LGBT People are NOT Born That Way: A Considered Response

Added to this is the fact that in the pre-internet* world the transgender person was almost totally isolated. It was almost impossible to find other gender non-conforming people. Maybe the odd news report came out about a person undergoing sexual reassignment surgery or the odd transgender person was outed by the media, but this tended to reinforce our sense of isolation and show the need to conform rather than liberate us. Who wanted to have your genitals splashed across the newspaper? The conversations we heard from our societal groups in reference to these events showed that anyone expressing gender non-conformity would be treated as an outcast. We all had too much to lose and we were all made very aware that we would indeed lose. Sadly we therefore (almost) all conformed, or at least tried to. We hid our bras and panties. We purged, we begged our gods to ‘fix’ us (one way or the other) and we tried to make ourselves what we were not. Those of us assigned male at birth played rugby and pursued ‘manly’ careers (mechanics, builders etc). I am sure those assigned female at birth followed similar strategies. We hid, by conforming. We buried our shame, married and had children. In short we did what was expected of us and we made our parents and peers happy whilst making ourselves more miserable. But we feigned happiness because, well that was also expected of us. Sadly many of us took to alcohol and drugs, or committed suicide. All of which pretty much amounts to the same thing. Let me be clear I am not blaming society for being transphobic, or for somehow making us unhappy. Our happiness is no one’s responsibility but our own. But I am saying that ignorance from the cisgender world has caused behaviours in us that not many (including ourselves) entirely recognise, let alone understand.

If you're like me, you KNOW that years and years of dysphoria, dating back as far as you can remember and resulting in depression, frustration, etc., is not something that is psychological but, rather, is something you were born with.  How do you feel about a group of mostly cis-gendered male scientists and doctors telling you otherwise?  


This is a relatively long post, but its so well written by Daniella.  Just read the paragraph above, then read it again.  Then go to, LGBT People are NOT Born That Way: A Considered Response, and take the time to read this entire post. 

Feminine Differential - Body Image

We all know that teens experiment with fashion and sometime it works and sometimes not. Many of us have what is best described as belated development and we come late to the fashion experimentation stage.   In a way that explains 5" heels at the mall on Saturday afternoon.  It is not that they don't look sexy but out of place.  Teens many times when they start with makeup go overboard, not realizing that less is better - natural.

Body Image is another post from Rhonda's Feminine Differential series.

I liked her outfit and loved her hair

As I passed her at the counter, I told her that I liked her hair and she smiled saying thank you. I wish I could have asked her how she got her hair like that. But being in boy mode, decided against it.





Sound familiar?  I so relate to this comment from Susan in, I liked her outfit and loved her hair.  

Do you want to be me?

By joining a closed or secret Facebook group of parents like you, you can share things that many can’t share anywhere else.  We come looking for love and support but also the “me too” experience.  “Ahhhhh your son had a super girly phase before he transitioned, so did mine!!!!” moments and similar discussions create an enormous amount of relief, a sense of belonging at a time in parenting where you can feel terribly alone.  For some families it is their only space to be able to express themselves as they live “stealth” in their communities.  So to find that despite the best efforts of incredibly hard working volunteer administrators someone has slipped through the net can be incredibly distressing.



Most of the blogs listed on T-Central, including my own, are the words of those who are trans.  There are also a few written by parents and spouses, and these blogs are a very valued part of the T-Central list, for it helps all of us to better understand just what we all are going through.

Do you want to be me?, outlines in some detail just what the parent of a trans teen goes through every day.  Meeting other parents of trans kids is very important and social media is a big part of that.  These Facebook, etc., groups must be private, for the sake of the kids, but it seems that there are some who have managed to get through the vetting process of the administrator.  This subject is but part of a post, written from the heart, by the mother of a transgender teen.....once known as Kati but now known as Jeremy. 

Living for Yourself

It had been such a long time between my last real crossdressing experience in my 20s and starting up again earlier this year in my late 50s, that it almost feels like I’ve lived another life in between. A life that included getting married, having and raising children, dealing with the near death of my mother and then the death of my father.

 
We all like to hear each other's story.  You can read April's story, Living for Yourself, from the Crossdresser Heaven blog site.

Self-acceptance

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about self-acceptance. In the previous post I described the mix of elation and fear I felt when stepping outside the house en femme, tracing the latter to my horror of being ‘read’ as a man in a dress rather than the stylish woman of my dreams. When I shared these thoughts in another forum, the response was that I was perhaps too hung up on passability; few trans women pass under all circumstances, I was reminded; the best hope is that if you accept yourself, others will accept you also.  





