The Choice

I stepped into traffic on the New Jersey Turnpike. And I did it because I could not bear the burden of being unloved, unworthy and distrusted by the woman I still loved. I was devastated by a few words she said, words she refused to take back, that cut through me like a knife:

“I’d be better off if you were dead.”

If you have followed Dawn's blog over the past couple of years, you know that this womderful woman has hit bottom more than once....her marriage lost, her job lost, some friends lost, and finally the loss of the mother of her children.

The Choice is a beautifully written, by a professional writer who has bounced back and is now living life to its fullest.

Signs

Whenever the symptoms overtook me, I was yelled at for being lazy,stubborn, annoying, useless. Never once did they even consider treatment. And the couple times I broke, lashed out, and made a cry for help, they reacted with denial and anger, completely ignoring the problem, responding with violence, or trying to throw me out of their lives.




The symptoms Sadoni refers to, above, are the Signs referred to in the title of this post.   It's an interesting recollection of thoughts from her childhood, resulting in anger, today, towards her parents.  

To tell or not to tell?

There are very few friends who now don't know that I am a lifelong transvestite. About four left to tell, in fact. I was coming out to everyone over the last few years, with positive results, until a really abusive betrayal by someone two years ago made me cautious with the rest.

Sue was betrayed once and she doesn't want this to happen again.  It seems that this good friend of hers is accepting of those who are trans.  But, does the fact that he likes to see drag shows, and appears to understand crossdressers, indicate that she will be accepting of Sue?  That's the question Sue is asking you in, To tell or not to tell?. 

Interview with Mireya Milan

Monika: Your vlog is very popular. You answer many questions about your transition. What has been the strangest question that you have ever answered?

 
Mireya: Thank you I think it’s getting there ha-ha. Hmm I would probably have to say...........

Always near the top of the right side of the T-Central home page is Monika Kowalska's The Heroines of My Life Blog.  It's an excellent website and it shows.  Monika has put a lot of work and effort into her site.  

Among other interesting topics are her regular interviews with the like-minded.   This particular post features an interview with a video blogger by the name of Mireya Milan.

So, just what is that strangest question Mireya is asked?  Read, Interview with Mireya Milan, for the interesting answer.

Real Dads Let Their Sons Do Their Makeup

My son doing my makeup is the same as a dad throwing a football with his son. It’s not about what you are doing together; it’s about doing it together. It’s about encouraging your children to engage with you. It’s about spending time with your child doing something they enjoy doing.

Lori Duron is the author of Raising My Rainbow: Adventures in Raising a Fabulous, Gender Creative Son (details on the website).  The first parenting memoir to chronicle the journey of raising a gender nonconforming child, the book is based on her blog of the same name.  

This is not Lori's post, however.  Her husband wrote this one, and I love it.  Oh how I wish my father was as open minded as Lori's husband.  Instead, just the opposite.  

Many confused parents, with a child questioning his or her gender, seem to find their way to the T-Central blog list.  If you're one of them, Real Dads Let Their Sons Do Their Makeup is a fun post, from a very open minded and loving father, well worth reading.

Planning a crossdreamer anthology

A repost from Crossdreamers:

Some of us over at the Crossdream Life forum are planning a crossdreamer anthology.

Think of it as a book that may answer some of the many questions asked by crossdreamers and crossdressers, gender variant people who are trying to understand themselves and their place in the world.

These would be questions and topics like:

• Transgender vs. crossdreamer
• Childhood Awareness
• Am I mentally ill?
• Is this a fetish?
• Why can’t I stop?
• How far will I have to go?
• Breaking the news
• Clothing and appearance
• Why does it seem to become so important in midlife?
• Why are we included in LGBT?

We are looking for crossdreamers and gender variant people who may discuss these and other topics. If you think that you can contribute, please add a comment here or or over at Crossdream Life, or send me and email (jack.molay@gmail.com).

We are not going to limit ourselves to new material. There are a lot of existing blog posts and forum comments out there that deserves a wider readership.

If you have a favorite blog post or comment, written by you or others, that you believe will be of help to crossdreamers and transgender people, please let us know in the same manner.

For more information, visit Crossdream Life.

Butterflies to caterpillars

I walk tall, smile and flutter my eyes. I get compliments, mostly from women but some ‘normal’ guys have said some lovely things of late. One guy at work said I had changed his perception of what transgender meant and I should have my own show instead of Caitlyn Jenner!




