The shifting sands of dysphoria

The more I learned, the more I discovered gender transition is a process. I also learned my experience of being trans and how I experienced dysphoria was different than others. In the 1990s, most trans women transition models were to be femme, attracted to men, and want your penis to be gone, gone, gone. That last bit made me feel not trans enough for a long while.


Heather discusses how her dysphoria has changed over the years....even after social transition.  Read more at, The shifting sands of dysphoria.

It’s work becoming me

Part of me relishes the simplicity of

being a guy. Get up, shower, throw on some clothes. Done and done. It’s not sexy, it’s not fun, but damn it’s easy. I look like a slob most of the time, especially at work, but who cares? Right? And when I do dress up, it’s still quick and painless. Slacks, a dress shirt, and done. The difference is quite stark.


Stefani has found that it's a bit more work being her.  It's a nice, thoughtful post, worth reading.

Adjusting my Bra straps

We older girls, never had those girl events in which we learned those little things about female clothes. I always buy my bras and just wear them. When I was filling them with socks, bird seed (Thanks Stana), paper, etc, I never thought about adjusting the bra straps.









Just a short one, with visuals, from Susan King.

how a friend helped me clarify things further

Many transgender people, myself included, worried about cross gender arousal and what it meant. Did it disqualify our transgender feelings somehow? was it a sign of perversion? 



The answer, of course, is none of the above.  Read more about how a friend helped Joanna clarify things further.  

A bit of advice

About three years ago my family (parents, sisters, daughter in the US and I) were tore apart by my choice to tell my sisters (who I trusted) about me stepping out of the shadows. Sometimes trusting others is the worst thing you can do. I asked them not to tell anyone that I will do it in my own time and when I felt it was time to do so. But my sisters broke that trust and outed me to a lot of people without my permission.

This is a good post, from Aleana, about the consequences of being outed by your own loved ones.  Take a moment to read, A bit of advice.

Who Are You?

I was shocked to hear echoes of that persona who was his best friend, his very male friend for all those years, talking through me very, very briefly. It was the cadence of my voice from those days, not the pitch, but still I was taken by surprise. 






Just what is Halle writing about?  Read all about it in her short post, Who Are You?  I might add that my dear friend also has something to share with all of you in this post, so drop by and leave her a comment.

The Final Coming Out

My dad is a complex person. And my relationship with him has been equally complex. I was not the kid and I was not the son he wanted. What he wanted was a small version of him. Or at least a small version of the idealized version of himself he liked to think he was. This ideal son would love and excel at sports, enjoy out-doorsey activities, be an Eagle Scout, be the life of every party, the most popular person in their peer group, and then go on to attend collage at West Point before becoming a career soldier and war hero. That's what my dad wanted.



Faith is finally out.  The last reveal?  A letter to her dad, which is included in her post,  The Final Coming Out.

Old Note Analyzed

 


I realized my life as I knew it was over.  I was spinning swiftly toward suicide.






In this post, Sophie shares a Facebook post HE made in 2013.  Things were falling apart, including her marriage.  She realized she was trans....and more.  It was a dark time, but the post is about accepting things and working towards change.

"You're just going to have to live with it."

"You don't want hormones" - excuse me? When did they even get a mention in this visit? However, he continued, "your work and family situations mean that it would be too hard for you to transition. You're not depressed. You're just going to have to live with it."



Selina is a bit depressed about this.  I'm sure she could use your support right now.   Why not read her post and file a comment....

progress

As transgender individuals we try to shoehorn ourselves into roles that go against that nature rather than respect it and this was what I needed to learn for myself.







It's really nice to see how Joanna has come to terms with her dysphoria.  It's progress, and we can all learn from her.

Transgender Minutia

While cis women vary widely in eating habits, we trans girls are not afforded the same luxury. We just have to be better.







A short post on the differences on eating habits between men and women, from Cyrsti.

Humble Beginnings - Pandora and I, et al.

I had to register with a GP and the lovely Indian lady doctor in the surgery around the corner from the house took me on. I explained my situation and the fact that I felt I should have been female, and asked her advice. Surprisingly she had come across this before and was familiar with the Benjamin protocols, the real life test, hormone therapy and referrals for psychologist assessments etc.


This post is a life-story, from Dawn.  After leaving the Services, she realized that transitioning from male to female was in her future.  At this point, she's in her 60th year, has a partner and is quite happy.  Did she transition?  You can find the answer by reading about her Humble Beginnings.  This is a rather long post, so grab some tea or coffee and enjoy.

Six years of blogging

Six years ago today I started this blog just to put something about me out there and to encourage other trans people to live a more as their authentic selves. 


Sue's been doing this blog thing for 5 years now.  That alone is reason enough to get this post featured.  And, while you're visiting Sue's blog, consider following it too, so you don't miss another post.  This is one of the good things about Blogger!