Do you see yourself looking like one of the models on the right?  If so, you're not alone.  In this post on self-acceptance, Dabrela contrasts the opinions of two different e-book authors....one non-transition and one post transition.  Both discuss gender dysphoria and the subject of passing.  Good stuff from Dabrela.

the non-transitioning trans person

In some ways I still continue to see gender dysphoria as an illness. It can act as a trickster and have you think that you can only find fulfillment by undergoing a complete transformation when I don’t believe that this is necessarily true; at least not for everyone.
 

Joanna and I pretty much see eye-to-eye.  I just wish I could meet her in person.  Agree or not, this is a post I could have written.  If you think you were born to be a woman, but have very good reasons not to transition, at least not yet, read the non-transitioning trans person.

Welcome to the Jungle

So here I am, in the jungle.  Now, things get interesting.  Not only am I seeing how the interactions between women work with each other but I am seeing how those interactions work between men and women…..from….. a woman’s perspective.



This is another well-written, and very interesting, post from Christen.  She simply writes about being a woman and also has an interesting paragraph on being clocked.  How that happened is beyond me.  She's lovely, but the point of this post is making in the jungle not only as a woman but with the extra baggage of being a transwoman.  Welcome to the Jungle should be required reading for anyone contemplating transitioning.

Shop hopping

You never know quite who’s going to be behind the till. On an early venture, I spied a slinky dress in a window that was perfect, and went inside. It was packed with little old ladies rummaging through winter coats, but I apologised my way through the crowd to the cashier and told her I wanted to buy That Dress in the window. She had a mischievous look in her eye.

She opened up the display and shouted back to me, “IS THIS THE DRESS YOU WANT, SIR?”

I was damned if I was going to let her try to out-sass me or try to make me feel foolish, even in guy mode. So I shouted back with a cheery smile and a thumbs-up.

“YEP! THAT’S THE ONE! IT’S JUST MY SIZE!”


This is a hilarious post, from Miss Twist.  I'm still laughing, and you will be to.  Much more in the post, like the quote above.  Miss Twist tells you a bit about her fun Shop hopping.

Friendships Lost

When you are trying to find out about who you are and are also trying to reach and maintain a normality with this life we have, friends are an invaluable part of that process. Having someone there to talk to, to bounce ideas and thoughts off, and someone to confide in who is in a similar place to you is incredibly important. Otherwise your only sounding board is yourself, and if you are in a negative place this can only make things worse. Unfortunately it seems it can be incredibly difficult to maintain friendships as a part time girl, especially real life friends.


This post is referring primarily to on-line friends disappearing, sometimes after years of chatting.  I asked myself if I have intentionally not responded to many of my own on-line friends over the years.  As far as I can recall....never, but I suppose we simply sometimes run out of things to chat about.  I can't think of anyone who I didn't like but, as this blogger says in the post, sometimes you need to have something else in common besides being some flavor of trans.  Friendships Lost brings up some interesting thoughts I haven't seen mentioned in many blog posts.  

Oh, and isn't her blog logo pretty? 

Female Embodiment fantasies

It is a common erotic fantasy among people with testicles to imagine themselves with women’s bodies- men, as well as M-Fs. Julia Serano calls these “Female embodiment fantasies”.






Sound like an interesting post?  If its from the lovely Clare Flourish, you know it is!  And, no, I didn't feature Female Embodiment fantasies just because Clare gave a shout-out to T-Central :)  Indeed, this post also gave shout-outs to Julia Serano, Joanna Santos, and Jack Molay.  Nice to be in such good company! 

Thankful

So, said trunk sat empty for many years........Skip on a few months and shoes, dresses, a wig and make-up began to amass in there. It was a safe place to keep everything and very far from prying eyes.





Oh yes......I do believe the trunk our dear Lynn is referring to is the infamous "stash" that, I fear, many of us either now have or have had.  Thankful is another entertaining post from Lynn Jones.

Transgender Community: your Hypocrisy is showing!

So when the transgender community acts offended, and outraged at the idea of a mainstream movie about a forced transition, they are just plain hypocritical. 







Now, tell us how you really feel, Jess!  Good blog post!  Go here to read it.

Sexual Feelings

When one's body fails to be aligned with one's internal perception of oneself, then sexual thoughts get, not surprisingly, confused. When a person is first discovering their own body, and its potential to give them sexual pleasure or possibly feelings of guilt, that confusion is particularly great. Feelings and thoughts flow back and forth during that experience. The arousal can become mixed up with the need to be the sex you know yourself to be at the deepest level.



Halle has been blogging since 2010 and whatever she writes about is worth reading.  In this case, it's about the "sex" in Transsexual.  Sexual Feelings is a subject that is seldom discussed in the T-Blog world.  My good friend Halle, one of the T-Blogging world's best writers, has given this subject the honesty and respect it deserves.  This is a "clinical" discussion, with nothing objectionable in the post.