Dexxy titled this post Butterflies to caterpillars.  I would have called it just the opposite.  I do believe she is a butterfly now.  It's a wonderfully written post describing life after 6 months of hormone replacement therapy.

Testosterone: Panacea or Pandora?

......the other day I was driving along a back road and I saw an attractive lady (again, my opinion) wearing a very flattering outfit jogging on the opposite side as me.  I had a sudden urge to slow down, lower my window and tell her how nice she looked and how that outfit really showed off her figure.  What?  Who does that?  NO!!  Only perverted idiot men do that kind of s--t!  I thought, oh my God, I’m turning into a sexist asshole pig. 

I try to feature posts once in a while from, "the other side".  While I had to laugh at the comment, above, the subject matter is deadly serious.  This post, from Don, discusses in great detail, his experience with testosterone, the hormone that I and my trans-sisters so despise, but is so sought out by our trans-brothers on "the other side". 

Hormones, whether it be testosterone for female-to-male transsexuals or estrogen, progesterone, or anti-androgens for male-to-female transsexuals, can result in powerful changes to the mind and body.  Testosterone: Panacea or Pandora?, is well worth reading, no matter which direction you're transitioning.

Under the surface

.......I'm bloody terrified to go outside "en femme".





In this post, Sel has just been at a regular meeting of her local TG group.  Before leaving, Sel goes back to boy-mode.  She's terrified to go outside as Selina.  But why would she, since she had done so many times in the past?  You're going to have to read, Under the surface, to get the answer. 

If you're reading this, and you are a member of a formal or informal group of trans folks, tell us about it.  T-Central is looking for guest posts, giving you a chance to tell everyone about your local group.  What activties does the group do?  What do you talk about?  Are CD's and TS's in the group?  Whatever...  Even if it's just a small group of friends getting together, we want you to consider writing a guest post for T-Central.  Contact me, Jenny or Halle if you would like to do one.

Secrets that we keep

Secrets (secrets) are no fun

Secrets (secrets) hurt someone

Let me tell you how it all began 

A little secret got out of hand

Wanna guess what the secret is?  Yeah, you probably guessed right, at least partially!  Read Beth's, Secrets that we keep, to find out.

my abnormal sexuality

Putting myself in the mental role of the female is something that N rightfully has found to be disconcerting and I have done my best to explain that I have always been this way and don’t know any different. I love her and this reality has nothing to do with her or with anything she does. 


It seems that Joana has a post featured at least once a week.  It's just that she has so much to say and often writes about topics that you rarely see in other trans blogs.

Thank you for sharing, my abnormal sexuality, Joanna.  I'm sure many will relate to this post.

“You Don't Know How It Feels To Be Me”

I faked it my entire life up until I transitioned. I lived a life that wasn’t really me, I hung out with gearheads, but not really wasn’t a gearhead but it was a good place to hide. I went into electronics because that also was a good place to hide; I could lose myself in troubleshooting a problem. The world around me didn’t exist and in some ways I do that now with photography but I don’t have to hide now in a masculine world to hide my shameful secret.

Diana is one of the long-time bloggers on T-Central.  Her current blog has been around longer than T-Central, with the first post 2006.  She has something to say nearly every day and this particular post rang my bell.  Taking the lead from the Tom Petty song, Diana tells us how, “You Don't Know How It Feels To Be Me”.

The Journey

Your heart races as you dial the numbers that are set in place if it gets bad. Then they start calls and calls are made time rolls on. Panic starts to set in what if she wakes tonight and has a go at me. What if she finds out what I am doing, what if she wakes as I am loading the car, what if she….and the what ifs keep rolling on and on. The fear is getting over fed. You heart feel like it is going to jump right out of your chest.

This is such a powerful post from Aleana.  It's about abuse...the fear of staying....the fear of leaving.  Please take some time to read, The Journey, especially if your own situation is similar to what Aleana had to go through.

Locked Away

I have been crossdressing for over thrity years. I have rarely been out and have kept everything out of sight from everyone; more especially from my wife and family. If I ever went out it was at night and to places where there would be little to no chances of being seen or getting caught.

For many reading this, the quote, above, from Locked Away, may resonate.  This is a guest post, from Abbie, on the Crossdresser Heaven blog site.

Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) - informed consent

For many transpeople, HRT is the holy grail. We dream about taking hormone to match or mind and body. However there are many obstacles to starting an HRT regimen.






Some useful information, from Susan, regarding Informed Consent.

Coming out letter to my family

I have some news to share that everyone in the family should know about.  I am transgender......







