Be thyself

I’ve never engaged in the physical ‘purging’ so common to crossdressers. An instinctive hoarder, I like to hang on to my schmutter, especially as I sometimes find new uses for long-overlooked garments. But periodically I make an attempt at mental purging – putting trans thoughts out of my mind, filling the head with ballast. Other sufferers will tell you it doesn’t work. I tried it in October. My resolve lasted all of two weeks – just long enough for me to start asking myself whether it was a compulsion or an addiction, this thing I feel.

Dabrela shares some frank and candid thoughts on her crossdressing in her post, Be thyself.

the issue of orientation

Gender dysphoria does not discriminate according to orientation. It's just either strong enough or not in obliging you to transition. Orientation becomes a filter for the condition and nothing more.

As one who is into the "science" of why we are what we are, I always look forward to posts from Joanna and others.  Hopefully this age-old debate will be settled in the scientific community someday.

For some commentary on Benjamin vs Blanchard, please go to Joanna's post, the issue of orientation.

How to get the perfect partner

Treat your partner like gold. Let that person know that you care, and that you are on their side. You don’t always have to agree, but you do have to be there.

Natalie originally wrote this article for a men's site but, alas, it was not what they wanted.  It's well written and really should have been accepted on that men's webzine.  Please read, enjoy and take note.  Everything Natalie has written, in How to get the perfect partner. are my beliefs also.

Cross Dressing Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all thru the house

I was making my plans to look more like my spouse

I carefully laid out my very best clothes

My bra and my panties, my slip and my hose

 

Oh, and there's much more.  Rhonda has reposted, originally written by Shae, in 2002.  Go to, Cross Dressing Night Before Christmas, to read it all.

I Never Believed in Santa Claus

My parents obliquely asked me what I wanted. I was afraid to tell them the truth. I hedged my answers. Asking for boy’s toys would start an argument. I tried to ask for toys that weren’t made specifically for girls or boys, e.g. a Spirograph or Labyrinth. Toys I could play with by myself and still feel like a boy.


Jamie Ray was raised Jewish.  Her day of gifts was the day before Christian holiday of Christmas.  Find out why by reading Jamie's lovely post, I Never Believed in Santa Claus.

Stay Out of Red Neck Bars if you Ain't a Cow Girl or a Sheep

So my advice to the novice cross dresser or transgender woman heading out into the public eye for the first time is - go to someplace percent wise that you can relax and enjoy the world. If you can and I know it is tough. I tripped through malls in heels and short skirts and most definitely found my way into some wrong drinking establishments. I was no angel.

Sound advice and a title that must have caught your attention!  All from Crysti, who's been there and done that.  She also tells us that she has a new book on the way!  Go here to read the post from Crysti's Transgender Condo.
 

Life just gets better

When we start a transition the way is laid out before us in seemingly enormous lengths of time, a year for this, two years for that etc. It seems like it would never end yet here I am four years past my trip to Brighton to be reborn.

For Caroline, those dark and dreary says of winter, in Scotland, couldn't end fast enough.  They seemed to last forever, peaking around the holidays.  That was prior to her transition.  Now, the days are still dreary, but that's outside.  Inside Caroline, the days are brighter.  Go read, Life just gets better, a rare post from a once prolific blogger.

Crossdressing Modus Operandi, Time for a Change?

Daniella was enjoying some girl time, alone, when......

I was just finishing up when I heard a car pull into the driveway. It was our tenants. They were home. What to do? I finished up and took a careful and sneaky look out the back door. They were indoors and the driveway was clear. I carefully locked the back door, grabbed my keys, handbag and high heel shoes (I had decided to drive in a pair of flats for safety sake) and headed out of the front door and around the side of the house. I carefully looked around the corner and saw that no one was in sight. I made a run for the car. Jumped in,threw my heels on to the floor in front of the passenger seat, started the engine and headed down the drive. So far so good.

Oh, but there's much more to the story!  Read all about it at, Crossdressing Modus Operandi, Time for a Change?

How Transgender Women Are Training Their Voices to Sound More Feminine

Kira has linked to a very interesting article from Smithsonian.com.  Visit Kira's blog for the link.