 

Week One – Teacher

Whereas most girls learn in an immersive environment, either picking things up from sisters, mums, friends, etc. we in the crossdressing community do not have that luxury.  However this is not necessarily a disadvantage.  Rather than picking up instinctive skills, we often have the opportunity to learn why we might use certain cosmetics, why some colours work together etc.

 
This is just a shorty, from Jenny.  Week One - Teacher, is the first in a series of photo blogs documenting her "to combine my passion for  photography with my liking for all things girly."  If you're interested, you may want to add Escaping With Jenny to your blog reader list.

Feminine Differential - Work Environment

I relished the challenge and adored the job. Stepping into a female-dominated occupation, I had nothing to lose and much to learn.  As a former/retired entrepreneur and executive, it was as if I became an undercover or clandescent spy. What I learned and experienced was amazing. 


Rhonda has done several posts on the Feminine Differential.  She's someone who's been there, done that, and bought the attire.  Today's featured post is one of them....Work Environment.

On being transgender -- hope and despair

Monica does not buy the perverted man in a frock paradigm at all:

"We must not kill ourselves by succumbing to the despair inherent in such a dated stereotype. The image of 'the guy who gets off on deviant sexual practices' is an erroneous concept which has been increasingly called into question, and which is already in the process of undergoing its own transformation into a much more positive and accurate concept -- the Transgender woman who has come home to herself."

This is a wonderful report on a new book, authored by Monica Mulhand, from New Zealand.  Jack notes that the book covers the entire MtF spectrum, including crossdreamers and crossdressers, but is mostly oriented towards transsexuals.  I haven't read it, but I will.  The post is titled, On being transgender -- hope and despair, and well worth reading.

All proceeds from Monica's book, Me! The gift of being transgender!, will go to Lifeline, New Zealand.

Musings: Of Fingernails, Cocktails, and Ponytails

I've been getting manicures for about a year and a half now, and pedicures for about a year. My reaction each time is the same: where have you been all my life? lol OMG, I don't know how I survived without them!


 


Just another week, from Cass, who just seems to be loving life.  This is a feel-good post with some fab pictures of our girl and her beautiful nails!

The term Autogynephilia

I myself no longer use the term but simply call it cross gender arousal while Serano has coined the term female embodiment fantasies (or FEFs for short). The point is that this experience could just as easily be a symptom of being trans and gynephilic instead of being the cause of gender dysphoria.



Autogynephilia is a term coined by Ray Blanchard, meaning "love oneself as a woman".  Sexual arousal is associated with the word and I, for one, have hated this term since the first day I saw it.  Well. Joanna is in good company with Julia Serano...they no longer recognize the term.  Good for them.  Read more at, Why Julia Serano is absolutely correct.

Self Acceptance

Self acceptance is the first step towards self-discovery.








Self Acceptance is short and sweet, from Genevieve.

I'll note that, for those interested, Genevieve has compiled a nice list of "affirming churches" in the New York City area.  You can find it on the right side of her blog page. 

Emotional Changes

In these past two months, emotional/mental changes have occurred but they are slight and less noticeable.







Susan King, a daily blogger, is referring the "less noticible" emotional changes rather than the more noticeable physical changes she has experienced after 2 months of Hormone Replacement Therapy.  Nevertheless, the changes are there and Susan describes them in her Friday post, Emotional Changes.

Topless in the Locker Room – Part II

I am more aware of being transmasculine in female gendered spaces since I had top surgery. I want the gym to be a place where I don’t think about my gender. While I am comfortable on the gym floor lifting weights, I don’t want to keep pretending that I am comfortable entering that locker room. I’d rather change and shower at home, even though it is less convenient.



Here's another post from one of my fav trans-masculine bloggers, Jamie Ray.  This is the second part of a post on Topless in the Locker Room.  Here's the link to Part 1.  

Sometimes we think of the bathroom debate as a transwoman-only issue.  Not so.  Jamie Ray writes about what goes on over on the other side of the gender spectrum.  Included is link to an entertaining, yet reality in today's world, post from another trans-masculine blogger by the name of Naomi Gordon-Loebl that is well worth reading.

Desistance

Many children referred to gender clinics as children grow up to identify as cis, often lesbian gay or bi. Reverting after surgery or such hormone treatment, after removal of genitals and needing further surgery, a person might develop a deep resentment of the medical services s/he had as a child.


