in the round, 360 degrees.  She knows the impact of her presence upon space, she knows its caresses.

Even her fingernails; long, polished, cultivated and cared for, a source of pride and display; impose a heightened sensitivity to the very act of touching, for one must touch-- the keyboard, a book , a lover  --in a very particular way --when one's nails are long.

Cross-dressing, as sensual experience, is very much about a heightened sense of awareness of oneself, of one's physical being, and it is an "aliveness" that male mode is not conducive to, and in fact, actively works to repress. When I am en femme, I am aware of the curve of my hip as it presses against my skirt, the taper of my toes as they rest inside my shoes, the feel of fabric folded across my skin! I am utterly alive to the experience of touch.....in a way that I have never felt in male mode. I have never felt so alive as when I am dressed. Never.   Every sensation seems to echo and enhance the delight of simply "being"!

Femulate---meaning to emulate not only in attire but through actions, gestures, postures, modes of behavior, is more than attire.  A woman's gestures --at least those that most of us try to embody--speak not only of femininity--they speak of physicality and presence.  Her gestures are meant to attract and allure, not to impose. They speak to delicacy, fragility and the rarefied conditions to which she is accustomed and in which she moves. Her gestures evoke the world that she has surrounded herself with, a civilized world. And they draw her admirers to that world, not via violence or imposition, but via her magnetism, her allure, her sense of herself; exhibited in the way she carries herself, her body.  The gestures typically associated with an idea of the "feminine" work via seduction rather than aggression, echoing her sensuality and telegraphing her intelligence. 
 
When I find myself adopting some gesture or another, contrived as it may seem (but feeling so natural), I delight at my delicacy, my fragility, and revel in the implications these seemingly  innocuous movements carry..."...I am a person of subtle intuitions... and luminous experience .....a Woman... and I am to be treated with care".  It is a strangely  delicate, delightful and powerful feeling.