Real women only

The Seven Sisters Festival in the Mornington Peninsula, South-East of Melbourne, is in trouble about whether to admit trans women. According to PinkNews, they would admit post-op trans women, but not pre-op: "As we have advertised the festival as a sacred women’s only space – having individuals onsite who are physically men would be breaking the trust of many women."

One of the commenters on this post alluded to the fact that a pre-op transman would be qualified to attend.

Oh, the tangled web we trans folks weave....

Go Clare's blog to read Real women only.

What I Want For Christmas

So here’s what I want for Christmas.  I don’t want toys or clothes or gift cards.  I want you listen to me and truly hear what I have to say.  I want you to open your minds and hearts  and try to actually accept me and understand me instead of continuing to ignore and avoid me.  I want you to take interest in my life; ask me about more than just work and the weather; ask questions when you don’t understand something; do some reading on your own so I don’t have to bring all the resources by myself; actually call me for once instead of relying on me to call you.  

And there's more....

What I Want For Christmas, is nicely written, by Sadoni.

surgery and aftermath

That night and the following night I begged the nurses for more morphine so I could sleep.  I was caught off guard by the sheer pain involved with this surgery, which made me feel naive.

There's much, much more to this post than Dana's quote, above, about the incredible amount of pain she had to endure to become whole.  Best to go to surgery and aftermath and read it all.

What would you do?

What would you do? Christmas is coming…..Here you are wondering what to do as you are without children this year…… 

I've known so many trans friends over the years who spend the holidays adrift in loneliness.  

Not Aleana.  How is she dealing with it?  Read What would you do?

One Of Us

........I pointed out to daughter no 2 (age 13) that her little sister’s girly trainers were labelled as unisex.  She replied that yes, that seems right.  I questioned this and pointed out that they were in fact both pink and glittery, and her reply warmed my heart.

“So what?  Doesn’t mean a boy can’t wear them if he wants.  All clothes are unisex.”

“OK then” I replied, “so you could have a unisex dress?”

“Yes.  A boy can wear a dress if he wants to and there’s really nothing wrong with that.”

This is a really cute and heart-warming post from Kirsty.  Actually, it's a two-part post dealing with two totally different subjects.  Both are really feel-good subjects.

The second part of this post involves Kirsty and Michelle (another one of our bloggers) sitting in a cafe when someone approaches them:

“Is it ok if I sit here…”

 “… and speak to you for a minute?”

“It’s ok, don’t worry.  I’m like you.”

What happened next?  You'll have to read the post to fine out!

I guarantee you'll enjoy this One Of Us from Kirsty.

Joel's thoughts on Nathan Verlhelst

.........you might not want to read this … it is pretty upsetting (especially the transcript of a video of Nathan that is no longer online that this piece originally alluded to.) If you are not in a “good place” this is probably not the best thing to read.  And remember if you are EVER feeling unsafe please talk to someone … a friend is always great but there’s always the resources in the sidebar which can be equally helpful!

My thoughts on Nathan Verlhels is an absolutely chilling re-post, by Joel.  The key words are suicide and euthanasia and the post involves the decision of Nathan, a female to male transsexual, to end his life due to a botched gender reassignment surgery.

I want to note that Joel has concerns that reading this may be a "trigger" for some.  He wants you to know that he has now has the proper suicide prevention/help links on his site.

Swimming For My Life

This is not fun.  This is not dress up time.  This is not about looking beautiful.  Yes, a woman perhaps enjoys fun and dressing up and looking as attractive as she can but life is so much more.  This is about identity, about being able to interact with a world in a way that is harmonious to me, as myself, as a woman.  this is about the feeling of knowing the world feels comfortable with me as that person, as a woman.  This is about the struggle of loss of a spouse who is now your best friend and sister.  This is about not having a "center" to my life as I once did. 

Swimming For My Life is just a beautifully written post, from Christen.  Do yourself a favor and read this one which is about life, post transition.  I don't see any comments yet and this is another post that deserves a few comments from those who love well written blog posts.

