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Thursday, September 4, 2014

Realization and Acceptance of Myself

Realization and Acceptance of Myself is the title of our featured blog post.  In this post, our blogger discusses how she is dealing with depression.

This paragraph especially resonated with me:

Music impacts me so tremendously sometimes that I can't even listen to it. Correction... I can't deal with "emotional" sounding music or something that I associate with loss if I'm fighting my sadness.  I only can listen to that type of music if I'm ready to cry and give in to the sadness.  Sometimes I need to feel sad.  Sometimes I need to cry in order to let it out, but if that happens around other people, I get very uncomfortable and want to run away or shut down completely.

So, our blogger is a transwoman, right?  Certainly, depression goes with the territory.  Been there, done that.  Music became such an issue with me that I switched to listening to audio books.

Our blogger, however, is not a transwoman but, rather, the wife of a transwoman who revealed his/her secret to her future wife prior to marriage.  The love between them was there, however, and it still is.  They're going through this journey together and the seas can be rough at times, but the love persists.

This is a good post for someone who is currently dealing with depression.  Our blogger gives a link to an interesting video that impacted her deeply and resulted in her finally bringing her depression out into the open, allowing her to talk about her issues with others.  

This is yet another of the very well written blogs featured on T-Central.  I've always said that it's the personal thoughts of others that help us to better understand ourselves.  In this case, it helps me to better understand what the spouse of someone who is trans is going through.

In her January, 2014 post, Finding Balance and Getting Back to Being Me, our blogger, who refers to herself as, "B. Strong", has these revealing thoughts to share:

I find myself with any of my alone time just wanting to learn more about the transgender issue.  I spend so much of my time researching, reading blogs, and watching videos.  I've been staying up too late and not sleeping enough. I know I need to research things to get a better understanding of what might be happening for us both, but it's consuming most of my "me" time.  When I go shopping without her, I find myself looking for things she'll like and what will look good on her.

Later, in this post, she says:

I fear how much I love my spouse and how deeply I am connecting with her. I fear that opening up my heart is dangerous because maybe she will change so much that we don't connect anymore.  What if she decides she want someone else and leaves?  What if I can't handle it and I leave?  Oh the "what ifs..."  I feel myself shutting down and putting the wall up again.  It seems to happen right after having beautifully touching moments or great nights with her, which seems odd to me but probably makes sense.  

After reading this post, it's pretty easy to see that "B. Strong's" transitioning spouse is so, so lucky to have her in her life.  She loves her transitioning spouse.  She is trying to understand and accept a very difficult journey for both of them

For more on our blogger, you can go here for her story.

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