The Feminine Differential - Lipstick

During early outing as Rhonda, lipstick scared me. Here is the scenario; As someone who would cross dress on trips, I learned that some shades of lipstick would stain my lips and be nearly impossible to completely get off the next day. The “you made out with a hooker all night look”. I had no concept of what looked good or the big question, how to shop for lipstick.  



Rhonda does now and shares some of her tricks and techniques in another post from her, The Feminine Differential series - Lipstick.

Where I’m at now

I remember the uncertainty and fear i once had. The wonder of if I’ll make it to where I’m at now. Though didn’t expect to be alone,(though i knew i would be 14 years ago), I’m good. I’m a far cry from who i was two or even one year ago. The fear of some things are all gone. The fear of others still a reality.





Candi has traveled a long way in her Journey.  Read, Where I’m at now, to find out....well....where she is now. 

The Wardrobe Assimilation

All of this came about because I decided to do something about the clothes pile.



So.......

You have a wife who has the BIG closet.  

You have a wardrobe for your "him" side and growing wardrobe for your more important "her" side.

What do you do about your clothes pile?

The answers are in The Wardrobe Assimilation, from Beth.

The aperture of happiness

There was no light for parts of my gender journey. Darkness closed in around me as I struggled to figure out what to do. I felt my way along in the dark, bruising my shins and falling down hard a few times. Happiness and hope would have been light, but none shone. My aperture of happiness was closed.


The aperture of happiness is now nearly wide open for Heather, and in some unexpected ways.  Go to her post to find out all about how the light is now pouring in.

The public trans woman

I told her I do not think transition is the final answer, and certainly not the operations which sometimes go with it- they are part of the doctors’ desire to create a Solution, clear definite and apparently Scientific, and laypeople’s demand of that from doctors. That ended our conversation.


In another really well written post, Clare talks about going public with her views on transition.  You need to read between the lines, but it's obvious that some agree and some don't. The public trans woman....from the lovely and brave, Clare Flourish.

Nothing better to do

I now no longer see myself as ever likely to relapse and begin crossdressing again.  I see no need, no desire, I feel no urge, no craving, I don’t view any on-line imagery relating to the subject matter, and if I’m honest, I barely log in to my blog account, or take that long to view other the content of other bloggers.


Some say it can't be done... That is, if you're somewhere in the trans spectrum, it never goes away because you're born with it and it's not an addiction.  The Recovering Crossdresser (formerly known as Fiona), is trying to prove otherwise.  This post is worth reading for those who consider crossdressing an addiction and want to put it past them.

I Now Know…

As an older trans woman, who fought with herself for decades before finally being able to throw off the internalized transphobia and even misogyny that frightened me from embracing myself, there are consequences to having waited so long to transition.




I Now Know....is a very well thought out post, from Liz.  The title is self explanatory.  Liz has a long list detailing what she knows now and didn't know then.  Many of you should relate.

Why Can’t I…

I know this sounds melodramatic, especially if you haven’t experienced anything similar. It’s a problem I have run into when trying to explain what I am feeling to someone who isn’t lgbt, never mind trans.






Should she put things off until.....  An emotional post, from Kira.

Color Analysis

Now that my hair is grey/white, I see that yellow next to my face, washes me out. I need white of vibrant colors to keep me for looking dull.  




I bit about color analysis, from Rhonda.

Fear and Loathing???

Many people ask me about the highs and lows of a transgender transition. My answer is simple, consider what would be the toughest hill to climb as a trans woman, then try to do it




 
It's short and sweet but with a message, from long-time blogger, Cyrsti.  Oh, and what was her toughest hill to climb?  Read, Fear and Loathing???, for the answer. 

Marriage is Growing Together

Relationships, marriage especially, grow through communication.  If there is no talking, there is no relationship, at least in my mind. 





Anyone who knows me knows that marriage and family is of utmost importance to me.  My wife knows, as does Nadine's.  Does you spouse know?  Nadine has a few things to say about the subject.

The End of Days

Gosh, I could be reading about my own marriage, only I'm the wife. Sorry to hear it's over but also I think you're sensible. My husband and I should have done that years ago. Intimacy has long gone and all that's left is anger and resentment and resignation. I will never consider crossdressing a healthy condition after living this. I can't believe this has become my life and I wonder often how it is that I was so unlucky as to hit this lottery. Like your wife I was a beautiful young woman once with many prospects - and now here I am. 


Vivienne did this post back in November of 2016.  I didn't feature it at the time.  There was a lot of emotion in her writing and I just felt that Vivienne wrote the post for therapeutic reasons and then might pull it.   The post is still up however and, to date, there have been 33 comments.  

Consider sitting down with a cup of tea or coffee and taking some time to read not only Vivienne's post, The End of Days, but also the comments.  The quote, above is but a mere glimpse of a very emotional comment recently filed by the former wife of a crossdresser.