My Signature Story

I have been on a roller coaster of laughter, tears, anger and confusion smiling for the novelty camera while my seat belt keeps me from standing up and jumping over the edge because really... my crazy ride that's called marriage is no different than any of yours, we just look different.

A lovely post from Mary, the wife of a transwoman.  An absolute must-read.  Please go to My Signature Story, and don't forget to leave a comment.

Rhonda's Commentary on VANIQ Hair Removal Cream

Today with VANIQA, I do not shave the area above my lip or area below, almost down to the chin.  The beard is not completely gone, but the noticeable black tough hairs are and what is left is white and wispy - easily plucked twice a week.  Here are my results and suggestions – you mileage may vary.

In this featured post, Rhonda discusses her experience with VANIQA, as a means of facial hair removal.  I was not aware of this product.  Not for everyone....it's expensive. 

While you're exploring Rhonda's Escape, be sure to check out her detailed "About" page.

Cross-dressers: The Other Woman

Is cross-dressing a total game-changer in marriage? It absolutely is and to deny it is a self-fulfilling fantasy for cross-dressers. The femme side always wins and unless a wife is bi-sexual or favors women, she is going to be unhappy in her marriage, unless there is open communication and an agreement can be worked out between them that allows for them to both grow together.

Cross-dressers: The Other Woman, is good blog post to read, written by the former wife of a crossdresser.  

A Holiday Tradition: My Thanksgiving Coming-Out Poem

Last year, when I was looking for a post to feature on the eve of the American Thanksgiving holiday, I remembered the late Matt Kailey's Thanksgiving Coming Out Poem.  Well, I see that Don has featured it this year, so why not go to Dawn to Don to read it this time?  It's a very funny post and, while written for the American Thanksgiving holiday, it applies to any gathering of family, anywhere in the world.

Some of you may remember Matt Kailey's Tranifesto blog.  Matt transitioned from female-to-male, in 2007. It was a sad day in the LBGT world, when Matt died in his sleep, last May, at far too young an age.  His blog is still listed on T-Central.  His last post, Tranifesto Celebrates Five Years, was on March 31, 2014.

I Finally Figured it Out!

All her life, Nadine has been trying to figure out why she is a crossdresser.  Well, our girl has finally figured it out.  

Go to, I Finally Figured it Out!, for the answer!.

Lives Guided By Fear: In Honor of the Transgender Day of Remembrance

Although I came to rightly realize that I was meant to be a woman, I did not allow myself to accept that I was transgender. Moreover, the way I physically transitioned allowed for me to reinforce this idea that being transgender wasn't good enough. That who I am is shameful and not something one should advertise. This caused me to constantly live in fear of being discovered.

Chloe has written a beautiful, and very different, blog for the Huff Post on the subject of the Transgender Day of Remembrance.  This post hit home with me and it may for you too.  Please take a moment to read Lives Guided By Fear: In Honor of the Transgender Day of Remembrance.

 

25 since Attempt

On November 1, 2015, I passed a milestone.  Is it one worth celebrating?  I'm not sure.
It was the 25th anniversary of a defining moment in my life.
Twenty five years ago on that date, I should've died.  I wanted to die.  I tried to die. 

We're so glad you didn't, Sophie!

Read Sophie's story, 25 since Attempt, from her blog, A Woman Named Sophie.

crossdressing is a verb

The act of cross dressing seems to be a primordial need in many of us from a very tender age. We remember going into our mother's closet and trying on her shoes and clothing all the while never understanding why. It was simply our normal.

"It was simply our normal".  Joanna nailed it, didn't she?  Is there anyone, trans, who doesn't agree with that?  Read more at Crossdressing is a verb.

The Bulge

Women and men are physically different and so while we may need to add a bit up top to fill out a blouse we also are also a little too filled out for women’s pants.

A nice, clear, G-Rated discussion on the subject of The Bulge.

Wall to Wall Stuff

We're losing two long time bloggers this week.  In the last T-Central post, it was announced that Kathleen is shutting down her Genderblog site.  This post features Stace's Musings of an I.T. Girl.  While Stace is not yet shutting down the blog, she has all but said that she doesn't expect to do many more posts.