We've featured a few "coming out" letters in the past.  It's always nice when our bloggers share these letters, simply because they may help someone else deal with their own situation.  

Coming out letter to my family, is from Heather's blog, Becoming Me.

A New Bra

The lady assistant offered to size me up. The last occasion I'd asked for this was in August 2009. It was high time for another proper fitting. Into the cubicle we went. She told me (and it wasn't done disdainfully) that the 40A Triumph bra I had on just wasn't giving me enough support. I was sagging. I'd let the straps out as far as they would go, to keep things comfortable - sort of - but this was apparently a big mistake!

It's just a typical day for a typical woman.  She hadn't been fitted for a bra in several years and, oh my gosh, things had changed!  A new bra was the result!

The T-Central admins have a fond spot in our hearts for Lucy who, although she transitioned several years ago, continues to blog about life, not as a transwoman but as the woman she is.  All too often, bloggers transition, go on with their lives, and abandon their blogs.  Not Lucy!  

Dear parents of trans youth

I can’t tell you how they feel at this point. That is something you need to talk to them about. I am a parent I know how you are thinking at this time. I am Trans, so I do know what they are thinking.  We did not have children for them to go through what they are going through. We did not invest all the love hopes and dreams to have them struggle. 


Wise words from Aleana....someone who is trans and a parent.  Read about it in Aleana's post, Dear Parents of Trans Youth.

fathers and sons

Back when I was considering the possibility of transition I would picture myself wearing a dress in front of my son. Telling him would have been even harder than dealing with N, my daughter or my mother. Having to explain that the person he thought he knew had omitted an important element of information and things would be changing dramatically between us would have been gut wrenching.


Joanna does a post a day and every one of her posts is worth reading.  I don't know how she does it!  This featured post is short, but in it Joanna discusses the relationship between a transgender father and son.

Joanna also links to an excellent post by the son of a transgendered father.  It's very interesting to read his comments.  Here's a taste:

Hardly a day goes by that I am not reminded that I am the son of a transgendered person. Be it passing another transgendered person in the street or standing in a pub listening to a group of blokes give their considered opinions on transgendered people “it’s just a man in a fucking dress”. And I stand there thinking, do I say something? If I say something, what do I say? 

Go to fathers and sons to read what Joanna has to say and to find the link.

T-Central...A Victim of Its Own Success?

Google has detected that your site violates our Webmaster Guidelines. Because this critical issue lowers the quality of search results for users, Google has prevented the offending pages from showing in Google Search results. This manual spam action has been applied to t-central.blogspot.com/ . To reinstate your site, you must significantly change the content to conform to our guidelines. Only after making those changes should you submit a reconsideration request in order to have your the content included in Google Search results. 

Jenny, one of our T-Central administrators, got this email about a month ago.  It seems that the Google robots think that we're violating their Webmaster Guidelines and, technically, they're right. 

Google's specific guidelines include avoiding automatically generated content and creating pages with little or no original content.  

Well, we certainly do violate those two out of 13 specific no-no's, and I'm not sure just what we can co about it.  Jenny, who is a search-engine guru, has requested reinstatement in eloquent webmaster language.  So far, we haven't received a response.  Hopefully, we will and, hopefully, it will be positive.

Now, I am not trying to criticize Google.  After all, they provide the free platform that has hosted T-Central for around 8 years now.  My issue is with the Google computers who think we're a spam site.

In looking at the list of key words that have resulted in T-Central showing up in a search, there's nothing to indicate any sort of nefarious dealings.  Instead, the list of most common key words looks like this:



Nothing unexpected here.

I'm guessing that there are plenty of you out there who don't want to bookmark T-Central on your family computer and, instead, just type in "tcentral" and wait for Google to pop it up.  Others find it when searching on the typical key words you see above.  By finding T-Central, many eventually find YOUR own blog.

T-Central will still turn up in a search on one of the key words, above, with any of the other search engines but, Google by far, has the dominant share of the search engine market.  Just taking T-Central out of Google searches reduced our fairly stable page-view count by over 4,000 in February, and that hurts not only T-Central, but it keeps others from finding your blogs.

I've looked at many of the blogs listed on T-Central.  Many link to T-Central but many do not.  If you don't have a link to T-Central on your blog, please consider doing so.  By doing this you'll help T-Central and your fellow bloggers.