I have often felt that if given the opportunity to transition when I was around 7 years old, I would have said yes.  I still feel this way.  My gender dysphoria goes back as far as I can remember.  In this post, Clare comments on a New York Magazine article, debating the issue of pre-puberty social transition in children, including the age at which cross-sex hormones are prescribed.  The New York Magazine article states that some studies have claimed that a high percentage of the children exhibiting gender dysphoria or confusion at an early age actually ended growing up happy in their birth gender.  But, how accurate are these studies?

Clare's post is, Desistance.

The New York Magazine article is, What’s Missing From the Conversation About Transgender Kids.

Here's a link to a blog post mentioned in the New York Magazine article titled, Do trans- kids stay trans- when they grow up?

These articles, including Clare's blog post, are very interesting to those of us who are trans, but what about the parents?  Depending on the article or study you read, the parents are put in the position of making a life decision for their child that could end up being the correct or the wrong decision.  As a parent myself, I cannot begin to imagine the pressure on the parents of a gender dysphoric child to make a decision, one way or the other, while the clock keeps on ticking....

A Tale of Two Boxes

I think it’s easier for cisgendered people to accept a person who “was” once a man but “is” now a woman, and it’s harder for them to accept that, actually, there are a lot of us somewhere in the middle zone (perhaps the rainbow zone?) between those two boxes (including some people who might identify or “qualify” as cis-gendered). (Likewise, it's acceptable to be a drag queen, who is male in his normal life. Putting on a dress is only an act, right?)

A Tale of Two Boxes, is an excellent post from Vivienne about being in the middle......being a "lowly" crossdresser who is looked down upon by not only by many cis-gendered people but also by some of our own who have fully transitioned.

Three Years Later

I had just been discharged from a hospital where I spent a week recovering my memories and trying to figure out so many things: what year this was, who I was, why did my driver’s license have a picture of me wearing a wig, a gender marker with an F, and this other name that people called me.

 


This is an absolutely incredible life story from Dawn which resulted in her detransitioning.  Three Years Later, is yet another "must-read" post from fabulous writer.

Fighting the fear

Feel the fear. Think. Do it.





There are times when I have little time to review the many blogs of the day, yet I feel the need to feature one.  Since anything long time blogger, Lynn Jones, writes is worth reading, let's try Fighting the fear.  Good advice from my friend, Lynn.

Checking in with Jack Molay

I’m nosy…I’m a gossip…I admit it. I wanna know what’s going on with that mysterious blogger who does so much for our community: Jack Molay. 2016 is turning out to be a tumultuous year so let’s get his perspective on things.


If you're a regular browser of T-Central, you must know the name, Jack Molay.  Jack is the name behind the Crossdreamers blog, and others.  I've always wanted to know more about Jack and so does the name behind The Transcend Movement (Felix?).  For a very interesting read, go to  Checking in with Jack Molay.

In this post, among many other things, Jack mentions, How I found out my husband is a woman inside and what happened next, a post by his wife, Sally Molay. T-Central never featured this post....we should have.
 

How Can I Help?

Being me and not a poster child doesn't mean that I cannot speak out for the community, but I will admit that as time passes, I find myself less inclined to 'out myself' intentionally. That is, I am very happy to simply be me and not tell those around me my history. Being stealth isn't a dirty word. It means getting on with my life as it should have been, and that is my ultimate goal.





Life is going pretty well for Halle.  If you need to read a very positive post, why not read How Can I Help?

Between the Neck and the Knees

One thing I’ve learned during my transition is to ask myself “What do I want to get out of this?” instead of “What should I do?” For top surgery, the answer was that I wanted my pre-puberty chest back and I wanted to stop binding. If I still got my period, or had a lot of estrogen in my system, I might want to take testosterone, or some other drug, to stop it. But, when I ask myself what I want to get from testosterone now, I struggle to come up with an honest or compelling answer.


Jamie Ray talks about that stuff between the neck and the knees.  In the case of this blogger, we're talking about the uterus, cervix, and ovaries.  Another interesting post from Jamie Ray.

Public Relations

.......the more and more I go out and interact with the general public, and the more and more people I come out to in my personal life, the more I realize that I can help people out.  I can help out transgender people, and cisgender people as well.  How so?  By being an ambassador.




Nadine isn't hiding it.  Indeed, pretty much just the opposite.  She has outed herself to many.  Public Relations is another great post from the stylish Nadine.

Talking to a lesbian

My sink was blocked, and the pipes were leaking, so I called the letting agent who called the plumber who interrogated me about my sex life. So it goes. He started by asking if he could ask me a question. Yes, but I may not answer. He took an age, not seeming to find the words- I wanted to say, “spit it out, man” but left him to it. Then he told me he had seen my wigs- did I have cancer?



This is an entertaining post written in Clare's distinct style.  There's somewhat of a surprise at the end of the post.  I'm not going to say what it is, so you're just going to have to read Talking to a lesbian.