Wall to Wall Stuff is a nice summary of Stace's life since she started the blog in 2009.  The facts are unique to Stace, but similar to many who have gone through the pain of gender dysphoria and the actual decision to transition.

The good news is that T-Central has added two new blogs this week:

Confessions of Anna, Secret Poet and It's All About My Lucy.

We Are Good

I am transgendered and I am lovable; I am transgendered and I am loving. I am worthy, and worthwhile, and valuable to the society in which I live. No one could ask more of anyone. It’s OK; I’m OK just the way I am.

The words, above, are from a 2014 post from Kathleen's GenderBlog, which has consistently been one of my favorites blogs listed on T-Central.  Alas, all good things must come to an end.  Kathleen is shutting down her blog.

I always have mixed emotions when a trans blogger shuts down his or her blog.  Generally, the blogger has completed transition and there is simply nothing more to write about.  It has happened time and time again and each time I ask myself....."Why am I still here fighting gender dysphoria every minute of every hour of every day of every year?"  I suppose that's something I need to blog about.

Kathleen's first GenderBlog post was in November, 2009.  I asked her if she had a favorite post that she would like featured.  She did and it's titled, We Are Good, a short, but sweet, post she wrote in September, 2014.  The quote, above, is from that post.

I want to add that in the next month or so, T-Central will have reached the 1 million page views plateau.  To celebrate T-Central's six years of serving the T-Blogging community, we will feature guest posts from some of our bloggers with the theme of how their life has changed in the past six years.  Jenny, one of the T-Central administrators, suggested this theme and Kathleen has agreed to write one of the guest posts for us.

Growing Up With Gender Dysphoria

I hated school because of the bullying and I couldn’t tell anyone about the feelings I was having, it wasn’t normal and I was all alone. I found an escape through crossdressing, it was the only way that I knew how to cope. I guess I was around 10 years old when I started. I can’t remember exactly why I started crossdressing except that it felt natural to me, it had an affect that was immediately calming and for the first time I was feeling comfortable in myself. It just reaffirmed what I already knew inside, that I should have been born a girl.

 

Danielle says it so well in this re-post from her previous blog.  I'm sure many will relate to Growing Up With Gender Dysphoria.

The medicalisation and pathologification of being transgender, an exploration

Unfortunately, the belief held by a number of both trans and cisgender people that the only ‘real’ trans people are those that are transitioning and that ‘transitioning’ requires some sort of medical intervention; medication (hormones) at the very least and more aggressive medical interventions (surgery) at the more extreme levels exacerbates some confusion in society. At least some people believe that if you aren’t (at least) on hormones, then you aren’t really trans and you are ‘just crossdressing’.

Daniella is not rambling in this blog.  Instead, she has written a well thought out post on, The medicalisation and pathologification of being transgender, an exploration.

Pesky Pronouns

In the beginning our close friends really struggled. They got the pronouns wrong constantly... but they were trying and that’s what mattered to us. They cared enough to make the effort. They were open enough and willing to change how to address Dana. 

Mary discusses the issue of pronouns; an all to familiar subject for anyone trans.  Who gets a free pass from Mary and Dana?  Read Pesky Pronouns to find out.

Gender clinic conversations

This post is just what the title says.  Clare, who I might add is just gorgeous, is in the gender clinic conversing with another transwoman and a transman.  It's the kind of conversation that only two who are trans can have.....a conversation I have had with many.  I found myself nodding my head and feeling as if I was part of the group.  You will too.

Gender clinic conversations is from the talented Clare Flourish's blog.

I Never Did

Did you ever dress up for Halloween?  That would be dressing up in the clothes of your desired gender?  I never did, nor did Diana....both for the same reasons.

It's always nice to feature one of the longest running blogs listed on T-Central.  Take a minute and read Diana's post, I Never Did, which includes some comments from others about being trans and Halloween.

What I’ve Learned From Letting My Son Dress Up As A Girl For Halloween

A short, but sweet, post from Lori, a wonderful mom and the author of Raising My Rainbow.