Promise to Lisa

At her funeral, I promised Lisa that I would transition for the both of us.  I keep my promises.  But the Darkness never left me. Lisa used to say she was “one bad day away from trying again.”  And she acted happy.  No one knew she was planning to die.  I was trained to spot suicidal “clues” but I never saw them in her.  I failed her.  And she’s dead.  Her death is a scar on my soul that will never heal.




Promise to Lisa is an incredibly touching post from long time blogger Sophie.  Caution: It may bring a tear or two to your eyes.  

Origins of Jess the Crossdresser

The earliest moment of me choosing to wear a dress I was really young, perhaps four or five and I put on a frilly dress and walked around.  Of course at that age there were very few social repercussions and it was likely considered cute.  As we age however that changes and we learn that there is a gender line that is not be crossed.  Luckily as kids we are allowed to play dress up and there is always a steady supply of dresses in the dress up box.  At these young ages it is the outerwear that is of note and the idea of different underwear never really occurs to us.

I suppose some could say that if you've read one personal story, you've read them all.  Nevertheless, I never tire of reading the personal childhood stories of those who identify as crossdressers or transsexuals.  For many, the early years were quite similar.   Origins of Jess the Crossdresser, is another one of these childhood stories that may be much like your own.

Masculine Enough

I resisted adults “correcting” me to take my hands out of my pockets, keep my legs together, and smile. My mother wanted to send me to etiquette lessons so that I would learn to walk and talk like a lady, but they were too expensive. She hated that I clomped around like a Clydesdale.





 
It's always nice to read a post from, "the other side", especially from Jamie Ray, who's writing I love, and lives, in Jamie's words, on the border of trans* and butch..

Jamie posted Masculine Enough on March 1st.  If you haven't already read the post, take a look.

I like myself

I like myself.

I have not thought of it like that before. I am pleased. I wonder how many people can say that. Try it. Look in a mirror, and say that to yourself, and smile. See how it feels.



If you need to read a really positive post, today, Clare's, I Like Myself, is the one for you.

As a bonus, Clare has included a rare picture.  This girl is gorgeous!

The Perception of Self

I don't see me until I look in the mirror, and even then I only focus on the feature I went to the mirror for. I don't look long and hard into the reflection. I can't stand the image that looks back at me, the man standing there when it should be a woman. When the mirror is absent, I am a woman, albeit a woman who has to pretend to be a man during work hours.

Oh, The perception of self.  How well we can relate to those words.  In your mind, you're a woman (or a man, if FtM).  In the eyes of someone noticing you on the street, however, you may be perceived as a crossdresser, a transvestite, or just a man dressed as a woman (or a woman dressed as a man).

Beth ponders all of this in a short post from her blog, Right Brain,Wrong Body.

One Year on Estrogen

We didn’t know we were a girl from a very young age in the same way as the oh-so-common narrative of what it means to be a transwoman because we were both male and female. We did know that we were a girl from a young age, but we also knew we were a boy too. Imagine how confusing that must have been when society says you must be either one or the other, and dammit you better be the one you were assigned at birth!

This is a relatively long post but really well written.  Throughout much of the post, Emma refers to both her female self and her male self as "we" and "our".  In her words, this is a  ...... twin-spirited existence we live.....

In this post, Emma discusses the past year of her life, since she began hormone replacement therapy.  In that year, her brain has changed, her physical appearance has changed and, indeed, her life has changed.  She says,  I am a completely different person than I was a year ago.

For those considering transitioning, Emma's One Year on Estrogen post will give you a good idea as to how your life may change.  She also includes several pictures, documenting the first year of her new life.

Great chronicle of the past year, Emma.  You rock!!

Wow, you are so normal... NOT!

Welcome to the world of a budding woman who has had to present herself as a male for more than fifty years and did a really, really good job at it; so many accrued bad habits to lose...







Halle says she's not normal.  She even lists the reasons why she's not normal.  I happen to think that Halle is a well adjusted woman, but perhaps some others don't.  Referring to her as "sir" is, perhaps, an example.

Now, I don't want you to think that this is a negative post.  Indeed, it's a very positive post, but you won't know that without reading, Wow, you are so normal... NOT!.

one of our biggest challenges

Most of us don’t marry thinking that we are going to try and deceive our spouses in fact quite the contrary; we think we can eliminate the feelings or at least manage them through periodic crossdressing or in some other manner.

I so relate and I think many late transitioners do also.  Dealing with being trans and being married is, indeed, one of our biggest challenges. 

I want to note that in Joanna's post, she references an interesting and candid post, Those Pesky Torpedoes, from Femulate's Stana.