What I’ve Learned From Letting My Son Dress Up As A Girl For Halloween includes a link to Youtube videos showing CJ's Halloween costumes over the years.

Rediscovery

Time after time I found myself returning to a single moment, standing in front of a mirror looking at the girl who looked back at me. I knew what I saw was me, the real, true me as I knew myself to be, heart and soul. It was a thrilling, terrifying moment which took away my breath and set my heart to racing. I can only say it was akin to looking into your own eyes and finding your soul reflected there.



Rediscovery is just what it says.  A lovely post from Kira that many should relate to.

My passive aggressive post about being transgender

I started thinking that there is a general feeling in the trans community that all of the lives of anyone who wants to be female are remarkably similar, and yet it’s not the case.

Indeed, it's not the case.  Kate says that many of the stereotypes don't apply to her.  Read, The Strangest Thing About Being Transgender, to find out just what those stereotypes are.

your personal journey of transition

I seem to see two types of individuals who make for the most successful transitions: the older and mature late transitioner who has thought about this a lifetime and is as sure as they are going to be and the very young and persistent transsexual who has been sure since day one.

Interesting comments on your personal journey of transition from Joanna.  She includes a video from a female-to-male transsexual explaining possible biological causes for the transgender condition.

Learning how to speak again

It's a short post on a very important subject.

Voice training.

For MtF's, it's just so important and so difficult.  Read about how Marion is dealing with it and where she puts voice training on her priority list.

Learning how to speak again, is from Marion's blog, Crossing T's and Dotting I's.

The Empty Pouch in My Boxer Briefs

There is a hole in my vocabulary. I rarely talk about my genitals or anyone else’s. I don’t like to use either scientific terms or slang. The words sound foreign to me. Growing up, I pretended there was nothing there, the way male and female dolls are smooth and intact under their clothes.




You know, I have been known to utter almost exactly what Jamie Ray wrote, above.  My close friends know that I hate the "P" word.  There's one big difference, however, between Jamie Ray's pretending nothing's down there and my own: Jamie Ray is FtM.  

It's an interesting perspective from "the other side of the coin", which is featured far too seldom on T-Central.  The Empty Pouch in My Boxer Briefs, is from Jamie Ray's blog, A Boy and Her Dog.

My Husband’s A Woman Now

My Husband’s A Woman Now: A Shared Journey Of Transition And Love by Leslie Fabian, tells the story of a late-in-life transition from the spouse’s point of view. Fabian is in her sixties when her husband David, to whom she has been married for twenty years, finally comes to terms with the fact that he is not “just” a cross-dresser, but actually transgender, and needs to live his life as a woman.

An excellent book review from Adrienne, who refers to herself as a cis-woman married to a trans-woman.

My Husband's A Woman Now, is from Adrienne's blog, Translucidity.

Transphobia

“God made them male and female, Adam and Eve. I know it’s hard, but you can’t change your sex. It’s not God’s will. But I’m glad you’re coming here. I encourage you to keep doing so.”

I read this post and thought.....seriously....are these people really still out there?  Alas, they are, of course.  This ugly statement occurred in a beautiful church, from someone who is presumably not a regular attendee.  Dr. Eleanor Burns answered the transphobic questions she was asked, held her head high, and went on her way with absolutely no thoughts about moving on to another church.  

Please visit Eleanor's blog, A Belated Existence, to read about her experience with Transphobia.

Interview with Abigail Austin (formerly Jan Austen)

I can't share any quotes from this blog post, but it's very worthy of featuring.

This is an interview with Jan Hamilton, now known as Abigail Austen as explained in the interview, a British Soldier who had since transitioned.

Go to Abigail Austen for the interview and Vivienne's commentary.

Anorexic? Nah, Just Gender Dysphoria!

For many, many years Jules told me that she was worried because I appeared to be anorexic to her.Why? 
Well because no matter how much weight I have lost I have never been satisfied and have always told her that maybe I would be happier if I lost a bit more.  This has worried her and minding her concerns I have always tempered my weight loss desires.

I totally get this post from Nadine.  I was accused, by both my wife and people at work, of having an eating disorder.  I didn't.  I least I think I didn't but, like Nadine, I just wasn't (and still am) not happy with many things about my body.

Anorexic? Nah, Just Gender Dysphoria!, is from Nadine's blog, Unordinary Style.

 

"Fear and Loathing" on the Elevator

The point to all this jabber is riding in an elevator as a trans woman just could be the most paranoiac experience I have next to bathrooms.

For reasons unknown to me, many trans folks (including me) have read Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, that Hunter S. Thompson book about two crazy dudes driving to Las Vegas.

The title of Cyrsti's current post made me assume that she must have read the book or seen the move.  It certainly got my attention and I decided it was time for another visit to the Condo.  In this post, Cyrsti talks about "Fear and Loathing" on the Elevator. It's all over at Cyrsti's Transgender Condo.

Estrogen makes you calm and crazy

I am sitting on an emotional swing.  Each day it gets more intense.  Genetic females have had a lot longer than me to come to terms with the rollercoaster of moods but everyone who experiences it has to start somewhere.  I can’t ‘man it out’ anymore, 40 days and 40 nights of HRT and I’m already losing subjective cognition of my testronic existence; slowly the maleness fall from grasp.

Colorful comments on the effects of HRT, gender dysphoria, being a woman and her journey in general are all part of this very interesting post from Amy.  All of ending with this:

This is only the beginning, it has to hurt to get better, this is how we heal.  We show ourselves now in survival so we can prosper when we come to truly thrive.

If you're considering hormone replacement therapy, Amy's description of her experiences is a must read.

Estrogen makes you calm and crazy is from Amy's blog, Don't Make Me Choose.

My Coming Out Story

The problem was though I was never truly happy, I even shaved my hair and grew stubble to try and hide it and be the opposite of what I wanted to be, but the feelings of Gender Dysphoria never goes away no matter how much I try to hide it. If anything they are stronger and keeping everything locked in again became so hard. It has been tearing me up inside and I couldn’t keep going any longer, I needed to let it out again.

It's always interesting to see or hear a coming out story from one of our sisters or brothers.  My own is pretty crazy.  In Danielle's case, she wrote a letter to her family and, for the most part, the results were positive, although one family  member (guess who!) has struggled with it.  The excerpt, above, is from her letter to her family.

My Coming Out Story is from Danielle's blog, Lost in Transition.

How It Is To Be Miss Tobi: I Don’t Feel Like A Woman, I Don’t Feel Like A Man, I Feel Transgender

Linda Coussement is travelling the globe (slowly) asking all people equally: “how is it to be you?” 

Her interviews includes videos that will eventually lead to a documentary.

In the featured post, Linda met Miss Tobi and ended up with a nice interview and equally nice video.  


How It Is To Be Miss Tobi: I Don’t Feel Like A Woman, I Don’t Feel Like A Man, I Feel Transgender is the name of the post.

To find out more about Linda, go here.

Learning to walk

Going back a few years, I remember my first attempts. Learning to walk in heels took ages. Oddly, I didn't seem to mind getting the hours in. I used to Hoover regularly before work, because it would help me keep my balance and the maneuvering around the house, meant I wasn't just walking up and down. Yes, the comedy value of a Queen video wasn't lost on me, either :-)

Walking in heels, learning to apply makeup (please will someone help me???), shopping in enemy territory.....Lynn's been there, done that, bought the (fill in the blank).  Another entertaining post from Lynn Jones which includes an ample dose of that lovely Brit humor.

Learning to walk, is from one of the longest running blogs listed on T-Central, YATGB.

Some more thoughts on acceptance

Each trans person who objects to an admirer will have their own reasons for not liking having them around and I am sure there are almost as many reasons as there are trans people. At the core of the problem, I would argue, is the belief that the admirer is reducing all trans persons to a sexualised and possibly fetishised object. 


While the title may be misleading, since this post has to do with admirers (otherwise known as "tranny-chasers"), it makes sense after you read Daniella's post.  I rarely see a post dealing with this subject and Daniella has some interesting and balanced thoughts on the subject.

Some more thoughts on acceptance is from the blog, Daniella's Ramblings.